I don't hate Valentine's Day. Yes, it's a Hallmark holiday and all, but I like the idea of designating a day to focus on love and romance. I don't think it serves as a get-out-of-jail free day for being loving toward your significant other the other 364 days of the year, either. I can totally understand why it depresses people who are single and wish they weren't. I have been there myself.
But my problem with Valentine's Day is the expectations. Any other day, your husband sends you flowers and you're surprised and happy. On Valentine's Day, you expect the flowers, he has to send the flowers, he pays a huge premium for the flowers, and the florists are so overburdened that they probably send crappy flowers that arrive late.
Basically, Valentine's Day leads to high expectations which are really just setting yourself up for failure.
Let's review the three V-Days that Torsten and I have shared so far.
- 2007. Torsten didn't send me flowers because he didn't think I would care about that stuff (WRONG). We made reservations at a fancy restaurant that was very highly regarded. It was wildly overpriced and the food was mediocre. I imagine that the restaurant would be much better on pretty much any other day of the year. We exchanged small gifts. I got Torsten a DVD and he got me a book+CD set of beginning German lessons. The day wasn't awful, but it was overpriced and somewhat disappointing.
- 2008. The year of the flower fiasco. Need I say more?
- 2009. The day we moved out of our DC apartment and started our three-day drive to Denver. We drove through a scary snowstorm in West Virginia, ate dinner at a random restaurant in Columbus, and spent the night in a Fairfield Inn on the Ohio-Indiana border. We both hardly remembered that it was Valentine's Day, but we were happy and excited and it was wonderful.
I don't think I could force myself not to have expectations for Valentine's Day. I don't think I could just decide to get over it and then be over it. In fact, I think those first two Valentine's Days had to happen in order for me to get over the concept as a whole.
Maybe we're boring old married party poopers, but I am legitimately over Valentine's Day. This year we happen to have a friend staying with us on Valentine's Day, and neither of us even realized it at first. And when we did, we didn't care.
I didn't care. ME. Miss Irrational-Freak-Out-Over-Ridiculous-Flowers. I don't care. And it is seriously awesome.
What about you? Do you care about Valentine's Day? Has your perspective on it changed over the year?
I'm with you. Totally overrated. I tell my husband not to get me flowers on Valentine's Day, but to pick a totally random day during the year. It's so much nicer that way.
ReplyDeleteThe understated valentine's day is fabulous. We don't go out to dinner anymore, crowds and pre-fixed menus make me cranky. So we make dinner together at home, and watch or go to a movie.
ReplyDeletein any relationship, i've never been a big vday fan. but with stephen, he buys me flowers ALL the time, so i have zero expectation at all on vday. plus...our anniversary is a week later which is more important to me. but...vday or not, flowers are fun to get whether they are from ANYONE. one yr my parents sent me a big bottle of perfume. that was my fave vday thus far.
ReplyDeleteI have never really cared that much about Valentine's day, whether single, with a boyfriend, or now that I am married. I definitely did not expect flowers/gifts/whatever when we were dating or now as a married couple. It just seems like a holiday for the sake of a holiday and I am not into it. We don't need a holiday to be romantic!
ReplyDeleteI've never been a big Vday fan, so we don't really celebrate it. Not even with our poor, neglected kids! =)
ReplyDeleteHowever, we met on February 6th (11 years ago now!) so we usually do something date-like/romantic for each other for that. And since it's so close to Vday, it seems like we are celebrating a "love" holiday, but our holiday means more to us.
I think V-Day is overrated. But this year is different. Since I'm talking to that man who's 3,000 miles away and I can't see him for another 95 days I would give most anything to see him this Valentine's Day. I don't care about flowers or anything like that, I just want to be with him again.
ReplyDelete(So sappy! I know!)
So funny, Jess, I have a post about this that will go up tomorrow. So, I'll save the details for tomorrow. Let's just say that we're on the same side, only I'm a little more pissy about the holiday than you are. In other words, you're much nicer about it than I will be. ha.
