Vindication

Last night when Torsten and I left for the airport to pick up his parents, it was with no small amount of trepidation. Both of us had visions of his parents getting off the plane and immediately launching into a litany of complaints about the trip, involving turbulence, crying children, rude customs agents, and all the rest--and of course telling us that if we had just left them on their (nonexistent) original flight, none of it would have happened.

Of course, we should have known better. Torsten's parents never, ever react the way we think they will, about anything. Truly.

Imagine our shock when they came off the plane falling all over themselves to THANK US for rebooking their trip. We weren't quite as stunned as we were when they got angry about the rebooking in the first place, but still. Definitely quite surprised.

Turns out that they went to the airport yesterday morning at 9, as originally planned, and discovered that almost all of the nearly 200 passengers who had been booked on their canceled flight were at the airport trying desperately to get a flight, ANY flight, out of there. Most of them didn't have any rebooking whatsoever, not even a crappy one later in the week like the in-laws had. There was no communication from Delta to anyone on their plans, and most people were facing days or more stuck in Frankfurt with no way to get to their destination.

And from all this, it was VERY CLEAR that there was no 9 a.m. flight that was going to take them all to Detroit. And apparently at this point Torsten's parents decided to believe us about the horrifying itinerary that they'd been given, and start feeling GLAD that we had spent the time to get them on this much better, and earlier, itinerary.

And not only that, but they actually SAID SOMETHING about how grateful they were when they arrived. Of course, they did not acknowledge or apologize for their initial reaction, but truly, that would have been awkward more than anything else and totally unnecessary.

Seriously, I'm not sure I've ever been so glad to be thanked for something. It was just so unexpected! And I was SO GLAD that they had received external proof that we aren't incompetent, clueless, interfering children. Seriously, I just feel incredibly vindicated.

Now the next question is, will this little lesson of theirs that sometimes we DO know what we're doing carry over into other areas of our lives? Or would that just be expecting too much?

Still no in-laws, AND YET.

Soooo. The in-laws were supposed to arrive last night at 5. They were scheduled on a Delta flight from Frankfurt to Detroit and another from Detroit to Denver. But yesterday morning they called us to tell us that their flight from Frankfurt to Detroit was canceled, and they were stuck in Frankfurt overnight. Of course it wasn't simple--they'd spent hours at the gate being told that they'd be boarding in 20 minutes before the flight was finally canceled--but they were eventually packed off to a hotel in Frankfurt and told to report to the airport at 9 a.m. today for a flight.

SO. There was no confirmation from the airline that they would definitely be flying out this morning, so last night I logged into their online itinerary using their confirmation code to see if they had been rebooked on another flight, and if so, what flight.

And OH, were they rebooked. For a flight TOMORROW, that went first to Paris (where they had a FOUR-HOUR layover), then to Atlanta, THEN to Denver.

Obviously, this was NOT acceptable. A two-day delay and then a three-flight trip? First I called bullshit, and then I called Delta. The first number I tried had me go through a million automated voice prompts before giving me a recording saying that due to unusually high call volume, they would be UNABLE TO TAKE MY CALL, and I should try again later. Then it HUNG UP ON ME.

After I got over the shock (I have NEVER called a 24/7 customer service line and not AT LEAST been given the option to wait on hold for several hours), I called another number, finally got through to a real person, who told me they couldn't help me and transferred me to another person, who ALSO told me they couldn't help me and transferred me to another person, and apparently the third time is the charm because this woman COULD help me, and DID.

It took an hour and a half while she searched airline after airline for a decent itinerary for a flight TODAY, NOT TOMORROW, and FINALLY she found a flight leaving Frankfurt at noon, going through Atlanta, and then arriving this evening in Denver. It had only one stop. It was on Lufthansa, which is widely considered one of the best airlines in the world, especially by Germans. The layover was a perfectly reasonable length, enough time for them to get through customs without stressing but not so much time that they will be sitting in the airport for hours on end.

Instead of a 22-hour trip airport-to-airport, they are now booked on a trip that will take them 14 hours total. By calling Delta, we saved them a day stuck in Frankfurt and eight hours of travel time, not to mention getting them a transatlantic flight on a better airline.

In short, it was perfect. The Delta rep booked it, sent me confirmation emails, and was generally so wonderful that I actually WAITED ON HOLD AGAIN just so I could tell her supervisor how wonderful she had been.

Over two hours later, I finally hung up the phone. And then there was just one small detail left--getting in touch with Torsten's parents to tell them about the change in plans. It was about 5 a.m. in Frankfurt but we knew they'd probably be awake, since they were thinking that they'd be flying out of Frankfurt at 9. We called their cell phone. No answer. We called their hotel room. No answer. We called the front desk of the hotel, who confirmed that they had not yet checked out and was even so kind as to go knock on the door of their room--but no answer.

Finally we figured out that they must be having breakfast in the hotel restaurant, and the front desk connected us to the restaurant hostess, who literally called out their name in the middle of the restaurant and finally got Torsten's dad on the line.

