Hard day's night

I am drowning in work. I didn't finish until 10 p.m. last night and today I somehow need to fit in the editing of a 30-page document around 4 hours of meetings. I'm not quite sure how this is going to happen but I suspect it will involve another late night. I am trying not to be grumpy about this because it happens so rarely and it's good that I have work to do and am valuable to my company.

But it is amazing. It's not that I have one giant project deadline. It's that I have eight separate project deadlines all raining down on me at once, suddenly and urgently. For the first time pretty much ever, I've had to defer editing requests to external consultants not because I'm out of the office but because my workload is simply too much for me to take on any more.

I don't know what I'm even doing writing a blog post right now. I mean, my working hours haven't technically started yet but that doesn't mean that I don't need to get cracking in order to have the slightest chance of not spending all evening doing work. Which is too bad, because I actually really want to write a post over at Bodies about how my latest fill is working out (great, so far, in a nutshell). But that will just have to wait.

Thank god we have a vacation coming up soon. It's starting to look like I'm really going to need it.

In the meantime, distract/entertain me, will you? How's YOUR work going? Feel free to comment anonymously if you feel the need to protect yourself.

Already so long ago

Are you guys getting sick of the "this past weekend we went somewhere gorgeous really near our house" posts yet? Because if you are, well, I'm sorry, but we do live in Denver.

Also, thank god we had such a nice and relaxing weekend because wow, is work ever killing me. Seriously, I have 30-40 pages to edit every DAY. My head is about to explode. Luckily our road trip is coming up soon because boy do we ever need a break. Both of us. Like really bad. (And I'm pretty sure Montana needs a break too. All that lying around and playing at the dog park can really become exhausting after awhile.)

Anyway, my point is, this past weekend we went to Breckenridge, where we ate at the brewery, walked around the town, admired the changing aspens, and hung out by the lake. It was truly lovely. I wonder if I'll ever become blind to the amazing beauty of the place we live in.

Of course, as usual, we took lots of photos (full set here).






That last one is a serious contender for a holiday card, if we do go for a photo card. What do you think of this one compared to the one by the red rocks?

Do you send out a holiday card?

OK, I know it's only September and I'm getting a little bit ahead of myself here, but I'm thinking about holiday cards. I've never sent them out before. Last year was our first holiday season as a married couple, but we didn't send one--in part because we'd only just gotten back from our honeymoon and were trying to plan a move to Denver and, you know, just didn't really feel like it.

But this year? Should we send one? In some ways they feel kind of hokey, but on the other hand I like GETTING holiday cards, and I assume that other people feel the same way, right? AND, because we've only been married for like a year, we have a relatively current address list for a lot of our friends from our guest list, so it wouldn't require too much legwork there--just a bit of address collection from friends who have moved or who we met after the wedding.

AND, even though the actual writing of the cards sounds like kind of a pain, it will be similar to writing thank-you notes, right? And that wasn't bad at all. And I think it's a good way to stay in touch with people and let them know we're thinking of them.

So then, IF we decide to do it, the next question would be: photo card or regular card? Again, even though I LIKE photo cards from other people, I worry that I would feel silly or self-absorbed sending out a photo of us as a card. So maybe something more general and classic would be better?

I went over to Shutterfly real quick and mocked up a quick card with the photo that several people have told me would make a great holiday card:


And then I checked out Paper Source and found a lovely more classic card (though we would not use this exact one because it is $20 for a box of eight and that is just insane--if you sent out 80 cards you'd spend $200, and that's before postage):


So tell me, do you normally send out holiday cards or have you in the past? Why or why not? If we do send out a card, should it have a photo on it or not?

Bliss

It's Friday. The weather, which has been cold and gray and wet for the past few days, has cleared up and today it is sunny and projected to be warmer. Although, actually, I know it makes me weird, but I kind of LIKE Colorado's unpredictable weather (despite what pseudostoops says). Yeah, occasionally it snows when it's technically still summer, but on the other hand in the middle of the winter right after a snowstorm? It is quite possible that it will be sunny and 70 degrees outside. That's my kind of winter right there--snow without the weeks and weeks of freezing cold gray weather.

ANYWAY. My point, when I started this post by listing nice things, is that I'm really happy right now. Things are just blissful and lovely. The weather is good. The week is nearly over. We have a lovely weekend planned, including our first trip to a Rockies game. Our road trip is coming up soon. The dog is lying on the floor near me nuzzling her head against the leg of the coffee table, which is adorably bizarre. I love our house, even if it is sparsely furnished. I'm happy about being in good health and working out regularly.

I'm just happy about our life, both now and in the future. I love how things are and I love how they're going and how they will be. And I love that it's fall and we have an adorable dog and mountains visible from our street. It's little things, maybe, but it's all so lovely.

Of course we have problems and worries too, just like everyone else. But really, in the grand scheme of things they are all minor, and on a day like this when I feel cozy and peaceful, they don't matter at all.

I mean really, how can you sweat the little things when this pile of cuteness is lying at your feet?

Wooden tulips

You guys had some great suggestions for those bottom shelves. I'm thinking I'm going to do a combination of all the different things. The shelves get progressively closer together as they get higher, so if I use a basket to store practical things it would have to be a tall one in order to avoid having everyone see right into it, which would sort of defeat the purpose. So I may just stick with some pretty boxes, maybe some candles, and hopefully a fake flower arrangement. However, instead of silk flowers, I think I'm going to go with wooden ones.

