Olympic Friday

I love watching the men's aerials in the Olympics. They go so freaking high! And they spin and flip and rotate so much! It's just so cool. It seems so impossible, you know? And yet here are these guys, doing it. Though I cringe every time someone does a "backslap"--it looks like those things would be deadly, and yet most of them just stand right up and ski down the hill.

I guess what I wonder is, how do people get into this sport to begin with? I find it difficult to envision circumstances in which a kid would begin doing a sport like that. And how do you LEARN it? It's so INTENSE. I mean, they jump 50 feet in the air. ON PURPOSE.

On the other hand, I am beyond uninterested in the Nordic combined event. Ski jumping where everyong just goes straight forward looking exactly the same? Blah. Cross country skiing where we watch people heave themselves forward on two sticks for 10 kilometers? Also blah. I mean, I understand it's a very challenging sport, and I could never do it myself, but watching it on TV? Not my thing.

Side note: while I was typing this, a large brown spider crawled up the curtain behind me. And I am very proud of myself for not shrieking and jumping off the couch and injuring myself in the process. I just calmly stood up, stepped far away from the curtain, and called for Torsten to bring the vacuum cleaner. THANK GOD. Perhaps someday I will totally get over my total fear of and disgust toward spiders. I don't have high hopes, though.

ANYWAY, now I'm all distracted and discombobulated, but I'm pretty sure that I had a point with this post. Oh, I remember. I also find figure skating kind of boring, which is a new sensation for me--I always liked it in the past. And I do like watching gymnastics, so I don't know what my deal is. But Joannie Rochette--I cry every time I see her. The story about her mom is just so sad, and watching her be so emotional just kills me every time. And I don't even have an excuse for my tears--no pregnancy, no PMS, no similar personal traumatic memories, nothing. I just feel so sad, and so impressed with her poise. And, on the men's side, I am seriously in heart with Johnny Weir.

But yeah, other than that, I'm did not really enjoy the figure skating. And I can't even force myself to watch a single ice dancing routine, I find it so boring. But I loved all the downhill skiing events, and also the snowboard and ski cross events. I'd never seen or heard of them before, but it's so interesting watching four people cram onto one tiny course together, you know?

What about you? What Olympic sports and athletes do you like, or not like?

Sleepy

Before Torsten quit his job, he got up every morning at 6:30 so that he could start work before 9 Eastern Time. This meant that both of us went to bed between 10 and 10:30 every weeknight, giving me about nine hours of sleep a night.

It was beautiful. I mean, it sucked for Torsten to get up so early, but for me (since I don't have to get up until 7:30), it was awesome.

But now he works on Mountain Time, which means he gets up at the same time as me, which means our bedtimes have been creeping later and later. Still fine... 11 p.m. is a totally reasonable bedtime for me, too.

Except this week it hasn't been 11 p.m. Part of that is due to the Olympics (oh how lovely it would be to watch them in real time), but that's not all. We were at the concert on Monday night. On Tuesday night Torsten had some network issue that he was up til 1 resolving (I went to bed before him, but not until I waited for him for awhile before realizing how long he would be, and then I woke up when he came to bed). And last night we went out with another business partner and didn't get home until midnight.

Plus, I'm not one of those people who falls asleep right away, even when I'm tired. It doesn't take me hours but it does normally take me 15-30 minutes.

So, the result has been that I've gotten 6-7 hours of sleep for each of the past few nights, and it's starting to wear on me. Apparently, I'm one of those people who functions best on 8 hours of sleep, minimum.

So, tonight, no Olympics! In bed at 10! I have a sleep deficit to make up for, and I need to do it, stat.

But ooh... someday, when we have a baby, that adjustment period is not going to be fun. At all. Seriously, how do you people with colicky newborns handle it? I mean, at this point I am barely what you could call sleep deprived, and I am already feeling exhausted. How do you function if your baby wakes up screaming every hour all night long?

Also, how much sleep do you all need, baby or not? And that's whether you're actually getting the amount of sleep you need or not.

My fourth language

So, now that there's a visit from Torsten's parents in the works, I've been motivated to hit my Rosetta Stone pretty hard in the past couple weeks. I've battled my feelings about German being too slow to learn by just doing one or two lessons whenever I have a couple minutes, even if it's just waiting for water to boil or something. And as a result, I'm learning a lot.

My vocabulary is expanding rapidly and I am slowly starting to understand a bit of the structure. Just bits and pieces here and there, but it's helpful, and I can envision it all coming together a bit more solidly down the line. My comprehension is already decent, and this will help me be able to actually participate in conversations instead of listening but not being able to contribute.

But holy crap is German grammar hard. I can't even get my head around it. There are all three genders and all these different cases and the word order makes no sense and the articles take different endings depending on a bunch of confusing factors that I don't really understand. As far as I can tell there are a bunch of rules and there isn't any trick to learning them... you just have to know them. Even Torsten, a native speaker, has trouble answering me when I ask him to explain why a word is one way when it was another way in the previous lesson.

For example, articles take a different ending in sentences if the sentence could answer a question that starts with "wen," which means "who," except there's another word, "wer," that also means "who," but if the question starts with wer instead of wen, then the article in the answer doesn't take the different ending, and I have no idea what the difference between wen and wer even IS, and the article applies whether or not anyone has actually ASKED the freaking question to begin with.

AND THE WHOLE FREAKING LANGUAGE IS LIKE THAT.

(I just showed Torsten that paragraph I wrote about the wen/wer thing, and asked if it was right. He read it and said, "Exactly." Which, HAHA, exactly WHAT? Exactly yes this is insane? Exactly yes German is unnecessarily complicated? Exactly yes it is impossible to understand and exactly yes I have indeed summarized this ridiculous rule accurately? ARGH. EXACTLY.)

Luckily, I have a natural affinity for new languages, and that is helping me because my mind makes connections that I don't even know it's making. So, when I go through a grammar lesson and it's asking me which of the three genders a particular word takes, sometimes I just know, I can just tell what sounds right, and it turns out that I've seen the word once or twice before and somehow my brain has clung to that knowledge. THAT is what saves me from going completely insane.

The other thing is that I'm trying not to worry too much about the grammar. Complete fluency isn't the goal here--it's about communication. And I don't think anyone will care if I use the wrong article as long as it's clear what I'm trying to say. So I just keep reminding myself every time I make a mistake on a grammar question that yes, I want to learn it, and yes, it will get easier, but in the meantime, I'm learning words and sentence structure that will allow me to communicate with my in-laws and, eventually, understand my children even when they aren't speaking English. And that is key.

