Friday, June 25, 2010

And so it begins

Torsten's parents aren't even here yet (they arrive Monday), and yet the stories about the visit... well, THOSE have arrived. Those of you who follow me on Twitter will already know this, but it's too good not to share.

So, Torsten was Skyping with his parents yesterday about their trip, and they were asking reasonable questions about what to bring, because they can only have one suitcase each without paying baggage fees. Their reasonable questions were things like, "Will it be warm all the time or should we pack long sleeves?" They've never been to Denver, so this question makes sense.

But then. THEN. THEN we moved on to the UNreasonable questions. And this is where I thank god for Twitter, because after laughing hysterically when Torsten told me about the questions, I posted them to Twitter and got to laugh even more hysterically when I saw some of your suggested responses. Really, they were all hilarious, and I will repeat a few of them here so we can all appreciate your comedic genius. I am not kidding when I say I literally laughed until I cried. Seriously, there were tears rolling down my face.

First they asked, "Do you have towels?"

Some suggested responses, from the brilliance of Twitter:
  • "Tell them that you and Torsten really like to go streaking through the yard on a hot summer day, but they can bring their own." (from Jonniker)
  • "Just tell them that you don't bathe at all and never thought of getting any." (from Eleanor)
  • "Yes, three. One for me. One for Jess. And one for Montana. You had best bring your own." (from Nilsa)
Next: "So, do you have a mattress we can sleep on?" (NO I AM NOT KIDDING. A MATTRESS. Why do they even ASK? If we had said no would they have PACKED ONE in their little suitcase? Seriously, WTF?)

And more brilliant Twitter responses:
  • "Tell them they will also need to bring their own airport, since you don't have one there." (from Swistle)
  • "Tell them to pack toilet paper unless they like the jiggle & drip method. Or leaves. That's just how outdoorsy CO people do it." (from kakaty)
  • "No, we sleep in sleeping bags on the floor. Don't worry, we've got some for you. Who needs beds when you've got shag carpets?" (from Nilsa)
And the third question, which is also possibly the best question: "Will Montana bite us?"

Again, Twitter came through for me:
  • "Only if you take her mattress and towel away. She doesn't like that." (from Sarah)
  • "Do they think you live in a shack in the remote wilderness like crazy hermits?" (from Erica)
  • "'How was trip?' 'GREAT! They had PANS!! And TOILET PAPER! And the dog only bit us FOUR TIMES!'" (from Swistle)
BWAHAHAHAHA. Every time I read these suggestions from you guys I crack up all over again. Seriously, I cannot get over how insane these questions are. I mean, I get it, they're obviously nervous about this trip (though I have to say I'm not quite sure WHY... they've been to visit us in the US multiple times before and they never acted like this), but STILL. DO YOU HAVE A MATTRESS? REALLY?

So anyway, let's keep the hilarity going! Any more awesome suggestions for responses to these questions? Because seriously, the more, the better!


  1. Oh my sweetness. I am still laughing, too. So funny! Will Montana bite us? No, but the bears will.

  2. HAHHAHAHA. Oh, these are such awesome questions, and such fantastic answers. I am biting my lip at work to keep from laughing.

    "Will Montana bite us?" No, she's more of a puncher, really.

  3. OMG! I am so disappointed that I wasn't on Twitter yesterday to see this! I am shaking with laughter.

    Obviously Montana will bite them! She's TRAINED, don't they know?

    The towel thing is funnier to me on a personal level because I always take my own to my sister-in-law's. In a house with 6 people there are NEVER any towels. NEVER. I find that incredibly hilarious every time.

  4. OH MY GOD. towels. TOWELS? "No, we just use sheets to dry off. I mean, it's not like we need them for anything else, seeing as how we don't have mattresses."

  5. That was hysterical! Thanks for the laugh. Can't wait to hear the funny stories when they actually get here.

  6. Hahahaha how did I miss those tweets? These are so funny! Maybe it's a cultural thing? Michael's German grandmother asked me in all seriousness how the baby "goes to the bathroom in there."


  7. "Do you have towels?" No, we just lie down on a mattress and roll around on the sheets to dry off.

    "Do you have a mattress?" No, we just pile a bunch of towels on the floor.

    "Will Montana bite us?" Well, you might want to stop using that chicken-scented body lotion....

  8. Yes! We have a mattress and you guys get to share it with us! We use towels instead of sheets (isn't that what you meant when you asked if we had towels?) and Montana will bite you if you hog them because she gets cold at night. Looking forward to your visit!

  9. Popping out of sleep-deprived, not showering and anti-social mode to finally read your blog. B told me when he got home from work yesterday about your tweets so I sat on the couch last night and read them aloudd laughing hysterically - to your tweets and the responses. I was crying too, and laughing so hard my sutures hurt, but it was well worth it. Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Torsten's parents for providing me with much needed laughter!!!

  10. HA! Those are hilarious questions!
    Do you have a mattress is the one that really gets me though, I mean are they going to bring one with? Go directly from the airport and buy one?

    Although, the questions do communicate that Torsen's parents have a good bit of anxiety over visiting. When they have visited before did they stay in hotels? Maybe they don't know what to expect of wild wild Colorado?

  11. This just put a cherry on the sundae that is Friday. Heeehee! Hilarious!

  12. Oh my hell! I would have been so speechless they would have thought they were going to have to bring me a voicebox!

  13. They want to use your towels AND a mattress??!?! The nerve! Next they'll think they can eat off your plates and used the cutlery lol.

    Thanks for the great laugh this morning! I haven't been blog reading in a long while and this was much worth it! Have a wonderful visit :)

  14. Behind on reading and commenting, but these all cracked me up too, over on Twitter. Can't wait to hear more anecdotes from their visit!

  15. Those are funny questions - but when I went to visit a friend of mine in France for a week after college he did NOT have a towel for me. In fact, I think he only had ONE!

  16. While hilarious, I actually think that they're just bad communicators. I'm sure they more wanted to know if you have any guest towels, whether or not you have a mattress, an air mattress or some sort of sofabed configuration set up for them and if Montana is friendly with strangers. All seem like fairly valid concerns if they're super nervous. Would I ask those questions? No. Then again I read your blog and know that you don't seem like a guests on the floor eating out of tin cans, naked and air drying, while they fend off the rabid dog kind of hostess.

  17. Re: mattress: "We do have one, and I THINK that the 4 of us and the dog will fit on it. We'll see."

  18. Haha, oh dear.. those are kind of precious. :D I'm sad I missed these updates - I caught a tweet or two about problems with their flights. Did this work out?

  19. This reminds me when I was an exchange student in the US and my fellow students would ask me things like "Do you have cars in Germany?"

    No, we just built Porsche and BMW, idiot.

    My mom has never seen me live my adult life. I live so far away from home and she can't visit due to my father's illness. So in her mind I am still 18 years old when I left her house...she will ask me things sometimes and I realize it's because she has a tough time seeing me as a grown up. Despite having seen me get married and divorced and all. LOL