Wedding dresses

One of the most fun parts of planning a wedding, in my opinion, is getting to pick out a gorgeous, fancy white dress that you would never get to own otherwise. However, since I have lost 25 pounds on Weight Watchers this summer and have no intention of stopping, and since my wedding is over a year away, I have not begun dress shopping except for one ill-advised foray into David's Bridal with my friend Jill. What I learned at David's Bridal is that I will never go to David's Bridal again, and also that I do not look good in poofy skirts. What seems to suit me is a structured bodice (maybe corset-style or at least with some boning) and a simple A-line skirt made in a soft, but not clingy material.

So what I'm having to placate myself with is lots and lots of admiring different dresses online. I don't know much about wedding designers (other than the obvious Vera Wang, etc., which I will certainly be avoiding). In fact, I think I'll probably end up picking out a dress at the super discount bridal mart near my parents' house in North Carolina. But I have recently discovered a designer called Maggie Sottero, and I find myself really drawn to a lot of her designs. But of course, as usual, I want your opinions.

1) I really like this one, but I'm slightly concerned that it looks too much like a bedsheet. Thoughts?

2) This one is nice, and I like that it isn't boring, but is it too... stripey? Or busy or something?

3) I'm also a fan of this one, and thought it might be a slightly less toga-ish version of number 1, but I'm concerned about the lace at the neckline. It isn't just lace... it's also "embellished with Swarovski crystals, bugle beads, pearls, and sequins." Is that overkill?

4) I love the bodice on this one, but am I right to be scared of the big draping ruffly thing in the skirt?

5) In theory, I like the concept of this one, but the skirt is too full for my taste, I think (yes, I know I just said I wanted a full skirt). Also, the website describes it as creating "the look of grandeur," and I'm pretty sure that's not the look I want to go for at my wedding.

6) This one looks so pretty on the model, but the skirt is tulle, like a tutu. In keeping with the "I don't look good in poofy skirts" theme, would this be too much for me?

7) I love the bodice on this one, and how simple the skirt is, but is it not full enough? Would it look all mermaidy on me? Because mermaid looks great on some women, but I am definitely not one of them.

8) Before I went to David's Bridal, I loooved skirts like this. Now that I know that poofy looks terrible on me, I'm afraid the pick-ups will make me look like a big puffball. Or do they start low enough on this dress to be okay? And are pick-up skirts just a big trend right now that will look awful in the photos 20 years from now?

9) This one is totally and completely different from how I would have imagined my wedding dress would be, but I'm strangely drawn to it. I like the lace, especially on the train where you can see through it. But would it be too clingy? Does it look like it could hold its own shape? Is it too... different? Would a lace dress be overkill with a veil?

10) Okay, I know I don't like the sleeves on this one (although if anyone disagrees, I'm interested in hearing why). But aside from that, I think I like the bodice, and the split in the skirt with the lace panel is pretty. Or is it just weird?

Okay, thoughts? Favourites? Answers to any (or all) of my questions? Do you hate them all? Do you know of other dresses that you want to share? I need advice here, people.

Married name.

When Torsten and I get married, I'm going to change my last name to his.

Although I realize that the majority of American women do change their names when they get married, this was not an obvious decision for me. It was one that I thought through very carefully. And now that I've made the decision, I feel extremely comfortable with it. There were a few different issues that I considered when I thought about changing my name:

1) Unity. It's nice to have the same name as your husband. We are merging our lives, and I am excited to be merging our lives, and I am excited to have a name for the life that will be merged. We are not merging ourselves as two people into one, but that's what first names are for. The shared last name feels like togetherness to me. It's nice to have a little family unit, all with the same name. I like the idea of being "The Xes," as opposed to the "Y/Xes."

2) Kids. I want to have the same last name as my kids. Part of the unity thing, and also part of overall simplicity. I remember in elementary school having a directory of parents, and if someone's mom had a different last name than their dad, it was impossible to find them or if you did find them, to know whose mom they were. Yes, I realize that this was an organizational flaw on the part of my school and that the parents' names could easily have been listed with the kids' names. But I do like the simplicity of being attached to your kids by a name that makes you all recognizable as a family.

3) Career. I am just starting out with my career, and as of yet I don't have anything published under my name (unless you count the few pieces that I had published in magazines when I was in middle and high school, which I do not). My work identity is not tied in with my name. Someday, perhaps it will be. But that will be with my new name, and I'm comfortable with that.

4) Aesthestics. Torsten and I have vaguely similar last names, both one syllable, although mine is very British and his is very German. The name Jess sounds better with my last name. However, my full name, Jessica, sounds better with Torsten's last name. In college, everyone referred to me as Jess Y, because there were three people named Jess in my dorm. However, now that I'm not in college, people refer to me Jessica Y or just as Jess. So aesthetically, this does not make a huge difference. Also, I like the fact that our family name will be very German. Incorporating Torsten's culture into our lives and our kids' lives is very important to me.

5) History. I am not particularly close with my dad's side of the family. The Y name does not hold great meaning for me, or for anyone in my immediate family. In fact, as far as my mother is concerned, being a member of the Y family is more of a pejorative thing, anyway. I feel no real attachment to my last name and will not feel like I am giving up some sort of family tie when I change it.

6) Torsten's opinion. Torsten feels the same as I do in that sharing a name is a sign of our togetherness. He would prefer for me to take his name. If I really didn't want to, he would be okay with that. He's happy that I do want to.

7) Practicality. Torsten's name is shorter and easier to spell than mine. People always spell my name wrong. I hate that. The only thing I dislike about Torsten's last name is that it starts with a letter toward the end of the alphabet, which means that our kids will be last in line for everything at school. But I guess somebody has to be, and maybe they'll have some of those cool teachers who go in reverse alphabetical order for things.

Black Sheeped wrote a really interesting post about why she decided to keep her own last name when she got married. She said some fascinating things about feeling connected to her name, like it's a part of her, personally and professionally. I don't have those feelings about my current last name. But I do have them about Torsten's last name. I feel connected to him, on every level. He and our lives together are a big part of me and my personal life. They don't define me, but they are integral to me. I want my name to reflect that.

So actually, even though she and I made opposite decisions, our reasoning was similar in many ways. And I'm so glad that we both live in a society where we can make those decisions for ourselves, and feel comfortable with them, and not feel the need to justify but rather just to be thoughtful. And I really look forward to being a family with Torsten, and expanding our family to include children, and having one simple name that identifies the entire family as a unit. And I am so happy to become one family unit with Torsten, and be sharing my life with him.

Chinatown bus?

Okay, I need your sage advice again. Has anyone ever taken the Chinatown bus before, or know anybody who has? What is it like? Is it dirty? Does it smell bad? Is it a miserable experience?

The background to this is that my French host brother is coming to visit in October, and we want to take him to New York for the weekend, since he has never been to the US before. We found a cheap(ish) hotel, so now all we have to figure out is how to get to and from the city. We don't have a car, but we could probably borrow one. But with gas and tolls, it would still be reasonably expensive, and we would probably end up shelling out at least $50 for parking alone, possibly more like $75, plus we would have to deal with the general hassle of having a car in the city.