So Torsten explained to his dad: your original flight to Detroit yesterday was scheduled for 10:50. There was no 9 a.m. flight. They just told you to show up at the airport at 9 a.m. so that you could be told when you would actually be flying, and through where. We knew that, so we checked your itinerary online and saw that you had been booked on a terrible three-leg trip that wouldn't actually leave for another day. So we spent two hours on the phone with Delta and got you a great flight, for today, on your favorite airline, with just one layover. Here are the details and we'll see you tonight! Yay!

EXCEPT. His parents were PISSED. I am not even kidding when I say they flat-out DID NOT BELIEVE US. His father kept repeating that no, they weren't flying out tomorrow on a three-leg trip, they were flying out this morning at 9 to Detroit. And we said no, there IS no 9 a.m. flight to Detroit, even if you WERE flying through Detroit it would be at the same time as YESTERDAY'S scheduled flight, but there is no way they can fit two planes' worth of people onto one plane, so instead they booked you on this terrible flight TOMORROW, but we fixed it for you, and you're all set, here are the details.

And they just INSISTED that we were wrong. His father kept asking why on earth we would book them a flight for noon, through Atlanta, when they had been planning to leave at 9, through Detroit. And no matter how many times we explained that THE NINE A.M. FLIGHT DIDN'T EXIST, and if we hadn't called they would be SPENDING ANOTHER NIGHT IN FRANKFURT, they just insisted we were wrong. Throughout Torsten's 20-minute phone call with his dad, we could hear his mother in the background, complaining vigorously. Complaints centered around the fact that we were interfering, why couldn't we have left well enough alone, they had this great 9 a.m. flight and now they had to wait until noon, she wanted to fly through Detroit and not Atlanta, and so on.

I have never heard two people more upset to get good news. Or two people more unwilling to believe THEIR OWN CHILD when he told them that no, it is NOT just the website saying that you're on this crappy itinerary TOMORROW, the people on the phone CONFIRMED that this was your booking, and if we hadn't called you would have shown up at the airport ONLY TO BE SENT AWAY AGAIN.

They just WOULD NOT BELIEVE IT. And I know, I KNOW, that his mother will spend the ENTIRE NINE-HOUR FLIGHT today complaining about how we ruined their whole trip, and why are they on this stupid flight, and if they'd left at 9 they'd be there by now.

I am not even kidding, I WISH we had never called to change their flights. They say they wish we hadn't interfered? I wish the same thing. I wish I had those two hours of my life back, and that they had shown up at the airport this morning only to be told that no, they would not be flying out that day, and they would have the crappiest of all flight itineraries the NEXT day. At least then they'd be mad at Delta and not mad at us.

MAD AT US. For HELPING them and saving them TWO DAYS of misery.

The sad part is, Torsten and I were both LOOKING FORWARD to this visit. We were actually DISAPPOINTED about the original flight delay, and even more disappointed when we saw that it might be a two-day delay. And now? We are DREADING it.

Torsten swears he's sleeping at the neighbors' house tonight so he doesn't have to deal with them. And I have to say, I really don't blame him. Seriously, I am tempted to make them sleep on the floor without even a towel, next to the vicious dog.

The beauty of the frequent blood draw

Over at Bodies in Motivation: Why I'm not afraid of doctors anymore

And so it begins

Torsten's parents aren't even here yet (they arrive Monday), and yet the stories about the visit... well, THOSE have arrived. Those of you who follow me on Twitter will already know this, but it's too good not to share.

So, Torsten was Skyping with his parents yesterday about their trip, and they were asking reasonable questions about what to bring, because they can only have one suitcase each without paying baggage fees. Their reasonable questions were things like, "Will it be warm all the time or should we pack long sleeves?" They've never been to Denver, so this question makes sense.

But then. THEN. THEN we moved on to the UNreasonable questions. And this is where I thank god for Twitter, because after laughing hysterically when Torsten told me about the questions, I posted them to Twitter and got to laugh even more hysterically when I saw some of your suggested responses. Really, they were all hilarious, and I will repeat a few of them here so we can all appreciate your comedic genius. I am not kidding when I say I literally laughed until I cried. Seriously, there were tears rolling down my face.

First they asked, "Do you have towels?"

Some suggested responses, from the brilliance of Twitter:

• "Tell them that you and Torsten really like to go streaking through the yard on a hot summer day, but they can bring their own." (from Jonniker)
• "Just tell them that you don't bathe at all and never thought of getting any." (from Eleanor)
• "Yes, three. One for me. One for Jess. And one for Montana. You had best bring your own." (from Nilsa)

Next: "So, do you have a mattress we can sleep on?" (NO I AM NOT KIDDING. A MATTRESS. Why do they even ASK? If we had said no would they have PACKED ONE in their little suitcase? Seriously, WTF?)

And more brilliant Twitter responses:

• "Tell them they will also need to bring their own airport, since you don't have one there." (from Swistle)
  
• "Tell them to pack toilet paper unless they like the jiggle & drip method. Or leaves. That's just how outdoorsy CO people do it." (from kakaty)
• "No, we sleep in sleeping bags on the floor. Don't worry, we've got some for you. Who needs beds when you've got shag carpets?" (from Nilsa)

And the third question, which is also possibly the best question: "Will Montana bite us?"