Also, I think it's weird that only just now, many many lessons into this, have I learned how to say "My name is" and "Nice to meet you." But, better late than never, right?

Ich heisse Jess. Nett, Sie kennenzulernen.

(SEE? The word for "meet" is about 17 times longer than it needs to be. And it's not specific to this phrase. You can also kennenzulernen someone in the street. Why? WHY?)

Face2Face

So, remember a few months ago when I posted about how disappointed we were that Elton John and Billy Joel were performing in Denver when we were going to be out of town? Well, that concert ended up getting canceled and, shortly thereafter, rescheduled. Luckily this happened before Torsten decided to quit his job and we implemented the spending freeze, so we purchased tickets (though at least we were smart enough to buy the less expensive seats) back in what is now known as our Happy Go Lucky Period.

And, well, I'm so glad we did. The concert was last night and it was one of the best concerts I've ever been to. Torsten feels the same way. We are both still half deaf but it was so, so worth it. Look, here's a crappy BlackBerry for posterity/to prove we were there (though I'm not sure this photo could actually be used as evidence of anything):


I'm what you might call a casual fan of both of Elton and Billy... as in, I know and love their big hits, can probably recognize their voices if a more obscure song comes on the radio, but am not familiar with their work beyond that. So, I was a little concerned that they might play a bunch of album cuts that I had never heard, but I guess both of them are veterans enough to know what their bread and butter songs are, because I swear they played every one.

Seriously, every time they played another one I thought that surely they must have hit the limit of songs of theirs that I know and love, and then another one would happen. They started with Your Song, which made me super happy because that's one of my favorite songs, and only continued from there. I swear, the only song I can think of by either of them that wasn't played was New York State of Mind.

Elton is a total kook, which I hadn't realized. His outfits were insane, but also awesome. And Billy Joel could have a backup career as a stand-up comedian. Torsten tells me that's his thing, but I didn't know, which just made his dry one-liners extra hilarious. And, they both signed autographs on stage during their set, which I thought was super nice of them.

Plus, these two are a brilliant pairing. Their voices and styles mesh so well. AND the concert was so long! There was no opening act, and we were there for almost four hours. They played a few songs together to start, then Elton did a set on his own that lasted over an hour, and then Billy did the same thing, and then they played a long set together. The crowd was super into it, and to my own surprise, we were far from being the youngest people there.

And... bizarrely... it was romantic. I wasn't expecting that AT ALL, but there it was. It was an awesome experience to share.

Absolutely worth the price of admission, even if we had purchased the tickets post spending freeze. If they ever come back to Denver (assuming we aren't totally broke at that point), we will DEFINITELY go to see them again.

A tale of two rooms

We moved Torsten's office down to the basement. Now, the only stuff that is left in the bedroom upstairs that was his office is a giant pile of junk that he needs to remove.

So, now is the prime time for painting the nursery. Except, now we've been struck with another question: which is the best room for the nursery?

We have three spare bedrooms upstairs. One is my office, and will stay that way. One of the others is currently the guest room, and the third, Torsten's former office, is standing empty.

Originally we were planning to make the third room the nursery. That's the one I posted about before, with the chair rail. Let's look at it again, to refresh our memories.

From the doorway:


View of the nook, closet, and doorway:


View from the nook:


View of the closet:


This room is by far the smallest room in the house (that rug is 8'x5', if that helps with scale). It is the only bedroom with chair rail. It has a walk-in closet that is smaller than the other walk-in closets, but still sizable. It also has a nook that looks like it was a regular closet with the sliding doors removed. It faces the street, and has one double window. It is down the hall and around the corner from our bedroom.

Now, let's look at the current guest room.

View from the doorway:


View of the closet and doorway:


View of the closet:


This room is significantly larger than the other room (for scale, note that the bed is queen size). It is in the corner of the house, with a double window facing the back yard and a single window facing the side yard and neighboring house. It has a large walk-in closet. It is directly down the hall from our room (the doors of the two rooms face each other from opposite ends of the hall). It does not have chair rail.

So, here are the considerations we've come up with relating to the two rooms:

• The guest bed is already in the guest room, and it would be a pain to move it, as it is heavy, solid wood, and we would have to take it apart. (However, Torsten says he watched the guys put it together and knows how to do it, and it would not be difficult.)
• The guest bed has a big headboard. We wanted this, as it allows bed occupants to sit up and lean back to read without crushing their spines against the window frame. However, it is so big that it blocks half the window. If we moved it to the other room, it could be placed against the wall that has no window, thus eliminating this problem.
• The bed is fairly big, and the other room is fairly small. The bed would definitely dominate the smaller room.
• Because the other room is so small, and because of the window, the nook, the closet, and the doorway, configurations for that room are extremely limited. In fact, it is the type of room that is really better off just having one main piece of furniture in it, such as a desk or a bed. It is sort of naturally inclined to be a guest room.
• It would be very hard to configure a nursery in that room. The only place for the crib would be against the one wall that has no windows and dorms. The changing table would pretty much have to go in that nook. And as for other things like chairs and shelves, I still don't really know where they would go. This would definitely require some creative finagling.
• The smaller room has the chair rail, which would allow for the two-tone turquoise paint job we were planning to do.
• The chair rail and nook also mean that the paint job will be more complex (though this seems like a minor consideration, since that only causes extra work for a single weekend and then it will be done).
• Because the other room does not have chair rail and would therefore be painted only one shade, it opens up the possibility of doing some sort of cool stenciling on the wall instead of the two-tone thing (as an aside, if anyone has any stenciling ideas/suggestions, I'd love to hear them).
• The size and layout of the other room mean that it would be very flexible as far as layout is concerned. It would also translate well to an older kid's room. The smaller room would severely limit the possibility that an older child could, say, have a second bed in the room for friends, siblings, etc. Or set up a desk or a bunch of shelves or anything else, really, beyond the basics. So, if we made that room the nursery, we would likely end up eventually moving the kid into one of the other bedrooms.
• The bigger room is big enough that the baby furniture could end up looking lost in there. I'm not sure about this. I'd have to see how it all looked at the end. But people seem to tend to use smaller rooms as nurseries? Is this just because they seem cozier? Is there some sort of reason for this that I haven't thought of?
  
