Window shopping

There's nothing like buying a house to make you want to spend money like mad. Recently we've pretty much stopped spending money in order to pay off my surgery debt as quickly as possible, and believe me, there's nothing like buying a house and then severely restricting your spending to make you REALLY want to go crazy with the credit card.

So, in lieu of actually spending the money, I thought I'd make two lists: first a list of what we've spent money on since moving to Denver (excluding the obvious: house and moving expenses), and the second a list of what we dream of spending money on, someday, once the smoke has cleared from our bank account.

So. What we've spent money on so far:

• A dog
• My surgery
• A mattress and bed frame
  
• A patio table and chairs
• A TV
• A Washer and dryer
  
• A lawnmower
  
• Home security
  

What we WANT to spend money on, eventually:

• Landscaping the front and back yards
• A hot tub
  
• A bedroom set for the guest room
• Another bedroom set for the basement guest room
• A dresser and nightstands for our own bedroom
  
• A dining room table and chairs
  
• Shelving for the living room, family room, and offices
• Painting the kitchen
• Maybe painting some other rooms
  
• Rugs for several rooms
• A couch
• An armchair
• A nice coffee table and some end tables
  
• Art
  
• Replacing the siding on the house (urgh)
• Window blinds that actually keep the light out (our current ones are a useless joke)
  
• Someday maybe expanding the master bathroom and putting in a double jacuzzi tub?
• A bigger TV (this is all Torsten)
• An elliptical trainer
• A second car, someday
• Lots of traveling
  
• Eventually, furniture etc. for a baby
  

I cannot even think about how much everything on that second list will cost. I really can hardly bring myself to think about how much everything on that first list has already cost us. Not that I regret it, because I really don't. But oh my god, so much money. I feel like I went very quickly from broke college grad whose every possession came from Ikea to, like, grown-up homeowner who wants nice things (and even owns some already). Scary.

So tell me, what do YOU want to spend money on?

Non-grumpy complaining

I just woke up, so I haven't eaten breakfast yet (I have to wait at least half an hour after taking my Synthroid). So, I can't report on how my first solid breakfast was yet. But I can report on the transition dinner of chicken noodle soup.

It was... fine. It wasn't great. I know, I'm ungrateful and all the haters are going to come out now and talk about how I complain about everything even though my life is perfect and wonderful in every way. But... I don't know. The whole chewing nine million times thing? Well, it's a pain in the ass and also it starts to make the food taste kind of dry by the end... like you've chewed all the moisture out of it.

I'll be honest, it was a little disappointing. But it was definitely better than a protein shake. And I am still seriously looking forward to the menu of (soft) solid food scheduled for today.

Also, I wrote a post over at Not a Diet yesterday about the surgery, in which I discussed the mini-breakdown that I had over the weekend and the great way that Torsten handled it. Let's just say that hunger and too much cottage cheese can do a serious number on your coping skills.

OK, let's talk about something other than what I can and cannot eat, just for a moment. I have two other complaints to file today. (See, complaint-accusing haters? It's your lucky day!)

First is about those Progressive car insurance commercials. Have people seen them? The ones with the Progressive store and the customers who walk in and talk to the perky woman? And the perky woman goes on and on about how Progressive is the only company that allows customers to name their own price for car insurance?

Well, they piss me off, and not because the woman is so perky. It's because all Progressive has done is taken the insurance-purchasing process and flipped it around. Every car insurance company allows customers to customize their policies by increasing or decreasing coverage, thereby changing the price of the policy. Most people know that.

Therefore, the only people who would be impressed by Progressive's fancy "name your price" system are people who don't really understand how car insurance works. So basically, Progressive is advertising, "Hey! You can under-insure yourself for cheap! And we'll let you do it! Just tell us how much you want to pay and we'll offer you a crappy plan! But don't worry, you won't realize it's crappy until you get in an accident and you're liable and you come to us for help!"

My point is, it's a predatory commercial, and it pisses me off.

The second thing I want to complain about is a bit more personal, and it's that Torsten has to go on a business trip for all of next week. So it's just going to be me and the dog here in the house for a week. I liked living alone when I did it, but I like living with Torsten more. And I am not looking forward to a week by myself.

OK, that's all. Now I get to go cook some eggs!

CHEESE. And other solid food.

You guys. I don't think I can stress to you exactly how excited I am about what today means for me. Seriously, it's up there as a major life event.

Today is the last day of my two-week puree diet. Tomorrow, I can eat solid food. It has to be soft, but it will be solid. The list of allowed foods includes moist meat (chicken, turkey, fish), eggs, certain fruits and vegetables, and low-fat cheese.