Again, Twitter came through for me:

• "Only if you take her mattress and towel away. She doesn't like that." (from Sarah)
• "Do they think you live in a shack in the remote wilderness like crazy hermits?" (from Erica)
• "'How was trip?' 'GREAT! They had PANS!! And TOILET PAPER! And the dog only bit us FOUR TIMES!'" (from Swistle)

BWAHAHAHAHA. Every time I read these suggestions from you guys I crack up all over again. Seriously, I cannot get over how insane these questions are. I mean, I get it, they're obviously nervous about this trip (though I have to say I'm not quite sure WHY... they've been to visit us in the US multiple times before and they never acted like this), but STILL. DO YOU HAVE A MATTRESS? REALLY?

So anyway, let's keep the hilarity going! Any more awesome suggestions for responses to these questions? Because seriously, the more, the better!

Agh.

It's one of those days, at work, and I suspect that tomorrow will be another one. I am slammed with high-priority deadlines and of course, the long meetings haven't been suspended so that eats into my schedule. Excuse my lack of reading and commenting on your blogs, but I swear, I have not marked all as read and WILL catch up eventually. Like in a day or two.

In the meantime, no discussing World Cup results with me, because there are some important games on today, and I have no freaking clue when I'll have time to watch them.

Posts I'm loving

On some of these (particularly the first two) you should really check out the comment sections as well. Because seriously. So much awesomeness. And only a small amount of anonymous assholery.

1. Swistle's Casual Remarks: Brilliant description of how insidious and omnipresent fat bias is.
   
2. Jonniker's Headlights Look Like Diamonds: Horrifying tales of rudeness, with many more in the comments.
3. SoMi Speaks' Grasshopper: Nilsa is pregnant, and that is awesome. Also awesome: the way she broke the news to her mom.
4. Imperfect's Our Latest DIY Project: Since we're on the topic of babies, Emily just had one, and he is beautiful, and also she kept her pregnancy a secret from her blog readers for nine months and this post is the big reveal. It's amazing.
5. Rosalicious's Traditional Wedding Stuff We're Shunning and On the Traditional Side...: A lovely explanation of how Rosie and Kevin are designing their wedding to be exactly right for them.
   

Visiting season

My friend Kate was here visiting over the weekend. She was in town for work and then she extended her business trip so we could spend time together. It was awesome. We got manicures, and ate Mexican food, and watched Bend It Like Beckham, and grilled, and drove through the mountains, and played cards, and talked. The talking was the best part, obviously. The worst part was that it was only one weekend. But another perk is that this business trip should be an annual thing for her, so I'll definitely get to see her again next year. I heart Kate so much.

I dropped her off at the airport last night, and I picked up my dad at the same time. He arrived less than an hour after I got to the airport to drop Kate off. It was very convenient timing. Plus, he arrived on Father's Day, and it's rare that I actually see my parents in person on these holidays, so that was a nice perk. Now my dad is staying with us until Wednesday. He and Torsten are mostly working, but obviously I get to hang out with him too.

Torsten's parents arrive in eight days, and will be staying for three weeks. Luckily we will not have guests this upcoming weekend, because we will need to spend the entire weekend cleaning. We make sure our house is decently neat before any guests stay, but Kate and my dad are a very different type of guest from Torsten's parents. Torsten's parents require baseboard scrubbing before their arrival.

And, of course, his mother will redo all our work when she gets here, so really it's pointless, except that we would prefer that she not die of a stroke when she first sees our house. Which really is not that messy, I swear. But it's a matter of perspective, and I have never seen a speck of dust in Torsten's parents' house, ever. Truly, ever. And they only come to visit every couple years or so, and they've never seen our house, so we would like it to be somewhat presentable (to their standards, not ours) the first time they see it.

So, yes. We are busy. But it is lovely, really, seeing people, and finally having the kind of home where we can host guests without having to set up a mattress on the living room floor. Guests have their own bedroom, with a proper bed in it, and their own bathroom that they don't have to share with anyone. It's like a real adult house we live in here, the kind that other people actually like to come stay in, and it's so nice to have that.

Plus, it's good to have a reason to clean the baseboards every year or two, right?

Summery

It's a summer Friday, and I have the day off. I have big plans for the day, including errands, housecleaning, and a cookout at the dog park (yes, really!), but first how about a quick brain dump?

• I don't particularly care for the Celtics, but I really dislike the Lakers, and I'm quite disappointed that they won. I really like seeing them lose. Like, I actively enjoy it.
• Have you seen that HGTV show, Selling New York? I love it because the properties showcased are just so sumptuous and unrealistic for any normal person. Escapism at its finest! I mean, some of the open houses they plan are more elaborate than weddings.
• By far my least favorite chore is vacuuming. I just can't stand it. Thank god Torsten doesn't mind it. I would rather put away 10 loads of laundry than vacuum the house. I don't know why I hate it so much, because really it's not that big of a deal... plus I love our Dyson because it works so well (and it's purple!)... but ugh. So glad I don't have to deal with that chore.
• One of my favorite things about summer is farmers' markets. We go every couple of weeks, and we don't buy much, but I love to wander, people watch, and check out all the options. The jam and honey and cheese and meat and vegetables and bread! It just all looks so fresh and tasty and REAL. Yum. Plus some farmers' markets have prepared foods available. It's so fun to look at the gyros and sausages and Belgian waffles and chowder stands. It just makes me feel very connected somehow. And no, I don't know why either.
• Montana just never ceases to be adorable. I just can't get over it. I can only imagine how parents feel about their kids.