• The smaller room faces the street, and can easily be seen into by people on the street at night. I'd prefer a more private room to do things like breastfeed in. On the other hand, I'm sure our guests would prefer some privacy as well. (At the moment, our blinds are totally see-through, as you can see in the photos--that's as closed as they get.) One way or the other, I think we're going to have to get better blinds for that room, so this is probably a moot point.

I don't know what to doooooooo. We are leaning toward moving the guest bed and using the bigger room as the nursery (can you tell that from the above list?) but we're not sure. We'd like to start painting soon, though, so we have to make a decision. What do you think? Which room would make a better nursery? And which room would make a better guest room? And if the answer to both those questions is the same room, what other considerations should be taken into account?

PANIC alert

I have two things I want to note quickly, and then one thing I want to panic about, not quickly.

First: I have a new post up at Bodies about why I'm not on birth control pills anymore. Fun with charting! (And no, we're not trying to conceive. Yet. Unfortunately.)

Second: I am selling some of my too-big clothes. I've already sold eight pieces, but I have another 20 or so left. Email me if you're interested and I'll show you what I've got.

Now, onto the panic. We've known for awhile that Torsten's parents would be coming to visit this summer, but we thought it would be for 10 days to two weeks. We were looking forward to it, actually. They're challenging, but they're also nice, and this will be their first time in Denver, seeing our house, meeting Montana, and so on. I was looking forward to hosting them in our home and hopefully getting to know them a bit better (at least as much as the language barrier allows).

BUT. Now they've told Torsten that they're planning on coming for three to four weeks. Four weeks is a month. A MONTH!!

It's not them, really it's not. I like them, I do. I mean, they're not exactly low-maintenance, and the language barrier makes things challenging, but it's not like they're evil and intolerable or anything. They mean well, though I do get frustrated with their negativity and complete lack of support for Torsten's choices (sample comment: That is a stupid name for your company. And the website design is ugly. And really, why would anyone pay you for these services?).

They're nice people. I'm sure his dad will help with some home improvement projects, and his mother will probably do some excellent cooking. They like to hike, and we should have fun. And hopefully since they won't be staying in a hotel and we won't have to plan times and places to meet up, it will be somewhat more relaxed than past visits.

But four weeks. FOUR WEEKS. I don't think there is anyone that I would be happy to have in our house for that long, no matter who it was. And we'll feel the need to entertain and whenever Torsten isn't in the room there will be lots of awkward smiling and nodding, since we can barely converse. And at night we won't be able to just relax and read or watch TV or whatever. And that's what I need, that is my time. Our time. Oh god.

And also, apparently they won't be renting a car? So it will just be the four of us with our Civic. Which means that if they go somewhere during the day while we're working, we'll both be stuck at home. Conversely, if we go to the gym or the dog park or the grocery store, they'll be stuck at home. And we'll have to, like, SCHEDULE the car in case someone has a doctor's appointment one day.

Seriously, I really think that if they just rented a car this whole trip would seem a lot less scary to me. The idea of all having to do everything together is just... well. I guess I'm an introvert in that I need alone time to recharge. And having house guests for four weeks... oh MY.

Also, I'm hoping to be pregnant by then, and I can't decide if that will make things better or worse. It could be better, in that I'd have an excuse to retire to my room to nap, throw up, etc., and I'd have an excellent reason not to participate in every little activity. But it could be worse in that I'd be, you know, pregnant and possibly miserable, and possibly not have the energy to deal with guests and their needs. I want to be hospitable, you know? Welcome them to our house and home, show them the sights, take them hiking and on weekend trips and whatnot. And if I'm pregnant and exhausted... well, we'll see.

I am trying so hard to get Torsten to convince them to rent a car. AT LEAST for part of the time. Thinking about the four of us (plus the dog, and possibly a fetus) stuck together in the house, basically chained together as far as decision-making and leaving the house go... it's not good for my stress levels, that's all I'm saying.

Four weeks. A MONTH WITH THE IN-LAWS OMG.

Our year in Denver: a timeline

This week marks the one-year anniversary since we drove into Denver for the first time (February 16). It was 60 degrees and sunny and we drove through town with our windows down, our car packed full of stuff, looking for an affordable hotel to stay at while we hunted for an apartment. We ended up at a Red Lion and started looking at rentals that same day.

Two days later we went to visit our house (February 18). I had seen it online while checking out real estate listings before we moved, and I couldn't get it out of my head. I wanted to see it in person so that I could find all its flaws and forget about it. Instead, I loved it. We both did. But we knew it was insane to buy a house the week we arrived in town, before we knew if we would even like it here. So we went back to the Red Lion.

The next day we moved into our apartment (February 19). The moving truck arrived the next day with the rest of our stuff (February 20). We had upgraded from a one-bedroom apartment in DC to a three-bedroom in order to accommodate both of our new working-from-home situations. That weekend we went out and bought a desk for Torsten's office, because until then we only owned one desk (February 21).

That week we also made appointments to "interview" Montana and one other dog at the prison program (February 23). They didn't have an opening for a few weeks. I thought I was going to die with anticipation waiting for those few weeks. (The feeling kind of reminds me of how I feel now, actually, about waiting to have a baby.) We both wanted a dog so badly that when we stopped at PetSmart to buy some supplies like a leash and dishes, we seriously considered adopting a very cute cattle dog they had on site that day (February 22). But we knew it made more sense to wait and make a more rational decision about a dog that would be a good fit for us, so we left without adopting anybody.

A few weeks later we went to the prison (March 5). We met Montana in the parking lot. We met the other dog too. They were both so sweet, we had trouble deciding. But we knew from the personality profiles that Montana would be a great fit for us, so we went with our logic and picked her. They took her away to wash her and get her ready for our "go-home" class, and we got our visitor passes and checked into the prison. Two hours later, we watched in her final class with an inmate handler, so delicate, so graceful, so cautious. I cried, and Torsten and I both fell in love with her. She wasn't just the logical decision; in that moment, she became the emotional decision as well. She came home with us the same day.

Two weeks after that, knowing by then that Denver was the place for us and unable to get the house out of our minds, we went back to look at it again (March 14). We made an offer the same day. The next day we took Montana for a hike in the foothills, her first with us, and got a call from our realtor on our drive home that our offer had been accepted.

A couple weeks after that I attended a seminar and a follow-up appointment with my surgeon (April 2). At the follow-up appointment, we set the date for my lap-band surgery.