What this means is I can eat FOOD. I can CHEW. I can eat something other than yogurt, cottage cheese, and protein shakes, which is literally all I've eaten for the past two weeks. And let's not forget the three days before that spent on the clear liquid diet. I haven't eaten actual food since Sunday, May 10. Mother's Day. In Germany.

Maybe this makes me food-obsessed, but I have been planning what to eat on this first day pretty much since the first day that I got all nauseated looking at a protein shake. The menu includes scrambled egg whites and fruit for breakfast, rotisserie chicken and some avocado slices for lunch, string cheese as a snack, and grilled salmon for dinner.

Of course, I have to take it one new food at a time, to make sure that I can tolerate it and that it doesn't get stuck in my band. And I have to chew really well to make sure everything goes down easily. But oh my god. You guys. Food! Real food! Varied food! Food that I like and ate pre-surgery too!

I am curious to see how much I can eat, since I don't have any fills so still no restriction, but I've been surviving on about 700 calories a day (or less) for the past two and a half weeks, so I can't imagine that I'll want to toss 1800 calories down my throat tomorrow. I have definitely noticed my appetite increasing since the surgery, though, which I think is normal--I think it's related to the internal swelling going down. At first I could only eat a tiny amount of anything, like half an individual container of cottage cheese, and now I can eat two containers of cottage cheese as a meal.

Also, I'm thinking I might start the party early and have a "transition" dinner of chicken noodle soup tonight. Just thinking about that makes me so happy. And don't worry, I'll be careful to chew thoroughly.

Lastly, I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to look at a container of yogurt without gagging, ever again.

Prop 8 Decision Day

I don't often get political on my blog (although I do venture there sometimes). But I feel very strongly that what I'm about to talk about transcends politics.

Today, the California Supreme Court will announce its decision on whether or not to uphold Proposition 8.

I try to be tolerant of people whose views differ from mine. In most cases, I succeed. But when it comes to gay marriage, I fall a bit short of that goal.

I cannot think of one single justifiable reason to prevent two consenting adults who wish to marry each other from doing so. I have heard all the arguments against gay marriage, and for me, none of them holds water. I am not going to start rehashing the entire debate, because I'm sure all of you are familiar with the arguments on both side. But to put it succinctly, same-sex couples getting married has no negative impact on anybody else in society. The only argument against gay marriage is founded in religion, homophobia, or both--and it's our government's job to separate religion and state, and to protect those who are undue targets of prejudice.

I truly hope and believe that one day our children will look back on the history of gay marriage the same way that we look back on the history of interracial marriage--with shock and disbelief that it was ever not allowed, that our government ever deliberately denied a group of people such a basic right.

And it is a basic right. Marriage offers several tangible benefits that are denied to those who are not legally wed. Parents and partners who have had to deal with an ill partner can attest to the difficulties faced when trying to make decisions or visit a sick family member in the hospital.

And there's the way that marriage has affected me most, personally--immigration. Now that Torsten and I are married, he can have a green card, which means that he is guaranteed the right to live and work in the US, with me, as long as he doesn't commit a crime of moral turpitude (murder or rape, basically). I cannot tell you how much peace of mind this brings both of us. I cannot tell you how happy we are to know that we always have the right to stay together, live together, support ourselves and our families in this country.

I cannot believe that other loving couples are denied this privilege. I cannot believe that caring, stable, productive citizens are forced out of this country in order to live their lives with those they love. I cannot believe that the people who oppose extending the right to marry to all those consenting adults who wish to partake in it--using personal reasons that have no legal bearing--are the ones who are supported by our government at this time.

I don't think this is a political issue. This is an issue that affects the lives and freedoms of an important, ostracized minority within our country. It is our government's job to protect that minority, and so far they have failed to do so. This is not a matter of opinion. Any individual's personal opinion about homosexuality should not be given any weight whatsoever when it comes to the legal decision about whether or not to extend equal rights to all citizens.

Of course, even if California does overturn Prop 8, it's only another tiny step--and the immigration benefits that I talked about won't be offered to same-sex couples until the day that the federal government starts to recognize same-sex marriage. But a series of tiny steps can turn into a big sprint, a big breakthrough. And all those couples who are married in California, or who wish to be, deserve to be allowed the same opportunity that heterosexual couples are offered.

I can sort of, tragically, understand why Prop 8 passed--because it essentially asked individual voters to offer their opinions about homosexuality, and what rights should be extended to same-sex couples, and unfortunately the majority of voters in California held prejudiced opinions.

But I see no excuse for the Supreme Court of California, the governing body, to uphold this law. I see no explanation for how it can possibly be constitutional to systematically deny rights to a group of people based on their sexuality. I don't care if 52% of California voters believe that gay people will burn in hell--it is not the government's place to judge that. It is the government's place to protect the minority from the tyranny of the majority.

