New friend insecurities

So, yesterday I made my first Denver friend! I think. I met the lovely Jeni for a last-minute lunch, and enjoyed myself thoroughly. She was fun (and gorgeous) and the conversation was fluid and interesting. I haven't been reading her blog for long, so I wasn't totally sure what to expect (though of course I liked what I had read), but it turns out that we have a lot in common. She had a good time too. I think.

Am I the only person who struggles with "friend dates"? Like, when I met pseudostoops and Nilsa almost a year ago, I had a great time, and I still walked away being like, Oh god, they hated me. I suck. And of course that wasn't the case at all and we are all three still friends. (Speaking of which, you two? I think a trip to Denver is in order, STAT.)

And the same thing happened when I met Alice. And again, totally off-base and we stayed friends, and she even hosted my bloggy bridal shower.

So what is it? Some sort of deep-rooted insecurity? Fear that people will judge me by my weight? Worry that my blog is cooler than I am? Not trusting what people say because really, what else could they say? (Imagine the following. Me: This was great! We should do it again soon. Her: Actually... I'm not really feeling it. Sorry.)

I think really the problem is that friendship is so murky. The above conversation could totally happen with someone you were saying as a potential romantic partner. But with friends, it's not so cut and dry. So if I tell Jeni I had a great time, unless she's really callous she pretty much has to say it back whether she means it or not. Right?

In any case, I DID have a great time and I shall choose to believe her when she says she did too. All part of being grown up and self-possessed, right? That's the thought, anyway.

In other news, I have a post up at Not a Diet about the different types of exercise I want to get involved with here in Denver so that I don't get bored and stop exercising full stop. So far I've been doing well, mostly with the walking, but this weekend I'm going to hit the gym and look into volleyball and swimming possibilities in the area. It should be a good weekend. I hope it's a great one for you guys too!

Turning the kaleidoscope

I have to say, I'm struggling a little bit to understand that February really ends this weekend. Seriously, this month flew by. Maybe something to do with packing up and moving across the country? Who knows, but wow, it's almost March, and I'm only a few weeks away from turning 25, and we're only a few weeks away from spring.

Not that you'd know it wasn't already spring from being in Denver. Last night at around 9 p.m. Torsten and I went for a walk downtown in lightweight sweaters and were hot by the end. The bank thermometer we passed said it was 60 degrees. I hear this is a mild winter by Denver standards, but this is impressive.

Anyway, yes, I'm only a few weeks from having lived for a full quarter century. I'm not feeling any sort of quarter-life crisis, though (and BTW, isn't that kind of an optimistic term for 25? I mean, not to be a Negative Nancy or anything, but while life expectancy has improved, I don't think we've quite hit 100 yet).

If anything, just the opposite. I feel really good about where I am. I'm married to a fantastic man. We're living in the city we plan to settle in. We're about to get a dog. We're well on our way to completing our own little Norman Rockwell tableau, you know? I am definitely ahead of myself here, but I have spent quite a bit of time perusing real estate listings, and there might be a couple of baby outfits in the back of the closet. (What? They have POLKA DOTS. There is NOTHING WRONG with buying a few things ahead of time. After all, if you go LOOKING for something specific, you never find it, so it's best to just buy it early if you happen across it, right? RIGHT?)

Neither the baby nor the house will be happening just yet, but it is so nice to dream. And being in Denver and holding down a steady job that I like, that I could see staying in long term, that I could see making into a bona fide career... well, it makes all the rest of that stuff seem much more attainable. I COULD have a kid now. We'd be fine if I did. It wouldn't throw any plans hugely out of whack if we did. We'd like a bit more time together just the two of us first, and we'd like to maybe find a house first, and that means saving up more of a down payment for awhile. But if it did happen now? Plenty of babies live in rented apartments and they're all totally fine. And ours would be too.

It's just such a new feeling, you know? Before it was always like, if my period was an hour late I was freaking out, because we were so, so far from being ready. Mostly because we've known for awhile that we didn't want to settle in DC, but if I'd gotten pregnant then I would have wanted to stay there to have the good job with good insurance and good maternity leave policy (not knowing that I had this telecommuting option), and then what? It would have thrown everything off kilter. Now that we're in the place we want to make our permanent home, everything has shifted slightly, but crucially.

