I was an enabler.

Torsten and I have a credit card with a $560 limit that we haven't used in over two years, since its introductory 5% back rewards period ended. The other day we got a letter informing us that the card was now going to charge an annual fee of $60, waived if we spent over $2400 per year on the card. Which: ha ha ha ha NO.

So, since I manage our finances and logistics and all of that stuff, I called them up right away to cancel the card. Only to be told that since Torsten is the primary cardholder, only he can close the account. Even though I set it up in his name. Even though we're married. Even though I had every bit of information they required to verify my/our identity. Even though I have to tell him what his social security number is.

You know, this has happened before. Sometimes I lie and say that I'm Torsten. The name is just unfamiliar enough that it could be a girl name, like Hayden. But most of the time I feel bad doing that and tell the truth.

This is the part where I'm an enabler. We signed up for a one-month Experian membership awhile back, to find out our credit scores? And by "we" I mean "I," because I entered all the details and got the information I was looking for. And then I called up to cancel. And they wouldn't let me cancel Torsten's account.

So did I make him call back later? No. I called back later, myself. Then I walked upstairs to Torsten only for the two seconds required for him to verify a bit of personal information. I held the phone to his ear while he said what was required. Then I finished the call. I could not possibly have made it any easier for him.

So, this time? I didn't do that. I handed over the card and the letter and told him to call them. I intervened halfway through his dialing when I realized that OF COURSE he would dial the first number he saw on the back of the card, which is the ATM locator, instead of READING and seeing that he actually needed to call the SECOND number on the card for customer service. And then I let him have at it, all by himself.

And he had to enter all his information multiple times. And he got busy signals and he got disconnected. And he had to be transferred and wait on hold. And it took him quite awhile to do something very simple that seems like it should be quick.

And he got very grumpy about it. There were a lot of sighs and groans and muttered expletives.

And I? Well, apparently I'm the unsympathetic type of wife. I've gone from enabler to cold-hearted in the space of one phone call. Because I deal with that stuff on a regular basis. I have lost hours of my life to holds and transfers and flawed speech recognition software. And all the while, my husband is working away in his office, blissfully unaware of the frustration.

So, when I listened to my husband get increasingly, impotently infuriated? I swear to god I actually cackled gleefully. I feel much more appreciated and understood now, you know?

Because of course there's stuff he does too, like kill bugs. But I KNOW how hard that stuff is--that's why I don't like to do it. And now he knows how hard the stuff that I do is too. And THAT makes me happy. Is that so bad? At least I'm not an enabler anymore.