Skin inspection

Remember how I said I had to find a dermatologist for us to go get our moles checked out? Well, after I wrote that post I decided to stop procrastinating and just freaking do it already, and so I did. Torsten had his appointment last week and mine was yesterday. Both of us do not have any suspicious moles.

I wasn't really concerned about me, as I don't have many moles or even freckles, but Torsten has a fair amount so I was a little worried about him. But, the dermatologist checked us both thoroughly and pronounced us clear. Torsten is to go back every year for a scan, and since I have so few moles I only need to go back every other year.

I also showed him my plantar wart, since that home freeze-off kit I tried months ago never did work, and he gave me some new tips for getting it off. I'm supposed to try filing it daily, and then suffocating it with electrical tape, and then freezing it off with the home kit again, but this time leaving the stuff on for slightly longer than it says on the box, and if that doesn't work I'll go back to the dermatologist and have him remove it.

I'd rather avoid that, though, because he explained the process and it sounded, shall we say, rather unpleasant. I think I blocked out some of the details, but the gist is that they shoot ice crystals into it, and that pulls the bottom layers away and allows it to drain, which gives your immune system access to the virus itself so that your body can get rid of it. All good and well, but the dermatologist said quite frankly that it's a painful process, more so after than during, and that I'd be limping out of his office with a nasty blister on my foot.

So! Time to buy a fresh pack of emery boards to be used ONLY for filing this stupid wart. And time to pray that this home remedy works, because ugh, I do not want blister-inducing ice crystals shot into this stupid thing. I shudder just thinking about it.

Still, despite the possible horror suggested to me by this dermatologist, I liked him. He was thorough and nice, and I feel reassured that neither of us is going to drop dead from undetected melanoma, at least not anytime soon.

And we won't think about the fact that of my list of six things to do, I've only done one. Because that one was the only one related to health, and it was therefore by far the most important. So really it counts as two, at least. Right?

Oily

Did you read that BP's Gulf-specific disaster response plan, submitted to and approved by the government last year, was flawed and full of serious errors? Like listing experts and advisors who are dead or whose numbers are disconnected, vastly underestimating the impact of a spill, even one ten times the size of the one we're currently dealing with, and including contingency plans for wildlife that don't live in the Gulf, implying that it was lifted from an Alaska-based response plan?

It is just one more horrifying thing in a list of horrifying things that are not even adequately described by the word "horrifying," because in fact they are incomprehensible. And yes, I do believe that BP should shoulder the blame for, and the cost of, this mess, but that doesn't mean we didn't all play a part in setting up a situation where something like this could happen.

We are all responsible. But some more than others.

And don't even get me started on Sarah Palin's disgusting, twisted, perverted, insane comments about how if we drilled in the Alaska Natural Wildlife Refuge like she suggested, this never would have happened. Which, of course, conveniently ignores the fact that the whole "drill, baby, drill" chant was also about offshore drilling.

Why won't this woman just go away? Though, of course, I'd take having to listen to her and her inane comments any day if the oil spill would go away instead.

Pocket doors and other surprising perks

There are many things that we love about our house. Paramount among them are the basics, the reasons we bought it: the number of bedrooms, the size, the layout, the neighborhood, the yard, the finished basement, the garage, the brand-new remodeling job.

And then there are other things we love about the house, things we looked for but that weren't dealbreakers if we couldn't find them all: big closets, fireplaces, great kitchen, backyard patio, huge windows, separate formal dining room, big windows.

And then there's this third category, a more ambiguous one than the first two: little random things we love about the house that we weren't looking for at all, and in many cases didn't even notice until we'd moved in. This is possibly my favorite category, because it's so random and yet so great.

• Pocket doors. In case you don't know what these are and don't feel like clicking the link: these are doors that, instead of opening on hinges, slide across a track into the wall. In other words, when they are open, they totally disappear. We don't have them in every room, but we have them between our living room and dining room, between our dining room and kitchen, between our kitchen and front hall, and between our bedroom and the master bath. And they are AWESOME. A big door that had to be propped open and took up space would be incredibly annoying, especially in the master bath but really in all the rooms. Truly, looking at the configuration of our house I can't even visualize where regular hinged doors would go. And I am telling you, I swear I didn't even notice the house had pocket doors until well after we had moved in. HEART.
• Closet placement. We noticed, and loved, that the house had lots of closets, and big ones. Every bedroom except one has a walk-in closet; the one that doesn't has two regular closets instead. Our master bedroom has a double walk-in closet. So that's great. But then there are these random other closets sprinkled around. We have a great, giant coat closet in the front door. A lovely, perfectly placed linen closet in the upstairs hallways. Fantastic shelving in our laundry room/closet. And, a totally random, bonus, AWESOME extra closet in the upstairs hallway, just for fun. We don't use all our closet space now, but once we have kids who use the bedroom closets for their own stuff, these extra hall closets will come in extremely handy.
• The layout. OK, we knew we liked this when we bought the house. But what we liked was the general traditional structure of the house, not an open floor plan but not totally closed off either, with the kitchen opening directly into the family room without a wall, but the living room and dining room as concrete, separate spaces. But it turns out that the layout is more than that. It's just generally genius. Everything in this house flows perfectly into everything else. It is just an incredibly livable space.
• The bedroom in the basement. The basement was finished right before we moved in, and it has a giant room that will make a great playroom, or media/movie room. But it also has a fully finished bedroom, with its own walk-in closet, and a full bath. This is awesome for guests, or for a home office, or for our own kids if one of them, in the teenage years, develops a very strong need for privacy. It's super versatile, is the point, and it's nice to have one bedroom that isn't clustered with the others.
• The moldings. I admit that these serve no useful purpose, but I love them so. They are white and they are everywhere and they are beautiful. I just love the way they look. The crown molding in the living room makes me especially happy, but I also love the chair rail we have in several rooms and the wainscoting in the dining room. Beautiful.