And I hope with all my heart that the Supreme Court announces the just decision today, and allows all California residents--all equally deserving citizens--the right to a stable marriage.

Four crazy months

I seriously cannot believe that it's Memorial Day weekend already. I can't believe it's already practically June. I know everyone says this all the time, but how did time possibly go by so fast? I can't figure it out.

June will be the first month of 2009 without some sort of major life event. Let's briefly recap:

January: Decide to move to Denver
February: Actually move to Denver
March: Adopt a dog
April: Buy a house
May: Have surgery

So, June is going to seem downright BORING in comparison. But can I tell you something? I'm totally OK with that. It's been a whirlwind few months, and I have no regrets about how fast everything has happened, and I'm really happy where we are, but wow, I could really do with some time to stop and smell the roses, you know?

In other news, I'm starting to be able to tell that I've lost weight. My pants are a bit looser, and I can see in the mirror that my face is a tad thinner. Torsten says he can tell as well, and while I'm sure we're the only ones, it's still a nice feeling. Especially because this is only the very beginning of the weight loss. I am excited for the part where everyone will be able to tell. That was fun last time and I'm sure it'll be fun again.

Although yesterday I ate approximately 600 calories and today I had GAINED half a pound. Who knew that was even possible? I mean, COME ON. Although, on the other hand, it was a good reminder that even though the news is usually good, I probably shouldn't be weighing myself every single day. Not healthy.

Anyway, since I'm still recovering from surgery we have no real plans for the long weekend. But I do like to hear about everyone else's plans so I can live vicariously through all of you. So, what are you up to? Anything spectacular? Or even a little mundane? Whatever it is, I hope it's awesome.

Unfiltered

This morning when I came downstairs after waking up I took my 64-ounce purple water bottle to our fridge filtered water dispenser to fill up. I do this every morning and make sure that the bottle is empty every night--a post-surgery requirement. But the fridge dispenser wasn't working. It made the same noise it always does, but no water came out. This is the first thing that has broken in our new house. However, the fridge is less than a year old so it may still be under warranty? We'll see.

The funny thing is that when Torsten opened up the dispenser from the inside to see if he could fix it, he discovered that there was no filter in there, and thus we've been unknowingly drinking unfiltered water for the last month. I don't really have a problem with that, especially since Denver has some of the best drinking water in the country (thank you Rocky Mountains), but it is kind of funny, and Torsten is so religious about filtered water that he was very annoyed.

Anyway, I am definitely not drinking filtered water today, because I filled the bottle directly from the sink. So, you know, if I'm dead tomorrow you'll know why. Or at least Torsten will think he knows.

Are we allowed to talk about American Idol on blogs today? Can we safely assume that everyone who wanted to watch has already done so, or at least knows better than to be on the internet today? OK then. From what I can tell, most people are making fun of last night's show, but I actually really enjoyed it. Maybe I'm secretly ten years old inside? But I thought it was just so fun. There were only a couple acts that I fast-forwarded through (including Lil Rounds and Queen Latifah). I liked everything up until the last five minutes when Kris was pronounced the winner. Not that I don't like Kris--I think he's a nice guy and a pretty good singer--but I just think Adam is really special.

Of course, I actually think that it's for the best that Adam didn't win. Now he doesn't have to release a treacly single of possibly the worst Idol winner's song ever written--and here I thought Kara DioGuardi's songwriting skills were the reason she was picked as a judge--and he'll have a lot more creative freedom, which he needs. I hope he becomes a worldwide star. And I wish people would stop talking about his sexuality. I can only assume that if he does become a worldwide star, he will sleep with many people of many places on the gender spectrum, because isn't that the whole point?

Lastly, yesterday I went to the grocery store and stocked up on yogurt, cottage cheese, and protein shakes. This is all I intend to eat for the next week. I'm halfway through the puree diet. The end is in sight. I almost think I can do it. I'm just crossing my fingers that I don't suddenly take against one of those three things, because if so I'm totally screwed.

Residue

Today I'm feeling better. Not fabulous, but better. The pain is a little better, and so I slept better, and that helps. The being hungry but not wanting to eat thing is still alive and well, but I don't know, maybe I'm more resigned to it? Last night I choked down a little container of cottage cheese for dinner while blissfully reading the list of foods I'll be allowed to eat starting next Thursday. And today I had lost another pound.

I just wish I didn't feel HUNGRY. This state of being totally takes the fun out of hunger. Before, it was kind of nice to be hungry, because then you could eat something, you know? It's nice to eat something that tastes good when you're hungry. It's a good feeling. It is not nice to force puree down your throat when you're hungry. It's kind of sad how eating has started dominating my life since the surgery, even though I don't want to eat--I dread the next time I get a hunger pang, and when I do get them I let my hunger and my nausea battle it out until the hunger finally wins.

