Guess the sex!

Today I am exactly 20 weeks pregnant, and the Big Ultrasound is in two days. That seems like a really good time for a reader poll, don't you think? And what better to poll about than whether this is a boy piglet or a girl piglet?

Of course I can't ask you to guess this without providing you with some crucial information. And by "crucial information" I obviously mean "interpretation of ludicrous old wives' tales."

So! Here are some of the common ones:

Old wives say morning sickness means girl: I had it BAD for about a month. However, it was likely exacerbated by my lap-band.

Old wives say craving sweet things means girl, craving salty things means boy: I have been craving meat sandwiches, peaches, milk, and pudding.

Old wives say a wedding ring on a string that goes in a circle means boy, side to side means girl: I did this and it went side to side. However, I couldn't find a string so I just did it on a necklace chain. Perhaps that is inadmissible evidence?

Old wives say heart rate above 140 means girl, below 140 means boy: Piglet's heart rate was 155-160 at 16 weeks.

Old wives say acne during pregnancy means girl (apparently she's "stealing" the mom's beauty), while increased glowy attractiveness means boy: Split on this one. I've definitely had more acne, but not outrageous amounts, and lots of people have been telling me how happy I look, so maybe that means I'm glowing?

Old wives say Chinese and Mayan birth calendars can predict: Chinese birth calendar says boy, Mayan says girl.

Old wives say swollen legs mean boy: My legs haven't changed shape at all. But it may be too early on this one.

Old wives say if dad gains weight, it's a girl, and if not, it's a boy: Torsten has actually lost a couple pounds since I got pregnant.

Old wives say if the left breast is bigger, it's a girl, and if the right is bigger, it's a boy: My left breast is bigger, but it has been for at least the last 10 years, so I don't know if that counts.

Old wives say carrying high means girl, carrying low means boy: Well, here's a photo of my 20-week belly, so I'll let you decide how I'm carrying and what it means. (Comparison photos here.)


So what do you think: boy or girl? And I would love to hear your reasoning. Is it one of these old wives' tales? If so, which one? Is it a vibe or feeling you have? Or some other reason that I haven't thought of?

Weeds

Sometimes I wonder if at some point something terrible will happen to us to even out from all the good things we've experienced so far in our life.

I know it doesn't work that way, not really. And, I do know that a lot of it is about your outlook. It's not just luck, although of course that's a part of it. I've had problems in my life just like everyone else. There are things that I've dealt with that others wouldn't even know how to deal with. Like a lifelong weight problem that led to surgery. Or being the sole breadwinner with a nonprofit salary, a mortgage, and a baby on the way. Or having a thyroid condition that requires regular doctor visits and blood draws and medication every day for the rest of my life.

Regular stuff, to me. Nobody's life is perfect. Nobody can avoid having issues entirely. And to me these things are all issues to be addressed, managed, dealt with as best as possible, but not dwelled upon.

But certainly when you look at our lives from a broader perspective, there's a hell of a lot more good than bad. Happy, loved childhood. Good education. Good job. Happy marriage. Baby on the way. Great house. Adorable dog. Amazing work-from-home situation. The ability to make decisions like my husband quitting his job to start his own company without worrying (at least, not too much) that we'll wind up living in a box under a bridge somewhere.

And while luck is certainly an element in all of this, it's not the only thing. A lot of it is down to good choices, careful planning, and hard work.

But not everything can be planned for. Tons of people make good choices, exercise careful planning, and work really hard--and still end up in crappy situations beyond their own control. And it's partly luck that we've been able to avoid crappy situations, at least so far. It's certainly luck that we had no trouble getting pregnant. It's luck that we were ready to buy a house in a buyer's market and not before. It's not just luck that I was able to get a good job with the flexibility to allow me to telecommute--but a lot other people have similar skills and talents to mine and don't end up in such an advantageous situation.

So sometimes I wonder: does it all have to balance out? Are we going to go on leading a happy positive life forever, or will something terrible happen to even the score?

But I also think that a major part of the whole issue is perspective. There are enough challenges in our lives that we could easily focus on them instead of on all the good stuff. We could sit around worrying about money and what would happen if Torsten's company failed. I could worry about what my pregnancy is doing to my body, and how I will get back on track with weight loss once I've given birth, and what kind of delays this might cause and how this might impact my health. We could dwell on how our car isn't necessarily quite right for a family with kids but the accident we were in last year lowered the car's value so it would be hard to sell. We could think about the impact Torsten's lack of income is having not just on our present quality of life but also on our ability to save for the future, for our kids and for our own retirements. We could focus on the incredible expense of Torsten's green card, and the decision he'll have to make at some point between German and American citizenship. And so on.

When you look for the negatives, you find them. But I choose to deal with the negatives without taking my eyes off the positives. We both do. And as a result we both feel that our life is beautiful.

That wildflower garden that we planted months ago? It's blooming, en masse. There are flowers of every imaginable color. There are also a lot of weeds. It's a wildflower garden and it looks as such. It's not a neat, pruned garden. It looks jungly and wild. Some people who look at it probably think it's a mess of weeds. But I think it's beautiful.