What I really want is the wooden tulips that are apparently for sale all over Amsterdam, but are surprisingly difficult to find in this country, even online. Etsy yielded nothing. Google found me a couple things that are similar, but not quite what I'm looking for and also expensive for what they are. I want what can apparently be bought for cheap at any Amsterdam market, like this:


(Image from here--and by the way, the pictures in that post make me actually want to visit Amsterdam, and not just for the tulips.) Seriously, I know Holland is famous for its tulips and all, but why can't I find tulips like that here? I really want them! And I have absolutely no plans to visit Amsterdam anytime in the near or even not-so-near future. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can obtain some of these for a reasonable price WITHOUT paying for a plane ticket? Because the price in that photo is right--10 for 5.5 Euros. I would totally buy 20 or 30 and put a big colorful jar of them on that shelf, and not worry if one fell down and broke.

My point, really is this: dammit, why don't we live in Holland? Grrr.

In other news, I went to the doctor the other day, and it was one of the best doctor experiences I've ever had. Seriously, I'm still so happy about it. I wrote about it over at Bodies, so go check out the details! I cannot get over how pleased I am about how everything went. Well, almost everything.

OK, now that we're done with that aside, can we get back to the wooden tulips? I WANT THEM. Is there a secret Amsterdam-style market somewhere in Denver that I should know about? Can someone please present me with an ingenious solution to this problem? Anyone?

Shelf question

So, as an early Christmas present, my parents purchased us a shelf for our living room. This is great, because we had literally nowhere to display some of our things, and now we do.

But, here's the thing. The stuff we want to display on the shelf is pretty much entirely fragile. As a result, we've filled the top three shelves, but we are at a bit of a loss in terms of what do about the bottom two.

Here is the shelf:


The very bottom shelf, especially, is a danger zone--I've already seen Montana sniffing around there, and while she wouldn't intentionally be destructive, she could very easily knock something off that shelf with her tail, or her nose. The second shelf is slightly safer, but still well within her reach as well as that of small children.

So, we need non-fragile stuff to fill those bottom two shelves. So far, the only thing I can think of putting there would be books, maybe? But we have tons and tons of books, all organized on bookshelves upstairs. I suppose we could get some bookends and display a few books on this shelf instead--but we don't NEED to do that, and also, how would we select the books? Are there some books that are more deserving of prominent visibility in our living room than others?

So, my point here is, please help. What sorts of attractive, non-fragile things would you recommend putting on those bottom two shelves?

Sandstone

The day after getting in a car accident, we got back on the horse, so to speak, and drove down to Colorado Springs, about an hour away. Torsten drove the way there, to give me some time to adjust, and I drove the way back after the guys had a couple beers with lunch.

The drive down was... well, it was fine really. We were all a bit skittish (example: whenever we saw brake lights in the distance Torsten's friend and I would both be like, "Be careful!" and at one point we both said, "Keep your eyes on the road!" even though poor Torsten WAS keeping his eyes on the road).

The worst part was when we got into a bit of traffic in a construction zone. It wasn't much, but it was slow and required braking. And every time Torsten hit the brake even the tiniest bit harder than a gentle tap, my heart started pounding.

The way back, with me driving, was mostly OK. Being behind a truck or SUV that blocked my view made me nervous. I kept expecting to suddenly see a wall of brake lights right in front of me, and of course that didn't happen. I didn't freak out and I was able to drive normally and stay in control, but I was relieved when we got home and I was able to stop.

Of course it doesn't help that we're driving a rental Kia until our car is fixed, and it's bigger than our car and also doesn't handle as well, and I don't know it that well so it's harder to judge when parking, and you know what? When you get in an accident, even when it's minor, apparently after that you worry about all things driving-related, including situations that are totally unrelated to whatever caused the accident. Or at least, that's what happens to me.

I think the last hurdle will be, at some point, driving past the scene of the accident. I don't think I'm quite ready for that one yet.

But we had a lovely time in Colorado Springs, at a brewery and at the famous Garden of the Gods park. So, the stressful driving was worth it. (Full set here.)

My fault

On Saturday I caused a car accident for the first time in my life.

It was a relatively minor crash, in that nobody was seriously hurt. Torsten and I were in our car, with a friend of his. We were driving on a four-lane road that had patches of stop and go traffic. I was driving. I was going maybe 40 or 50 miles per hour, as was the car in front of me, an SUV that was blocking my view of the road in front of it. I was maintaining a reasonable distance from that car.

I guess what happened was that the SUV could see that the traffic in our lane was at a standstill up ahead, so decided to change lanes. Since the SUV was so much higher than me, I couldn't see that, so I had no idea that there was a car stopped in front of me until the SUV moved out of my lane, and at that point it was too late. I stood on the brake as far as I could and I came close--so wrenchingly, bitterly close--to not hitting the car in front of me. But I did.

The only car accident I've ever been involved with was when I was five years old and my carpool driver spun out on a patch of ice and landed in a ditch. I have never been at the wheel. I had no idea what it was like. I could see as it was happening that we were going to hit them. I could hear the brakes squealing and I was totally aware of what was about to happen. I was hoping against hope that we could stop in time or at the very least just give the car in front of us a gentle tap.

I did manage to slow down enough to make the accident relatively minor. We hit the car in front of us, and she bounced off the car in front of her, but so lightly that the third car had no damage, and the front of her car didn't have damage either. Her back bumper was banged up, but it wasn't terrible.

Our car definitely took the worst of it. The hood crumpled, but not completely. The radiator definitely burst, and leaked all over the ground. I think I killed the battery too. One headlight broke and the metal Honda logo popped right off the car. The front bumper totally bent. I think a total of three, maybe four, panels will need to be replaced. I think and hope that the engine is pretty much fine. The car was still running after the accident, because I was able to pull over onto the shoulder before turning the car off. I don't think it's totaled.

I wasn't looking at the speedometer when it happened, but I don't think we can possibly have been going more than ten miles per hour. The airbags didn't deploy. And yet, it was scary. Torsten and I were both thrown against our seat belts hard enough to feel it in our chests for awhile afterward. My sunglasses, which were on top of my head, flew across the car. Torsten's friend, who had braced himself for impact (which is actually dangerous as more impact transfers to you if you stiffen your muscles) didn't hit his seatbelt, but he did have some pain in his knee, which he had used to brace himself, that went away later.