Anyway! Let's not dwell on this, shall we? It will only make me grumpy again. Instead, let's talk about how our neighborhood seems to be full of kids selling magazine subscriptions to help pay for college. Which, first of all, makes me feel really old, for kids to be hitting me up for tuition donations. This one kid was asking me what I do and how long I've been doing it and I said since college and he said, "Oh, you must really like it, then!" the subtext being, "Oh, so like, since forever!"

I was like, dude, I've only been out of college for three years, and as it turns out I'm only six years older than you. However. He also didn't know what a mortgage was, so, there's that little difference between us as well. Anyway, he was only selling magazines I wasn't interested in AND they cost like $50 for a year's subscription, which seemed like quite a lot, so I gave him a $10 donation and sent him on his way.

Also in the category of strange things I've noticed about Denver: the TV channels here are FULL of commercials for ambulance-chasing law firms. Seriously, every commercial break seems to have at least one, and sometimes two or three, commercials for various law firms reenacting horrific car crashes, blathering about how the insurance companies want to rip you off, and insisting that THEY are the premiere auto accident law firm in the Denver area. It's enough to make me want to gnaw off my own arm and throw it at the TV.

And lastly, under my list of minor complaints, I've taken off all my bandages so that now only the steristrips remain, but I cannot for the life of me get that fuzzy gross gummy residue off. Seriously, there are huge square patches of it across my abdomen. I tried scrubbing with soap and water and a loofah, and I tried kind of scraping it off with my nail, but neither of those things worked and I'm not sure what to do, especially since there are healing incisions scattered across the gross residue. Any thoughts on how I can get it go away?

Not such a good day

Urgh. Yesterday was not great. Nothing happened, but I think I've entered what's called "bandster hell." It's when you're post-op, you're in pain, you don't have restriction in your band yet so you still feel hungry, but you're on a very restricted puree diet.

The day started off well and I was feeling good, but then I started developing the dreaded post-op gas pains. Basically, when they do the operation they fill your abdomen with air, and afterward they're only able to get out about 95% of it. The other 5% has to reabsorb on its own and the only thing you can do to speed that up is drink lots of water and walk as much as possible. I have been trying to do those things, and I think I've been doing OK, but oh--my chest feels tight and my breath is shallow.

I had to call the surgeon's office anyway to make a follow-up appointment and while I was on the phone I asked about it, and they said it's just gas pains, probably an air bubble that has lodged itself under my breastbone. Isn't that lovely? It feels pretty much horrible. It makes me want to lie down and not do anything for ages, but instead they tell you to walk, walk, walk.

My incision pain is getting better, but it isn't gone by any means, and all the walking creates some sharp pains. Plus, you need to drink constantly, but only little tiny sips, which isn't exactly satisfying, you know? I really just wanted to GULP. And of course you can't drink at all during meals, and a lot of puree is pretty tasteless and could really do with a kick of something, ANYTHING, to drink along with it.

Also, part of my left leg is numb, which the surgeon's office also said was normal, so, you know, I'm not worried that I'm dying or anything but it still feels weird and bad.

And also, and I think this is the worst thing, I am so hungry, or rather my stomach is. It is growling and sending out painful hunger pangs. And yet, I cannot STAND the idea of food. Everything on my list of approved foods makes me want to gag just thinking about it. But I NEED to eat, and meet my protein quota, so... well, lots of protein shakes. Seriously, just thinking about it makes me want to vom. Right now I cannot even think about the fact that I have a week and a half of this left. It is just overwhelming. It is worse, somehow, than the straight liquid diet. I finally forced myself to eat a tiny cup of yogurt, and I could only get halfway through it.

But I DO want normal food. I would kill for some rotisserie chicken, for example, or salmon sashimi. OMG anything SOLID that I can chew, anything that doesn't taste like it was made by Gerber and sold in a tiny jar.

So, yeah. I'm hungry, I'm tired, I'm achey and sore, and mostly I'm just grumpy. I just want to be at the next part already. I know, nothing ever comes easy and I knew this would happen going into the surgery. But oh, I wish it would just go by faster. Or at least that I could EAT without wanting to puke.

OK, so, that's my litany of complaints. I still don't regret the surgery because I know that this part is only temporary and it WILL get better. But oh, god, I wish I could go to sleep and wake up in like three weeks. I hate this part.

Slightly in pain but still happy

Well, we had a nice, relaxing weekend as would be expected when recovering from abdominal surgery. My post-op instructions say that I have no formal limitations on activity and should be walking around as much as possible, so I've been doing that, but the incisions have certainly been placing their own limits on how much I can move.