What about you? What are some random things that you weren't looking for at all, but ended up loving about your home?

TV weekend

Torsten and I finished watching Season 1 of The Wire this weekend. He adores it. I like it a lot. It definitely grew on me. We are going to hold off on Season 2 until after the World Cup ends, though, because when you check it out of the library you have to watch the whole season in three weeks (not renewable because there's a queue), and we have to, you know, work and not just watch soccer and crime shows round the clock, you know?

Plus it'll be good to have a break from the violence. It starts to get to me after awhile, even when the show is really good.

You know what doesn't get to me? 4-0 World Cup wins. Assuming, of course, that the team that scores four is the one you're rooting for. Which, in this case, it obviously was.

Two World Cup notes:

1. "Pobres Australianos" was a trending topic on Twitter after the Germany game yet. I think that's adorable. I did feel sorry for them, not just for getting trounced but also for that one player getting that straight red card for something that looked to me like it barely deserved a yellow card. Apparently the guy was in tears after the game. Does a straight red mean he misses the next two games? If so, he probably won't get to play in this World Cup again, as Australia seems unlikely to advance out of group play, and since he's already 30 years old it's possible he won't get to come to the next World Cup either. What a crappy way to go, you know? I mean, it's no Zidane head butt, but still.

2. I saw a joke on Twitter about the poor English goalie who let in that embarrassing goal against the US. It went something like this: "The British national team says they are behind goalkeeper Robert Green after his blunder. In retrospect, that's a good place to stand." It makes me laugh every time I think about it. Even though, of course: the poor guy. And he had an amazing save later in the game so really it all evens out, but of course the British tabloids don't agree.

OK! I swear I won't keep going on about the World Cup, for all those of you who are groaning and rolling your eyes. Really, I will keep it to myself. At least til the next Germany game. Fair?

World Cup!

So! The World Cup starts today. How many of you care? No, seriously. How many?

I cared a little bit, and then I married a German guy, and he cares a lot, and actually now so do I. It's an even trade; he never cared about baseball until he met me.

Obviously we are rooting for Germany. It would be nice to see the US do well too, but what are the odds of that happening? I'm guessing slim to none, despite what the media claims. It seems like every four years we read all about how this is really going to be the US's year, and then they don't even get out of group play.

Oh and I'd also like France to do well. Though nobody there expects that to happen. When I was in France a major department store was running an ad for an expensive TV saying that they would give purchasers' money back in full if France won the World Cup, and all my French friends were snorting and saying that was a safe bet for the store since there isn't a chance in hell that France will win. But still, it would be nice.

And I'd like Senegal to do well, except they aren't in it this time. Oh well.

So: gooooooo Germany! We will definitely be at a bar watching them play Australia this weekend.

What about you? Do you care about the World Cup? Will you be watching? Who will you be rooting for?

On adoption and fostering

I've been thinking more and more about adoption recently. We all know I have baby fever; while I wait impatiently to get to the point in our lives where we are ready to move from fever to reality, I like to distract myself by thinking about all the different ways we can have a child. This is also the only thing that makes me feel better about the possibility of not being able to get pregnant.

For the longest time, I was very interested in international adoption. I still find it a very intriguing option. I have a coworker who's been in the middle of the international adoption process since before I started this job nearly three years ago. They were focusing on one country, I forget which, maybe Vietnam, and then that fell through and they had to start over, and they ended up going with Ethiopia. And now, finally, they've been assigned a child, a baby boy. They leave on Monday to go to Ethiopia to pick him up. She will be taking five months off for maternity leave. I am so thrilled for her, so so thrilled, and can only imagine the struggles she and her husband have endured throughout this process. And the money they've paid. And the heartache. But now, the child they've been waiting for since at least 2007.

I'm thrilled for them. But I'm not sure I want to go down that path myself. And, as I mentioned recently, I wonder about some of the ethics of the process as well. My feeling is that those ethical concerns could be resolved, addressed, dealt with. But do we want to do that? I really, really like the idea of adopting through the U.S. foster system. Or fostering through it.

There's a website, AdoptUsKids, that features children available for fostering and adoption through the foster system. The website makes me a little uncomfortable in some ways--it seems almost like a pet adoption website for people, and that bothers me. But, I also find it fascinating. I have spent a lot of time looking at the profiles of some of the kids in the system, both in Colorado and around the country.