It's just so nice to have this settled and squared away. Not just Denver itself, though I do love it here and feel more and more each day that we absolutely made the right choice, but the being settled. For the longest time things have felt transient, impermanent. And now it's like the pieces of the puzzle are slotting into place. And I'm very happy about that.

So no, no quarter life crisis here. Perhaps this means that my midlife crisis will be a doozy? I suppose all we can do is wait and see.

Counting votes

Yesterday afternoon the desk that we ordered for Torsten's desk arrived, so last night we put it together, and by the end we were cursing ourselves for not forking over the extra cash to have the delivery guys assemble it. I guess we were thinking that it would be easy like Ikea stuff, and oh, it was not. Even now, it is together and functional enough for him to work on temporarily, but there are quite a few little stabilizing pieces that still need to be added in order to ensure that the whole thing won't collapse.

Also, we put it together backward, couldn't figure out how to fix it, and had to set up in the reverse direction from what we had originally planned to compensate. Because we are awesome.

Still, though. There was one point when we figured out that we had done something really obvious and straightforward wrong, and then, mostly because we were tired, we cracked up for quite some time, and I was on the floor laughing and practicing going limp in case I ever need to get arrested at a protest (unlikely, but it's always good to hone these skills, right?). And it was just... you know, one of those moments. You still wish that you'd hired someone to do it for you, but since you didn't, at least you're laughing, and laughing together.

And, I realized I forgot to include one important difference in my post yesterday. My vote actually matters! I mean, I always voted in DC, but the city is something like 92% Democrat, so it's not like my vote made a difference. I did it out of a belief that everyone should vote, and my desire for civic participation, and not because I actually felt like I had an effect. Plus, DC doesn't have statehood, so the only elections we got to vote in were local and presidential. No Senators, no Representatives. At least, not voting ones.

So now, not only do I live in an actual state with actual voting rights in Congress, but it's a SWING state. My vote matters EXTRA much! It's like I'm making up for lost time. In fact, next year apparently there's going to be a very interesting election. President Obama appointed Colorado Senator Ken Salazar as the Secretary of the Interior, which is great for him but also interesting for the Senate race because he was widely expected to win reelection in 2010. Now he's been replaced with someone who has little experience and is not well-known, Michael Bennet, which means that the 2010 Senate race here is much more open that originally expected.

And I get to vote in it! Instead of just electing Eleanor Holmes Norton as DC's shadow representative AGAIN.

Also, I take my voting extra seriously because of Torsten. You know how parents usually feel like they're voting on behalf of their minor children, trying to make the best choice for them as well, since they can't vote for themselves? Well, Torsten is also not able to vote, since he isn't a citizen, so I feel like I'm voting on behalf of both of us.

Luckily, we agree politically, because how could I not vote in the best interest of someone who makes me lie on the floor laughing over the normally miserable task of assembling a desk?

Things that are different here

• Edy's is called Dreyer's. But it's still just as yummy. OMG that Tagalong ice cream? I can NOT buy that again.
• There's no Kroger, but there is King Sooper's, and they appear to be owned by the same company. Also, there's no Trader Joe's. And no Ikea. I KNOW. But you can't expect to drastically reduce your cost of living without giving up ANYTHING. And in general there's actually a ton of great shopping here, more than in DC.
  