The girl in the car we hit said that her neck hurt when she moved it, so as a precaution she was taken to the hospital. The police and firefighters who were there agreed that if she has any injuries, they are very likely quite minor.

Financially, the accident will cost us $500 for our insurance deductible and $115 for the 2-point "careless driving" ticket I was issued (and that could have been worse--the cop could have also cited me for "following too closely," but after I told him how it happened, he opted not to), plus the increase in our insurance premium cost.

Practically, it cost us 4 or 5 hours of our day as we dealt with police and tow trucks and rental cars (thankfully all paid for by our insurance company--and can I just say that it is absolutely worth getting the best possible insurance? Because this was a minor accident and yet it will probably cost our insurance company $10,000 in repairs, hospital bills, rental cars, towing, etc.).

But OMG, it was so scary. Looking back, I'm surprised I didn't burst into tears when it happened, although I came close several times. I got out of the car and asked the girl I hit if she was OK, and she said that she was OK except for her neck, and I told her that I was totally aware that I had crashed into her, and that I had insurance (even though apparently you aren't supposed to say these things after an accident, as it turns out--but I don't think it mattered).

I kept just telling everyone that I was so sorry. It was just so surreal, standing there on the left shoulder of the road calling 911, and watching cars drive by with their drivers staring at us, and seeing our car that we love sitting there all crushed, and watching the girl from the other car get checked out and then taken away in an ambulance, and talking to the cop. And all the details that had to be worked out and trying to talk to the insurance agent on the phone over the sound of four lanes of traffic rushing by. And hearing the traffic report on the tow truck's radio refer to our accident as a "three-car pileup."

And it's also scary because I can only imagine how much worse so many other accidents are. High-speed accidents, full-on collisions... if all this happened at 10 MPH, what could happen at 50 MPH or more? That's something that I don't want to even think about.

I know we're lucky, that it could have been so much worse and that nobody really got hurt and that damage to cars can be repaired. But I keep thinking about how it could have been avoided--not really in the moment, because there really wasn't anything I could have done that I didn't do--but like how when we were leaving that day Torsten asked me if I wanted him to drive, and I said no, I was fine, and how we had run another errand first which had caused us to leave later, and so on. I know the "what if" game is pointless and especially in this case where everything turned out basically fine, but I can't stop playing it.

And I feel so guilty. Torsten and his friend are both being so nice about it, and not angry or blaming me and reminding me that there wasn't really anything I could do, but I just feel so stupid and sorry about the whole thing. I keep thinking that if someone else had been driving it wouldn't have happened and that I shouldn't have allowed it to happen either.

I feel so bad for the girl I hit for ruining her day and sending her to the hospital, even though it seems that she'll be totally fine, and for scaring the shit out of her and inconveniencing her with car repairs and all the rest. I feel so bad that we had a friend come visit us and I welcomed him by crashing the car while he was riding in it. I feel bad that I cost us money when we're trying so hard to save right now. I just feel incredibly guilty about all of it, even though I know I'm the only one who's blaming anyone (except maybe the girl we hit--I have no idea what she thinks).

We took pictures of the accident scene in case we needed them for insurance or something, but I don't really feel like posting them here.

Fall things

It is getting cold at night. It's mid-September. They've been selling Halloween candy at the grocery store for a month. Costco has Christmas decorations already. I keep reading about pumpkin spice lattes all over blogland. I'm pretty sure it's almost fall.

So, here are some things about fall that I've been thinking about recently.

• For the first time in ages, I'm actually looking forward to Halloween. I'm excited to get trick-or-treaters at our house and meet some of our neighbors. But this raises two questions. First, does it make you the awesome neighbors or the annoying neighbors if you give out full-size candy bars instead of fun size? And second, do we need to have a jack-o-lantern to encourage trick-or-treaters to come to our house, or will turning on the porch light be enough?
• I don't like pumpkin flavored anything. I do, however, like pumpkin seeds.
• Fall makes me so glad we have a fireplace. The ridiculous cord of wood that we ordered when we moved into our house in April can finally be put to good use. And I just love the smell of a wood-burning fire.
  
• Sweaters are possibly my favorite single type of clothing (tied with dresses). I've purchased two new ones this season. I'm trying not to spend money, especially since I'm at a transitional size this year. I'm still at a size where I can fit into last year's sweaters, though they are of course bigger than they were. Next year I will need new sweaters. So I will try to wait until then to buy more. But I am still kind of keeping my eye out for nice sweaters this year. I can't help it.
• I did invest in a good fleece. I've already worn it several times and I envision wearing it on a near-daily basis for the next couple months. When the temperature dips a bit more I imagine a dog-walking uniform of jeans, Uggs, and fleece. Working at home might make you a bit less of a fashionista but damn if I'm not comfortable and practical.
• As it gets colder, we won't be able to grill dinner quite as often. This means that I'm going to have to start doing some cooking again. I'm kind of looking forward to it. We've grilled so much since we moved into this house that I barely know what it's like to use our lovely kitchen.
  

What fall stuff have you been thinking about?

Dear Torsten

i.
Sometimes it's easy to forget what it's like to be in love even when you are in love because the daily routine takes over. Even when the little things you do for each other are driven by that love. Sometimes the love takes a back burner and it's not immediate, it's not in your face. But it seeps into the cracks and it colors everything you do and the way you look at things and the choices you make. It's there even when you aren't thinking about it. You're aware of it even when you aren't aware of being aware.

ii.
I sleep better knowing you're there in the bed with me, even if we're not touching, though usually we are. I fall asleep better with my head tucked against you, feeling you breathe. I don't wake up at night when you're next to me. I love waking up in the morning and looking at the sun and the blue sky through the window and hearing you move around as you get ready for your day. I love that if you see that I'm awake you always come over and kiss me good morning and touch my face and smile at me.

iii.
Sometimes it's easy to get frustrated about the little things. You do not always pay attention and therefore you often forget things. I have learned not to read into this. You don't forget to buy milk because you don't care about me. You forget to buy milk because you aren't thinking about buying milk. Plain and simple.