A couple weeks after that, we closed on our house (April 16). We moved in that weekend, during a snowstorm (April 19). And we both seriously plan to never, ever move again. No, really. Never. We went from a two-room apartment to an eight-room house in the space of two months. No more upgrading is required.

A month later, I had my lap-band surgery (May 14). I came home the same day and spent many days sleeping with an ice pack on my abdomen and eating basically nothing. I lost 20 pounds in those first few weeks.

After that the dates become fuzzier. Our lives became more routine. There's been hiking and gym-going and cooking and sleeping and working and traveling. There's been mountains and decorating and planning and visits to the dog park and farmer's markets and snowstorms. There's been new friends and lunches out and parties and visits from friends and family. There's been fires in the fireplaces and new furniture and lazy weekends and doggy baths in the backyard. There's been over 70 pounds lost and wedding photos framed and hung and money earned and money spent. There's been a job quit and a company started. There's been cuddling and laughing and barking and yes, whining (mostly, but not entirely, on the dog's part).

In short, it's been awesome. It's been the life we were seeking, the life that we've found. It's been exactly what we were hoping for and a million things that we never would have expected. It's been full and rich and awesome and wonderful and scary and overwhelming and fantastic.

It's been a hell of a year.

I was an enabler.

Torsten and I have a credit card with a $560 limit that we haven't used in over two years, since its introductory 5% back rewards period ended. The other day we got a letter informing us that the card was now going to charge an annual fee of $60, waived if we spent over $2400 per year on the card. Which: ha ha ha ha NO.

So, since I manage our finances and logistics and all of that stuff, I called them up right away to cancel the card. Only to be told that since Torsten is the primary cardholder, only he can close the account. Even though I set it up in his name. Even though we're married. Even though I had every bit of information they required to verify my/our identity. Even though I have to tell him what his social security number is.

You know, this has happened before. Sometimes I lie and say that I'm Torsten. The name is just unfamiliar enough that it could be a girl name, like Hayden. But most of the time I feel bad doing that and tell the truth.

This is the part where I'm an enabler. We signed up for a one-month Experian membership awhile back, to find out our credit scores? And by "we" I mean "I," because I entered all the details and got the information I was looking for. And then I called up to cancel. And they wouldn't let me cancel Torsten's account.

So did I make him call back later? No. I called back later, myself. Then I walked upstairs to Torsten only for the two seconds required for him to verify a bit of personal information. I held the phone to his ear while he said what was required. Then I finished the call. I could not possibly have made it any easier for him.

So, this time? I didn't do that. I handed over the card and the letter and told him to call them. I intervened halfway through his dialing when I realized that OF COURSE he would dial the first number he saw on the back of the card, which is the ATM locator, instead of READING and seeing that he actually needed to call the SECOND number on the card for customer service. And then I let him have at it, all by himself.

And he had to enter all his information multiple times. And he got busy signals and he got disconnected. And he had to be transferred and wait on hold. And it took him quite awhile to do something very simple that seems like it should be quick.

And he got very grumpy about it. There were a lot of sighs and groans and muttered expletives.

And I? Well, apparently I'm the unsympathetic type of wife. I've gone from enabler to cold-hearted in the space of one phone call. Because I deal with that stuff on a regular basis. I have lost hours of my life to holds and transfers and flawed speech recognition software. And all the while, my husband is working away in his office, blissfully unaware of the frustration.

So, when I listened to my husband get increasingly, impotently infuriated? I swear to god I actually cackled gleefully. I feel much more appreciated and understood now, you know?

Because of course there's stuff he does too, like kill bugs. But I KNOW how hard that stuff is--that's why I don't like to do it. And now he knows how hard the stuff that I do is too. And THAT makes me happy. Is that so bad? At least I'm not an enabler anymore.

On watching the Olympics

I love the Winter Olympics. I may love them even more than the Summer Olympics, since I don't care much about most running events. What I have noticed about the Winter sports, though, is that they are WAY more dangerous than the summer events. I mean, obviously we all know that the luge is not safe. But also, what about speed skating? Those blades? And even just regular figure skating can lead to injury, especially when skiing in pairs. And ski jumping? I don't know how much that helmet can help if you mistime a jump and land on your head, you know?

Of course, this makes sense. Summer weather lends itself to basically doing whatever you want, mostly on your own two feet. Winter weather and the attendant snow and ice require all sorts of funky contraptions and strange adaptations. Plus, snow and ice are slippery. So of course Winter events are more dangerous. Still, I love the Winter Olympics and have really been looking forward to watching them.

As those of you who follow me on Twitter (and haven't un-followed me after my 20-30 tweets of rage on Friday night) probably know during the opening ceremonies, I was a little upset at NBC's decision to air the ceremonies on a delay for those of us not on EST. I feel worse for West Coasters, though--they had a much longer delay than we did.

Coverage seems to have aligned since then, at least a bit--I'm not sure if we're still on a delay or not. I am really enjoying NBC's commentators, all of whom seem to really care about and have experience in the sport in question. (For example: during the biathlon, someone asked if the course was too easy, and one of the commentators had actually just skied it himself the other day, and was able to respond with great knowledge and insight that someone like, say, Tom Brokaw could never have attained.)

HOWEVER. NBC's coverage, as a network? Blows. I don't know how many of you have had the opportunity to experience other countries' televised Olympic coverage, but it blows ours out of the water. I was living in France during the 2002 Olympics, and the way it worked was fabulous. Channels had selectable thumbnails of all the events going on simultaneously, and you could pick which sport you wanted to watch in full screen. Events were re-aired later in case you wanted to see something you missed the first time. There are very few, if any, commercials. You see all the competitors and watch the competition unfold in a logical manner. Torsten says German coverage is similar.

Let's compare this to NBC, shall we? They show a few things on their other networks, but we don't get USA, CNBC, or MSNBC in HD, so that's very frustrating for us. In any case, the program you watch gives you no choice about which events you'll see and in what order. They deliberately hold the good events until prime time, and the most popular events are used as leverage. The figure skating (which I assume is the most popular) gets interspersed throughout the entire evening's telecast, basically forcing people who want to see it to watch the full program to make sure they don't miss anything.

They show only a handful of the athletes, and a disproportionate number of American competitors, including those who have no shot at a medal. With the men's mogul qualifying round, they didn't even show the top-scoring guy's run. And they showed a figure skating pair's performance but not their scores.

