Minor pre-surgery freakout

Today we leave for a week-long trip to visit Torsten's parents in Germany. Other than a party with his family to celebrate our wedding (since most of his relatives couldn't make it to the actual wedding), we don't have much planned other than generally hanging out while we're there. So, the blog will be quieter than usual but I'll still probably be posting occasionally.

When we get back from Germany, it will be three days before my surgery, which means that I have to start my liquid diet on the plane. Here's hoping there will be broth available on the plane. What do we think the odds of that are?

But basically what that means is that I'm done with my former eating habits. I mean, I don't have terrible eating habits to begin with. But I'm a little bit in that "OMG what have I done?" mode. Like will I be able to eat at Jimmy John's again? Or enjoy Torsten's grilled bratwurst on baguette? Lap-band isn't incredibly restrictive about these food choices but if you want it to work you need to make better choices--namely, protein first, and lean protein at that (I wrote about this in more detail over at Not a Diet). So not so much with the carb-heavy sandwiches, and not so much with the greasy bratwurst.

Which is good, because those things aren't good for you. But I didn't eat them all the time. But I liked having the option to eat them sometimes. And I know that I will still have that option, a little bit, occasionally. But I don't really want to avail myself of it.

But it's not just the unhealthy stuff. Things like Cheerios for breakfast are a no-no in favor of scrambled egg substitute and/or lox. And I'm used to thinking that fruit is a freebie--if I'm hungry, I can always eat it, and as much of it as I want. Now I have to stick to three small meals and one protein-heavy snack per day. No grazing, even on healthy foods.

I think it was Mandajuice who said that right before her surgery she treated every meal as if it were her last and went crazy eating all sorts of unhealthy things because she thought she'd never be able to eat food she liked again. And no, I'm not doing that. But I can totally relate to the feeling. Kind of a "Oh my god what have I done is this really about to happen and wait, will I ever eat mac and cheese again?" Even though I hardly eat mac and cheese to begin with, and I know that I can still eat somewhat "normally" post-surgery, it's still like, "Wait, is this for real? Grilled chicken breast for dinner from now until eternity?"

I'm not going to go nuts and stuff my face with all sorts of unhealthy crap in my last week of unrestricted eating. To be honest, my eating has been restricted for a very long time as I have attempted to lose this weight on one diet after another. So nothing is really changing except that this time the restriction will work and it won't be as mentally exhausting.

And I'm not regretting my choice to have the surgery at all, $10,000 price tag notwithstanding. I know this is the right thing for me and I'm really looking forward to starting down this road. I know that the first month or so will likely be sucky, but it will all be worth it ultimately.

But still, at the airport today I think I'm definitely going to buy some gummi bears for the plane.