It is so much easier to focus on the things that are wrong than the things that are right. It is so easy to focus on how you forgot a bowl of cereal in your office until the milk turned solid, and you worked later than you thought you would so we didn't get to go to the gym, and you still haven't submitted your expense report for your last business trip.

But you also cook dinner almost every day, and bring me a glass of water whenever I ask and sometimes when I don't ask. You remind me to take your vitamins and you tell everyone how amazing I am and you rub my back. You clean the kitchen unprompted and you buy me chocolate when you stop at Whole Foods. You don't place expectations on me and you don't assume that certain things are my job and not yours. You listen to me babble about things that you cannot possibly have any interest in and you sit through chick flicks with me. You always try to do good and you put others before yourself, sometimes too much so. You have as much respect for me as you do for yourself and that is reflected in everything that you do.

iv.
At our wedding we wrote words to say to each other during the ceremony, before the vows. Neither of us saw or heard what the other had written until the ceremony. You went first and I cried the whole time. So many things that you said were also written on my own sheet. Sometimes word for word. Even though we wrote them separately.

And so many things that you said weren't written on my sheet, but were all you and absolutely perfect. And so, I cried. And then you finished and then it was my turn and I had to take a minute to compose myself. While I was doing that I heard my mom whisper to my dad in the front row, "She should have gone first so she wouldn't have been crying." And then I laughed, and then I was fine. But also I was fine because you were there having just articulated so beautifully why it is that you wanted to marry me and you had tears in your eyes too. And I was so happy that I was marrying you.

v.
I will always be happy to be married to you.

Road trip with the dog

So, remember that trip I blogged about before? Well, it's coming up fairly soon, so I thought that maybe it would be a good time to start making some plans for it? So we are working on mapping out an itinerary and picking out pet-friendly hotels that don't charge exorbitant fees for having a dog in your room.

Seriously. I sort of understand the point, since they shed, but our dog is much less destructive than many children. She sleeps in a crate and doesn't bark and yes, she sheds a little, but wouldn't they be vacuuming the room anyway?

Though I have to say it's amazing what extremes some hotels take the whole pet thing to. For example, one place informed me that they had a mandatory $300 pet deposit upon check-in, and $100 of that is non-refundable. But! It's OK that you're paying $100 for the privilege of giving your dog a place to sleep, because she gets a basket of treats and chew toys, PLUS her very own doggy down bed! Hooray! Because that makes it SO worth it.

But actually, we've managed to find some decent, affordable, pet-friendly places and I think this is all going to work out very nicely. And doing all this legwork actually makes me feel very accomplished.

It is different, though, traveling with a dog. We've done it once before, but only for a weekend. Not only is your choice of hotel severely limited (no longer can we do what we did when we drove from DC to Denver, picking hotels at random and negotiating for low last-minute rates), but you have to plan everything differently. What places are dog-friendly? How far from a non-dog-friendly attraction is the hotel, so you can make sure you're not leaving her alone in her crate for too long? Does the restaurant have outdoor seating so you can tie her to the patio railing? And so on.

I can only IMAGINE how much tougher it is to travel with children. Although, in some respects, it's probably easier, because children are welcome in a lot more places than dogs are.

But yeah, my point here originally was that I am getting super excited for this trip. We really need a vacation and it will be so nice to just take our time, drive to places we want to see, not have a rush or an itinerary, and just check things out on our own time. It will be nice not to think about work or responsibilities, and just get to enjoy the time and the setting and each other (and the dog). And also, we tend to have some of our best conversations in the car, and I imagine that this trip will be no exception.

I am definitely going to have to do some legwork in advance, though, and have a list of places we'd like to see, parks we'd like to visit, hikes we'd like to take, shops we'd like to check out, restaurants we'd like to try, and of course the dog-friendly status of all of this. Luckily there are some really great resources out there for traveling with dogs, but this is definitely not the kind of trip where we can just fly by the seat of our pants and assume that everything will work out. And really, I'm OK with that.

In fact, I'm enjoying the planning phase. It makes me feel accomplished, and so excited about this trip.

Have you ever traveled with a pet? If so, what was it like and did you learn anything useful? If not, would you ever consider it?

Childbirth options

Pretty much anyone who's been reading my blog for any length of time knows that I really want to have a baby, and I'd like to have it soon. However, I am mandated not to start trying to get pregnant until I'm a year out from surgery, so in the meantime I content myself with looking into baby names, admiring baby clothes--and, recently, actually doing some research into childbirth options.

I am not actually QUITE as far ahead of the game as you might think. I need an annual exam in a couple months, my first one in Denver, so I'm in search of a new gynecologist. Since this will be my last annual exam before we start trying to get pregnant, I would, if possible, like to have it with the person who will manage my prenatal care while pregnant, so I can meet them ahead of time and decide if I like them.

So, I started doing some research to find the place where I'd like to give birth, so I can make an appointment there for my annual exam. I had some parameters in mind: if I give birth in a traditional hospital setting with a doctor delivering my baby, I'd like there to be some kind of advocate in the room other than Torsten who knows my birth plan and will work with the doctors to achieve it as much as possible, so that Torsten can focus on me and my needs and what's going on and not have to worry about dealing with doctors and making decisions, if necessary. So basically, I'd like some sort of doula or midwife.