Plus, they seem to have a new set of commercials every three minutes.

Basically, NBC is driving me crazy. A delay plus insane jumping back and forth plus very limited coverage plus American-heavy coverage plus tons of commercials? Basically, what it comes down to is that their coverage of the Olympic Games isn't about an optimal viewing experience for those of us who actually want to watch... it's about maximizing ratings and cashing in as much as possible. And that's really sad for those of us who would really like to be able to just watch the Games as they happen.

Credit card telemarketing

In the last couple weeks I've gotten a couple of bizarre telemarketing calls. One was from a woman who mumbled her company's name totally incoherently, then went on about how she'd gotten my information from my credit card (she even had the credit card NUMBER) and wasn't I so lucky! Because she was going to send me a big packet of materials that offered discounts to all these different retailers! AND there would be $120 in free gas vouchers! And I didn't have to do anything! It was all free!

For the first month, that is. After that, if I didn't call to cancel, it would be $30 per month.

I asked her REPEATEDLY if this was opt-in or opt-out. As in, if the envelope arrived in the mail and I tossed it straight in the trash, would they start billing me? And she was the master of evasion. First she told me that I wouldn't throw it in the trash because it was a clearly marked red and white envelope. Then she said a few things that sounded vaguely like it was opt-in, and I wasn't committing to anything, but weren't quite that clear-cut.

FINALLY she transferred me to another woman to verify my address. And I asked that woman the same question... is this opt-in or opt-out? And after asking several times, she FINALLY clarified that it's opt-out. That's when I learned that I would have to call to cancel or else I'd start getting charged. Also, she still had my DC address. How do they have my correct credit card number but a year-old address?

This woman called during working hours. I answered the phone despite not recognizing the number because I thought it might be a coworker calling from a cell phone. I was busy trying to meet a deadline at the time. If I hadn't been paying attention, and just said sure, go ahead, send me the damn thing, thinking I'd deal with it later? I assume I never would have received it, it wouldn't have been returned to sender because it's essentially junk mail, or if I had received it I would have thrown it away without knowing what it was, and then a $30 monthly charge would have shown up on my credit card bill.

The second call I got was from someone who said that I was so lucky, because my credit card had qualified me to be entered in a sweepstakes! Yay me! And if he could just get a bit of info from me, he'd go ahead and enroll me.

This time I didn't even wait to hear his spiel. I just told him I wasn't interested, asked him to take me off his list, and hung up.

Is this even legal? I don't know who sold them my info... whether it was the credit card company themselves (trying to find a new way to make some money now that stricter regulations have been put in place?) or someone I purchased from... but how can it possibly be OK to give out my credit card number without my permission? I mean, what the hell? And has anything like this happened to you?

I would if I could but I can't so I won't

So back when we first implemented this spending freeze, I read this article about a "financial fast." I didn't read it for advice, really... just out of curiosity, mostly. And of course our spending freeze is lasting more than 21 days. And what this woman proposed was a bit more extreme than what we're doing (probably because it only has to last for 21 days).

But one thing she suggested was no window shopping. And I have actually sort of generally tried to stay away from looking at things that I want but can't have, particularly online.

However. I kind of enjoy looking at new clothes and stuff, and KNOWING that I can't have them is kind of good. It means there's no dithering about whether it's worth it, how much I will wear it, and so on. And it's enjoyable to see what's around and look at all the pretty clothes.

So, with no further ado, I present you the clothes I would buy if Torsten hadn't quit his job. And by "clothes" I mean "dresses," obviously. Because what's more fun than a dress? Also, nearly all of my dresses are now too big.

1. A lovely LBD. I need this, right? Because I don't have an LBD that fits anymore.

2. A floral sundress. It's almost spring! Florals for spring! Yes?


3. You can hardly go wrong with summery J. Crew. Seriously.


4. This dress is purple. AND it has one strap. I like that!


5. More florals. But that's a good way to pretend that it's May now instead of February, don't you think?


What about you? Anything (dress or otherwise) you've been coveting? If so, do you think you'll actually buy it?

Valentine expectations

This year will be the fourth Valentine's Day since Torsten and I met. And we have no romantic plans. And I'm totally happy about that. When we first together, we did make romantic plans, and somehow it never worked out quite right.

I don't hate Valentine's Day. Yes, it's a Hallmark holiday and all, but I like the idea of designating a day to focus on love and romance. I don't think it serves as a get-out-of-jail free day for being loving toward your significant other the other 364 days of the year, either. I can totally understand why it depresses people who are single and wish they weren't. I have been there myself.

But my problem with Valentine's Day is the expectations. Any other day, your husband sends you flowers and you're surprised and happy. On Valentine's Day, you expect the flowers, he has to send the flowers, he pays a huge premium for the flowers, and the florists are so overburdened that they probably send crappy flowers that arrive late.

Basically, Valentine's Day leads to high expectations which are really just setting yourself up for failure.

Let's review the three V-Days that Torsten and I have shared so far.

1. 2007. Torsten didn't send me flowers because he didn't think I would care about that stuff (WRONG). We made reservations at a fancy restaurant that was very highly regarded. It was wildly overpriced and the food was mediocre. I imagine that the restaurant would be much better on pretty much any other day of the year. We exchanged small gifts. I got Torsten a DVD and he got me a book+CD set of beginning German lessons. The day wasn't awful, but it was overpriced and somewhat disappointing.
2. 2008. The year of the flower fiasco. Need I say more?
3. 2009. The day we moved out of our DC apartment and started our three-day drive to Denver. We drove through a scary snowstorm in West Virginia, ate dinner at a random restaurant in Columbus, and spent the night in a Fairfield Inn on the Ohio-Indiana border. We both hardly remembered that it was Valentine's Day, but we were happy and excited and it was wonderful.

And you know what? Apparently the third time's the charm, because that Valentine's Day was fantastic, by far the best we've had, and it's because there were no expectations. That's the secret, really it is.

I don't think I could force myself not to have expectations for Valentine's Day. I don't think I could just decide to get over it and then be over it. In fact, I think those first two Valentine's Days had to happen in order for me to get over the concept as a whole.

Maybe we're boring old married party poopers, but I am legitimately over Valentine's Day. This year we happen to have a friend staying with us on Valentine's Day, and neither of us even realized it at first. And when we did, we didn't care.