So, if we don't want to drive ourselves, the options are plane, train, and bus. The plane would be about $500 for the three of us, without even considering that getting from a New York airport to the hotel would cost us an additional chunk of money. The train would be $400 round trip for the three of us. And then there's the Chinatown bus, at a beautiful $35 round trip per person for a grand total of $105.

If we were to drive, my estimate based on mileage, gas prices, my knowledge of tolls, and understanding of parking costs, we would probably end up paying about $150 in travel expenses. So not that much more than if we were to take the bus. There's just the extra inconvenience factor and the need to borrow a car from one of our poor friends or family members (or pay for a rental car, which would definitely drive the price up). But it would definitely be a more enjoyable and flexible experience if we were in our own car.

My point is, however, that you can't beat the Chinatown bus for affordability and practicality. But if it's gross and nasty, it's not worth it. I have never taken a Chinatown bus before, so I am relying on all of you to give me any and all information, personal anecdotes, nasty rumours, etc., that you may have about the Chinatown bus situation. Please keep in mind that buses make Torsten vaguely carsick as well.

I am a brilliant master chef.

Okay, maybe I'm not actually the next Wolfgang Puck. But the meal last night turned out really well. It was one of the best WW recipes we've tried--the chicken was moist and tender, the sauce was flavourful and smooth, the gnocchi--while not the most visually appealing dish I've ever seen--was perfectly cooked and tasty. It was not, for the record, really gnocchi, since it did not contain any potatoes. It was more like little floury dumplings made out of bread crumbs, ricotta, Parmesan, baby spinach, and of course, flour. And the two dishes went together really well. Torsten's parents complimented the meal several times and cleaned their plates. Then Torsten served raspberries with melted chocolate--alternative fondue, basically. And espresso. We are so classy.

But seriously. The meal was so good that I am looking forward to my lunch of leftovers. And we will definitely be cooking it again in the future, just for ourselves. So that little gamble paid off.
Although it was definitely stressful--I do not think I will be taking similar such risks very often in the future.

And thank you guys for all your supportive comments on my last post. Next time I attempt to do something that has a high likelihood of turning out disastrously, I will make sure to post about it here first so that you can all tell me how well it's going to go.

Armed with a plan.

Did I mention in my last post that things are going so well with Torsten's parents that I insanely offered to cook them dinner tonight? Because, oh, I did. They know we're doing Weight Watchers and Torsten's mom is apparently into healthy food, so they are all about the WW (oh, the insider lingo!) recipes. But oh god, some of them are better than others, and if I had any sense at all I would be making a tried-and-true dish for them, like the lemon-salmon risotto that is delicious every time.

But no. Here I am, tempting fate, braving not one but two dishes that I have not tried to cook before. If all goes well, we will be feasting on chicken Marsala and homemade spinach gnocchi tonight. Yes, I'm trying to make my own pasta for the first time ever. And also, most of the WW recipes that I use are ranked "easy," and these two are both ranked "moderate." And by the way, have I mentioned yet that I'm crazy?

But we do have a Plan B in place (in the form of our favourite pizza place down the block) in case all does not go well. This buoys me a little. But only a little.

Meet the parents, volume 2.

So last night Torsten and I went out with his parents to one of our favourite DC restaurants and had a really nice time. His parents seemed much more relaxed, probably in part because they were no longer exhausted, and we were able to interact reasonably well. Afterward, they came back to our apartment for espresso and we sat around and talked for about two hours. It was very comfortable and they asked me some questions about my job and all that.

We also talked about the fact that Torsten and I plan to have children, which I guess came as a bit of a shock to them, not because they necessarily thought that Torsten would never have children but just because it's something that they had never discussed. I think they were pleased, though, and I made sure to emphasize that it's important to us that our children be close with all of their grandparents, and that the fact that they live in Germany does not mean that our kids will barely know them. Since Torsten is an only child, he is his parents' only provider of grandchildren, so I think the fact that he is getting married and planning to have kids comes as somewhat of a relief to his parents.

His parents had also very thoughtfully brought us a huge stack of photos from Torsten's childhood, from infancy through college. This was thrilling to me because I had never seen baby pictures of him before and they were so, so cute. He was this adorable little red-haired toddler in '70s flared jeans and striped sweaters. Then he grew up and had a heinous Steve Urkel Lite haircut in middle school, which was less adorable, but then again when I was in middle school I brushed my curly hair straight until it stuck out in a horrible frizzy triangle, so I can't really judge. Also in fifth grade I wore the same pink sweatshirt to school every single day for like five months straight, so really, I definitely shouldn't be judging. But I do have to say that he has definitely improved with age.

Anyway, his parents treated us to dinner, which was very nice, and then after they left, Torsten told me that they had a) asked him if they could pay for part of the wedding, which is a HUGE relief, and b) told him that I'm very nice and intelligent and they like me a lot, which is another huge relief.

So yes, all of you who wrote "calm down, it'll all be fine, they just feel far away, etc." in the comments of my freak-out post, you were right, and thank you. It's still only been two days and we have a whole week left with them, but so far things seem to be as good as can possibly be expected. And damn it, I will not allow that last sentence to jinx this whole thing.

I can do this.

I am at work now, and I was just putting together a quick annotations list of the content I want to include in the first newsletter that I'll be managing, based on a discussion with the program team about what they want to get out of their newsletter. And I flew through that stuff, talking about content and angles and how this fits in with the goals of the newsletter and how this will help promote the program, and every single time there was a place where someone had given some sort of vague suggestion, like, "Oh, I want kids' health tips, but they should be seasonally appropriate, so I don't really know..." I thought about it and came up with an idea that seemed to fit perfectly with what they were talking about. A concrete idea, one I can follow up on, one that I can actually write an article based on. That people will read. I hope.

I realize it's just a newsletter, but it's my first real assignment in my new job, and damn it, I'm pleased with myself because my ability to understand marketing approaches makes me happy. And the fact that I can sit down with a technical team that is very good at designing a program but not necessarily so good at marketing it, and I can be their marketing liaison, and I can take their vague, abstract ideas and turn them into concrete, marketable content--it's almost like I'm good at my job or something. And it's only the very beginning of my second week. So I'm feeling exceptionally smug at the moment.

That is, it's like I'm good at my job when I'm not obsessively checking on Target.com to see if the vase I was planning to buy for my workplace bookshelf has suddenly become available again. In any colour. Or the backup vase. Or the backup backup vase. I mean, seriously. Can somebody please explain to me how it is possible that all of these vases were available on Wednesday night, when I was undecided, and then by Thursday morning, when I was ready to purchase, all of them, ALL NINE OF THEM, had suddenly become unavailable? Short of a huge heist or maybe a fire at the Target vase warehouse, I just do not understand.

Meet the parents, volume 1.

So, I met Torsten's parents last night. They flew into Baltimore, so we borrowed my sister's car to drive out and pick them up. Their flight was delayed, so they didn't arrive until about 9 p.m. When they finally did arrive, they were right behind an American soldier who was coming home after time on the airbase near Torsten's parents' house, so we could barely see them through the screaming and sign-waving of the assembled crowd that had come to the airport to meet their soldier.