On Saturday we ran a few errands and I think I overdid it a little, because when I got home I had some sharp pain in one of my incisions (from pulling on the scar tissue, I believe) and was exhausted. But, we got a lot done and also used a new-homeowners' gift certificate to a nearby nursery to buy a gorgeous hanging plant (blue lobelia) for our patio, which already had a hook in the roof just waiting for some sort of decor. It is our first attempt at "gardening" and walking around the nursery (even though I was going at about the pace of a snail) made us very excited for that someday future time when we have the time and funds to landscape our entire yard.

Also, even though I don't have any fills in my band yet, meaning that I don't have any real restriction, I haven't been eating much. I never had any problems telling if I was full or hungry before, but now it's really tough because there's the pain and slight nausea and everything, so I'm only eating if I can positively tell that I'm hungry, making sure to get in my 60-80 grams of protein every day, but only hitting about 600-700 calories a day. The Vicodin probably helped with me not feeling hungry, and I've switched over to Tylenol for now, so that will probably change, but I'll take what I can get. I'm down about 15 pounds since a week ago. Too bad that rate of weight loss won't continue.

Also this weekend? Lots and lots of glorious napping. Oh, and amazing weather. It was in the 80s, but it didn't feel hot. Unlike DC, where even the high 70s could make you feel miserable if it was humid enough, here the 80s just feels nice, and it's still cool and breezy in the shade. Our house doesn't have air conditioning, and we figured we'd install it if we missed it, but I'm thinking we're not going to. Ceiling fans make all the difference, and because it's not humid here, you can actually open the windows.

I haven't had any doubts since we moved here, but now more than ever I am sure: we made the right decision. I am happy about my surgery, happy about our house, happy to be living in Denver, happy to have Montana, happy to be in this job and working from home. Happy to be with Torsten.

So many feelings in my stomach

Waking up from surgery is just such an unpleasant experience. I remember this from last year when I had parathyroid surgery, but I was hoping that this time would be better, and it both was and was not. It was better because I woke up from a complication-free surgery at the right time and was not totally confused and alone. It was also better because I didn't feel nauseated--I told my anesthesiologist that last time I did get nausea, so she gave me some preventive stuff ahead of time, and it worked.

It was worse because when they do abdominal surgery, I guess sometimes they put pressure on your diaphragm? Or something? I can't remember exactly what because I was kind of out of it when the nurse was explaining it to me, but it was very difficult to breathe. I was wheezing, basically, huffing and puffing and struggling. And there was a lot of pain at one of my incision sites. This lasted for about half an hour until the pain meds really kicked in and I started being able to breathe more easily.

Still, that experience, lying in the bed in a stupor, aware only of the pain and your inability to breathe? Not pleasant. I am SO glad I didn't go for bypass because that's a much more complicated surgery and I can imagine recovering from it is a lot worse. Plus, I'd still be in the hospital right now. And it would have cost $24,000. So, you know. I picked the lap-band when I still thought insurance would be paying, so cost wasn't a factor, but it's certainly a relief that my surgery was the less expensive option.

Anyway, the surgery itself went well, apparently--no complications, everything was simple and easy, and I was home by 1 p.m., at which point I tweeted that I had survived and collapsed into bed in a Vicodin + wearing-off anesthesia = extreme exhaustion haze. I woke up four hours later feeling better, but actually there's definitely more pain than last time.

I have five tiny incisions--three very small ones (judging by the fact that they only have band-aids on them) along my rib cage under my breasts, and two larger ones (assumption based on the gauze bandages covering them) above and to the sides of my belly button. Only the lower left incision hurts. Apparently that's where my port is--the thing that will be used to fill my band with saline solution. The pain is so bad that I can't lie on my left side, and I am still taking Vicodin instead of switching to Tylenol. Thank god Vicodin doesn't make me dizzy like Percocet did.

When I got home I hadn't eaten in about four days (and had lost about 11 pounds during that time), so I was really hungry, but it still took me about twenty minutes to eat a container of yogurt, and after that I wasn't hungry at all. Lap-bands don't create much restriction until they're filled, so I assume this has more to do with being post-surgery and medicated and not having eaten in so long that I have to ease back into it? But either way, I will take it. It would be awesome if I turned out to be one of those people who did have a bit of restriction pre-fill.

And that is sort of the crux of this whole thing. "If I were one of the people who." As in, everyone has a different experience with their band. Some can't eat at all post-surgery. Others can, and do, eat solid foods right away even though you really need not to do that because you can cause damage to your band, and your stomach, during the healing process. Some people need a lot of fills to reach restriction. Others need hardly any. Some people lose the weight really fast. Others are much more gradual. And the occasional person doesn't lose weight at all.