I didn't care. ME. Miss Irrational-Freak-Out-Over-Ridiculous-Flowers. I don't care. And it is seriously awesome.

What about you? Do you care about Valentine's Day? Has your perspective on it changed over the year?

Two-tone

Thank you so much for the input on the nursery painting. We are definitely going to go with the majority on this one and keep the chair rail (also, thanks to all of you for teaching me that term) white. Also, I was intrigued to see the suggestion of a darker turquoise below the chair rail. A lot of people said it but I was having trouble picturing it until Chris linked to an example. Of course, this is yellow and ours will be turquoise, but I love the concept:


I showed it to Torsten and he likes the idea too, so I think we're definitely going to go with that (minus the cheetah). We'll pick out a few possible paint colors for the top part, get samples and paint some squares on the wall to see what we think, pick a shade of turquoise for the top part of the wall, and then go with the color 2 to 3 shades darker on the same paint card for the wall below the chair rail. I am so excited to do this! And hopefully we won't hate the way it looks. I think the two-tone is a great way to inject a brighter color into the room while allowing it to be generally soothing instead of overwhelming.

So! That's the plan. Two-tone turquoise walls with white trim, probably white furniture (I don't think I want a yellow crib), and then yellow accents like bedding, curtains, art, and so on. But of course, since there's no baby to plan for yet, the only part of this concept that will be executed in the near future is the paint. The rest of it will have to wait, like me.

SO. Since the waiting game isn't fun for anyone, let's talk about something else! Like the fact that it's snowed more in DC than in Denver this winter, and DC is expecting another foot or so of snow tonight! How about that?

Seriously, Denver got a quick three inches yesterday, and schools weren't closed or anything. It was just like a flurry that kept on going. I spent 10 minutes shoveling and then I was done. But MAN, DC just got PUMMELED. And that city is not at all prepared. My sister sent me photos of plows that attempted to clear her street, but got stuck in the process. That doesn't happen in Denver, because we get snow a lot and we are equipped with vehicles that can handle the mess. But DC? My god, no wonder the federal government is closed today for the second day in a row.

We got out just in time, basically. I love snow, but it makes such a difference living in a city that is prepared to deal with it. I mean, I haven't even noticed lines at the grocery store before impending snowstorms here. (Though maybe that's just because we don't rush to the store ourselves before a storm? Who knows.)

Anyway, what about you? Have you had snow? If so, is it awesome or just a pain in the ass?

Room painting choices

Our house has four bedrooms upstairs--the master and three others. Of those three, one is our guest room and the other two serve as Torsten's and my offices. Eventually, we plan to convert the rooms currently serving as our offices into kid rooms. If we're both still working from home at that point, either we'll both set up office in different parts of the basement, or we'll set up the guest room to double as an office for one of us. But of course the hope is that by the time we need two rooms for kids, Torsten's company will be big enough to require an actual office in an office building somewhere nearby.

The point in all this is that Torsten has decided he wants to go ahead and move his office into the basement. This has nothing to do with future kid rooms or anything--he just wants a new space to work from, rather than a space that he associates with his old job.

This actually works out great--he wants to move, he has to sort through all the crap in his office now while he's changing jobs anyway, he has a lot of new stuff to set up so he might as well do it in a new space--and plus, as I may have mentioned here before, we're hoping to have a baby sometime in the nearish future, which means that one of us would have to be moving an office to the basement anyway. So, he'll move down there now, and the room that currently houses his office will stand empty for awhile.

And... well, while it's standing empty would be a good time to paint it, no? I feel bizarrely superstitious about doing anything to a planned nursery before there's an actual baby on the way, you know? But at the same time, it would make sense to do it now, and also, I would love to do something concrete and baby-related. It would make me feel slightly better about having to wait to actually have the baby.

Also, we've decided that we want to do the future nursery in turquoise and yellow. I love that color combination, and it's nicely unisex without being boring yellow and green. Behold a couple examples of yellow and turquoise nurseries (source and source--and more pics of both nurseries at the links):



So, if we paint the room, it will be turquoise. And honestly, if something happens and the baby-having is delayed or somehow never ends up happening? I have zero problem with having at least one colorful room in our house. Every room right now is painted a lovely neutral beige, and while it works quite well, I wouldn't mind having a bit more color in our lives, you know?

So, we're thinking we'll paint it, assuming the paint and various other equipment we'll need doesn't cost too insanely much (considering the spending freeze and all). And that's where you come in.

Here are a couple crappy pictures of the room. Please ignore the heinous mess. Torsten has yet to clean it out.



See how there's that white molding thing around the middle of the walls? What do we do with it? If we paint the walls turquoise, should we leave the molding white? Or should we paint it a pale, buttery sort of yellow? Not anything too blinding, but something that would contribute to the eventual planned color scheme of the room? But then if we did that, would that look weird with the closet door in the second photo and the baseboards and the molding around the nook and the shelves in the nook in the first picture? Would we have to paint all of those things yellow too, and if we did that, would it be overkill? Maybe we should just leave it all white and then get a white crib to match?

Also, what do you think of the color scheme, in general? Are we crazy for liking this?

Plans for the year

This year is not going to be a big one for us in terms of travel. We don't really have any vacations planned, and don't expect to add any, mostly because of Torsten's company but also because I want to save up my leave time and roll it over to 2011 to extend my hoped-for future maternity leave. For example, this will be the first year of our relationship that we will not be going to Germany to visit Torsten's family.

However, there are a few things we have scheduled, and a few things that I am still hoping to schedule. We have been saving up credit card rewards for ages and have quite a few accrued, and I'm thinking this year is the time to use them.

• I'm going to DC in March for work and for my sister. Torsten will be accompanying me for a few days but not for the whole time. My company is paying for my plane ticket and we're using credit card rewards to pay for Torsten's ticket. I will likely go to DC for work again in the fall, but we'll see.
  
• I want to go to San Francisco to visit my best friend sometime this spring. I think we have enough credit card miles to make this happen too. I hope.
  
