Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Pregnancy comments

I am only just barely starting to hit the place where I am showing enough that people in the real world (i.e., not the ones on Twitter where I post photos and ask for input) think it's OK to make comments about my pregnancy. The vast majority of people I encounter say nothing, and who can blame them? I am definitely showing but right now for me "showing" takes the form of "shifting from a pear to an apple shape" and not "has a definite, obvious, comment-worthy baby bump."

My personal policy on making comments to pregnant women is as follows: don't do it unless you are 100% sure they are pregnant. This means that either they have confirmed their pregnancy to me personally or they are happily, glowily shopping for baby items with a giant, obvious bump. These are the only two cases in which I would make a comment. Then, if I do make a comment, it is NEVER about their size. It must always be something general and complimentary like "You look great!"

However, I understand that not all people adhere to this policy and so far, the slightly more awkward comments that I have received haven't bothered me. They have run the spectrum from "You aren't showing at all! In fact, you look like you've lost weight!" to "My god, are you having triplets?!" and frankly, both of those were just fine with me. In all instances so far where people have made comments I know they've been excited and trying to be complimentary, so the fact that their comments come across as more well-meaning than anything else hasn't hurt.

There is also one woman at the dog park who I've known for about a year but am not personally close with at all who is a big fan of touching my belly, and while that is also not my preferred option, so far it hasn't bothered me.

However, I could certainly envision situations where people's comments and actions would piss me off. Like if I'm tired or grumpy or uncomfortable and strangers or people I don't like touch my belly. Or if, like Erin, people kept trying to argue with me about whether I actually knew what was going on with my pregnancy (in Erin's case apparently people keep insisting that she is not, in fact, having twins... what would possess them to say such a thing is beyond me).

But in the meantime, I'm appreciating the sentiment and more often than not, the comments themselves. And the single best compliment I've received? "You look so happy." I've been getting that one a lot over the last few weeks, and it makes me even MORE happy to hear it.

Anyway, on that showing thing, for those of you who aren't on Twitter, here's the latest photo, taken yesterday at 18 weeks even (past photos for comparison are here):


  1. Based on your blogging and our offline conversations, I'd most definitely agree with anyone who tells you that you seem happier. In fact, I might go so far to say you're glowing. Pregnancy definitely becomes you!

  2. Yes, you definitely have that glow!!

    People make stupid comments to pregnant women. I have been through it many times. I was asked during all 3 pregnancies whether or not I was having twins. And when Hub and I took a trip to Toronto to see Mama Mia the November before Bud was born, the woman who sat next to me in the theatre was JUST CONVINCED that I would have the baby during the show…that I was ready to go ANY SECOND! Never mind that I had told her it was more than 10 weeks until I was due.

    I didn’t have a problem with belly touching among my friends or even work people, but the man who approached me in Target asking if he could touch my beautiful pregnant belly (mind you, his hand was already there…), well he creeped me out a lot.

  3. Awww, you DO look so happy! And you SOUND happy! I love seeing you so glowy. :)

    People are insane with the pregnant comments. The security guard in my building asked me if I was having twins EVERY DAY from, like, 20 weeks on. It got old.

    I loved the belly touchers, provided I knew them. It's such a cool experience to share.

  4. Coming out of lurkdom (for, well I don't know 2+ years?) to say this:

    You look great!


  5. I never minded being told that I looked huge when I was pregnant - I took it as a compliment, as I was SUPPOSED to look huge. :-)

    You're looking great.

  6. I still remember the lady who first asked if I was pregnant with Derick. It made my whole week!
    You look lovely and glow-y and definitely pregnant in that cute way, for sure.

  7. I craved watermelons like mad when I was pregnant and I can't begin to count the number of times someone commented on the "melon" under my shirt at the grocery store. I was asked (jokingly) if I was stealing watermelons at least five times during my last couple of months.

    I never experienced any strangers wanting to touch my belly, either. I guess I just put out that "don't you even THINK about it" vibe.

    I do, however, want to pat your belleh. You look so happy and adorable, Jessaroo.

  8. You DO look great Jess! I can't wait to hear if you guys are having a boy or girl!
    I completely agree with you about making comments to women you are 100% sure are pregnant. You would think people would have this down by now but some definitely do not.
    When I was only about 12 weeks pregnant I actually had a woman (who incidentally was making me some hot chocolate at a store) argue with me about my due date. She insisted I was lying to her about how far along I was because I looked so big. My sister was absolutely fuming beside me.
    Then the woman told me to come back when I was 9 months along to prove to her that I wasn't lying.
    I really like this stage of pregnancy when you feel good and you look good and it is fun to get a little attention. Because all in all, besides those random awkward moments, most of it is good!

  9. You look FANTASTIC. So, so happy for you guys.

  10. The bump! It grows! You look wonderful and definitely happy. :)

  11. YES! At this point, I would KNOW you were pregnant---but I'd be too freaked by all the "Someone asked when I was due and I wasn't pregnant!!" anecdotes to say anything YET. But I'd know!

  12. I agree with the never assuming someone's pregnant and commenting unless you KNOW FOR SURE. It's happened to me and it was mortifying- I just went along and claimed a vague far off due date rather than die of embarrassment.

    You definitely glow. That Piglet will have lots of love.

  13. You do look pregnant! And happy!

    And you cleared off your stairs, which just makes me want to bow down.

  14. Adorable! And to reiterate what pretty much everyone has said in the comments today, you look so happy and your happiness is vividly clear in your writing, as well. So so so happy for you!

    Hi, Piglet!

  15. I love these photos! And yes, you definitely DO look happy!

    I didn't get much in the way of comments or tummy-rubbing, but during both pregnancies I worked on a college campus, where people think that pregnancy is contagious. Also, I tend to glower (esp. when pregnant).

  16. Dude you're totally showing. I also don't comment on baby bumps, including my old neighbor's girlfriend who was in boxers and a tight tank top and had about as much belleh as you do right now, but she had also gained some weight all over. So I came in and told my husband, I think J. might be pregnant! But would never have said anything to her, because what would happen if I were WRONG, my god. Her boyfriend later confirmed that indeed she was all of five weeks from her due date. And then he looked at me like some sort of halfwit for not being able to tell. But still, it's my policy that unless I see you in active labor or you've mentioned it, I am not going to speak of it.

    You look great by the way! And YES totally happy.

  17. You look so cute! And pregnant! If I saw you, I would be *sure* you were pregnant, but I would *not* say anything.

    I knew it was a good idea not to jump to conclusions about such things before the time that someone asked me when I was due (I've never been pregnant ... but that's where I gain weight), but after that, no. That's not a conversation I want to be in, from either side.

  18. You definitely look pregnant! And have the happy glow. :)

  19. You do look great!

    I think that the weirdest thing is that strangers want to touch your belly. I'm not sure how I will feel about that.

  20. You look lovely. :)

    This last pregnancy I felt like my belly was smaller than the other two times, but this was the pregnancy where folks kept asking if I was having twins. Like, clerks at the grocery store. And I did get pissy when someone asked if was was due soon when I was no where near due. Pretty sure I told her to shut up. Not my finest pregnancy moment.

  21. Pregnancy comments are funny, aren't they? I definitely do get some really sweet comments, and those always make me feel good. But yeah...the arguing with me about my twins thing is so crazy! I can't believe how often it's happened.

    You are looking so lovely yourself. Pregnancy definitely suits you!