The site doesn't feature anywhere close to all the kids in the system. It has about 100 Colorado children listed, and I read in the paper recently that there's something like 6,000-7,000 kids in the Colorado foster system right now. So it's not like it's only these kids that are available. But they are probably a decently representative sample.

And from what I can tell, the younger the child, the more likely it is to have severe medical and/or developmental problems. In fact, if you search in Colorado for kids ages 4 and under, I don't think a single one appears on this site without a statement saying that they need significant medical support. In many cases the profile states that the child is unlikely to ever be able to live independently. And of course it's extra painful to read when the profile says that the medical problems are due to "non-accidental injury."

So, if we adopted through the foster system, would we want a younger child? Probably, right? If you adopt a kid you usually want her as young as possible so you can raise her and see her grow, right? But do we want, and could we support, a child with severe handicaps? My inclination is to say no, we wouldn't necessarily be the right family for that child. But then say I got pregnant and gave birth to a child with severe medical problems. We wouldn't be equipped to deal with them, at first... but we would get there, right? We would educate ourselves and learn to care for the child and advocate for her. So shouldn't we be open to doing the same for an adopted child? Is it somehow immoral to feel that we would do this for a child we conceived but not one we adopted?

I think mostly it isn't. We would never choose to give birth to a child with severe handicaps if we could help it, and I think it makes sense not to choose to adopt a child with similar problems. But, I will say, if someday we do have a child with medical issues, we would then become equipped to help other children with similar issues, and in that circumstance maybe we would make an excellent foster family for some of these kids with the major issues.

But as we are now, I don't see it happening. We recognize that any child that comes through the foster system will have baggage. No child will have been taken away from his family and come to a new family without adjustment issues and probably some emotional and behavioral problems as well. I think we accept that as a given when we think about adopting through this system. And I think we'd be fine with that. In fact, I think we'd be good at dealing with it.

But if we want to adopt a kid that doesn't have major medical difficulties, it looks like either we'd hold out for lightning in a jar in the form of one of the very few younger children who doesn't have medical problems, or we'd adopt an older child. And I have to say, reading the profiles of the older kids? It kind of kills me. Like one profile says that the boy went camping once and it was basically the highlight of his life. And another says that the kid dreams of owning a dog one day.

These are simple dreams, you know? These are kids who want basic kid things, the kind of things that all of us envision providing for our children. Camping trips and pets and all sorts of enrichment, for sure, but more than that, too. Love and nurturing and also limits and boundaries.

We don't have any parenting experience, but I think we'd be good at that. And I hope one day we get the opportunity to do it, whether we adopt a child in the near future or foster a kid at some point down the road. Or both.

Maybe the heat has gone to my head

Ironically, after all that griping, yesterday turned out to be much cooler than forecast. I don't think the temperature even hit 80, and it was cloudy most of the day and rained in the evening (thank god for our lawn). And the house cooled down considerably, to the mid-70s, and became much more bearable.

Still, the hot days occur often enough (supposedly it's going to be 95 degrees tomorrow) that our interest in a swamp cooler is definitely justified. We made appointments with a couple companies for estimates so we can figure out how much it will really cost. I also did research into rebates and tax credits. It looks like, bizarrely, the federal government gives a tax credit for relatively energy-efficient, mainstream heating and cooling systems like central air, but not for swamp coolers (which use about 25% of the energy that a comparable central AC system would use). However, our local energy company does offer a $200 unit on energy-efficient models, so that would help subsidize the cost as well.

Anyway, we'll see. We'll see what the cost is, we'll assess our budget, and we'll figure out what we want to do. Well, we know what we WANT to do. We'll figure out what is feasible, and reasonable, to do.

And I know Torsten's parents will thank us if we install the swamp cooler, but given that they were too... frugal... to install any kind of cooling system in their home, and instead just sweltered all summer along with their child, if we don't have a swamp cooler by the time they arrive, they will have no leg to stand on when it comes to complaining about it. Still, it would be nice to have a comfortable home to welcome them into, you know?

Speaking of which... Torsten's parents are coming to visit THIS MONTH. They arrive in less than three weeks. And then they stay for three full weeks. But, they are renting a car for the full duration of their stay, and maybe I'm crazy, but I'm kind of looking forward to their visit. This will be the first time they've visited us in Denver, and the first time they've stayed with us as opposed to in a hotel, and I know there will certainly be adjustment issues and whatnot, but also, I think it will be a great bonding experience. Or maybe that's just wishful thinking.

But we are looking forward to showing them Colorado. They've never been out west, and they're big outdoorsy types, so we know they'll love the mountains, and all the beautiful sights and hikes there are around here. Denver seems like their kind of town, and hopefully they'll be relaxed because they don't have to pay for a hotel, and also they like dogs and have always wanted one of their own (and never got one because of the perceived expense of dog ownership) so I think they'll enjoy having Montana around as well.

I know, I'm crazy, looking forward to a three-week visit from the in-laws. But I think it will be good! At the very least it should be interesting. And I'm just so relieved that it's not the four weeks they were originally planning that I am inclined to feel charitable about the whole thing.