That last thing is what scares me a lot. I know that for some people, this surgery isn't the right fit, and I'm mostly confident that for me, it is the right fit. I also know that a lot of people who don't lose the weight with the surgery have things that need to change--their fill, or their eating habits, or their exercise habits. As they remind us over and over again, surgery is not a cure for obesity. It's a tool for weight-loss. You still have to make the effort, make the right choices. You have to walk the walk. And I absolutely will do that. So I know, rationally, that this surgery WILL work for me. But I'm still afraid that I'll be one of those exceptional people for whom the surgery doesn't work, and it will turn out to be a $10,000 mistake.

However, I do not have buyer's remorse at the moment. I feel OK, all things considered, and I think I can already feel some restriction, and I do think that it will work. I know that from the outside looking in it seems like of course it will work, of course it will be worth it. Because that's exactly how I felt when I read Erica's post-surgery freakout post last year where she was saying she wish she hadn't had the surgery. I knew that in a little while she'd feel better and then she would no longer wish that, even though at the time she couldn't see that.

The other thing that scares me is that because this is such a unique experience for each person, a lot of this is trial and error. As the dietitian told me when I was quizzing her on all sorts of things, such as exactly how long to wait between sips of water, "it's all one big experiment." Because it's not like I can see my stomach now. I can't look at it and tell that it's full and that if I eat anything else it will come back up. I have to do quite a bit of tracking and testing to make sure I'm doing it right.

And I know this will get better, I'll start getting in tune with my pouch and also, once the pain goes away it will be a lot easier to recognize those hungry and full feelings. Right now there's this pain in my stomach, and a small amount of nausea from the Vicodin, and mixing that with feelings of hunger and fullness makes it really hard to discern what my stomach is trying to tell me. And I know that will improve with time.

But still. No regrets, but wow was this a big thing to do. The surgery is over but everything that comes along with it is only just starting. I just keep trying to remind myself that it will be worth it in the end.

Surgery day!

OK, I'm off to the hospital now for surgery, so no time for a real post! Wish me luck and if you do want to read an actual post, I wrote about the surgery more in-depth over at Not a Diet yesterday.

Catch you on the flip side!

Germany photos! And Torsten's adorableness.

OK, I uploaded our photos from Germany and in the process discovered quite a few other photos that we never pulled off the memory card. So, today will be a photo post. But first, I have to make two notes about the liquid diet. One, this morning I had lost another three pounds. So that brings my two-day total to nine pounds. It sounds like a lot, and it is a lot, but on the other hand, this diet is essentially anorexia--all I'm allowed to eat is broth, sugar-free Jell-O, and sugar-free popsicles. So it SHOULD be effective, but it's not exactly healthy.

And two, this liquid diet has caused Torsten to display his sweetness in a strange little way. Perhaps nobody else will think this is sweet, but I think it's adorable. Last night he needed to eat dinner, but we didn't really have food in the house, since we hadn't done a post-vacation grocery store trip yet. So he went to Whole Foods to pick something up, and I told him that I couldn't go with him because I was too hungry. So, he went by himself.

When he came back, he had intentionally purchased something that he knew I would think was gross--spicy salmon burgers with red peppers (peppers are my least favorite food ever). And then we ate dinner together, him with his burger and me with my broth, and the whole time we were eating he kept telling me how gross his burger was and how much I would hate it.

It sounds ridiculous, I know, but how sweet is that? And touching and thoughtful and generally adorable? No? Am I the only one who thinks so?

Anyway, photos! I put all the photos that we took around Denver in April in a set on Flickr, and then all the Germany photos in a different set. Some highlights, mostly from the German wine country:

Home, but hungry

So, we got back from Germany last night after one of those fun 19-hour traveling experiences. We arrived only about half an hour later than scheduled, in the early evening just in time to see the sun setting over the mountains. We picked up Montana from the kennel, had an ecstatic reunion with her, went home, and went to bed.

Say what you will about how nice and well-intentioned my in-laws are, and for the most part they are, but visiting them is certainly not a low-stress experience, especially for Torsten, who has to hear all the constant little niggling comments. The trip was fun, and necessary, and we had a very nice party in honor of our wedding on Saturday night, but oh, is it nice to be home. I am actually glad to be back, and working, and in our own space.

Also, I started my pre-surgery liquid diet yesterday. I took the advice of several of you and brought bouillon cubes on the plane, and thank god because otherwise I would have had nothing to eat. Not that hot water with bouillon REALLY qualifies as something to eat, but it holds you over a little bit, you know? When we got home I ate four little cups of sugar-free Jell-O and a popsicle. And that's pretty much the extent of what I'm allowed to eat from now until the surgery on Thursday.