Childcare planning

Here is one comment that Torsten's mom made when his parents were in town that I wasn't able to share on the blog because I hadn't announced I was pregnant yet: if we lived in Germany, we would have free health care and much better social services, which would allow me to quit my job and stay home with our child.

Ha. Hahahahaha. Even if we could afford for me to stay home with our child (and given that I'm the sole income-earner at the moment; hopefully that will change soon as the start-up is going excellently, but even if Torsten does pull in a couple of clients soon his mom kind of has a point in that I would keep my job for the excellent health insurance alone), I don't think I'd want to.

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'd change my mind. I'd love to work part-time and stay home with the kid part-time. But I can't see quitting work and staying home full-time. I like the job I have, which is enjoyable and stimulating and pays a combination of a reasonable salary and excellent benefits; I hear the stay-at-home parent job can be rather thankless and challenging. Though of course rewarding.

But the conversation is a moot point, because I'm the only one bringing home any bacon. And that means: childcare!

The other thing about not quitting my job to stay home with the kid is that I do, actually, stay home while I work. (Ah, the perks of working remotely.) So, I could, and hope to, stay home with my kid without being the kid's sole caretaker.

Of course, financially it would be awesome not to pay someone to take care of our kid. But, when I set up my telecommuting arrangement with my company I had to sign an agreement saying that I would not use my telecommuter status as a substitute for childcare, and I fully intend to honor that commitment. Plus, I don't think I could get my job done while taking care of a baby. I hear those suckers are loud and time-consuming, and it's hard to get in your public health editing groove when your baby is screaming to be held, am I right? Not to mention trying to sound professional on conference calls with clients while your child yells bloody murder in the background.

But! That doesn't mean that my work from home situation combined with Torsten's flexible schedule doesn't give us options. The other perk of my job is that I work on East Coast time, which means I start early and finish early. And, once the baby is born and waking me up at the crack of dawn I might decide to start and end even earlier. This would allow us to hire some sort of nanny or babysitter who comes in for the first part of the day to take care of the baby while I'm working, and then leaves in the afternoon when my workday ends. On those occasions when I had a major deadline and have to work past my regular hours, Torsten would most likely be able to adjust his schedule to take care of the baby in the meantime. Or we could arrange for the nanny or another sitter to stay longer on those days. Or we could ask friends to watch the kid. Or we could find a trustworthy drop-in daycare center. Or something. It would be relatively infrequent (I could also do extra work in the evenings once the baby was asleep), so I'm sure we could figure out it.

Also, a part-time nanny would actually be either cheaper than or the same cost as full-time daycare (from what I hear, nannies in the Denver area charge $10 to $12 per hour, and from what I can tell, full-time infant care is in the range of $1200 to $1400 per month). It would allow me to nurse instead of pumping, which I would like. It would also mean that we wouldn't have a weird reverse situation where our baby has a commute when we don't. It just seems wrong somehow to wake up, get dressed, pack the baby in the car, drive it to daycare... and then drive home and sit in the house while the baby's off at daycare.

So! That's Plan A. Since I will be getting about five months of maternity leave altogether (assuming Torsten has a client or two by then, which would make it feasible for me to take unpaid leave), we won't need this nanny for almost a year. So it's a smidge too soon to start looking for reasonable candidates, despite my early planning tendencies.

But it's not too early to start working on Plan B--finding a good daycare that we would use if the nanny plan doesn't work out, and putting our kid on the list now because oh, those wait lists? Apparently they're insane, even for those of us who don't live in DC, New York, etc. So that's what we're working on now, and so far we're having little luck--places are either 30 minutes away, or outrageously expensive, or don't take babies, or do a lottery instead of a waiting list, which doesn't afford us many options if we didn't get in via lottery. I'm not too worried because I don't really see a reason why the nanny thing wouldn't work out, but it seems prudent to add ourselves to a daycare list now just in case. So that's what we're working on at the moment.

Of course at some point the kid will be too old to stick around the house while I work. We'll want it to get some social time with peers, and the kid will be loud and mobile enough to disturb me while I work even if I'm in a separate room, and also aware enough to be confused about why Mommy is here but not HERE. So at some point we will want to switch to a more traditional daycare, but hopefully the nanny plan can get us through the first year or so, which would also vastly increase our daycare choices, since the older the kid, the more places are willing to take care of it.

BTW: in a week hopefully we can stop referring to Piglet as "it." Won't THAT be nice?

Anyway, FOR NOW, the plan is a nanny, with a more traditional daycare setup as a backup plan. Anyone have any suggestions on how to FIND these things? "These things" referring to, you know, good nannies and quality childcare centers. Because we've been looking, asking friends with kids, etc., but so far we got nothing.

Cousin Piglet

Guess who else is pregnant?!


THIS GIRL!

In case you can't tell from the family resemblance, that's MY SISTER! And she is HAVING A BABY!

She's about 13 weeks along, due March 4. Same-age cousins!

Brrr.

I know some of you are probably broiling hot right now and will hate me for this, but um, it's really cold here right now. It feels like fall. It is in the mid-50s outside and we sleep with a box fan in our bedroom window to pull the cold air in so when we woke up this morning we were both downright chilly.

(Don't hate me too much, though. It'll be in the 80s again tomorrow and in the 90s the day after that.)