I also figured out a few things that I would, in an ideal situation, like. I'd like a natural birth, if at all possible. I know that all births are different and everyone has different circumstances and it is quite possible that when it comes down to it, depending on the specifics of my own birth process, I will change my mind about this.

Also, I understand that a lot of women feel a lot of guilt, shame, and/or regret about the way their own birthing experiences played out. I hope to avoid that. Of course I would like to have things go a certain way, and will have a birthing plan and a clear idea of what I want. But I also want to try to accept that things can't always go the way you would like, and that the important thing is that the baby is born healthy and that the mother is healthy--no matter what it takes to make that happen. So if nothing ends up going according to my birthing plan, I am very much hoping to be OK with that.

Still, if it is possible, I would like to give birth naturally, and avoid a c-section. It is a little upsetting to me that the c-section rate in the US is over 30%. While I recognize that quite often c-sections are truly necessary, I simply do not think that's the case 30% of the time. I think that the whole process of pregnancy and childbirth has become way too medicalized and fear-based, and I want to avoid that as much as possible. So it's also important to me to go with a practice that has a low c-section rate, preferably under 10%.

However, despite not wanting my birth to be overmedicalized, I do want to give birth in a hospital. I want the peace of mind of knowing that if something does go wrong or become complicated, I'm in a facility that's equipped to handle it right away. I know Torsten needs that peace of mind as well.

Also, if possible, I would like to do a water birth. In reading about these, I've found that some doctors won't let a woman in labor get into the water until she's five centimeters dilated, because it is so relaxing that it can slow or even stop labor. I think that's great. Something that relaxes you so much? Excellent idea as far as I'm concerned.

So, I did a bunch of research on local options, and you know what I found? A Denver hospital that has a state-of-the-art birthing center with private rooms and birthing tubs, a midwives' practice IN the hospital (meaning that a midwife will deliver your baby unless a c-section is required or there are other serious complications, in which case doctors are right there to help), and a c-section rate of 9%.

In other words, I have found my dream facility. And I am totally making an appointment there for my annual exam to confirm. And I'm pretty sure this is the first time ever that I have actually looked forward to a gynecological exam.

Small home improvements

This weekend was super-productive, house-wise. First of all, we finally tackled the last frontier of unpacking--the basement, where we had put boxes with stuff that we don't use on a regular basis, like board games and Christmas ornaments and old CDs. There were a lot of boxes and we--and by "we" I mean "I"--unpacked all of them, organized everything on the shelves, and threw out all the boxes.

Now, instead of looking like a cluttered, messy storage area, the basement actually looks nice and organized and spacious. It's a great space that can hold some of our old furniture when we get to the point where we can actually afford some upgrades, and hopefully someday be a playroom. Unfortunately, I didn't think to take a "before" picture, but just imagine the "after" full of boxes, with the shelves empty and positioned haphazardly. Here's the basement now:


So yeah. Lots of space for us to use, eventually, and in the meantime it's a great guest suite (that door to the left is a bedroom, and there's a full bath down there as well).

The other thing we did this weekend--and this time when I say "we" I mean "Torsten"--was hang a few wedding photos:



And also we--and here I actually mean both of us--finally got around to putting together that frame wall we've been talking about for a couple months:


And as a bonus, while I was walking around the house with the camera, I finally got around to taking a picture of that shower door:


See how it opens up the bathroom and shows off the nice tile in the tub, instead of creating a virtual wall at the front of the tub with a shower curtain? Seriously, I still haven't gotten over how much I love this shower door. It's just a small upgrade, but it makes us both so happy.

We also started hanging some of our other framed artwork upstairs, but that's not done yet so there are no photos. But even having just a few things on the walls already makes such a difference. Our house feels so much more lived in now. I can't wait until we get to the point where our house is pretty much fully furnished and decorated. I wonder if there will ever be a point where we'll feel like we're done. I'm guessing not.

On marrying your best friend

I've been thinking about this tendency so many people seem to have, the tendency to say that your boyfriend/fiance/husband/whatever is your "best friend." Now, I recognize that this trend is ubiquitous and therefore a lot of people reading this will probably feel this way about your significant others. Which is totally cool. I'm not criticizing; I just really want to know.

For me, it just doesn't make sense. For me, a best friend is a totally different thing from a romantic partner. Certainly there are elements of overlap, but I would never refer to Torsten as my best friend or as a friend at all. It's just a different thing. I have a best friend, and he isn't it.

This doesn't mean he isn't the person I'm closest to in the entire world; of course he is. It doesn't mean he's not the first person I go to when I'm upset, or I need support, or I'm excited, or I have something I need to talk about; of course he is. It doesn't mean he isn't my number one; of course he is.

But he's not my best friend. He's my husband, my lover, my partner, my confidant. But he's not my friend. There is a different place in my life for friends.

Maybe I feel this way because of the way our relationship developed? Because we met online and the first time we met in person was... well, it was a date, and we knew from that very first day that we were going to be in a serious romantic relationship. There was never an element of friendship to it.

I can sort of understand why people who were friends with their significant others before they started dating would think of them as their best friend, because the lines start to blur. But there's always a moment, isn't there? A moment or a transition where you go from friends to lovers, in whatever sense that you choose to interpret that word. For me, when that transition occurs, the friendship ends and a deeper, more complex relationship begins.

But from what I can tell, I'm in the minority in feeling this way. Most people seem to think of their partner as their best friend, and nobody seems to really question that.

What about you? Do you think of your significant other as your best friend?

What it's like to work from home

So, I've been working remotely for about seven months now, and so far, on balance, I like it, and I LOVE the convenience of it, though there are definitely some trade-offs.

For me, it's absolutely working out and I foresee staying in this job for a long time. But I cannot imagine STARTING a job remotely. Part of why it's worked out for me is because I've been with the same coworkers for two years and had very good working relationships established before I moved away.

