On taking up space on planes, and elsewhere

I don't know why, but I was kind of expecting the flight over here to be terrible. Probably because now that we live in Colorado, the trip to Germany is even longer, and that plus everyone talking about the whole United charging extra for fat people thing made me forget that I do fit in one seat, if not comfortably, and I was imagining myself like an especially large hippopotamus, strapped in with several seat belt extenders, beached on a seat and a half with Torsten squashed miserably next to me.

In reality, as seems to often happen with me, it was nothing like I was expecting. I did fit into the seat, I did not require a seat belt extender, and as I have never had a problem doing either of those things before I do recognize in hindsight that fears about those things were totally unfounded. I even had some modicum of leg room, at least on the 777 we took for the long flight across the ocean, if not the short flight to Dallas. Unfortunately, Torsten, being eight inches taller than me, can't say the same, but even he did not wind up with bruises on his knees.

Can I say, though, how much nicer it is to travel with a partner? I have done a lot of international traveling on my own, and while I can do it, it's so nice to have someone next to you. And I don't mean in terms of entertainment, although that too. I mean for pure physical comfort. With a partner next to you, especially if you're in your own little set of two seats, you can lift the armrest between you--so you don't, if you're on the larger side, have to feel those armrests start pressing painfully into your hips somewhere around hour 3. You don't have to exert your leg muscles to the point of trembling just to avoid possibly inconveniencing your seatmate with an inadvertent knee bump. You can lean on someone to sleep. If you do anything embarrassing while sleeping, it doesn't matter. If you have to pee and you're in the window seat, you can shove past the sleeping person next to you without guilt. You can even--dare I say it--cuddle, and perhaps even demand a short back rub, if it doesn't require your mate to twist his wrist unnaturally to reach.

Basically, it's nine bajillion times better than flying on your own, especially if you're a woman, because you know who doesn't seem to worry about half of these things? Men. They sit in their seats, immediately put them back as far as they go--preferably during a mealtime so that the person behind them ends up with their tray of nearly unidentifiable "food" all over their chest--and spread their legs as wide as possible so that their knees extend way beyond the armrests on both sides. If they have to pee and the person on the aisle is asleep, they do not seem to have qualms about waking them up so they can get out.

Now, if you're seated next to (or behind) a man like this, it is definitely frustrating. But at the same time, I admire this kind of attitude. What is it with women being more concerned about not infringing on anyone else's space than about their own comfort? Why did I spend so much time before the trip freaking out not about how uncomfortable it would be for ME not to fit in a seat, if I didn't, and more about how my seatmate, an assumed stranger whom I would never see again, would feel about the inch or two of infringement on their personal space? Why do nearly all women, regardless of how large they are, cross their legs, hunch their shoulders, and generally focus on not inconveniencing the world instead of on their own comfort?

Really, we could all take a cue from these men with their legs sprawled wide, because if we aren't looking out for our own comfort then it's pretty likely that nobody else will be either. We don't have to go so far as to shove our neighbors' legs out of the way for the sake of an extra inch of knee space, but I think I'm done with being hunched in an awkward position, muscles trembling with exertion, all to avoid bothering some stranger who most likely wouldn't be bothered anyway. It's time for me to start looking out for myself. And I hope other women will do the same.