ReplyDeleteThis is our 10th (!!) Valentine's Day together. And we have been doing the same thing all a long - it works great for us. We never go out. We stay in and drink a really nice bottle of pinot noir. Usually one we already have and have been saving. Husband makes dinner. Usually filet mignon because we've found that it is almost always on sale on V-day (frugality gets even more romantic the older you get!). And we sit around and reminisce. We talk about the last year. Or times past. We clink our glasses and remember how lucky we are.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah, and no gifts.
But, I do like getting flowers. ;)
It's an overrated holiday. We don't do gifts and sometimes J. will do flowers, but he knows I don't care if he does or not. Lately, we've been taking a long weekend to a nice place in WI for a mini vacation, and the last few years it's fallen over V-Day. So that's kind of our gift to each other.
ReplyDeleteThat means I've been reading you for about two years now because I remember the flower fiasco!
ReplyDeleteI am not much into V-day but I am now dating someone who would like to "surprise & spoil" me so... I'm going with it.
I completely agree that it's all about expectations. I don't expect anything for valentines day. Ryan and I usually go out to eat, but that's about it. This year, I would like to go to a movie if we don't have a baby yet, because it will probably be the last movie we go to for quite a while, and it works out well that Vday is on the weekend. Maybe we'll do a matinee and grab brunch beforehand, avoiding the crowds all-together.
ReplyDeleteDave and I have never really had huge Valentines Day expectations. Our first one he cooked me dinner, I baked for him, and we exchanged small gifts. The year after... I think we cooked together? Last year our Valentines Day was a week early (due to him working on V-Day) and that's when we got engaged. :) This year? Who knows. We may go do stuff in the city, but no major plans. We're all lovey with each other all year, we definitely don't need a day to show it. :)
ReplyDeleteI like it, but I've found I don't like it as a romantic holiday. I liked celebrating it when I was single (pizza, chocolate, movies), and I like doing the classroom valentines with the kids, and I like the Valentine's Day merchandise, but I find as you do that romantic expectations can ruin it---and I HATE crowds and overpricing, so that eliminates dinner and flowers.
ReplyDeleteI feel a little defensive of Valentine's Day because it gets SO much acid thrown at it. "I don't need a holiday to give my wife flowers!" (from a man who never DOES get her flowers). "It's a Hallmark holiday" (it predates Hallmark by a long shot). "I HATE Valentine's Day!" (it makes sense to choose not to celebrate it, but "HATE"?). I think it gets treated unfairly by people who celebrate secular Christmas, secular Easter, and all the other holidays that involve the same arbitrary commercialism.
We both have birthdays in February, so we ignore Valentine's Day. I think even without the birthdays we would ignore it. Or at least I would hope we would.
ReplyDeleteI've never been that into it, honestly. But I am not a romantic, either. So...
I loved picking Valentines to give to my classmates as a kid. I loved it when in high school we could send carnations to friends/crushes/whatever for a dollar--I think I sent 10!
ReplyDeleteBut I never expect anyone to get ME anything, and flowers, although nice to get, always seem like such a waste of money.
This will be my 18th Valentine's Day with my husband. I don't think we've gotten each other anything since the very first one--when I got him a simple heart-shaped cake and was upset he never got around to eating it until I realized it was because a) he's not a big fan of cake, and b) he was "saving" it because it was too cute to eat!
So now I have fun picking out the Valentine's for my kids to give to their classmates, and I buy them each one--and usually candy or a small toy. I love the red and pink merchandise, but for the fun of it--not the romance of it.
Hell yes I expect SOMETHING on Vday. lol
ReplyDeletemaybe it's childish, but with the craziness that is our lives and the VERY small moments that we get to spend alone - well - it doesn't hurt to have a holiday to make us slow down and remind each other we're still in love.
Plus, I loooove giving gifts so I get the kids something small each and dh too. :)
Oh, and we've been together for 13 valentine's days now and none of them have been specatacular. A small gesture is all I need.