I'll let you know how I'm feeling about the visit as the date gets nearer, though. And of course I'll keep you posted during the visit as well. Though of course I can't promise I'll update every day. It's possible I'll be so drained/exhausted that I won't have the energy for anything other than the bare minimum, including blogging. But I'm seriously hoping that won't be the case.

At least it's a dry heat

It is so hot. It's only the beginning of June and yesterday it was 87 degrees in our house, all day long. Swamp coolers work here, very well; the climate is incredibly dry and there are no issues with mold. And they don't cost very much. We are scrimping every penny but I'm beginning to think that installing a swamp cooler, if we can do it for like $600, would be worth it, even if it means our savings won't last quite as long. Because we are both dying in this house right now, and summer hasn't even officially started.

Damn it, why didn't we do this LAST summer when we had two incomes and could have easily afforded the expense? Then right now the house would be cool and the money would be long gone and we wouldn't miss it.

But having a cool house would be worth every single one of the sacrifices we've already made. The trips we haven't taken, the meals out we haven't eaten, the stuff we haven't bought, the Christmas bracelet I returned, the concerts we haven't attended, the luxury groceries we haven't cooked with. The too-big clothes, the siding and windows that need to be replaced, the trips to the library and months-long waiting lists for books I'm dying to read, the budgeting, oh the FREAKING budgeting.

It adds up to way more than $600 in savings, WAY more, and I would happily keep doing it for as long as I need to, and possibly even after that, if only it didn't feel like my body was on fire every time I stepped away from the fan even for a second, and I could touch my husband when we were lying in bed at night without both of us feeling like we're going to melt on the spot.

It is just so HOT in here. I can't even remember how I survived living in Senegal for five months, with even hotter conditions, and more humidity, and certainly no AC, and only the crappiest of fans. I survived, I did, but I also sweated like nuts. And there was an end in sight. And apparently I'm wimpier now.

And the funny thing is, I LIKE the heat. I hated the heat in North Carolina where it was intolerably humid round the clock, but I like it here in Denver where it's nice and dry. Really, I do. But I like it outside my house. I want the house to be a nice cool sanctuary. I want to step in the house and feel noticeably cooler air compared to outside. And I don't. There is hardly a difference between inside and out. Except at night, when it's hotter inside, even with all the windows open and the ceiling fans on.

Is it worth $600 to have a cool house? Objectively speaking, absolutely. But when you have no money and you carefully consider every dollar before spending it? Then it's a harder question.

In the meantime, I'll be camped out in front of the fan.

Summer around the house

I had last Friday off, as the first compressed workweek pay period of the summer schedule, and it was glorious. I mean, I didn't do anything much--slept a little later, did some errands, lay around--but it was so nice and summery. I love having every other Friday off in the summer.

Though, it's so hot in our house during the summer, and that makes the whole season a little less enjoyable. We dealt with it for one summer but this year it's barely June and we are already both reaching our breaking point, so we are researching swamp coolers and hopefully when Torsten gets his first client we will be able to spend the money to install one. Apparently they are much cheaper than air conditioning (can be purchased and installed for well under $1000), and much more energy-efficient as well. So, we'll see. But that is my big dream for this year. And please please please let Torsten make a sale soon, lest we swelter to death in our sleep.

Also, the other thing about our house in summer is that our rosebushes are blooming. We have two of them, in our front yard, and they have lovely dark pink roses, but I am not a gardener and certainly not a rose gardener, and neither is Torsten, so we have never done anything to them. No pruning, fertilizing, nothing. And as a result, last year the bushes bloomed for about two days and then all the flowers died and the bushes went back to being ugly. And I can only assume that we are on track for a similar situation this year. And I don't know how to prevent it.

Gardening people, is there a way to prevent this? That doesn't involve tons of hard labor? Because while I'd like the roses to last longer than two days, I'm not so invested in their success that I am willing to prick myself with thorns and deal with Japanese beetles (though, I don't think we have those in Denver, thank god) and so forth to make it happen. I'm looking for quick and easy solutions, here.

Oh, and speaking of gardening, we were thinking of planting some vegetables. Specifically, maybe some summer squash, and also maybe one of those upside down hanging tomato plants? I really don't know. We are not the gardening types and I hear squash grows like a weed, so it sounded like a good starter plant for us. But, is it TOO much like a weed, as in, will it take over the whole yard? And is it too late to plant a garden for this year? And if we do plant a garden and it's not too late, what else should we plant that is relatively simple? What about herbs? If we plant basil will it survive or will the birds/squirrels/whatever eat it all?

Garden-type people, I need your help!