They were nice, though, and friendly. It was hard because we couldn't really talk--my German is more or less nonexistent, and although their English is a bit better, it's still pretty bad. When Torsten and his dad were off getting the suitcases, his mom and I managed to have a conversation in broken English that involved me holding my hand up above my head and saying something about how tall Torsten was (his parents are both much shorter than he is), and his mom saying that her Eltern (parents) are both short as well (I assume trying to say that she doesn't know where he got his height). Then we smiled awkwardly at each other a lot until Torsten and his dad got back.

In the car I listened to them talk to each other and managed to figure out more or less the general idea of what they were talking about. We took them to have dinner but they weren't hungry so they just had drinks while we ate dinner. It was frustrating for me because usually I'm so good with parents, but in this case I can't be good with them because I can't talk to them and everything we say to each other has to go through Torsten. But their English is good enough that Torsten and I have no way of communicating to each other without them understanding--in fact, it's almost worse than if they were native English speakers, because as it is, they hang on to our every word in an attempt to see how good their English is.

So really it's just frustrating because usually I'm good at reading people and in this case I have no context, no understanding, and no way of communicating. I was a little surprised because I'm their son's fiancée and they had never met me before, but they didn't ask me any questions or anything. We were obviously sort of tiptoeing around each other and trying to be polite, and of course they were exhausted from their flight and jet lag and all of that.

So I guess the rest of the week (they're here until next Monday) will be more revealing. Torsten is going to talk to them about wedding finances tonight before I get there, so that hopefully they will be honest about how they feel and whether or not they want to contribute. My feeling is that the prognosis is not good--Torsten mentioned a couple of wedding costs last night to try to feel out their reaction, and when they heard how much the photographer cost, they actually laughed out loud.

But! I will not be a pessimist! It's just a lot of cultural expectations and misunderstandings that we have to navigate, and the important thing here is that we are getting married and spending our lives together, not who pays for the costs of the actual wedding. And really my concern with his parents is that we build some kind of decent relationship so that our kids can have a strong bond with their grandparents without any issues getting in the way. My mother always had issues with my paternal grandmother (who, admittedly, was a very difficult woman), and partly as a result of that, I was never that close with my grandmother. I'm hoping I can avoid putting my own children in a similar situation, though I don't at all blame my mother for my lack of a strong relationship with my grandmother.

And last night I definitely got the feeling that Torsten's parents and I will get along, at least to the extent that we can communicate, without a problem. So in the long run, I think this will all be fine. In the short run, we'll have to see how the rest of the week goes.

Our new last name is Simpson.

Okay, not really. But here we are, the happy couple, courtesy of Simpsonize Me:

In-laws.

Reasons why I'm nervous about meeting my future parents-in-law this weekend:

1. They were very upset that Torsten spent so much money (well, really it was our money since we have combined finances) on an engagement ring--they think it's crazy to buy a diamond instead of a plain band with no stone. I am now convinced that they see me as some foreign, money-grubbing, demanding bitch.
2. They don't speak English. The only German I know is the dirty stuff, which will not exactly be fitting for the occasion. Also, Torsten told them that I was doing German lessons, but those kind of fell by the wayside, so they will be expecting my German to be better than it is.
   
3. They were kind of upset that Torsten and I got engaged before they had met me. I'm sure that they think I'm a psycho bitch (see also: reason number 1) and are just going to be looking for flaws.
4. They are already upset that Torsten doesn't live in Germany anymore. Now that he's marrying an American, they know that he will likely never move back to Germany. I think they blame me for this.
5. We are going to discuss wedding finances with them while they're here. Everyone knows what a sticky topic this can be, and that's true even when there aren't all these other issues to deal with. Plus, Torsten's mom called him yesterday to say that she hoped we weren't making reservations at too many fancy restaurants because that would get expensive. That does not bode well as far as generous wedding funding is concerned.
6. Torsten's mom keeps her house sparkling clean. We do not keep our apartment sparkling clean. His mom has apparently always hoped that he would wind up with a woman who would whip him into shape, cleanliness-wise. I am not that woman. She will be disappointed.
7. I CAN'T TAKE THE DISAPPOINTMENT OH GOD IT WILL BE PALPABLE I CAN ALREADY FEEL IT RADIATING AND THEY AREN'T EVEN ON THE PLANE YET.

Whew. Okay. I just have to remember they live in Germany, so even if they hate me, I won't be seeing them that often and even when I do, we'll barely be able to communicate. Is it bad, that I'm focusing on the lack of open communication as the potential saving grace?

In love.

Well, since my 100th post was pure fluff, I've decided that my 101st post will be the one that has real substance. Okay, that's not not exactly true. Really I just want to write about something important to me right now, something that ranks a little higher on the scale of "will this matter in five years?" than my clearance decor shopping at Target. Not that the Target stuff is not important, of course.

Anyway, last night Torsten and I were half-watching the Nats game on TV. I was also perusing Target and Amazon for potential workplace bookshelf decorations (and by the way, can I buy plants online? Probably not, right? Does anyone know of nice plants that don't need natural light, but maybe like some nice fluorescent office light?) and blogging. Torsten was setting up our new wireless storage disk, which is very cool--300 gigs of space with a backup disk, and you can save to it wirelessly, and since it's backed up, it means that you don't have to save space-eaters like photos locally, which means that my laptop will run so much faster, because that's how cool this little piece of technology is (sweetie, now do you believe me when I say I'm a fan, even though I referred to it as "thing" yesterday instead of as "data protection device" or whatever the hell it's officially called? Whoops, there I go again).

Toward the end of the evening we both put away our computers and I lay with my head on Torsten's lap and he stroked my hair and we watched an episode of Friends. Afterward, I was sleepy so we went to bed. When we stood up, Torsten put his arms around me and said, "I love you." It's something that he's said a million times before, but it can never get old, and it gives me little happy shivers every time.

It is just amazing to be so in love with someone. There are so many things to love about him. When he leaves before me in the mornings, he comes in to kiss me goodbye while I'm still in bed, and if I'm not fully under the blanket, he fixes it. He teaches me expressions in German and tries really hard to help me learn. He has complete faith and trust in me, not just to never treat him badly but also to succeed in everything I do. He is always there.

He is so smart, and he knows so much, so much that he is my first point of reference for almost any question. But he's unassuming, and he doesn't announce his intelligence and breadth of knowledge, and he never looks down on people or compares their intelligence to his own. He's incredibly nice and always assumes the best in people. He is so, so generous, and effortlessly so--he genuinely likes giving and helping, and does it naturally and without expecting anything in return.

He makes really cute faces when he's upset, or surprised, or disgusted. He makes really bad puns but some of them are so bad that they become funny. His sense of humour beyond puns is clever and sharp. He cleans the kitchen often, and thoroughly, and if I ask him to stop what he's doing to help me chop spinach or peel shrimp, he is always willing. He has started accompanying me to the gym and he always wears his belt to monitor his heart rate to make sure that it is in the optimal zone. He has tried many times to make me get one of those belts for myself, and is frustrated that I keep refusing. He always wants to take care of me, but never makes me feel bad about myself. When I was upset that one of my favourite dresses was too tight, he was soothing and comforting and reminded me of how well I'm doing with Weight Watchers and the C25K, and how eventually the dress will fit again. He also refused to zip me into the dress as it was because he didn't want me to inhibit my breathing.