HOWEVER. The sudden onset of the cold weather plus all the back-to-school posts plus the appearance of a noticeable belly bump have made me realize that eek, time is moving, rather quickly!

Pregnancy is definitely one of those times that moves both fast and slowly at the same time. It feels like I've been pregnant for years, you know? And that the days before each appointment drag on interminably. Especially in the first trimester it felt like it would be forever before I hit 12 weeks. But at the same time here I am at 19 weeks, almost halfway through, and it is amazing how the weeks just keep mounting up. And I know from reading blogs of other pregnant women that everyone else's pregnancy seems to pass in the blink of an eye. But it's different when it's yours.

But the changing of the seasons makes it feel so real. I got pregnant in spring. It's summer now. I'm due in winter. Only one more season between where we are now and where we will be when the baby comes. And waking up to weather that makes me want to put on a sweater makes me realize exactly how close we are to that season.

And also, I haven't worn any maternity clothing yet. My jeans don't fit--even with the hair elastic holding the button closed, they are uncomfortably tight--and I do own a pair of maternity jeans that I bought shortly after I got pregnant on clearance at Old Navy for $7--but it's summer and it's hot so I've just been living in A-line skirts and looser-fitting dresses. My plan has always been to stick with this until fall and then get myself into some maternity clothes. Which means that I should actually think about BUYING some maternity clothes, because they aren't going to just magically show up in my closet one day. So, it's time to hit up Craigslist, Freecycle, Goodwill, consignment shops, and the Target and Old Navy clearance racks.

Oh and also for my baby shower my sister gave me an incredibly generous gift card to Motherhood Maternity/Pea in the Pod (they seem to be the same store now), so I can buy a couple of nice things new. I am torn--should I invest in some decent fall/winter basics that I wear a lot, or should I look for those used/cheap and save the gift card in case some sort of special occasion comes up for which I will need a nice maternity dress?

But in the meantime--19 weeks, maternity clothes, back to school, cold weather--and suddenly things are really starting to feel like they're happening fast. Which is kind of great. I've always loved fall and this year I have even more of a reason to love it than usual. Seriously, I'm thisclose to lighting a fire in the fireplace right now.

Low-budget shopping

So. Our ultrasound is NEXT WEEK. I mean, OK, it's next THURSDAY, which means it's not IN a week, it's really in a week and a half. But still. NEXT WEEK.

Weird as this might sound, since we are planning to find out the sex (assuming Piglet is willing to share that info with us), that little tidbit of information is actually not the number one thing I'm looking forward to about this ultrasound. Mostly it's getting to see Piglet up close and personal and check in on all that development stuff. We haven't really SEEN the baby since the ultrasound at 8.5 weeks (the photo I posted when I announced I was pregnant). And at that time the baby was a bean-shaped blob and we couldn't see much more than the heartbeat.

Then of course we did get a quick glimpse at 12 weeks, when the midwife couldn't find the heartbeat with the Doppler, but that was with the terrible-quality bedside machine. Have I told that little story? Basically we knew that at 12 weeks it really depends on a variety of factors whether the Doppler can pick up the heartbeat or not, so we knew it was a possibility that we wouldn't hear it, but after a few minutes of the midwife poking around my abdomen with the Doppler wand it started to get a little panic-inducing, not hearing anything.

Of course I'd made the mistake of making the appointment for the very end of the day on a Friday, so after a few minutes the midwife, seeing that we were nervous and in need of confirmation that everything was OK, called the ultrasound department to see if they could fit me in real quick. But they were already closed, so she reluctantly pulled out her bedside machine, warning us that it was really not good quality and she hates to use it because it often leaves more questions than answers. And then she poked around for a minute before saying, "Oh, I see the yolk sac," which scared the shit out of me because there shouldn't BE a yolk sac at 12 weeks (at that point the placenta has taken over) so I immediately started thinking that the baby had stopped growing and the yolk sac had never gone away.

And then just as the midwife said, "Oh, that's not the yolk sac, that's the head," Piglet jumped. The whole body seriously leapt, like it had been poked (and maybe it had). And then we got a better angle and saw the head in profile, and the baby kicking its legs and waving its arms, and then we saw the heartbeat, so that was a lovely, reassuring moment. But, as the midwife had warned us, the quality wasn't good. We didn't get to see a whole lot (though we could see that there were basic things, like, you know, legs and arms, and a nose), or even figure out the heart rate, and we certainly didn't get any pictures to print out and take home with us.

(Though I will say that DAMN if that baby didn't look EXACTLY like Torsten. Yes, I know I'm smoking crack and a blurry image of a 12-week-old fetus doesn't look like ANYONE, but I SWEAR. I think it was the shape of the head.)

Anyway! The point is, we haven't had a proper ultrasound since early June, so I am really looking forward to getting a real look at the baby, a good one on a proper ultrasound machine, one that takes a long time with a tech who shows us our baby's face and spine and heart and all the rest. And finding out the sex will definitely be awesome but I am more interested in making sure that Piglet is developing normally.