• My French host sister is getting married in May and I am absolutely dying to go to the wedding. I haven't been to France to visit my host family and friends there for three years, and I miss them. Different members of my host family have been to the US to visit us on two different occasions since my last visit. One occasion was our wedding. I really, really, really want to go to this, be there for her, and see everyone I love and miss over there. I know I could stay with friends for free, and we have this bonus on one of our credit cards where we can use a few hundred dollars' worth of points to get a round trip ticket to Europe worth up to $800, so I could do it for minimal expense. But of course with no money we are using our credit card rewards for everything right now, and they only go so far. And Torsten wouldn't be able to come because we don't have enough rewards for two tickets, and he wouldn't be able to take the time away from his new company anyway. So it would just be me, which is disappointing, especially since he still hasn't been to France with me and seen where I used to live and met all my friends. But I still really want to do it. It would be worth using a couple vacation days at work. Still, is it ridiculous to fly nine to ten hours each way to spend what amounts to a long weekend in France?
• Depending on timing and how everything works out, I may or may not be fairly far along in a pregnancy by the time the holidays roll around, which means I would probably not want to fly, which means I may or may not get to spend the holidays with my family. As a result, we want to make sure to visit my parents this summer. The nice thing about working remotely is that I can just work from their house instead of ours, and I won't have to use vacation time for this. I think we have just enough credit card miles to cover this trip as well. That would be it, though, after that. Which is fine, really. Hopefully by the time all our credit card rewards are used up, Torsten will have a couple clients and we will have two incomes again.
  
• Torsten's parents are planning to come visit in July. They haven't booked their trip yet, but I believe they're planning to stay for three weeks. In the past when they've visited, it's gone better than expected, but this will be their longest trip yet, as well as the first time they've actually stayed with us. So, we'll see how that goes. In the meantime, I seriously need to get back on that Rosetta Stone thing.
• I'm assuming my parents will come out to visit us at least a couple times this year, but nothing definite has been planned yet.
  

What about you? What travel and visits do you have planned, or are you hoping to plan, for this year?

Deleting posts from Google Reader

So, I had a thought. You know how if you delete a blog post, you can never REALLY delete it because it will always be there in Google Reader? This isn't something I do regularly, but I know some people post things and then realize their families can read them or whatever, and want to take them down, but the deleted posts can always be found in Google Reader, even months later.

Well, I've noticed that if you update a blog post, after a little while the updated version shows up in Google Reader, even if the original post was already there.

So, do you see where I'm going with this? I'm thinking that if you regret posting something and decide to take it down... instead of just deleting it, you should edit it. You could even just change the title and text to both say "test," or whatever you wanted. Then, just wait until the updated version shows in Google Reader before deleting the post.

Has anyone tried this? Does it work?

Concerns about international adoption

I keep reading these stories about Haitian kids being brought out of Haiti as fast as possible, about adoptions being fast-tracked and paperwork being missing and orphanages saving lives. Lots of the stories take the angle of the Americans, French, etc. as saviors, bringing these children away from misery and suffering into wonderful new lives. And in some cases, maybe that's true. But the whole thing makes me squirmy.

I have to say, right up front, that I think that everyone involved has the best of intentions. But I have some serious qualms. I can maybe understand the kids whose adoptions were already finalized being taken to their new homes ahead of schedule. But the ones whose adoptions were in process, and now the paperwork is lost? It seems to me that when paperwork is lost, that should be a reason to slow down a process to make sure everything is in order, instead of speeding it up.

And the kids who were supposedly abandoned? How can you call it abandonment when a country is in chaos, officials are finding it challenging to distribute aid because it's so hard to get around, the city has literally collapsed, and people have very limited ways of communicating? How can you know if a child has been abandoned or if the family is frantically looking for them and has not yet found them?

The whole thing makes me uncomfortable. Then, a few days ago, a group called Adoptees of Color released a statement that articulated everything about this situation that makes me uncomfortable.

But it also went well beyond my feelings on the matter, and touched on aspects of all international adoptions, aspects that I had thought about in the past, but not in that framework. Frankly, the statement gave me huge reservations about international adoption in general.

I've mentioned before that Torsten and I have seriously considered adopting, and are still considering it. I lived in Senegal for five months and have an interest in Africa, so my first thought was that we might like to adopt an African child. And as I said before, I wouldn't want to cut any child off from the culture where it was born and try to force it to assimilate completely to our lifestyles here.

But this statement had some really forceful language about international adoption, and it's coming from a group of adoptees of color--basically a group of people who come from the same situation that any child we adopted from Africa would be raised in. And the statement isn't just talking about Haiti.

Some especially striking quotes:

"We resist the racist, colonialist mentality that positions the Western nuclear family as superior to other conceptions of family, and we seek to challenge those who abuse the phrase 'Every child deserves a family' to rethink how this phrase is used to justify the removal of children from Haiti for the fulfillment of their own needs and desires. Western and Northern desire for ownership of Haitian children directly contributes to the destruction of existing family and community structures in Haiti. This individualistic desire is supported by the historical and global anti-African sentiment which negates the validity of black mothers and fathers and condones the separation of black children from their families, cultures, and countries of origin."

"We bear testimony to the ways in which the intercountry adoption industry has profited from and reinforced neo-liberal structural adjustment policies, aid dependency, population control policies, unsustainable development, corruption, and child trafficking."

"Our adoptions from Vietnam, South Korea, Guatemala and many other countries are no different from what is happening to the children of Haiti today. Like us, these 'disaster orphans' will grow into adulthood and begin to grasp the magnitude of the abuse, fraud, negligence, suffering, and deprivation of human rights involved in their displacements."

"We have learned first-hand that adoption (domestic or intercountry) itself as a process forces children to negate their true feelings of grief, anger, pain or loss, and to assimilate to meet the desires and expectations of strangers."

Well. Those are some strong words, right there. And I'm not saying I disagree with them. I absolutely think they're valid, and certainly those who have gone through this experience themselves can speak about it and what it means and how it affects them in a way that outsiders cannot.

And I would hope that in our family, at least some of these things wouldn't hold true. We aren't saying that our conception of family is better; we're saying it's also good. A potential future adopted child of ours would never be expected to deny their true feelings and emotions about their history and their family. But certainly, there's a broader culture and framework to all this that anyone who adopts internationally has to buy into, at least to a certain extent.

Frankly, reading this statement made me not want to adopt a child, ever, and certainly not internationally. It has definitely given me reservations that I didn't have before. It seems that the whole adoption experience is fraught with landmines. And I can only imagine how hurt and sad I would feel as the parent of one of these children to read these strong words written about their experience, and to know that they felt this way.

And I don't know if there's a way to stop it. Perhaps I'm over-thinking this, but this has certainly opened my eyes to a whole new dimension of international adoption, all international adoption, and probably some (or all) domestic adoptions as well.