He bought me a multivitamin and makes me take it every day. He never pushes me with my efforts to get healthier and never questions my judgment about what I eat or whether or not I go to the gym. He never makes me feel like I'm not good enough as I am or that I should lose weight just to look good in a dress or that this lifestyle change is about anything other than good health. He also wants to improve his health, and always tells me how good the Weight Watchers meals that I've cooked taste, even if they don't.

He makes me feel beautiful. He takes pictures of me all the time, and exclaims over how good they are and how nice I look when he sees them later. Before I started paying careful attention to what I eat, he would sometimes bring me back something nice from the grocery store when he ran errands. Now, sometimes he brings me flowers instead. Sometimes when I am concentrating on something else I will look up and he will be watching me, just watching, and when our eyes meet he'll smile at me.

He is so eager, so open and so expressive. He cares deeply about what he does and he always honours his commitments. He wants to make other people happy, but he doesn't disparage himself and he goes for what he wants. He's ambitious, both for himself and for me. He's reasonable, and thoughtful, and considers his decisions carefully. He loves goats and he make the cutest little goat noise. He has a deep sense of ethics. He thinks it's cute that I want our wedding to be purple, and only protested when I suggested (kiddingly) that we get him a purple tux. When I beat him at a board game, he is simultaneously mad at himself for losing and happy for me for winning.

He's watched five seasons of Sex and the City with me even though he would much rather be watching Frasier or The Simpsons. He calls me cutie pie, a nickname that started as a joke but has now developed into something very complex--I can be unlimited other types of pie, like sleepy pie or grumpy pie or athletic pie. He rubs my back even when he's exhausted. He doesn't shave on weekends and having that stubble makes him feel like he's really relaxing. He wants to travel all over. When we talk about potential vacation spots, the options just spill. He laughs when I burp.

He is wildly excited for Kelsey Grammer's new show, Back to You. When I asked him what he would do if the show sucked, he said, "Don't talk like that." We independently thought of the exact same thing that we both wanted to do to celebrate our anniversary. He likes touristy open-top bus tours as much as I do. He is genuinely excited for me about my growing blog traffic. He thinks I'm brilliant at everything I do. He proposed to me after a hike when we were both all sweaty because he knew I would think it was romantic, and he was right. He loves my photographs and readily agreed to frame some of my 13x19 prints and use them to decorate our apartment.

He has a really strong relationship with his father. He will be a happy, involved, caring father. He will have trouble saying no when they ask cutely. I have faith that he'll learn to say no regardless of the cuteness factor. He only rolled his eyes a little bit when I insisted on purchasing a purple baby blanket with white polka dots even though we aren't planning to have a baby for several years. He patiently listens to me gush about my job and all the things I'm learning about web and communications and business strategy, even though he's been doing those things for years and already knows all this stuff. He engages in any and every conversation with me, even if the topic would normally bore him out of his mind.

And the incredible part is that all of this, all of it together is still just a snapshot, still two dimensional, still only the beginning of everything that is him and that I love. But really, what it all means is that I love him, and he returns that love. He gets me. And I get him. We understand each other, and we know each other. And that is amazing, and beautiful, and overwhelming, and wonderful. I love him.

Office decor emergency.

Before I get to the real topic at hand, I want to note that this is the 100th post on this blog. Normally, I would want to post something meaningful or introspective or something, but instead I'm going to ask for all of your advice, because you are so good at giving it.

I took Swistle's brilliant suggestion for workplace bookshelf decor and checked out Target.com's home decor section--only to discover that they have WAY too many cool options for my limited budget. So, I need opinions. For now, let's disregard cost and just think about what we like and what might or might not go together. Also, I would like input on what I could put in vases and bowls, since I can't afford to buy fresh flowers regularly and I'm a little leery of plastic flowers.

All right. First, the frames. I was thinking that the first two would look nice next to each other, since one is yellow and the other has accents in the exact same shade of yellow (called "sunflower," if you were wondering).


Now, the vases (the last one is actually from Amazon).


And lastly, the clocks, both "Big Ben." I'm undecided as to whether they're unique and fun, or just hideous.


And of course, if anyone has any other ideas, either specific or general, I definitely want to hear them. No, scratch that. I'm pretty sure I need to hear them.

Thank you.

So my regular blog reading has really actually helped me become healthier and change my eating and exercise habits dramatically. Devan has a post up about YOU on a Diet and the exercise regimen it calls for, and what it says makes me feel really good about my activity habits. Here are the three components of the program and how I measure up:

• It calls for 30 minutes of walking a day. I walk from my apartment to the Metro and from the Metro to my office, and then back again, every day. Each of those walks is just under ten minutes. So I'm actually walking a bit more than half an hour on weekdays. Weekends are more relaxed, but I usually go to and from the Metro at least once if not more, so that's 20 minutes of walking, minimum. This is the convenient thing about living in the city and not having a car. At some point, I know we're going to buy a house and a car, and then I will have to work much harder to fit this half hour of walking into my day. But for now, it's built into my schedule, so I'm set.
  
• It calls for 20 minutes of cardio, three times a week. I'm doing the Couch to 5K program (thanks to Swistle, and along with Devan, Jonniker, and Artemisia, and please let me know if I've missed you and you're doing it too), which involves three 20-minute walking and running workouts per week. And doing it with these blogger people and reading their posts about it and posting about it myself has been really helpful, and really motivational--I can't skip a workout, because I have to report back. Even if Swistle is getting sick of my whiny comments in her blog about how I want to die after every workout.
  
• It calls for 20 minutes of strength training, three times a week. After I do the C25K workout, or before if I have to wait for the lone treadmill in my building's tiny gym, I do weight training on the machines for my arms and legs. It takes about 25 minutes.

Also, thanks mostly to Sundry, whose success motivated me to start, I've been doing Weight Watchers online for two months, and so far I've lost 22 pounds. I don't go to meetings or anything, but the online program has been incredibly helpful in making me pay attention to what I eat and how much of it, and in offering healthy suggestions and great recipes.

I haven't actually noticed a difference in my weight loss rate since I started doing the running and weight training, but I feel healthier and more fit already. And then, you know, there's the whole thing about working in public health and spending time advocating physical activity and good nutrition and everything to other people, so I would feel like kind of a jerk if I weren't taking steps toward becoming healthier myself.

And it's not about a quick diet, or a brief gym fad that will die soon. It's about a lifestyle change, and it's not a coincidence that I started this stuff right when Torsten moved in with me and our whole lives and schedules and habits were changing anyway. The fact that we were already in transition made it fairly easy to make the switch, and I haven't really felt any pain from it, or withdrawal or anything else. I just generally feel much better.

So what it really boils down to is that I am much healthier than I was two months ago, and I'm getting healthier all the time, and I never would have started on this path if it weren't for those two amazing bloggers I read, Swistle and Sundry. So, thank you guys so much.

Five things, all tangentially work-related.

First of all, Blogger was down this morning, which was driving me crazy since 70% of my regular blog-reads are hosted by Blogger, and I like to read them in little spurts over the morning while I’m at work but taking a quick break from actually working.

Second of all, someone in the office left their cell phone at their desk and went somewhere, presumably the longest meeting ever, and while they were gone they missed a call, and now their phone is doing that constant little “missed call” beep and it is driving me nuts.