So, here's what working remotely has been like for me:

• I am really productive. Editing requires complete silence and concentration. At the office, that was sometimes difficult if someone nearby were on the phone, or someone stopped by for a chat. At home, I have my perfect conditions for completing my work efficiently. Love.
• I don't have to deal with as much trivial stuff. People can't just drop by anymore, so they tend to only call or email when they have a real question or issue. I find myself answering many fewer questions related to computers or formatting, for example. This frees up my time and prevents me from breaking my concentration, but I did enjoy the interaction and breaks provided by these sorts of interludes. Love/hate.
• I eat much more healthily, because I have my whole kitchen available to me, and no restaurants. Love.
• I don't have a commute. This means I can sleep later in the morning and have more time in the evenings. This is one of the most amazing perks ever. Love.
  
• I have a more flexible schedule. As long as I put in my billable hours and get all my work done well and on time, my boss is totally flexible about if I want to go to the gym in the AM, for example, and then work later in the PM to make up for it. I haven't really taken advantage of this much, but it's nice to know it's an option. Love.
• I don't have to buy work clothes, which is especially good now that I'm losing weight. Sometimes I miss the excuse to pull myself together in a nice skirt and top and look polished, but mostly I'm thankful for the financial savings. Love.
• People sometimes forget to call me into meetings. When it's one of those pointless, neverending meetings that is a giant mindsuck, I secretly feel relieved when they forget me. But for the most part this is frustrating and makes me feel disconnected. And I am scared to call in because conference rooms and meeting times get switched constantly and I'm always afraid of calling into a room full of strangers and interrupting an important meeting. Hate.
  
• It's hard to get a read on people. If I send an assignment to someone and they don't send me feedback shortly thereafter, I start wondering if they hated my work and are trying to figure out what to do about it. Not running into people in the halls and having friendly casual conversations means it's harder for me to know what people are thinking. And often, especially if I've done an assignment right the first time, people will forget to give me feedback at all, and I will have to ask to find out what they thought, or never find out at all. Hate.
• Along these lines, I have to be a lot pushier about work I need other people to do for me. If I'm managing something and I need someone else to do something to make it happen, I have to keep up a steady barrage of emails and phone calls to make sure it happens on time. This makes sense because everyone is slammed with a million competing priorities and out of sight means out of mind, but it can still be frustrating when I have a client breathing down my neck. Hate.
• I haven't met new staff members yet and therefore have to try to work out a relationship with them via email. This is especially awkward if I have to push on something--whether it's asking someone I've never met to prioritize a task for me, or telling someone I've never met that I won't be able to do something they're requesting in the specified time frame due to other assignments. Hate.
• I'm out of the loop in terms of some of the stuff that I used to just pick up on naturally through casual conversation in the hall, overheard phone discussions, etc. I used to be very connected to all the little things that were going on but never announced, and now I rely pretty much exclusively on my boss to keep me posted on this stuff. Hate.
  
• On the flip side, I have a better relationship with my boss. Before, we bumped into each other in the hall all the time but rarely made time for a face to face meeting unless there was a specific issue that needed to be discussed. I kept her up to date on my work via weekly email summaries. Now, since I'm far away, we make a point to have a weekly phone check-in. We talk not just about work but also about any interesting things that are happening in the office, our personal lives (to a certain extent), and general work issues and questions that we never would have made time to discuss if I were still in DC. Love.

So overall... not only do the loves outnumber the hates, but the loves are also mostly weightier, more important issues than the hates. For me, working from home is absolutely worth the minor annoyances that come along with it. Yes, the things I'm struggling with can be frustrating, but with a really supportive boss and group of coworkers, we're making it work. And I hope to keep making it work for a very long time.

Apart

I do not like it when my husband is out of town. It makes me feel grumpy and lonely ("lonely" being very distinct from "alone," the latter being a feeling that I enjoy on occasion). I KNOW it's psychological but it just feels so empty in here. All I can say is, thank god we have a dog. If it were literally just me in this house I might have to go check into a hotel or something.

And also, when Torsten is out of town I sleep sprawled diagonally across the bed in an attempt to take up as much space as possible. If only SOMEONE weren't adamant about not wanting the dog on the furniture I would totally be cuddling with Montana overnight. Too bad she sheds so much or I could totally get away with letting her sleep on the bed and Torsten would never find out.

I keep forgetting that he's not here. Last night I went to my water aerobics class. Normally when I do that Torsten also comes to the gym to work out and then after class he comes into the pool room and we soak in the hot tub for a few minutes before we go home. Last night after class I kept looking for him and then I remembered he wasn't coming and then I didn't want to go in the hot tub so I just left. I went to Blockbuster and rented Rachel Getting Married and went home and watched it while the dog snored in her bed next to me.

Having Torsten out of town is definitely a good opportunity to watch movies that he would never want to watch, and Rachel Getting Married fit the bill. Except... well, it turns out I didn't like it much either. And not just because I kept thinking about how much Torsten would hate it if he were watching it with me. I just... it dragged on for so long. It was like watching a home video of someone's wedding weekend. There were a couple interesting scenes but the rest was just blah blah blah OMG ENOUGH ALREADY.

Anne Hathaway is gorgeous, though. So that's something.

It just takes so long for time to go by when Torsten isn't here. Which is funny because in the macro sense time just flies by. It's been four whole months since my surgery, six months since we adopted Montana, seven months since we moved to Denver. But when I think about all the time stretching between now and Friday night it feels like we'll never get there.

Yesterday at the dog park I mentioned to a couple other dog owners that my husband was out of town, and somebody asked if I missed him when he was gone. I said yes and he said well, that was nice. Because if his girlfriend went out of town for a few days he would be thrilled.