I weighed myself last night because I was curious to see how much weight this liquid diet would cause me to lose, and I hadn't lost any at all. Then I started being annoyed, wondering how I could have possibly gained so much weight in Germany that not eating for a day would only bring me back down to my original weight, and feeling like I was going to be that one ridiculous person who didn't lose any weight on the liquid diet. But I was too tired to think about it, and went to bed.

This morning I weighed myself again and I had lost six pounds. So, there we are. I do not think I actually lost six pounds overnight. I think that my weight last night was skewed high because I had just drunk/eaten a ton of water, and I was retaining it because of the sodium in the bouillon and the flying and all that. But, I do feel better about the whole liquid diet thing. And I am curious to see how much more weight I'll lose over the next two days.

Also, I don't know if it's just because it's early morning or what, but while yesterday afternoon I was pretty much ready to eat my own arm (and starting my liquid diet on a day of being awake for 24 hours straight did not help out with that), today I hardly feel hungry. I assume that will change at some point. Also, I'm struggling to get it through my head that I will not be eating later, you know? Like oh I'll just have some broth now but then tonight there will be dinner. Except that dinner will be more broth. But maybe it's self-preservation that makes me keep forgetting that.

Also, I don't think we ever really adjusted to the time difference while we were in Germany. We went to bed at like 9 p.m. yesterday because we were exhausted from traveling, so I figured we'd wake up at 3 a.m., which would be 11 a.m. German time, but actually I didn't wake up (not counting the four times I had to pee--damn liquid diet) until my alarm went off after 7. So, perhaps that means we won't have to deal with jet lag anymore? We can only hope.

All right, I'm off to have a delicious breakfast of Jell-O and Crystal Light. This surgery had better be worth it.

On taking up space on planes, and elsewhere

I don't know why, but I was kind of expecting the flight over here to be terrible. Probably because now that we live in Colorado, the trip to Germany is even longer, and that plus everyone talking about the whole United charging extra for fat people thing made me forget that I do fit in one seat, if not comfortably, and I was imagining myself like an especially large hippopotamus, strapped in with several seat belt extenders, beached on a seat and a half with Torsten squashed miserably next to me.

In reality, as seems to often happen with me, it was nothing like I was expecting. I did fit into the seat, I did not require a seat belt extender, and as I have never had a problem doing either of those things before I do recognize in hindsight that fears about those things were totally unfounded. I even had some modicum of leg room, at least on the 777 we took for the long flight across the ocean, if not the short flight to Dallas. Unfortunately, Torsten, being eight inches taller than me, can't say the same, but even he did not wind up with bruises on his knees.

Can I say, though, how much nicer it is to travel with a partner? I have done a lot of international traveling on my own, and while I can do it, it's so nice to have someone next to you. And I don't mean in terms of entertainment, although that too. I mean for pure physical comfort. With a partner next to you, especially if you're in your own little set of two seats, you can lift the armrest between you--so you don't, if you're on the larger side, have to feel those armrests start pressing painfully into your hips somewhere around hour 3. You don't have to exert your leg muscles to the point of trembling just to avoid possibly inconveniencing your seatmate with an inadvertent knee bump. You can lean on someone to sleep. If you do anything embarrassing while sleeping, it doesn't matter. If you have to pee and you're in the window seat, you can shove past the sleeping person next to you without guilt. You can even--dare I say it--cuddle, and perhaps even demand a short back rub, if it doesn't require your mate to twist his wrist unnaturally to reach.

Basically, it's nine bajillion times better than flying on your own, especially if you're a woman, because you know who doesn't seem to worry about half of these things? Men. They sit in their seats, immediately put them back as far as they go--preferably during a mealtime so that the person behind them ends up with their tray of nearly unidentifiable "food" all over their chest--and spread their legs as wide as possible so that their knees extend way beyond the armrests on both sides. If they have to pee and the person on the aisle is asleep, they do not seem to have qualms about waking them up so they can get out.

Now, if you're seated next to (or behind) a man like this, it is definitely frustrating. But at the same time, I admire this kind of attitude. What is it with women being more concerned about not infringing on anyone else's space than about their own comfort? Why did I spend so much time before the trip freaking out not about how uncomfortable it would be for ME not to fit in a seat, if I didn't, and more about how my seatmate, an assumed stranger whom I would never see again, would feel about the inch or two of infringement on their personal space? Why do nearly all women, regardless of how large they are, cross their legs, hunch their shoulders, and generally focus on not inconveniencing the world instead of on their own comfort?