Third of all, while I was in a meeting earlier, a doctor left a message on my phone saying that he’d received an emergency page from this number and to call back as soon as possible. But he didn’t leave his number. So I hope that whoever was having an emergency is okay.

Fourth of all—wait, first I should provide a TMI alert. If you don’t like to read about pee, stop reading. Okay, fourth of all, the toilets at my new job are automatic flushers, but those things are sensitive. I mean, if you twitch at all, the damn thing flushes. It bugs me because I actually like to monitor the color of my pee. Is this a weird thing that has just horrified everyone into never reading my blog again? It’s just something that I do to check that I’m not dehydrated—if your pee has a high concentration of urochrome (pigment), it means you need to drink some water. So when the stupid toilet flushes instantaneously, I don’t get a chance to check.

Okay, the TMI is over now. So, fifth of all, I was just given a set of three paper wedding bells by this woman in my new office. Apparently the tradition here is that they are given to someone in the office who gets engaged, and that person keeps them until they get married and then passes them on to the next person getting married. This last woman actually got married in May, but nobody else in the office was engaged, so she was excited to notice my ring. I told her that I’m not getting married for over a year, but she said that didn’t matter, so now here they are, hanging on my bulletin board, and once I get married, it will be my responsibility to pass them on to the next person. How totally cute is that? Now I feel like such a part of the office.

Ahem. Anyway. Enough gushing about tacky paper wedding bells. I’m going back to work.

First update on the new job.

I was doing a really good job of posting almost every weekday, and I was really proud of myself, and then I missed yesterday and felt guilty, even though I had written a bonus post the day before. With the new job and the new hours, I have no idea how my blogging "schedule" will change, but I will keep up this regular posting thing, especially now that I have finally gotten a couple of regular commenters (and I love you guys! And knowing that somebody likes my blog enough to actually read it more than once).

Anyway, so, an update on the new job has been requested, so here it is. I started yesterday, and so far I'm really a fan. I have a cubicle, but it's a nice, spacious, private one in a corner, and my screen faces the back wall so that people don't surprise me and read over my shoulder before I've even noticed that they're there (this is a huge step up from the past job). Today I brought in some photos and a couple posters and did some decorating, so now it feels much more homey and personal. The only thing that I haven't dealt with yet is this lovely bookshelf I have--it's gorgeous, and I'm excited to have it, but I'm not quite sure how to make good use of it. I have lots of books at home but I don't have any work-related books, and I'm not going to bring my personal book collection to the office just for the sake of filling my bookshelf (especially because then my bookshelves at home would no longer be full, and nobody wants that). I might get a plant, but it would have to be a small one to fit on a shelf, and one that likes the shade, because there isn't really any natural light in here. And still, that would only fill part of one shelf, and this monster has five shelves. Does anyone have any suggestions for decorating/space usage options to fill the shelf? I would love to hear them.

Anyway, I was supposed to be giving an update on my job, not my interior decorating dilemmas. The job itself is great, I think. I thought my last job was great at first too (and for awhile it was), so I'm a little leery of unequivocally announcing that this one is fabulous, but so far all the signs are pointing that way. And since I've already had a real job, I'd like to think that I'm a little more savvy about what makes a job great in the long term.

Anyway, this job really does focus on marketing. I was brought into two meetings yesterday and the whole discussion was about marketing and angles and specific communications approaches, and it was so interesting, and it made so much intuitive sense, and it had so much to do with all these different ideas that I tried to push at my old job but that always got stuck with some high-level manager and died. So it was amazing to see that everyone here accepts all those ideas as second nature--the question isn't will we use this approach? but rather what is the best way to implement it? And that is such a crucial and exciting difference.

My boss is great too, flexible and in touch and really good at his work. We already talked about vacation days and time off and that stuff seems like it's going to work out great as well. And my coworkers are all really nice and friendly and interesting and they all have really diverse perspectives on things. And it's only my second day and I've already been assigned real work to do, including writing and editing a newsletter, which is also really exciting because at my old job I just sort of had to start doing projects and then tell people that I had done them, because if I had waited for someone to give me real creative work to do, I would still be waiting.

So really, what may well be the best part of the whole thing is that I feel really valued here. I'm not just one of those administrative people who every now and then does a real project. I'm expected to do real projects, it's assumed that I'm capable of doing them, and the projects are interesting and really appeal to my strengths.

Plus, since this isn't my first time starting a job, I don't feel overwhelmed by not remembering names and not being able to find my way around the office (although I am convinced that this office is particularly maze-like relative to other offices). And I know what systems I like to have in place, like what folders to create in my mailbox to make sure that I can keep track of my email, from the get-go, instead of having to figure it out as I go and then backtrack to clean up the disorganized mess that was created before I figured it out.

Also, I get a full extra hour of sleep in the morning, and that makes such a difference. I swear, even the music on the radio is much better at 7:45 than it is at 6:45.

So yeah. So far, I'd say it's going pretty well.

Purses and waterfowl

Yesterday, Torsten and I took a handful of rewards coupons from our Macy's credit card to the big downtown Macy's, where the one day sale was in full swing. Our mission was to find me a classy, stylish, dark-coloured purse suitable for daily use. My current purse was bought for love rather than practicality, and as such the gorgeous (and half-priced) cream-coloured leather is beyond the level of "starting to show a little dirt" and more in the range of "nasty to the point of being embarrassing."

So, we admired all the purses, considered all the prices, tested a bunch out for practicality (can I put a full letter-sized piece of paper in there without folding it? Is there a zippered compartment safe for my wallet where pickpockets won't have easy access? Is there a space for my cell phone where I can easily grab it when it rings without having to paw around until I've missed the call? Is the strap long enough for it to sit comfortably below my arm without hanging down past my hip? etc.), and finally picked one that was both well-designed for practical use, classy, and beautiful (in our humble opinions).

So now, only one question remains. First, consider the bag the way it is sold in the store (photo from Nordstrom.com):


Notice one thing in particular, the small blue and silver thing hanging from the strap. At first, I thought the blue thing was a whale, but on closer inspection it proved to be a duck, or maybe a goose:


Now, I love waterfowl as much as the next person, but I wasn't sure how I felt about having a metal disc with a blue bird on it hanging from the strap of my purse. I was pretty sure that I didn't feel great about it, so I promptly removed it. Here is my bag, minus the duck/goose:


Now, as often happens, I am questioning my own decision. Maybe the blue duck is what makes the bag, and I am just too ignorant to realize it. What do you think? Am I right to think it's silly to turn my purse into an alternative version of a charm bracelet? Or does the duck add that certain je ne sais quoi, in a good way?

Endings

It is 5:01 p.m., and therefore, I am no longer employed by my first-ever full time employer. I have a new job now. I am still at my desk, because there is a farewell happy hour scheduled to begin in 15 minutes. The walls are bare, the bulletin board is empty, and everything I am leaving behind is neatly organized. My "how to do my job" manual is complete, all my important files have been saved on the public drive for others to access, and I just turned in my key. All of my personal effects are neatly arranged in a box next to me, ready to be hauled home on the Metro. My final timesheet has been completed and signed. Every single item on my to-do list has been crossed off, and when my boss asked what miscellaneous tasks needed to be completed once I left, I could not think of a single one. I sent out a thank you and keep in touch email to everyone I've worked with here over the past 15 months, and received many goodbye emails in response. My work email account is about to be deleted.