BUT, as far as planning is concerned, the sex thing? Super important. We've done some shopping already, picking up random cute things that we've found on sale, figuring it's good to get gender-neutral stuff because if there's a second baby down the line that isn't the same sex as Piglet, the stuff will be usable for both. And we're doing our nursery in turquoise, yellow, and white, which we feel is a completely gender-neutral color combination. Speaking of which, the rug I ordered arrived, and we are in love:


But what we've discovered is that it's HARD to find gender-neutral stuff. Even if it's not bright pink or whatever, it often has ruffles, or puffed sleeves, or a very boyish-looking polo-style collar, or whatever. And while I would happily dress a daughter in blue and not care about strangers thinking she was a boy, the sex of the baby will most definitely impact a lot of our baby clothing choices.

SO. The point here is that after the ultrasound, we are totally going shopping. And it's a bit of a struggle because if this were last year when Torsten still had his old job, we would have a decent amount of disposable income and could go crazy with the shopping. But this year, the company is doing great and is ahead of schedule but isn't producing income yet, so we have no real money. We obviously discussed this when we decided to get pregnant, and we've budgeted for a certain amount of necessary baby stuff and a few not-so-necessary-but-still-adorable items. But it's hard to pull the trigger on that stuff.

In fact, I've been checking out sales for weeks. You can get five-packs of onesies at the Carter's outlet for $8 to $10. You can get adorable, high-quality pajamas and other baby stuff at Costco for under $5 apiece. You can stumble into Old Navy on the weekend when they happen to be giving an extra 50% off clearance prices and get a bunch of baby outfits for $2 to $3 apiece. And then you start to feel like anything over $4 is pretty much a completely outrageous price for baby clothing.

Which, really, is a GOOD way to feel. Going crazy with disposable income on all sorts of unnecessary baby stuff would be fun, for sure, but it doesn't have to be this way. Having a very limited income means that we have to be much more discerning in our choices, and really at the end of the day that will probably work out for the best.

However, in anticipation of finding out Piglet's sex, I've been thinking about this shopping thing. I have an Old Navy gift card burning a hole in my wallet, and I invested in that 50% off Gap Groupon the other day with plans of blowing the whole thing at Baby Gap once we know boy or girl (Gap clothes tend to be highly gendered, from what I've noticed in my browsing there). The Groupon requires spending a full $50 at once, so my hope/plan is to get a bunch of cheap stuff off the clearance rack and maybe round out the purchase with one splurge on something adorable that isn't on sale. But I'm not even GOING to Baby Gap until we know the sex. Unless the baby keeps its legs crossed at the ultrasound. (Note to Piglet: PLEASE don't do that. Thank you.)

Oh! AND this past week the price of the crib we want dropped again, to $50 below the price it was listed at when we first selected it, so after some dithering, we bought it. And it's on its way to our house right now. A crib. For a BABY to sleep in. OMG.

Magazines

Shauna was writing about reading material over on her blog, and I said something to this effect in the comment section, but I wanted to talk about it here too.

I think I'm between magazines.

When I was in high school I like Cosmo. I thought it was fun and interesting. On occasion I would pick up Glamour and flip through it, but I always found it boring and tedious. Cosmo seemed, though in retrospect this sounds impossible, more relevant to me? Not in that at age 16 I was in desperate need of tips on how to give the blow job of my guy's life or whatever, but it just seemed more interesting and young.

At some point, I think when I was in college, I started to find Cosmo boring. I noticed that it was really unfeminist and horrifyingly man-centered, and that the content of the magazine was pretty much exactly the same from month to month, only with different headlines.

So then, at some point in my early 20s, I looked at Glamour again. And I liked it. It's pro-woman in a very mainstream, limited kind of way, and it has articles about things other than just sex and fashion, and a lot of it was interesting. So I subscribed, and I still subscribe.

But I've noticed over the last few months that I'm just not that interested in it anymore. I flip through the magazine very quickly and skip half the articles. Their attempts at exposes and hard news pieces don't really matter to me because I get that kind of info in much better form from sources like the New York Times. I feel informed about the harder stuff they cover, from news to health, and less interested in the softer stuff, like relationship advice and fashion tips.

Part of it probably has to do with the fact that we have no money--things like a "steal" of a dress at $55 aren't relevant to me at the moment since I will not be spending anywhere near $55 on any article of clothing at any point in the near future--but part of it is just that my interests have diverged with its subject matter.

There are other magazines that I enjoy off and on, like Bitch and Bust, but what I really want is a fluffy, shiny magazine that's a quick, easy read (not quite on People level as I am not interested enough in celebrities for that to matter) but that is still relevant to my life. Glamour seems like the last frontier of that in terms of fashion magazines--or am I wrong? Is there another that I might still like at this point in my life?--but what other magazines would be a good replacement?

So basically my point here is, what magazines do YOU read, and why? And should I be reading them too?

Pregnancy comments

I am only just barely starting to hit the place where I am showing enough that people in the real world (i.e., not the ones on Twitter where I post photos and ask for input) think it's OK to make comments about my pregnancy. The vast majority of people I encounter say nothing, and who can blame them? I am definitely showing but right now for me "showing" takes the form of "shifting from a pear to an apple shape" and not "has a definite, obvious, comment-worthy baby bump."