ReplyDeleteThis will be my 10th VDay with Jimmy. I haven't cared about Valentine's Day since high school. THEN it was very, VERY important for me to be called to the office to pick up my roses. Now, not so much. Jimmy stopped by my office at random a few weeks ago with a rose, Starbucks, some candy and an "I love you" card. I'll take THAT over a calendar-obligated day forever... and he knows this.
ReplyDeleteHowever, he had better come forth with a special treat for Maddie! And so had I. So yup, expectations of the holiday have definitely changed over the years!
First, life has been crazy, and I haven't had time to sleep, much less think of anything. So, I'll send you an email when things start to calm down.
ReplyDeleteSecond, I don't usually expect anything for vday anyway. I hate the idea of it, but you know. The first vday that my husband and I had together, he was totally sweet and was in cohorts with my roommate and dropped off flowers at my dorm. Then some weird things happened other years (somewhat like your flower fiasco only it was dropped off at the wrong house and it was the wrong order, etc.), so now, I don't expect a thing.
Food is what I really like, so as long as I get something good, I'm fine ;)
I certainly don't hate it (single or not), but I'm not into it either...for all the reasons you've mentioned. Takeout Chinese, no flowers, and bad TV would be my perfect evening.
ReplyDeleteI certainly don't hate it (single or not), but I'm not into it either...for all the reasons you've mentioned. Takeout Chinese, no flowers, and bad TV would be my perfect evening.
ReplyDeleteWe generally go out any other day BUT Valentine's Day because we hate how overpriced restaurants are. We won't exchange gifts because of our money issues.
ReplyDeleteoverrated! we never do anything for V-day. it's the expectation that kills people and the pressure...so we just don't have either of those things, which leads to very good non-eventful years!
ReplyDeleteOk, so I feel like I'm in the minority for liking Valentine's Day-- but I totally agree with you! I'm trying out a new philosophy where we stay in and have a quiet, romantic night (because, seriously, $80 per person before wine for a likely mediocre dinner is just silly). I'd still like to get flowers, but am pretty insistent that they not be roses (and realize that I just sounded like a brat). I don't expect gifts, but we have a sweet card tradition, and to me the sentiments matter more than some terrible bought-last-minute-at-CVS stuffed gorilla.
ReplyDeleteMeh, not a huge of V-Day. I don't think I've ever had flowers and usually we don't celebrate. However, this year we decided to get each other a cheap little "trinket" type thing which reminded us of each other.
ReplyDeleteMartin and I had a really great first Valentine's Day together. We had my house to ourselves (I was in University, so it was my rented student-house), so we cooked a spaghetti dinner together and we set the table all nice, and it was really cute and romantic (it was one of the first times we'd cooked a major meal together).
ReplyDeleteWe don't tend to make Valentine's Day very gifty -- he gave me a single, red rose that first Valentine's Day, and typically he'll do something like that. I give him candies. We maybe do a small gift, but frankly I can't even remember what any of them were so I'm not sure we do that. Typically we'll have dinner out or do a dinner and movie date, but at a typical restaurant we like, not a Purposely Fancy place, and typically not ON Valentine's Day, because it would fall during the week and we see each other on weekends (and even this year, we'll probably have a date night out on Saturday, since he'll head home Sunday late afternoon).
Part of me sort of likes the idea of a surprise romantic gesture on Valentine's Day... but there's no disappointment or true expectation of it. I just like making it a date night out, but it's not necessarily too different than any other date night. LOL.
Oh, and I will add: I'm not really that big of a fan of receiving flowers. They just don't do it for me. I get them, they look nice, I put them in water, then I quickly forget about them until it's time to throw them out. It's like I completely stop seeing them, it's WEIRD. So yeah... it's not my thing, and I'd rather Martin not waste his money since they're also so expensive.
ReplyDeleteI've never gotten into Valentine's Day either. That could be because I've had I think only three (maybe four?) Valentine's Days where I was actually dating someone at the time, but really, I think I'm just too practical to care about it. I do remember that flower fiasco, though. I'm glad you at least got a story you'll always remember out of it.