• People are so friendly. At the grocery store? The MANAGER helped me find cottage cheese, then personally bagged our stuff and offered to carry it out to the car for us. The thought of anyone at a grocery store in DC offering to carry our stuff to the car is hilarious.
• Prime time starts at 7 instead of 8, but they switch the order of the shows. On the East Coast on Monday nights, 24 is on at 8 and House is on at 9. Here, 24 is still on at 8, but House is on at 7. So we're watching House in real time with the rest of you, but we're two hours behind on 24. And on American Idol. This means I have to stay away from Twitter on results nights.
• Houses are affordable! As in, we can buy one sometime in the near future without bankrupting ourselves! Not a huge mansion, but a nice house. Certainly nicer than the shack 40 miles out of town that we would have been lucky to afford in DC. OK, that's an exaggeration, but still.
• The weather. I know that the weather here is unpredictable, but I'm loving what we've had for our first week. It's been sunny and in the 60s pretty much every day. One night it snowed, and that was pretty. And then the next day it was sunny and in the 60s again, and we didn't even have to scrape off our car because the snow all melted.
• There's no traffic to speak of. I mean, the highway gets crowded at rush hour, but in DC you could get on the Beltway at midnight and still not be sure if you'd be bumper to bumper. It was so bad that the GPS's estimate of when we'd arrive at a place was usually off by about 50%, and that's with a live traffic feed, because it just didn't understand the slow crawl and long lines of red lights that make up DC driving. Here the GPS's estimates are pretty much entirely accurate.
• The mountains are always there, always visible, and always beautiful. And you can orient yourself based on where they are.
• There appear to be no mailboxes on the street, anywhere. I drove around looking for one for like fifteen minutes, and finally gave up and drove the three miles to the post office so that our car payment wouldn't be late. Is this normal? In DC there was one on a street corner at least every couple blocks. Where the hell are they all around here? Have I gone blind?
  
• Dogs! Everywhere! I saw two people in Home Depot with their dogs. Tons of people walk dogs on the street all the time. It's amazing. And makes me extra sad that we weren't able to get an interview with the two dogs we're interested in adopting for a week and a half. How will we wait that long? I'm not sure it can be done.
  

Us as a couple

Well, our stuff arrived almost entirely undamaged. It's not entirely unpacked, although the living room and the kitchen are almost there. The offices and the bedroom still have a long way to go, so I will hold off on posting pictures until then.

Also, the prison dog program people were out of the office for training on Friday, so I wasn't able to get in touch with them. I'll call them later today and try to make an appointment for this week. We did go out this weekend and buy a bunch of dog paraphernalia--bowls, leash and collar, treats, bones, and toys. We still have to buy food, a crate, and possibly a dog bed, but those things will have to wait until we know what dog we're getting, exactly how big it is, and what its dietary needs are. But I already put the water bowl out on the floor (with no water in it because I want it to be fresh). We are so excited to get a dog.

In the meantime, let's do that couples meme that everybody in the blogosphere seems to be doing.

What are your middle names?
Mine is Lynn; Torsten doesn't have one.

How long have you been together?
About two and a half years.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We didn't, unless you count the week and a half of emailing before we met up for our first date.

Who asked whom out?
It was kind of a mutual thing. I think Torsten was the one who first suggested a specific time and place, but we both knew we wanted to meet up and go out.

How old are each of you?
Torsten is 31 and I am 24.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Mine; Torsten is an only child.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Um. Well, we don't have much stress in our lives right now (no debt, kids, job problems, etc.) so there isn't really much that puts pressure on us as a couple. I suppose if I had to pick something it would just be the mundane stuff like how long Torsten works or who's going to clean the kitchen.

Did you go to the same school?
No. Torsten went to school in Germany. For free, because that's how they roll over there.

Are you from the same home town?
Hahahahahaha no. Nor the same home country.

Who is smarter?
I think we're differently smart. I'm about the words and the details and the organization, and Torsten is good at the big picture stuff and the technology and the perspective.

Who is the most sensitive?
Probably me? We're sensitive about different things.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

Well, we just moved, so nowhere, yet. I'm going to guess that it will become the brewery a couple miles from our apartment.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
I guess Germany. I feel like we've traveled further, but I guess not. Not yet, anyway.

Who has the craziest exes?
Neither, really. Mine make for more interesting stories, I suppose.

Who has the worst temper?
Me, I think. I get more annoyed by little things, and when I'm annoyed I'm more vocal about it.

Who does the cooking?
I usually do, because Torsten is not so much with the recipe-following, and making delicious meals entirely out of cream and olive oil is not so much part of the healthy living plan. But when he does cook, the stuff he makes is great.

Who is the neat-freak?
Neither of us. But I get more frustrated by clutter than he does, and am more likely to have a meltdown and announce that WE HAVE TO CLEAN EVERYTHING NOW THIS SECOND OMG HOW CAN WE LIVE LIKE THIS? Usually over a single dirty plate.

Who is more stubborn?
Probably me, but only by a small margin.

Who hogs the bed?

Usually neither. Sometimes me. Very rarely Torsten.