My personal policy on making comments to pregnant women is as follows: don't do it unless you are 100% sure they are pregnant. This means that either they have confirmed their pregnancy to me personally or they are happily, glowily shopping for baby items with a giant, obvious bump. These are the only two cases in which I would make a comment. Then, if I do make a comment, it is NEVER about their size. It must always be something general and complimentary like "You look great!"

However, I understand that not all people adhere to this policy and so far, the slightly more awkward comments that I have received haven't bothered me. They have run the spectrum from "You aren't showing at all! In fact, you look like you've lost weight!" to "My god, are you having triplets?!" and frankly, both of those were just fine with me. In all instances so far where people have made comments I know they've been excited and trying to be complimentary, so the fact that their comments come across as more well-meaning than anything else hasn't hurt.

There is also one woman at the dog park who I've known for about a year but am not personally close with at all who is a big fan of touching my belly, and while that is also not my preferred option, so far it hasn't bothered me.

However, I could certainly envision situations where people's comments and actions would piss me off. Like if I'm tired or grumpy or uncomfortable and strangers or people I don't like touch my belly. Or if, like Erin, people kept trying to argue with me about whether I actually knew what was going on with my pregnancy (in Erin's case apparently people keep insisting that she is not, in fact, having twins... what would possess them to say such a thing is beyond me).

But in the meantime, I'm appreciating the sentiment and more often than not, the comments themselves. And the single best compliment I've received? "You look so happy." I've been getting that one a lot over the last few weeks, and it makes me even MORE happy to hear it.

Anyway, on that showing thing, for those of you who aren't on Twitter, here's the latest photo, taken yesterday at 18 weeks even (past photos for comparison are here):

Registered

Today I am exactly 18 weeks pregnant, and almost exactly 5 months away from my due date. That is starting to sound like I am seriously pregnant, huh? In just over two weeks we have the big ultrasound, and after that, when we (hopefully) know the baby's sex and (please please please) have seen that it is developing healthily and on schedule, it will feel really... real. Like it's really going to happen. Though it's starting to feel that way, a little bit, now. I still have twinges and flutters that I am pretty sure are baby movements, but they're so faint and fast that it's hard to know for sure.

In the meantime, we still haven't bought anything to prepare for the baby other than a few prints to hang in the nursery and now, as of yesterday, a rug. It is gorgeous, and much more affordable than most rugs, and fits perfectly with the color scheme of the room, and it was the last one in stock. So, I pulled the trigger and now we'll see a) if it was really in stock and actually shows up, and b) if it's as nice as it looks in the picture.

But still, we haven't bought anything that is definitively BABY, like, you know, a crib. And we won't start doing all that until after the 20-week ultrasound. However, we have made some definite progress. And by "definite progress," I mean we braved Babies R Us (why oh why do we not have a Buy Buy Baby in Denver yet?) and a local baby store to check out in person some of the baby items we've been researching online.

And it was productive, really. Babies R Us surprised me with the staff's helpfulness and knowledge. We had a detailed conversation about strollers with one employee, and a very helpful discussion about baby carriers with another. I know, it sounds beyond fascinating to the rest of you, but it really was so useful.

We didn't buy anything, but we came away with a clear idea of what we do and do not want. We want the slightly more expensive Baby Bjorn that comes with the extra waist strap for lumbar support. We do not want an expensive crib, lovely as they are, because the point of investing in expensive furniture is that it lasts a lifetime, and this crib will not be used for more than two kids, so we would prefer a cheaper crib that still gets top ratings for safety. We do not want to spend the extra money on a super lightweight urban stroller, because we don't have to worry about carrying it on buses or subways or stairs. We do love the stroller we've picked out, in part because it has an adjustable handle that works for the 8-inch height spread between Torsten and me (and also because it has the nice manly features of excellent steering and suspension, apparently). And so on.

When we got home we fleshed out our registry considerably. The registry, while obviously a useful thing for anyone who wants to buy us a baby gift, is really more of a shopping list for ourselves, since we have almost nothing of what we need, baby-wise, and expect to purchase most of it ourselves (though we will look into getting some of it used). Almost nothing on the registry is still rated "nice to have" (code for "still needs research")--the only exceptions being cloth diapers, bookcases, and winter outfits. Everything else is a decision--we definitely want this. Crib, changing table, swing, bouncy seat, stroller, car seat, baby carrier and sling, pack n play, monitor, even a diaper bag.

I feel very accomplished about this. And also very pregnant (even though I know I am only going to get much bigger and waddle-ier) because the exertion of visiting two baby stores in one day was enough to wear me right out. When we got home from Babies R Us I had to spend a full hour collapsed on the couch with a glass of water to recover.

And it's not just shopping. On Sunday we took the dog to the state park for a walk. We went not that far, and while it was sunny it wasn't that hot, and the walk was in no way strenuous, and yet by the end I was red-faced and panting, and again, required an hour on the couch to recover. I think it's about the time spent? Because I can do my usual half hour of cardio at the gym with no problem. OK, maybe the sun was a factor too.

Anyway! Isn't it funny how it's all a mental game? We haven't actually DONE anything, or acquired anything that we need, but the fact that we've made decisions and have a shopping list, otherwise known as a plan of action, is enough to make me feel like we are moving forward and starting to get ready for an actual baby.

