Weeds

Sometimes I wonder if at some point something terrible will happen to us to even out from all the good things we've experienced so far in our life.

I know it doesn't work that way, not really. And, I do know that a lot of it is about your outlook. It's not just luck, although of course that's a part of it. I've had problems in my life just like everyone else. There are things that I've dealt with that others wouldn't even know how to deal with. Like a lifelong weight problem that led to surgery. Or being the sole breadwinner with a nonprofit salary, a mortgage, and a baby on the way. Or having a thyroid condition that requires regular doctor visits and blood draws and medication every day for the rest of my life.

Regular stuff, to me. Nobody's life is perfect. Nobody can avoid having issues entirely. And to me these things are all issues to be addressed, managed, dealt with as best as possible, but not dwelled upon.

But certainly when you look at our lives from a broader perspective, there's a hell of a lot more good than bad. Happy, loved childhood. Good education. Good job. Happy marriage. Baby on the way. Great house. Adorable dog. Amazing work-from-home situation. The ability to make decisions like my husband quitting his job to start his own company without worrying (at least, not too much) that we'll wind up living in a box under a bridge somewhere.

And while luck is certainly an element in all of this, it's not the only thing. A lot of it is down to good choices, careful planning, and hard work.

But not everything can be planned for. Tons of people make good choices, exercise careful planning, and work really hard--and still end up in crappy situations beyond their own control. And it's partly luck that we've been able to avoid crappy situations, at least so far. It's certainly luck that we had no trouble getting pregnant. It's luck that we were ready to buy a house in a buyer's market and not before. It's not just luck that I was able to get a good job with the flexibility to allow me to telecommute--but a lot other people have similar skills and talents to mine and don't end up in such an advantageous situation.

So sometimes I wonder: does it all have to balance out? Are we going to go on leading a happy positive life forever, or will something terrible happen to even the score?

But I also think that a major part of the whole issue is perspective. There are enough challenges in our lives that we could easily focus on them instead of on all the good stuff. We could sit around worrying about money and what would happen if Torsten's company failed. I could worry about what my pregnancy is doing to my body, and how I will get back on track with weight loss once I've given birth, and what kind of delays this might cause and how this might impact my health. We could dwell on how our car isn't necessarily quite right for a family with kids but the accident we were in last year lowered the car's value so it would be hard to sell. We could think about the impact Torsten's lack of income is having not just on our present quality of life but also on our ability to save for the future, for our kids and for our own retirements. We could focus on the incredible expense of Torsten's green card, and the decision he'll have to make at some point between German and American citizenship. And so on.

When you look for the negatives, you find them. But I choose to deal with the negatives without taking my eyes off the positives. We both do. And as a result we both feel that our life is beautiful.

That wildflower garden that we planted months ago? It's blooming, en masse. There are flowers of every imaginable color. There are also a lot of weeds. It's a wildflower garden and it looks as such. It's not a neat, pruned garden. It looks jungly and wild. Some people who look at it probably think it's a mess of weeds. But I think it's beautiful.