Of course, they've been together for 15 years and we've only been married for 10 months, and I know the first bloom fades and so on. But oh, I hope I never feel that way about my husband. I hope and believe that after 15 and 30 and 50 years I will still miss him when he's away. And I believe he will still miss me too.

Would you work if you didn't have to?

So, this weekend was blissfully relaxed, involving dinners in and dinners out, trips to the gym and the dog park, walks downtown with the dog, trips to many furniture stores, and the eventual purchase of an absolutely hideous but incredibly comfortable and well-made recliner. Yes, it's ugly, but it will make our family room totally functional, and it was affordable and it has a lifetime warranty, and if/when at some point we can afford to redecorate that room (low on our list of priorities as it's at the back of the house and designated as a comfortable family zone, not a space for entertaining), the hideous recliner can either go in a nursery (not only does it recline, it rocks as well! And it will be perfect for nursing) or to the basement.

So, yes, recliner purchased and now we just have to wait 6-8 weeks for the pile of insomnia-curing relaxation to be built and delivered.

But oh, the weekend was just so lovely, and also so short, and I don't want to go back to work I DON'T WANNA. And I actually really like my job quite a bit so I can only imagine how all the people who DON'T like their jobs feel about having to go back to work.

I imagine that it would get old very fast to be unemployed and not know what to do with yourself all the time, and to be worried about money and trying desperately to find another job. But what I do wonder about isn't forced unemployment, but CHOSEN unemployment. Like if you become a stay-at-home mom, or if you just are in the luxurious financial position of not having to work for whatever reason.

I intend to keep working when I have kids. Maybe, depending on various circumstances, I'll go down to 80% or 60% time, but I'll want to keep working. I like my job, and I like my income. I like being stimulated and I like feeling like I'm making a contribution. I like interacting with my coworkers and having something that feels like it's all mine. And I actually enjoy the work that I do, for the most part.

But even though I like my job, it's kind of like going to the gym. The goal is to be finished, right? Don't we all feel like that? Nobody ever WANTS to stay at the office for longer than necessary. Everyone feels good when assignments are finished, even if they like the work that they're doing. I would guess that there are very few people who love their jobs enough that they would work more than they absolutely need to, you know? The exception that I can think of to this would be particularly creative, artistic, self-driven jobs like photography and novel-writing--but even then, only in certain cases.

So, that's my question. Would I keep working if I didn't have to? I think having children would actually be a reason why someone might like to keep working--not because you don't love your children and want to be with them, but because you would need different types of stimulation and different forms of interaction. I know that I'm touching on the Great Working Mom Debate, and I don't really mean to be--but the kind of not working I'm thinking about is more along the lines of ladies who lunch.

Would not working, assuming there weren't other major responsibilities like child-rearing to deal with (because that is also work), be enjoyable? Would it just be like Labor Day weekend times infinity? Or would it get old and stultifying real fast?

It's complicated, because if you had enough money that you didn't have to work, you would also likely have enough money to take on all sorts of other time-consuming projects, like redecorating and traveling and shopping.

I think, for me, even if we were billionaires, I would definitely want to do some sort of adult work that required me to use my mind the way I do in my current job. Whether or not that would translate to staying in my current job, or trying to establish and run some sort of charitable organization, or what, I don't know. But I can't imagine staying home all the time and never doing much outside the home.

But I still wouldn't mind if Labor Day weekend were to last another week. Or two. Or maybe even three.

What about you? Would you keep working even if you could afford not to?

Recliner choices

So, Montana has already made great strides in learning to use her dog door. She still requires verbal encouragement, but she will push the flap open with no assistance from us, and then walk through. And she has even made more progress since I took this video yesterday afternoon--last night she walked through the door when we got home with almost no encouragement at all.

Still, I personally find her adorable, so check out the video (and, as a bonus, you get to hear my special doggy baby voice):



How cute is that? No? Am I the only one who thinks so? (Well, Torsten and me.) The goal is to have her using the door at her discretion, whether or not we're nearby, by the end of the long weekend.

Speaking of the long weekend, I am ridiculously excited about it. We're not traveling anywhere, but we are going furniture shopping. We've decided to invest in a piece of furniture as a combination anniversary/Christmas gift to each other. We're deciding between a shelf and a recliner, and I think we're going to go for a recliner because it's more practical, even though it's also a bit more expensive. The reason is that at the moment we have only one chair in the family room, rendering the fireplace in there basically useless because we can't sit in there together. If we get a second recliner then we can sit in front of the fire together, reading or whatever, and that will be great.

This is also the reason we're going to get the gift now, even though our anniversary is two months away and Christmas is four months away, because we want to be able to use our family room as soon as the weather gets cold enough for fires.

So, here's the thing. What we would really like is a Stressless recliner (possibly in purple leather), because they combine style, comfort, and quality, but those things run at about $2,000 each, and that is just not happening. Although, behold:


So, we're going to have to compromise somewhere, and I'm pretty sure that "somewhere" is going to be "style." Because comfort and price are more important to us at this point. Which means, I suppose, that the family room is going to be the "comfort over style" room, and I'm working on being OK with that. Because the recliner I think we're going to get... well, first of all it's only available in ugly colors, and second of all it itself is just '80s style heinous. It's something similar to this:


But it's so COMFY. And it's sturdy and it has a warranty and it is AFFORDABLE. And I'm not spending $2,000 on a recliner, no matter how much nicer it looks.

What do you think? Is it worth spending significantly more to have a non-hideous piece of furniture in our family room?

Dresses!

OK! I finally got around to asking Torsten to take photos of me in my new dresses. And I know they must be great, because I don't hate these photos of me as much as I hate most photos of me, and that's despite the messy hair.

So, without further ado, the dresses (the first two are from NY&Co and the third is from Target):




How great are they? They are perfect for everything--wearing around the house, wearing to run errands, wearing over my bathing suit to the gym, wearing to a casual dinner--they're so versatile and comfortable! And I think they are adorable. And they were all such bargains! In case you couldn't tell, I'm very pleased with my purchases.