The other thing that makes me feel like we're getting ready for an actual baby? Is looking at all this stuff designed for an actual baby, and realizing that soon there will BE an actual baby IN all this stuff. This especially hit home when the Babies R Us employee was showing us how to fit the Baby Bjorn appropriately for Torsten's height. He was standing there wearing an empty baby carrier while we envisioned where the baby's head would be on his body, and it was like, whoa. In just a few months he's going to be wearing a carrier just like this, but there will be an actual baby in there, with an actual baby head, close enough to Torsten's own head for him to smell.

How awesome is that?

I never realized it was weird

There are things that I do, little unconscious habits that I never think about, things that I've always done, things that I learned, for the most part, from my mother, growing up. And the funny thing about marrying someone is that they do things differently from you and sometimes they notice when you do weird little things that you yourself never notice. And sometimes they ask you WHY you do a particular thing and when you try to explain you realize that you sound insane, or that "Because that's how it's DONE" isn't really a sufficient justification.

But sometimes that IS how it's done. And even though it's weird that doesn't mean it's WRONG.

Some examples:

1. When I park in a lot that requires a ticket upon entry, I always take it with me out of the car. I scolded Torsten a couple weeks ago for leaving the ticket in the car. When he asked me why that was bad, it took me a minute before I remembered the explanation my mom always gave me: because if someone steals the car, the parking attendant is more likely to remember them if they didn't have a ticket. Likely? No. Possible? Theoretically.

2. When I use a public restroom, I always hang my purse on the lower of the two hooks. This is because if someone comes by and reaches over the stall to try to steal the purse, they will try the top hook first and I will have time to see what is happening and grab my purse before it can be stolen. Again, likely? No. Do I do it every time I use a public bathroom? Yes.

3. I always lock my car doors when driving, just in case someone tries to get in the car and hijack it when I'm stopped at a red light. Torsten actively disagrees with this. He was taught in driver's ed in Germany not to lock the car door because if you get in an accident the lock mechanism could break and you might not be able to get out of the car. His scenario seems more likely than mine but I still have trouble with the idea of not locking the car doors.

Of course, my mom also taught me a lot of stuff that is more basic/universal, like, you know, look both ways before you cross the street, never show up to somebody's house empty-handed, always send a thank-you note when you receive a gift, always wipe the public toilet seat before you sit down. But nobody ever questions those. But that doesn't mean that these other, less common habits are any less ingrained in my routine, you know?

What about you? What weird things did you grow up doing without thinking about until somebody pointed out to you exactly how weird they were?

About that diaper thing

So yeah, on the diapers? We still don't know what we want to do. I hear wild proponents of cloth diapers, and they definitely are an intriguing option, but we still don't know if they are right for us.

From what I've heard, cloth diapers have come quite a long way from the days of what was essentially a dishtowel with a ducky pin. I haven't done a whole lot of research on brands, but I have heard excellent things about FuzziBunz in particular.

Basically what is boils down to is this: we want to do what is best for ourselves and our child. We want to do what is simplest and most straightforward for us. If that turns out to be cloth diapers and we can have the added bonus of creating less waste, wonderful. But we are not going to make ourselves environmental martyrs on this issue.

Here are the factors that are more concerning to us, in no particular order:

1. Cost. My understanding is that cloth diapers are significantly more expensive up-front, but work out to be significantly less expensive over time. Also, I am wondering what kind of investment we would need to make in cloth diapers. Do the one-size ones really work, or do you have to continuously invest in different sizes as the baby grows? What about the ones with the disposable inserts--how much do those inserts cost compared to disposables?

2. Ease of use. I don't see how it's possible for disposables not to win here, but maybe I'm wrong. I've heard good things about Kirkland, the Costco brand, but I've also heard cloth diaper proponents say that cloth diapers don't allow for poop explosions, which sounds lovely. So, with that plus the advanced designs of some of the cloth diapers on the market, maybe it's a myth that disposables are more convenient? How frustrating is the laundry created by cloth diapers, and how many cloth diapers do you need to buy upfront to make sure you always have enough clean ones on hand?

3. Comfort and health of the baby. The incredible absorbent abilities of disposable diapers scare me a little bit due to the level of chemicals involved. On the other hand, I hear that cloth diapers can cause more diaper rash because they aren't as absorbent? But then I've also heard some people say that's a myth. And, if it's true that cloth diapers are less absorbent, does that mean they need to be changed more often? (This relates back to ease of use.)

4. Other considerations we're overlooking. What else is involved in the diaper decision that we aren't thinking of? Are there factors to consider when it comes to cloth OR disposable diapers that have escaped us?

Basically: HELP. What do all of you parenty types think about this? What decision did you make about diapers with your kids, and how did it work out for you? What do you typically recommend to other parents who ask? What do you think would work best for us given our particular set of considerations?

Family walking

Last night Torsten and I walked to the grocery store to buy some milk. (The fact that we can walk to the grocery store still makes me so happy.) We took the dog with us and strolled, not in any rush, and when we got there I waited outside with Montana while Torsten bought the milk, and then we walked home.