I am no longer a fresh college grad, in her first grown up job. And I am so excited about my new job.

Feels like change.

The details, they are endless.

We had our tasting with the caterer last night, and the food was delicious. They even had these cute little hors d'oeuvres like tuna tartare with a sesame sauce and wasabi cream on a wonton cracker, and wild mushroom pastries. Plus the regular food that will make up the actual meal was really good and creative without being crazy. It's a big relief because they are the exclusive caterer for the venue we want to use, and their prices are really reasonable, so if the food had been bad we would have been stuck back at square one for both the venue and the caterer. So now one of the biggest issues has been taken care of.

We also picked a photographer (the same guy who did my sister's wedding), and he's giving us a discount as well. He also gave us advice on finding a secular wedding officiant, which is good because I'd been having trouble finding one online. Seriously, I recommend having your wedding in November because everybody is so accommodating and the prices are totally negotiable.

Anyway, so all the things that I was most concerned about for the wedding are squared away except for the DJ, but that will work itself out eventually, I think. So I was resting easy until Swistle pointed out yesterday that how I cut my hair now might actually affect how I wear my hair at my wedding more than a year from now. Who would even think of these things on their own? This is why I should never get a job as an event planner.

Frivolous question

I have an appointment on Saturday to get my hair cut at my favourite downtown salon. My hair is starting to get shaggy and desperately needs to be cut and shaped. The question is, do I just get a trim and some layers, or do I chop off several inches?

I am used to having short hair and have only had long hair one time in recent memory, about two years ago when I grew it out to donate to Locks of Love. It was a pain to take care of and I wound up pulling it back a lot, but part of that was because I was living in Senegal and there was no hot water to wash my hair with. But when it was clean and styled, it was pretty and I liked it. Though this time around I would give it more of a style with lots of layers and shorter pieces around the face so that it wouldn't look too crazy.

When my hair is short, it's a bit curlier and easier to deal with, and also slightly less hot in summer (although summer is almost over, which is part of why I thought now would be a good time to start growing it out). I can't do much with it, though, so I pretty much just leave it loose all the time. I think Torsten likes the short hair slightly less than the long hair although he vigourously claims to like them equally.

But really, the best way to decide this is through the careful analysis of visual evidence. First, the long hair:


And the short:


Help... what do I do? I have until Saturday at 2:15 to decide.

Self-promotion on Flickr

I created a Flickr account over the weekend. You can check it out here. So far I've only created one set, my photos from my semester in Senegal in 2005. But I intend to create many more, with my more recent photos. And I still really love those Senegal photos. So you should look at them, and add me as a contact or however it works on Flickr. Because I would love to see all of your photos, too.

Update: I was just looking at my Senegal set on Flickr, and that thing is amazing. It knows what camera all the pictures were taken with, and it knew the exact date of almost all of them. For some reason, about a quarter of them were labeled with the date they were uploaded to Flickr instead of the date they were taken, but using the information I gathered from the dates on the other photos as well as my general memory of my time in Senegal, I was able to pinpoint all of them down to the exact month and many of them down to the exact day.

But wow. This is obviously just me being clueless about photo properties, but I didn't know my old camera even recorded the date, much less kept that information with the photo. And how cool is it that Flickr managed to find and display that information? It's amazing to think that on February 26, 2005, I spent the day on a pirogue on the Senegal River near St. Louis. I never would have been able to tell you what day that was, and now I know it. It makes the whole thing feel much more precise.

The wonders of modern technology

So I have recently discovered the beauty of using spreadsheets to keep track of things in your personal life instead of just at work. To that end, I have recently developed two spreadsheets:

1) A wedding budget spreadsheet. This includes lists of all the different things we expect to have at the wedding that will cost us money, such as flowers, a caterer, an officiant, etc. For those vendors we've already selected and gotten estimates from, I've filled in the name of the vendor and the projected cost. Then there's a column for the amount required as a deposit, the balance due, and whether those payments have been made, as well as a notes column for anything extra (like noting how many guests are included in the catering estimate, so that I will know to expect a different cost if the final numbers are different). I even used formulas! They tell me how much everything adds up to! They update automatically when I add new costs! It's a miracle!

Ahem. Anyway.

2) A household bills spreadsheet. I have always been good at managing my finances and am organized and punctual, whereas Torsten can be forgetful and do things like go three months without paying his credit card even though he has more than enough in the bank to cover it, just because he forgot it existed. I suppose this is a slightly unfair characterization--he's not THAT absentminded. Rather, the American system is very different from the German system. The German system basically does not allow for debt, as German credit cards are really more like debit cards. Apparently, they are directly connected to the holder's bank account, and the payments are automatically deducted from the account once a month (and this is not like auto bill pay options in the US). So he can be sort of forgiven for not paying much attention to his bills here.

Anyway, the point is that since he isn't good at/used to the bill payment system that we have here, and I am, it has naturally fallen to me to manage our finances. One of the things that Torsten did not understand about American credit cards is that in order to build a credit rating, you need to have credit cards or loans, and pay them punctually. He had only one credit card when we met, with a very low limit, which is normal since he is a foreign national and therefore probably considered somewhat of a flight risk by credit card companies, particularly with no credit history whatsoever. So one of the first things I did when I started managing our finances was to apply for two joint credit cards in both of our names, and make sure to pay them off in full, on time, every month. This strategy has been working very well, as his credit has steadily been improving (as evidenced by his steadily rising credit limits) since then.

The other discovery that I've made is that if you open credit cards at certain stores, like Macy's and Old Navy (thanks, Swistle!), you can get really good deals on their merchandise. I've tried to limit how often I do this, because applying for more credit negatively affects your credit rating temporarily, but every now and then the savings are worth it. At Macy's, when I applied for a credit card, I wound up with a Macy's Visa card that has two separate credit lines--one an in-store, Macy's-only line that is not connected with Visa, and the other a standard Visa credit line that can be used anywhere. So it's really like two credit cards in one.

Plus I'm in charge of paying our joint cell phone bill, our internet bill, and our cable bill (luckily, all other utilities are included in our rent).

The point here is really that since meeting Torsten, I've gone from having four monthly bills (phone, internet, cable, and one credit card) to being in charge of something in the range of ten bills a month. So it's at the point now where I have trouble keeping track of all the balances and due dates in my head, and end up panicking that I've forgotten to pay a bill, which leads to me obsessively checking all the online bill-pay websites to make sure that everything has been paid.

I was temporarily getting around this problem by putting reminders to pay the various bills on my Outlook calendar at work, but that still wasn't comforting enough, and now that I'm changing jobs, I'm going to lose my Outlook calendar. Hence, the spreadsheet. And is it ever gorgeous. It has a row for every card, with the balance due, the date it's due, whether or not it's been paid (with the "No" in bold, red font), and the next closing date of the statement. When the next statement comes, I replace the data from the previous month with the new information. I even froze the top row (with the headers) and sorted it by due date so I can easily see which bills will be due next. This thing is a masterpiece, people.

Okay, so that turned into a really long and boring explanation of household bills. My god, I've become so mundanely domestic. But here's the part where the title of this post comes into play (if you were thinking that I consider Excel spreadsheets to be the pinnacle of modern technology, you're wrong).