Who wakes up earlier?
Torsten. And then he sneaks out of the room and closes the door behind him so that I can keep sleeping. It's one of my favorite little things about him.

Where was your first date?

A seafood restaurant on the DC waterfront. Not a very good one, but neither of us noticed at the time.

Who is more jealous?
Neither of us, really.


How long did it take to get serious?

Not long. We knew basically before we even met that this one was different. And before the end of the first date we knew we were right.

Who eats more?

Like pretty much every other woman who's answered this question, I'd say he can eat more at a single meal while I can snack throughout the day more heartily.

Who does the laundry?
Torsten does it and we usually put it away together. He definitely takes on the brunt of this task. Now that we have a washer dryer in our apartment, it may even out a bit.

Who’s better with the computer?

He is. I'm proficient, but when something stops working, I call him and he fixes it.

Who drives when you are together?
We split this pretty equally, so far. We've only had a car for like a month, so it's hard to know.

Day of reckoning, with photos!

Today is the day that the movers show up with our stuff. Therefore, today is the day we find out how much of our stuff is still intact. Let us all cross our fingers that the vast majority of our belongings arrive undamaged. Luckily, our Civic has quite the storage capacity, so we were able to bring all our electronic stuff, important personal papers and various belongings that have high sentimental value, and all of our beautiful dishes plus a few other breakable things with us in the car, and all of them arrived in one piece and have already been put away in the apartment.

And speaking of the apartment, you asked for photos, so yesterday when we were there waiting for the guy to come set up our cable and internet, I took photos. Obviously, it's unfurnished, and please ignore the boxes and wires and whatnot everywhere.




We LOVE it. I can't wait for all of our stuff to arrive so we can furnish the place and unpack and get all set up and settled in. And don't worry, there will be more photos after that happens. Also, I still haven't photographed the sunset, but I'll work on that too.

Also, since I was uploading photos anyway, here are a couple more from the drive:





The other thing I'm doing today is calling the local prison dog training program to arrange a meeting with two dogs we're interested in adopting. Both are beautiful and we are really hoping that one of them works out. Here they are:



Even if we do end up adopting one of them, I am already sad about not getting to take home the other! They are just both such beautiful dogs and their descriptions make them sound like they would be a very good fit for us as well.

OK, off to check out of the hotel and go to our apartment to wait for the movers. Have a great weekend, everyone!

Home sweet home, for real

So, we have an apartment. We signed the lease yesterday and our furniture arrives tomorrow. The internet and cable are getting set up today. And it is SO nice. Not right in town, but not out in the suburbs either. A gorgeous balcony with beautiful mountain views. Three bedrooms so we can each have our own office. A lovely kitchen with tons of cabinet space. Lots of closets. Big windows. Right by a Target and a Costco, and near a fantastic brewery where we had dinner last night. And all this for several hundred dollars less than our one-bedroom apartment in DC.

Plus, it allows dogs. And we'll be looking for one this weekend. I am so, so, so excited about that.

Denver is just so perfect. It's walkable and drivable, and it's beautiful. The mountains in the background are just breathtaking. Especially at sunset, when the sky is blue and the mountains are blue and the clouds are blue--it's just stunning. The river downtown is beautiful, and there are parks everywhere. And the people are so nice! It's really amazing.

We have an address. We forwarded our mail. The other day we noticed the gorgeous sunset over the mountains and I was scrambling for the camera and Torsten reminded me that we will see that sunset every day. Because we live here. This is our home. I just can't get over it.

Home sweet home, almost

Well. Here we are.

The drive was remarkably nice, much better than we were expecting. There was a brief snowstorm at the beginning, despite our best efforts to avoid all snow. The weather said snow SHOWERS, and that's what we were expecting. But then there we were, at the top of a mountain in West Virginia, and the interstate was covered with snow. There was nothing to do but follow the tracks of the cars in front of us and hope that we weren't about to drive off the side of the road. The sight of two other cars in the ditch was not comforting. But Torsten was driving, and he's good in snow, and we made it without a problem.