Things I've been meaning to do

• Go to Goodwill. Specifically, one near a Target store, since Goodwill has a relationship with Target and gets their clearance goods that didn't sell and are still brand new with the tags on. Goodwill seems like the kind of store, if any, that could fit in our budget at the moment. I've been meaning to go there for months. But it hasn't happened.
• Get my hair cut. Except I still can't decide if I want to just trim it or if I want to hack it all off. And also, haircuts are expensive so I try to force as much distance between them as possible. And my hair hasn't really hit that "shaggy" stage yet, so I'm holding off. Maybe by the time it's gotten shaggy, I'll know what I want to do with it.
• Get some quotes for house repairs. Specifically, I want to know how much it would cost to repair the siding on our house vs. replacing it with brick, and I want to know how much it would cost to replace all the windows in the house. Not that we can afford either of these things in the near future, but I like to have savings and budgeting goals, and it would help me figure out how realistic it would be to do either of those things, next year or ever, if I knew how much they would actually cost.
• Find a dermatologist. Torsten and I both want to get our moles checked just to make sure there is nothing suspicious or worrying. I don't have a ton, and as far as I can tell they are all normal, but I am certainly not an expert, and skin cancer is something I would rather avoid.
• Make a quilt. I used to do this regularly, but I haven't done it for a long time, but for the last few months I've been itching to do it again. I'm not sure if I actually will, though--fabric isn't always cheap, and it takes a lot of time, and really, what would I do with it? Just stick it in the linen closet with my other quilts, most likely. And what's the point of that?
• Find something to hang from the hook on the ceiling of our back patio. We had a hanging plant there last year, but it died. We were thinking maybe a bird feeder would be better, but with the dog hanging out in the yard, is there a chance in hell that birds will actually come? I have no idea.
  

Getting out of the house

We haven't been getting out a whole lot recently. And I am totally fine with that. Torsten's been working, I've been relaxing and plowing through a bunch of library books, the dog's been chasing flies... it's been very domestic around here.

Not that we don't get out at all. We go to friends' houses and we have friends over here. We go for hikes and to the dog park and to the gym and occasionally to the mountains. We even run errands from time to time. I go to my book club, and thoroughly enjoy it.

But we don't go out, like the way a lot of people go out. Part of it is being on a budget, and part of it is liking being at home. We're homebodies, I guess. We don't go out to eat, and we don't go out to bars, and we don't go out shopping. We don't really go to festivals (unless you count the weekly farmers' market). We don't even go to the movies.

We keep MEANING to go to the movies. We have a list of stuff we want to see. That dragon movie, we wanted to see. A bunch of Oscar nominees. Shrek. Toy Story, shortly. Sex and the City 2 (though based on the reviews of that one I'm thinking it can wait until we can get the DVD for free through Redbox).

But somehow we never end up going. The last movie we saw in the theater was Avatar, and I can't even remember the one before that. We did buy discount movie tickets at Costco, but let me just say it's lucky they don't expire because we've had them for months. I think we'll use them on Shrek and Toy Story. But I make no promises, because seriously, I don't know what it is, but we somehow never actually get out the door and to the damn theater.

The thing is, our lack of nightlife... it doesn't bother me. We've been watching more of The Wire, and it's been growing on me. We've been reading, and spending evenings on the patio enjoying the weather, and playing with the dog. I've been well-rested and Torsten is getting a lot of work done. We like our house, and we spend a lot of time in it, and when we do get out of the house it's mostly to get moving.

And I like it that way. Even though it's probably not the norm for most people. It suits us, and our lives right now, perfectly.

What about you? How often do you go out? And when you go out, what kinds of things do you do?

Shopping in my own closet

Here's what shopping has always been like for me, as a plus-size person: There are a few stores where I know I can find reasonably nice stuff in my size. Most of them also carry regular sizes. I rush by the regular sizes because I know that I will only be sad about the pretty things there that I won't fit into. I duck into the plus-size section, and browse a selection of clothes that are usually two out the following three things: cute, my size, affordable.

Here is a vice that I always had as a fat person: thinking that the real weight loss was just around the corner. Convincing myself that it's OK to buy something that doesn't fit now, because of course it will fit soon. Convincing myself that it's OK to keep something that hasn't fit since high school (while I was also plus size in high school, I gained weight afterward, and also my body was very differently proportioned then), thinking that once I lose weight, that stuff will fit again.

Here is something that happens as you get older, start to accept that you will, at the very least, always be on the larger side, start to make your peace with that, and yet still continuously work toward losing weight: you get pretty good at not buying things that don't fit right now. You purge your closet of lots of things that are too small, because you know fitting into them is a pipe dream. But there are a few things you can't bear to get rid of. Some you bought for yourself, knowing they were too small. Others were gifts from people who either underestimated your size or didn't want to be impolite. Still others date back to before you had breasts. But you love them all, and dream of someday being able to wear them again. You end up with a "too-small" drawer, at least one. You never look in it, but you always know it's there.

Here is something wholly unexpected that happens, years later, as an unplanned side effect of all this: You have weight loss surgery. You lose more than 80 pounds. Your husband quits his job to start his own company, so money becomes very tight and you both resolve to avoid all unnecessary spending. But summer rolls around, and your summer wardrobe is now 80 pounds too big. You start thinking that some new warm-weather clothes are going to qualify as a very necessary expenditure. Then you remember the too-small drawer.

And opening the too-small drawer is like reversing years of unhappy shopping experiences. Suddenly, the bottom drawer of your dresser has become the holy grail of shopping, the very thing you were missing for all those years. It's your own personal store, full of clothes that you like, that fit, and that are free. And it turns out that a lot of them are adorable summer dresses and skirts.


It doesn't exactly make up for all those traumatic moments at the mall over the years, but boy does it go a long way to help.