The problem I was having was that I usually do this stuff at work (on my lunch hour, of course), during business hours, when I can call customer service if I'm having issues and I'm alert enough to understand what's going on. But sometimes I do manage my bills from home, and in any case I'm about to change jobs, so anything that I do on this computer will not be accessible to me after August 17. So my conundrum was how to create one document that I could refer to at home or at work without having to save it on a USB key that I carry with me at all times.

And then I found Google Documents. And all was right with the world.

How do you explain in writing how to do your job?

Man, this whole changing jobs thing is a big deal. It's been pretty complicated at work as everyone has found out that I'm leaving and they are now all coming to me with the last-minute stuff that they want me to get done for them before I go. I have my few projects that I've been working on for awhile, and those are what I'm personally determined to see through or at least get well underway before my last day (August 17), but then there's a lot of side stuff that has to be dealt with as well.

And now there's a whole new element as well. The editorial department at work consists of three people, including me. And now one of the other two people has also given her notice (a total coincidence--neither of us was aware of the other's plans). So that means that when we leave (she goes just three business days after me), there will be only the managing editor left. And the two of us who are leaving are the ones who deal with a lot of the small details and organizational systems of the department, which means that if we are gone before our replacements start (which is highly probable), it will be very difficult to train the new people, because a lot of institutional memory will be going with us.

Not to mention the fact that there will be only one person here to handle all of the editorial jobs that come to us. She's going to be very overwhelmed, I think.

Anyway, so the two of us who are leaving have been asked to write detailed explanations of how we do our jobs--sort of pre-training in writing to be left for our replacements, whenever they start. I started yesterday, and it's turning out to be a very complicated and slow process. I understand the necessity of it, but it's definitely one more big project that will need to be completed before I leave.

And in some ways I'm still sad about leaving, because I do love many of the people in this office and I think this was a really great first job out of college. But I am so, so excited about the new job, too.

Baseball and weddings

Well, I assume that everyone knows by now that Barry Bonds hit the record-breaking home run (number 756) last night. The Washington Post had a big front page article about it, which was interesting enough, although I preferred the editorial yesterday about Bud Selig's wishy-washy stance on the whole thing. But what I really wanted to know was what happened to the ball--since estimates say that it will be worth between $400k and $500k. The answer is here. That guy might not be a Giants fan, and he might not really care about the whole thing, but damn it, he came out of the pile of people with blood on his face and rips in his clothes, and that's what really matters. Only the strongest survive, apparently.

By the way, for the record, the Nats gave up the homer, but they also won the game. Though I don't think any of the euphoric fans at AT&T Park noticed. I would also like to point out that although the Nats have a dismal win-loss record at 52-61, the Giants' is even worse, at 48-63.

In other news, Torsten and I are very close to picking a site (and therefore cementing a date) for our wedding. It's the only wedding planning that we've really done so far. Actually, that's not really true. I've more or less settled on a photographer (a decision made easy by the fact that he photographed my sister's wedding beautifully, that we would get all the photos in high-resolution digital format for our own use, and that he offered me a big discount on his prices because they have gone up substantially since he did my sister's wedding), and I made an ill-advised trip to David's Bridal with my friend Jill to look at wedding dresses.

I learned two important things on that trip, though: 1) I do not look good in big, poofy dresses such as this, and 2) I will not be purchasing my wedding gown at David's Bridal. And I have learned two important things about wedding planning as a whole: 1) It's all going to be okay and nobody will notice if the cake frosting isn't the exact shade of purple that was requested, and 2) If you do it in November, you get huge discounts on everything.

And since these lists of two seem to be working for me today, two vows I am attempting to stick to now that I am engaged: 1) I will not become a crazy Bridezilla, and 2) I will not turn this into a blog that talks exclusively about wedding planning.

The idea here is that while the wedding will be a fun gathering of friends and family, the real point is the life together that happens after. I'm hoping I don't lose sight of that overarching concept as the wedding planning becomes more stressful.

Still chugging toward better health.

My office served a catered lunch today because we are having a big meeting. The food was an assortment of Cosi sandwiches, including my favorite, the TBM (which stands for tomato, basil, mozzarella). I had actually brought my lunch today (leftover spinach enchiladas and baked lemon shrimp), but I figured I'd check out the free food and I could always save my lunch for tomorrow if anything looked good.

But since I'm on the Healthy Living plan, I dutifully looked up the nutritional information before I selected my sandwich (my choice was between my adored TBM and the Turkey Light--which is basically just slices of turkey with lettuce, tomato, and honey mustard). The Turkey Light sandwich is a reasonable 476 calories and 9 grams of fat for a 10-ounce portion.

But the TBM? Oh my god, the TBM. An 11-ounce sandwich is 729 calories and 42 grams of fat. Forty-two grams of fat. Cheese is the devil, tempting me. But I am more or less a saint, because I had the Turkey Light. And liked it.

But oh, the tears I shall shed for my lost TBM. Never again will I be able to enjoy the sandwich, blissfully clueless about the havoc it is wreaking on my daily caloric intake. Now, even if I choose to order the sandwich, I have to face up to the fact that I am willfully injecting my body with 43 grams of fat. I'm pretty sure that awareness is not all that it's cracked up to be.

And damn it, as a more serious afterthought: Why the hell did I wait 23 years to start thinking about things like fat grams in cheese? Why did I exist for so long without really paying attention to what I was putting into my body? Why wasn't I like all those other women in my office, peacefully eating their plates of lettuce at lunch while the men chowed down on greasy Chinese and barbecue? What an unhealthy waste of time.

Not-so-posh tennis

Yesterday Torsten and I attended the Legg Mason Tennis Classic. We bought tickets about a month ago to both semifinal matches, one at noon and the other at 7 p.m. I don't know what the hell we were thinking, buying tickets for a midday outdoor event taking place in August. It was top-seeded Andy Roddick against seven-seed Ivo Karlovic, which should have been a great and enjoyable match to watch. Instead, we sat there boiling in the two p.m. sun, as Torsten desperately stuck cardboard fans in my shirt straps and slathered me with SPF 30 in an effort to prevent me from a premature death due to skin cancer. I was trying to watch the match and ignore the pounding heat, but I kept being distracted by the moaning next to me about how much it was going to suck to be a single dad and how sad our future child was going to be when his mother died in his childhood. Just because I wasn't wearing a hat and a shoulder-covering t-shirt like SOME people.

Anyway, the 7 p.m. game was much more enjoyable. The sun had set and the contest was much more evenly matched. It was Gael Monfils, the ninth seed, against John Isner, the wild card. Monfils is considered the better player, but each set went to a tiebreaker and Isner ended up winning (though he lost today in the finals to Roddick in straight sets). But it is amazing what a difference the weather makes. I realize that I should have known that already, but damn.

Also, I'm confused about tennis matches. I thought tennis was a chichi upper-class sport. So why did they make us sit on hard metal bleachers in the blazing sun? Where were the cushions and the awnings? And why was all the available food a) unhealthy and b) gross?

I'm just saying. I thought the event would be catering to the upper crust, and yet you can get better food at Nationals games. And that is not a compliment to the cuisine at RFK.