It's so simple, right? It's nothing, it's the kind of thing you wouldn't even bother Tweeting about, and yet. The weather was beautiful, cool and dry, and it was dark and we could see all the stars, and we passed a few neighbors and cheerfully said hello to all of them. We saw a fox and listened to the sprinklers in the park and debated cloth vs. disposable diapers (still no conclusions on this one, in case you're curious).

It was just peaceful, you know? It was a regular everyday basic thing to do and yet it was wonderful, because it was us together, me and Torsten and Piglet and Montana (and yes it is deliberate that I listed Piglet before Montana, because she's about to find out that she'll be moving down the totem pole). And everything about it was lovely. And I hope that even when we have a non-sleeping baby, and then a tantrumy toddler, and then an exhausting whirlwind of elementary school activities, every now and then we'll find time to take a walk and even time to enjoy it.

And I'm really excited for the time when the four of us go for a walk, but Piglet is in the stroller, or a baby carrier, instead of inside me. When there's a real live baby to take for walks.

Of course, the baby is due in January and so it will be more like tramping cautiously through the snow than strolling through the peaceful mild evening, and we will have to use the baby carrier and not the stroller unless we get a special snow-equipped stroller, and it will be chilly and we likely won't go as far as the grocery store.

But then! Then the baby will get bigger and the weather will get warmer and even though it's all a big cycle it will feel so different, every year, every time. And I love this year, this time, but I am also so excited about next year, this time.

But in the meantime a walk with my husband is enough. More than enough.

Pregnancy notes

I am not going to make a bunch of proclamations about how this blog isn't going to become a mommy blog and so on, because a) well, it probably will be, in that I write about my life and a kid will necessarily be a big part of that life, and b) I like mommy blogs, and have no problem being labeled as a mommy blogger myself.

I will, however, say that I do not intend for every single post from here on out to be about pregnancy and kids. I swear. I just, you know, am almost 17 weeks pregnant and have only been out in the open about it for the last few of those weeks, so I'm playing catch-up. Then, really, there will be at least some posts about other facets of my life. Because as much as I am thrilled about being pregnant, it is not the only thing in my life. Despite how it may appear from reading my blog at the moment.

Anyway! Now that excuses are out of the way, let's talk about more pregnancy stuff! Yay!

First of all, we heard the heartbeat at my prenatal appointment on Friday. It took the midwife a minute to find it (she tried up too high first), but once she checked a little lower she picked it up right away and then we got to listen to the most amazing sound ever. Just a beautiful fast whooshing, right around 155-160 beats per minute, exactly where it should be. A living baby with a beating heart.

Somehow the fact that everything is still fine in there at 16 weeks makes me more convinced that we really are going to have this baby in January. I'm sure that as my 20-week appointment gets closer I will start to get nervous again, but for now I feel much calmer and more peaceful about things.

Another reason for the calm feeling is that I'm almost positive I'm feeling the baby move now. I could be wrong, but as of the middle of last week, I started feeling the occasional little squirmy motions in my lower belly, kind of like a worm wriggling or maybe a fish flopping around in there. I feel them maybe once or twice a day, they aren't always in the same spot, and they aren't very strong, but I've never felt anything like that before and I'm pretty sure it's baby-related. That is also quite reassuring, I have to say. I hope they increase in strength and frequency over the next few weeks and prove me right.

Also, the weirdest thing has happened. I assume most of you remember how I was dying to be pregnant for ages before we decided the time was right to start trying? Well, even back then when other people were pregnant and had babies I wasn't jealous, I was just happy and excited for them.

But now? Now that I'm 17 weeks pregnant with our baby, and my pregnancy so far has been healthy and uncomplicated? I have suddenly become jealous of women who are more pregnant than me and actually having their babies. I mean not jealous like I'm bitter and begrudge them their experience, but more a quick reaction of WHY CAN'T I HAVE THAT RIGHT NOW? Apparently it's more of my instant gratification side, that we have to wait another five months and these people get to have and hold their babies right this second.

I mean, if we had a baby right this second we wouldn't even be prepared! We don't have a crib. The nursery is totally empty. We haven't done a childbirth class or learned anything much about taking care of a newborn or anything, really. We have plenty of time for that and we aren't rushing into it. So it's not like I actually want a baby right this second. Except that whenever anyone ELSE has a baby right this second, then I want a baby right this second too.

Is this just more hormonal emotional craziness? Or am I just generally crazy in a way that has nothing whatsoever to do with pregnancy?

Oh and also, thus far Torsten has come with me to all my prenatal appointments. At 8 weeks we had an ultrasound, at 12 weeks we were hoping for a heartbeat, at 16 weeks we were hoping for a heartbeat again (and got one!), and he'll definitely be coming at 20 weeks because that's the big ultrasound. After that, though? I'm not sure. I will say that I love love love having him with me, and he likes it too, and it's useful for both of us to get to hear info directly from the midwife, and ask questions as we think of them, and it really helps him feel involved in the pregnancy. So I think at least for 24 and 28 weeks we will keep it up with him attending.

But after that, the appointments are much more frequent... 2 weeks apart, and then eventually 1 week apart. And, you know, they're not super convenient and they happen during the workday and I doubt much exciting stuff happens at most of them. So, I guess we'll see and just play it by ear. But in the meantime, I want to know: for those of you who have been pregnant, how many of the prenatal appointments did the father/partner attend?