Really, we could all take a cue from these men with their legs sprawled wide, because if we aren't looking out for our own comfort then it's pretty likely that nobody else will be either. We don't have to go so far as to shove our neighbors' legs out of the way for the sake of an extra inch of knee space, but I think I'm done with being hunched in an awkward position, muscles trembling with exertion, all to avoid bothering some stranger who most likely wouldn't be bothered anyway. It's time for me to start looking out for myself. And I hope other women will do the same.

Minor pre-surgery freakout

Today we leave for a week-long trip to visit Torsten's parents in Germany. Other than a party with his family to celebrate our wedding (since most of his relatives couldn't make it to the actual wedding), we don't have much planned other than generally hanging out while we're there. So, the blog will be quieter than usual but I'll still probably be posting occasionally.

When we get back from Germany, it will be three days before my surgery, which means that I have to start my liquid diet on the plane. Here's hoping there will be broth available on the plane. What do we think the odds of that are?

But basically what that means is that I'm done with my former eating habits. I mean, I don't have terrible eating habits to begin with. But I'm a little bit in that "OMG what have I done?" mode. Like will I be able to eat at Jimmy John's again? Or enjoy Torsten's grilled bratwurst on baguette? Lap-band isn't incredibly restrictive about these food choices but if you want it to work you need to make better choices--namely, protein first, and lean protein at that (I wrote about this in more detail over at Not a Diet). So not so much with the carb-heavy sandwiches, and not so much with the greasy bratwurst.

Which is good, because those things aren't good for you. But I didn't eat them all the time. But I liked having the option to eat them sometimes. And I know that I will still have that option, a little bit, occasionally. But I don't really want to avail myself of it.

But it's not just the unhealthy stuff. Things like Cheerios for breakfast are a no-no in favor of scrambled egg substitute and/or lox. And I'm used to thinking that fruit is a freebie--if I'm hungry, I can always eat it, and as much of it as I want. Now I have to stick to three small meals and one protein-heavy snack per day. No grazing, even on healthy foods.

I think it was Mandajuice who said that right before her surgery she treated every meal as if it were her last and went crazy eating all sorts of unhealthy things because she thought she'd never be able to eat food she liked again. And no, I'm not doing that. But I can totally relate to the feeling. Kind of a "Oh my god what have I done is this really about to happen and wait, will I ever eat mac and cheese again?" Even though I hardly eat mac and cheese to begin with, and I know that I can still eat somewhat "normally" post-surgery, it's still like, "Wait, is this for real? Grilled chicken breast for dinner from now until eternity?"

I'm not going to go nuts and stuff my face with all sorts of unhealthy crap in my last week of unrestricted eating. To be honest, my eating has been restricted for a very long time as I have attempted to lose this weight on one diet after another. So nothing is really changing except that this time the restriction will work and it won't be as mentally exhausting.

And I'm not regretting my choice to have the surgery at all, $10,000 price tag notwithstanding. I know this is the right thing for me and I'm really looking forward to starting down this road. I know that the first month or so will likely be sucky, but it will all be worth it ultimately.

But still, at the airport today I think I'm definitely going to buy some gummi bears for the plane.

Logistical dog-related question

OK, for those of you who have, or used to have, dogs, I have a question for you.

How often do you bathe the dog? And how do you do it?

We asked at the prison program and the woman said that she washes her dog more than most, maybe once a week. So we kind of keep an eye on Montana, and when she starts to smell of dog, we wash her. It works out to maybe once every two weeks. Now that we have a house with a yard, we just hose her down, scrub her with the all-natural shampoo we use, rinse her off, towel her off, and leave her in the sun to dry the rest of the way. She hates it, but she loves nuzzling in the towels after so it seems like it all evens out.

But then my mom said to me that they only wash their dogs a couple times a year, as per their vet's instructions to avoid drying out their dogs' skin and stripping away natural oils. Which I can kind of understand--the same logic we use to say that we shouldn't wash our hair every day. But every couple weeks? It seems like that's not so bad.

Plus, the shampoo we use is seriously all-natural. I mean, it has like four ingredients and they're all totally innocuous, to the point that I'm surprised the stuff even works. I can't see how it could do anything to harm her skin, but what do I know?

I tried Googling it and found wildly varying answers, some people saying that now that we have gentle, natural shampoos you can wash the dog as often as possible, others sticking with the once or twice a year thing.

The thing is that I can't even IMAGINE how bad she would smell if we only washed her once every six months. Plus, she's very light colored and she shows dirt very easily.

So, what do you do? Have you talked to a vet about it? Have you noticed any problems in your dog's skin?


Because seriously, look at her. We do not want to dry out the skin of a dog who likes to watch The Price Is Right. But we don't want her to reek, either.