My first meme: Alumni Newsletter

Swistle tagged all of her readers in a meme and for the first time ever, I decided to participate. The instructions are: First write a nauseatingly perky paragraph about your life, the type of paragraph you see in alumni newsletters. Then write a franker, funnier one. Having never done a meme before, I don't really know how it works--but if you read my blog, and you have your own blog, consider yourself tagged. And let me know when you've done it, so I can read it.

Swistle did a great job with hers; read it here. I actually had a fair bit of trouble with mine, because with the new engagement and the new job, I'm feeling pretty happy and--dare I say it?--perky about my life at the moment. But here's what I came up with:

Jess and Torsten just became engaged! The wedding is tentatively planned for November 2008, and they hope to see you all there. Jess has just accepted a new position as a Program Associate with a public health nonprofit, where she will be doing web development and editorial work. The two are enjoying summer in DC together, exploring everything our nation’s capital has to offer!

Jess and Torsten are engaged, but the idea of planning a wedding is so overwhelming that they have put it off for over a year. They are trying to limit their guest list to only family and close friends, so it’s unlikely that random alumni newsletter readers will be getting an invitation. But if we do invite you, for the love of God PLEASE do not bring an uninvited date with you. Jess has just taken a new job, where the most exciting change from her current job is that the commute is a quarter of the length. She looks forward to sleeping later in the mornings while her fiancé has to stumble out of bed at the crack of dawn. At night, Jess and Torsten collapse on the sofa in their air-conditioned apartment and swear that they will not go outside again until at least November.

More transitions

This past week has been a big one for me. You all know about the big news that I wrote about the other day, but one other big thing happened just two days before the proposal. It got overshadowed by the whole engagement thing, but it's still kind of a big deal: I took a new job.

The work will be similar--editing and web development in a public health nonprofit--but there are a few big differences. For one thing, it's a level above the work I do now, which means less administrative work and more actual creative input. For another, it will be domestic public health and not international public health as I do now. For a third, it will be for a company that has a whole center that focuses purely on communications--so it's much more about social marketing and PR than it is about very technical writing. The struggle I have in my current job is that this company is so singularly focused on its technical work that it is a huge battle to get people to pay attention to communications, to advocacy, to results-sharing--and thus it's like pulling teeth to try to get the necessary budget for the work I'm supposed to be doing. So I look forward to moving to an organization that focuses on marketing, that knows that PR and spreading the word are incredibly important aspects of its work.

And for a fourth, it's only three Metro stops away from my apartment, as opposed to my current job which is five stops on one train and then eight on another. They also start their workday half an hour later, which means that I will get a full extra hour of sleep every morning. This might sound petty, but I am one of those people who really needs a full eight hours of sleep. And that means that if I have to get up at 6:45 as I do for my current job, I either need to go to bed by 10:30 the night before (which I hate) or be grumpy all day because I'm sleep-deprived. So getting an extra hour of sleep means that I can stay up a bit later at night, enjoying my evenings with my fiance (!), and still be well-rested enough to be functional the next day. Which really makes a difference.

Switching jobs is tough, though. I don't really have qualms about the job itself, as I know some of the people I'll be working with already, I have met my future boss and he seems great and really down to earth, and I look forward to the work itself. I know that it's the right career move for me right now, so I have no doubt on that score.

But there are a lot of things that I like about my current job, especially the office itself and the people I work with. I have two really close friends in the office, and it's going to be sad when I don't get to see them every day. And I generally like the office environment, and some of the work I do here is really fulfilling and enjoyable. And I know that I do a good job here, and that the people here will miss me (actually, the reactions I've been getting as I've been telling people that I gave my notice have been quite flattering, really). And I admire the work that this company does on a macro level, even if I get frustrated working on such dry, technical documents and trying to manage such dense, unfriendly websites. So it's a bit difficult to think about leaving.

But this is the first real job I've ever had, and it's time to go. So, roll on August 17.

Hierarchy of crime

According to Sports Illustrated, a newspaper reporter in Pittsburgh will no longer be invited to appear on a local sports panel TV show because he made a comment saying that Michael Vick would be better off right now if he had raped a woman.

I can understand why people are upset about that remark, because if you don't take the time to interpret it, it sounds off-colour. But on the other hand, I think he was right. And I think it's tragic that he was right.

One of the blogs I read regularly, Velvet in Dupont (who is, admittedly, a huge animal lover), has a post up saying that what Vick is accused of doing is much worse than what Kobe Bryant was accused of doing. The quote reads (and this will skyrocket my blog's rating from PG-13 to NC-17), "Whatever happened in Bryant’s hotel room remains unknown. Did a crime occur there? Was the girl raped or was she just a starfucker? Who knows. Who cares really. You go up to a guy’s hotel room you dumb cunt, and you’re asking for it. Women’s rights advocates be damned."

I'm not saying that dogfighting isn't a big deal. It is a big deal, it's a horrible, cruel, disgusting thing to do, and it should be treated as such. Michael Vick should be prosecuted for the laws that he has broken, and I'm glad that he has lost his endorsement deals.

But rape is an equally big deal. It also involves cruel mistreatment of living, feeling beings in a way that is beyond their control and that has long-lasting negative impacts. It is also a terrible crime that should be prosecuted to the fullest extent possible.

I recognize that Kobe Bryant was never convicted of rape or sexual assault against Katelyn Faber, and that nobody knows what happened there. Velvet in Dupont is right that it appears much more clear that Vick committed this crime than it was that Bryant committed that one (and I recognize the other point as well--that women are capable, to a certain extent, of avoiding dangerous situations, whereas dogs cannot avoid being brought into dogfighting situations). But the overall point stands. The public outrage over Michael Vick's alleged crimes is far stronger than the public response to the allegations against Kobe Bryant.

For some reason, alleged rape and sexual assault do not seem to elicit such strong, visceral responses. Is it that such allegations are so commonplace that people don't notice them anymore? Is it because there is some sort of societal prejudice toward alleged rape victims? Clearly, there is a stigma about coming forth and saying you were raped--many victims don't do it or choose not to press charges, many major news outlets don't release the names of victims of sexual assault in order to protect their privacy (which seems to me a tacit acknowledgment that unlike the victims of other crimes such as armed robbery, rape victims are not guaranteed to receive the support and sympathy of the general public), and now there are semantics debates about whether or not words like "rape," "victim," and "assault" should even be allowed to be used in court during rape trials. I find it crazy for a judge to rule that using the correct words to describe the alleged crimes is too "loaded" to be admissible in court.

Rape is a blurry line, and I think it's true that in many cases one person views as consensual what the other person views as forced. People are not always good at communicating with one another, at clearly stating what they do and do not want, and at interpreting each other's cues. I understand why it's such a blurry line with rape, and I understand why it's such a difficult crime to prove.

But when it does happen, it should be taken seriously. There is no need to weigh the crimes of rape and dogfighting against each other and declare that dogfighting is the worse crime. But that's what we have done, and now a reporter is being censured for pointing out the truth--that our society is meting out a worse punishment to a man accused of dogfighting than we would if he were accused of raping a woman. These are our societal priorities, and all Paul Zeise did was point that out. It's too bad that we chose to direct our ire over the issue of sexual assault toward people who make seemingly ill-judged comments about it rather than people who are accused of actually committing it.