ReplyDeleteI agree it's overrated. And when I look at the "Valentine's menus" at most restaurants it's not food I want to eat, anyway.
ReplyDeleteMy girlfriend's in another city this month, so we certainly don't have any plans for the day. I sent her a card. I hope she sends one to me (with all the snow we've had here, there hasn't been mail in almost a week--so who knows, maybe she already did). But the big romantic gesture is that I'm flying out to see her later in the month, and she's splurging for a night in a nice hotel.
My funniest V-day memory is sophomore year in college, when my sister and I were both single and she decided to come visit me. And my house had a party, and I ended up hooking up with someone at the party (after my sister went to bed!) and we ended up dating for a year and a half.
Eh, I don't really care either way. I've had a few nice V-Days (including last year which was 100% wonderful) with past boyfriends, and a REALLY nice one 3 years ago when my boyfriend at the time broke up with me. Hoo boy, was THAT fun!
ReplyDeleteWe don't have any plans this year, but it's on a Sunday and we both have the following day off, so we're just going to enjoy spending some time together. And I think I'll make breakfast in bed for Andy :-)
I'm not super into it but I'm not also decidedly over it either. This year I got a few things and have made a few plans to spoil Will a little but that's mostly because I wanted to do it anyway (he's been super awesome over the last couple of months)and the holiday gave me an excuse to go crazy on a theme and have fun.
ReplyDeleteI love Valentine's Day, but not in the romantic-chocolate-lovers-flowers way it was intended.
ReplyDeleteI love to send Valentines to my family members, I love to decorate in pink and red garland, I love to decorate cookies with my toddler, and I love to have an excuse to make a nice dinner. I bought my husband a small gift on etsy, but nothing bigger.
That being SAID, I could have written the post above myself (and the one about the previous flower fiasco) I identified with it so much. So, I thought I must mention. I am the same way, but not about Valentine's Day. About babies. And even though it is not-topical I am going to share it with you, since I hear you are thinking/maybe/soon/ going to start.
It was a big deal for me to get flowers when the girls' were born. I don't know why, and I realize this isn't a big deal for others. I didn't really have many expectations at all about the birth, or baby even since we didn't know the sexes. But in my mind I had this idea of what it would be like AFTER the baby was born, or more specifically what it would be like with my husband. My expectations included post-baby flowers. With baby #1, Violet, Andrew thought I was the type of girl that didn't care about stuff like that. WRONG. Same thing, I waited all day and then a week and then I spent a day weeping in the closet with breast milk over my shirt because of flowers.
So, the next time - baby #2, I told my husband he was to bring me flowers. Because, I am also not the type of girl to expect him to read my mind. Except Jane was born on a SUNDAY and the flower shop was closed. So, I waited and waited the next few days to get flowers, because I had told him and I wanted my post-baby flowers, and he NEVER GOT them.
He ended up getting them over a week later and after I spent an entire day, again, weeping in the closet.
I don't really know what my point is anymore, and sorry Jess for writing a novel in your comments - but if you think you might feel this way in the hospital waiting forever for some pink (or purple) cheap gift shop carnation arrangement, make sure you talk about all those expecations first (I am sure you will, but just thought I'd throw it out there)
I actually quite like Valentine's Day. This is our eighth one together and we've done everything from weekend away in the country down to microwave meals and TV. Even when things don't go to plan it's a chance to go on an actual date with each other, or make some kind of fuss about our relationship, and that's great. In fact one of our best Valentines dates involved the worst meal out ever but the rest of the day was so awesome it didn't matter.
ReplyDeleteI agree that eating out on the day can be expensive and not as good as any other night at that restaurant and you're likely to be rushed through your meal so my preference is to avoid that but I like to do something. This year we planned to get takeaway pizza from a great local cafe and watch a film but we can't seem to get the cafe on the phone so I'm nervous they'll be closed... TT has gone to find out.