More belly

I'm home. FINALLY. It's awesome. But I'm insanely busy with work. So instead of writing a whole blog post I thought I'd take the time to take a 16-week belly photo instead.

According to my measurements, my belly has gained three inches between when these two photos were taken, two and a half weeks apart.

Let's refresh our memories, shall we? Here I am again, at 14 weeks:


And here I am today, just a few minutes ago:


Do you see the difference? (Other than that the mess on the stairs has changed, but not gone away?) I think I do, but maybe I'm fooling myself.

16 weeks sounds like a lot of weeks

You guys, I am so happy that it's August. It just sounds so... second-trimester-y, somehow. Like January is suddenly not actually that far away anymore. And I'm 16 weeks today, which sounds like four months even though it's really more like three and a half, and four months sounds like a lot of months, too.

I'm still in DC, and yes, this end part of the trip is seriously dragging, and yes, there may have been some tears when video chatting with Torsten, but tomorrow I go home and oh, I am so excited about that. Twelve days is a lot of days to be away. But this is the last time for a long time and I am happy about that.

My 16-week prenatal appointment is on Friday and so now that I am officially at 16 weeks it is time for me to do what Swistle described and start wondering if everything is OK in there. It is weird being pregnant, getting weird crampy twinges all over the place, both lower in the abdomen where the baby actually is, and higher up where the baby cannot possibly be, and therefore which I can only ascribe to organs and intestines being shoved out of the way as the uterus grows. And there have been a couple of weird flick-like feelings and one moment of possible fluttering that could imply movement, or could imply, I don't know, intestines? It's really quite hard to know.

Anyway, my belly is definitely growing. I still look like I've been eating too many Skittles to the untrained eye but I myself can tell there's a baby bump going on. I measured my belly and it's added two inches in the last two weeks. That seems like a lot of inches in just two weeks but it doesn't look THAT much bigger so maybe that's just a regular amount. I also am 93% sure I can feel my uterus, a hard part of my lower belly that starts at my pelvic bone and stops about three inches below my belly button. And those seem like positive signs that growth is still happening. And the weepiness seems like a positive sign too.

Plus I'm in the second trimester and there's no reason to think that growth wouldn't still be happening. But I'm almost to my next appointment and that means it's time for the Morbid Wonderings! Basically, if we don't find a heartbeat on Friday there had better be an ultrasound to show us a healthy Piglet, is what I'm saying.

Oh, and speaking of morbid thoughts, since I'm pregnant and all, guess what grown-up responsible thing we did? We got life insurance for Torsten! I already have some, through work, but since he, you know, works for himself, he doesn't. But now he does! I am not the type to sit there envisioning terrible scenarios in which my beloved husband encounters an early demise, but it is oddly reassuring to know that if something terrible were indeed to happen, in the midst of my grief and what I assume would be my complete inability to function, I would not get foreclosed upon and end up a single mother living with her baby in a box under a bridge.

We find comfort wherever we can, right?

Showered

Soooo. I'm guessing a few of you know what I did yesterday! Even though I haven't told anyone yet. I had a bloggy baby shower! You guys are so awesome.

I was staying with my sister and had been craving sticky rice from my favorite DC dim sum place, so we went yesterday morning. I thought that was all that it was but apparently there had been a plan in the works for awhile to turn it into a baby shower at the same time. Then I threw off all their plans by coming to DC a month earlier than expected. Sorry guys! So apparently this was kind of rushed on the Internet side of things? But you guys totally came through and it was awesome.

We were standing in line outside the restaurant waiting for it to open and then all of a sudden Alice was standing there next to my sister being all like, "Oh hey, what's up?" And you guys, I was SO CONFUSED. It was like my brain wasn't quite working. I was like, wait, why is she here? Did I invite her here and like somehow forget about it? Doesn't she live in Virginia? Did she come all the way up to Maryland just for dim sum? Is this a random coincidence? Why isn't she acting more surprised to see me?

And then she explained! And I could not stop laughing, it was just such a shock! Like there I was waiting for some sticky rice and suddenly there were friends! And presents! All for the baby! And there I had been thinking that I probably wouldn't be having a baby shower at all because my friends are so scattered. And it's true, this was more like a mini-shower since most of my DC friends have since moved on to other places, but it was so amazing and fun.

And the presents! Everyone was so generous! There were registry gifts and gift cards and adorable thoughtful unique gifts from all over the place. There were thoughtful notes and gorgeous cards and adorable gift bags. Maybe the physical shower was on the small side but the piles of thoughtful notes and gifts from so many people was just incredibly overwhelming. I'm surprised I didn't burst into tears!

Anyway, I'm still kind of overwhelmed and also I opened everything all in a row which was kind of a lot to take in all at once, so I still have to go back through everything and send out individual thank-yous to all the people who were sent such nice, thoughtful cards and gifts (and on such short notice! I couldn't believe how quickly my sister and Alice were able to plan this... I seriously just booked this trip like two weeks ago), but in the meantime, to all of you: thank you SO MUCH. I know I generally don't like surprises, but this was DEFINITELY an exception.