I don't yet have photos of the shower door and dog door, but rest assured, they are both AWESOME as well.

My parents are leaving today, which sucks, but WOW was their visit ever productive. And I'll see them again at Thanksgiving! And in the meantime, I can enjoy all the little upgrades to our house that my dad did. While wearing my new dresses, of course.

Dog doors and warts and acrobats

So, yesterday my dad successfully installed the dog door in our house, and now we're working to train Montana to go through it. It has been surprisingly easy so far. Considering how scared she can be of new things and confined spaces--for example, if a door is open a few inches, enough for her to get through if she really wanted to, and you stand on the other side calling and calling, she will really WANT to come but she won't be able to bring herself to do it--it is amazing how fast she learned to push open that flap.

The secret is CHEESE. She's never had cheese before and OMG does she LOVE that stuff. Once I showed her the cheese through the flap she would come pushing right through and then practically snatch the cheese out of my hand. It was amazing! And now she totally knows how to go through, and will if you call her even if you don't have cheese.

The only thing is trying to teach her to just... USE the door on her own terms. She doesn't seem to have figured out yet that if she wants to go outside, she should just go through the flap. Instead, she stands at the door looking tragic, and only if you show her the flap and encourage her will she walk through it. Any thoughts on how to help her make the transfer here?

Also yesterday, when I went to get a pedicure with my mom? The pedicurist told me that I have a small plantar's wart on my foot. Am I the only person who is totally grossed out by warts? I actually don't really mind them on other people, but I've never had one myself and I am surprisingly horrified by the concept. The pedicurist thinks that I probably picked it up from the pool at the gym, which is another lovely concept, and also I'm not quite sure what to do to prevent it in the future. I got a little home freeze-off kit at the drugstore and used it last night, so I am hoping that will work and the damn thing will fall off in 10 to 14 days as promised. In the meantime: yuck.

And since apparently yesterday was the day of new things, last night we went to see Cirque du Soleil. It was my first show and it was awesome. Even on some of the really high-flying stuff when the people were CLEARLY WEARING WIRES, I was STILL scared for them. It was just so cool! And they did this awesome thing with a huge spinning figure eight thing with guys doing acrobatic type stuff inside each circle--and then one of them jumped onto the OUTSIDE of the circle and was doing all these leaps and stuff. It was horrifyingly petrifying. And he WASN'T wearing a wire. OMG. I still get tense just thinking about it. But I also loved it.

Lastly yesterday, I started a September discussion over at Very Bookish about Summer Sisters by Judy Blume. This book is awesome! So go over there and discuss it!

So yeah! Yesterday was quite the day. Now I'm off to encourage the dog to walk through her dog door again. I know, my life is so GLAMOROUS.

A visit from the parents

Yesterday I took the day off work to spend with my mom because my parents are in town. My dad had to spend the day at a work conference so my mom and I drove up to Boulder and wandered around the Pearl Street Mall, browsing in the shops and enjoying the lovely weather. It was the first time I'd really been to Boulder, and it was lovely.

We also went to a couple of regular shopping malls and did some shopping, and um, can anyone explain to me why I haven't been to a New York and Company for years? Because they were having a summer clearance where a ton of adorable stuff was 70% off, and I came away with two fantastic cotton summer dresses for $13 each. Plus, they offer a 15% discount to AAA members (we aren't, but my parents are), so the dresses ended up being $11 each. In fact, I'm wearing one right now. How awesome is that?

And, my dad has been helping us around the house with some minor repairs and upgrades we've been meaning to do. The first thing he did was help us install a shower door in the master bath so we don't have to use a shower curtain anymore. Am I the only person who hates shower curtains? I always bump into them while I'm showering and then they stick to me, and also if you don't manage to hang them in a way that allows them to dry completely after your shower, they get all moldy and have to be replaced, which is a pain in the ass and also gross.

So, no more shower curtain issues for us! The new shower door looks AWESOME and also makes the bathroom look much more open and spacious, because now you can see that it ends where the tub ends, instead of where the tub starts. Plus, the previous owner of our house redid this whole bathroom and put really nice tile in the shower, and now you can see that tile from the bathroom. It was a relatively easy upgrade and SUCH an improvement in the room. It makes me want to do a lot more of this type of thing. Although, of course, without my dad around to help it's a lot harder.

The next project that he and Torsten are taking on is installing a dog door. I was a little concerned about this because raccoons (and small people) could theoretically come inside through a door. One solution to that would be to get a fancy electronic door that only opens when activated by a little box that the dog wears around its neck, but a) those doors cost $350, and b) I didn't really want the dog having to wear this special fancy collar with the box.

But, it turns out that now dog doors (or at least the one we bought) come with a locking metal cover that you can just slide in and lock at night when you go to bed, so you don't have to worry about nocturnal visits. And during the day animals could come in, but I doubt they would--and either way, it's better than our current system of just leaving the back door open during the day so Montana can come in and out as she pleases. Flies also come in and out as they please, which is no fun at all, and in theory squirrels could do the same, though so far they have not. Plus, once it gets cold we would have to stop propping the door anyway, at which point Montana would be SOL. So basically, this dog door is a WIN for everyone.

Everyone, at least, except the person who has to cut a giant whole in our back door to install it. This is why it's great to have my dad visiting! He does all the scary jobs, and he does them well. I don't not even want to think about how much money he and Torsten spent at Lowe's this weekend. Ugh.

Speaking of shopping, though, later this week I'm going to have to take pictures of my new dresses (and I got a third one at Target, also adorable and cheap) and of the shower door, and do a little show-and-tell post on the blog. But that will have to wait, because I have work to do. And a manicure to go get with my mom.