I've always felt that conceiving a child is a somewhat selfish, though completely justifiable (I do plan on doing it myself, after all) act when there are so many children in the world who need homes. But of course adoption is never easy. It's not simple, it's not quick, it's not cheap, and there are all these moral questions and complicated emotional issues to address.

I guess it always seemed to me that adoption was a good thing to do, not that it is noble and selfless (as, after all, you are fulfilling your own desire to parent a child, or multiple children), but that it benefits everyone involved. And now I'm not so sure about that.

I am thinking, though, that if we do adopt a child, it will be through the U.S. foster system. We've both been thinking that for awhile, and this statement certainly makes me lean more in that direction. Not that that process would be without its own issues and concerns, because of course it would. But right now it's looking like the most palatable option to me.

Or maybe I'm just running away from the problem. One new perspective and I give up on the whole thing? Is that what's happening? I really don't know.

Positive feelings about taxes, for once

I've spent the last couple weeks gathering up records so we could file our taxes. Since we bought a house in 2009, this is our first year itemizing our deductions, and we had quite a few things to track, including:

• Mortgage interest
  
• Moving expenses
• Home office expenses
• Health costs (since my surgery cost so much, we met the threshold for the above-the-line deduction)
• State tax
• Property tax
• Charitable donations
  

I managed to gather every necessary receipt and record, and they are all now in one folder. All I was waiting on was my W-2, and it arrived yesterday, so I devoted last night to preparing our taxes.

Originally, since our taxes were complicated this year with all the deductions, plus our partial-year residency in two different states, I thought we'd hire an accountant to do this. But with the spending freeze and all, and knowing that doing your taxes is a matter of good records, careful reading of instructions, a bit of math, and filling out forms, I didn't see how we could justify the cost.

It took me a few hours to do it all, with the various forms, all the careful adding and percentages (especially for the home office stuff), the figuring out our exemptions and deductions in each state, and so on. But at the end of the day I am nearly positive that I did it all correctly. All the forms are filled out. Everything is carefully documented in one folder in case we ever get audited. We have not overstated or understated everything. It is accurate.

(As a side note, can I just say that I love living in Colorado? Not only is their income tax low, but they have an online form that does all the math for you and files your return electronically at the end. The opposite of DC, where taxes are high and the online form only allows married couples to file jointly, whereas the paper form allows married couples to file separately on the same form. Doing this saves a good amount of money when your incomes are unequal, because DC tax is progressive and you can allocate the deductions however you want, so I can give Torsten all of mine and pull him into a lower tax bracket.)

Turns out, we're due the biggest refund of our lives. I guess there's a silver lining to all that mortgage interest, huh? And this refund could not be coming at a better time, since yesterday was Torsten's last day at his old job. As of today

Now to spend the next six months obsessively checking our bank account every day, keeping an eye out for those direct deposits.

Resolution Review: One Month In

Well, it's Monday AND the first day of February, so it seems like a good idea to check in on those resolutions I made last month. I don't normally make New Year's resolutions, but since I made some big ones this year, it seems like a good idea to hold myself accountable throughout the course of the year. So, let's see how it's going.

1. Get our finances in order. Originally, this was about figuring out what to do with our savings. Except, ha ha, now we only have one income, and we're keeping our savings right where they are to serve as an investment and safety net, so suddenly "having our finances in order" doesn't mean "paying extra money toward our mortgage and starting a college savings account" anymore. Now it means "only spending what is absolutely necessary." And on that count, we've actually done very well. We've cut our grocery budget nearly in half, stopped eating out, and avoided buying anything that wasn't absolutely necessary. Other than the items budgeted for and mostly covered by my salary (mortgage, car payment, insurance, gas, utilities, gym membership, groceries, cleaning supplies, and health products) and business items, we purchased the following in January:

• Several months' worth of glucosamine pills, tartar control, and liver treats for the dog ($68)
• A small gift for Kristie to thank her for her awesome help answering my tax-related questions, since I plan to file our taxes myself ($15)
• A car wash to get the salt off our car after the last snowstorm ($8)

That's IT. $91 in unplanned expenses over the course of the month. And if you don't count the dog, which I really shouldn't because I actually budgeted the cost of her food, treats, and vet visits, all of which are covered by my salary, only $23. I'm going to call this one a resounding success.

2. Start working on obtaining a child. Well, this one isn't happening right now for obvious reasons. Though we have definitely decided that at least for the first kid, our first attempt to obtain the child will be through me trying to get pregnant. If we have trouble with that, or want more kids in the future, we'll see about potential adoption, fostering, etc. But for now, the goal is pregnancy, but not yet. However, I'm going to go ahead and take this one off the list for future resolution reviews, because there may come a time when I'm not ready or willing to discuss this, and I don't want to feel required to discuss it, or like my choice not to discuss it speaks louder than words.

3. Help Torsten advance in his career. Um, CHECK.

4. Spruce up the house. Well, we got an awesome dining room table as a Christmas gift from his parents and an awesome bed frame for our guest room as an early birthday gift for both of us from my parents. So we moved our old, square, wooden dining room table to the family room, and moved the recliners from the family room into the living room. And that's as much sprucing as is going to happen this year (unless there is a need for a nursery down the line, and/or Torsten's business suddenly takes off well beyond our expectations). We have some pictures we'd like to frame and hang, but right now picture frames fall in the category of "unnecessary, and therefore not allowed during the spending freeze."

5. Be more deliberate about our food. I must say, despite all the changes that we have quite successfully implemented this month, I may be the most proud of this one. This past month, we only ate out once, and that was a business dinner that was paid for by our colleague. Every other night, we either cooked or ate leftovers. Torsten has been doing some cooking, but I've been doing most of it, using some of our old favorite recipes and also some new recipes that I'd never tried before. And I've discovered that I'm actually a good cook! We've been planning meals in advance, buying ingredients cheaply, and spending MUCH less on food than ever before. And we aren't suffering at all. The food we've been eating is tasty, filling, and healthy, and we almost always have leftovers around the house the next day, which means we're also eating much healthier lunches. And I don't mind cooking, and I don't feel resentful of how much time it takes, and I've enjoyed experimenting and trying new recipes. I have no idea how long this honeymoon period will last, but I'll take it. This has been fabulous.

So! Overall, an excellent start to these resolutions. Now the real test will be to keep them going throughout the year.