After that small blip, the weather was clear and nice. Torsten and I shared the driving pretty equally, and didn't push ourselves too hard, and we made it 1700 miles in a total of about 27 hours, or two and a half days, with one night spent in Indiana and the other in Kansas. Driving in the midwest is so nice and stress-free: big, wide, straight roads and no traffic. And we actually liked the landscape in Kansas and were not bored at all. Behold:


I'd love to drive through there in the summer when everything is green, although the brown and orange shades we saw were intriguing in their own way. But before that, there are lots of other states near Colorado that we want to explore: Wyoming and Utah and Arizona and New Mexico. And we'd like to head up to South Dakota, too. It's nice to be located within road trip distance of so many interesting places. Torsten, especially, likes driving:


We arrived in Denver at around 3:30 yesterday afternoon, and found a hotel in a nice neighborhood for a good price. We're checked in for two days for now and will probably extend that based on how the housing search goes. We looked at two places yesterday--an ugly, overpriced apartment with a really crappy kitchen, and a really nice house that is definitely a contender. And we have six more appointments today, so hopefully we'll find something soon, and definitely this week.

It's still hard to believe that we're here. The mountains are beautiful, and once I find our mini USB cable I will upload the photos we took with our camera once we got smart enough to dig it out (all the photos here were taken with my BlackBerry). The weather was perfect when we arrived--sunny and clear and about 60 degrees, and we drove around with our windows down. We checked out a couple neighborhoods and went downtown to a brewery for dinner.

I'm still adjusting to the idea that this is where we live now, this is our home and it will really be our children's home. From what I've seen so far, I like it here. I can't wait to explore the whole town and the surrounding area. It'll be nice to have a place to live, an address and some furniture. And a dog. We might have one within a week! How awesome would THAT be?

Breaking up with DC.

When I first moved to DC, I loved it. I liked the majestic buildings downtown, the Metro system, the amount of trees everywhere. I liked Rock Creek Park and the way it's a real park, really natural, and the way it spreads all over the city. I liked that the buildings were low so you never felt closed in. I liked the people, the fact that so many people here are here for a cause, working for a nonprofit or the government or some other organization that has a mission other than pure profit. I liked that when you went to parties you would end up in conversations with complete strangers about real issues.

When I moved to DC I had no plans to stay here permanently or not to stay here permanently. I just didn't think about things that way. But it was a great first city in which to live on my own. Accessible, easy to get around, and while expensive, not over-the-top, prohibitively unaffordable. It's amazing how different everything is now, just three years later. I had my first job here. And my second job. I met my husband here. I got married here. I am totally comfortable here.

But while there are certain things that I will definitely miss about the city, I don't foresee myself missing it as a whole. Missing the people I love who live here, absolutely. But I don't feel much nostalgia about the city itself. It was perfect for me as a young single person and for us as a young couple. But it isn't what we want for ourselves as a young family and then as an older and bigger family.

Still, I look forward to telling our kids about how we met in DC, and got married there, and what we did while we were living here, the same way that I always liked hearing those stories about my parents and how they met in California. And I look forward to developing a life in Denver, to having real little native Coloradan children who aren't afraid of snow and who don't think of the East Coast as the only real place to live. Even if they end up there eventually.

So, this is it for us and DC. The relationship is over. And to commemorate that, I think I'm going to go change my Facebook regional network. After all, isn't that how you know that a change is real?

Moving and packing

I'm tired. Last night was a long night, for mostly silly reasons. Hence, today is a bullet point day.

• The movers are coming on Saturday morning. That's exactly what we wanted. It means we can get pretty far on Saturday, drive all day Sunday, and arrive in Denver at a reasonable hour on Monday.
• It's all starting to feel real. We've made appointments to look at rental houses and apartments when we arrive in town. It's funny to think that soon we'll be living in one of those places.
• The lovely Alice came over last night to eat dinner with us and retrieve the paper cutter she lent us for the purposes of making wedding invitations nearly a year ago. She was a doll and did not complain about the nasty, box-filled, trash-covered state of our apartment.
• That was the last of our social engagements for the week. So, tonight we finish packing, and tomorrow we load the car with the stuff we're driving ourselves and clean up the place. And then Saturday... off we go! The sad part is over, though. Everyone has been bid farewell. Now it's only our apartment that we'll have to say goodbye to.
• I still have to pack up my office. You'd never know tomorrow was my last day in it from the way it looks. Vases, photos, books, papers... plus I need to stock up on supplies for my home office. I do not look forward to hauling all that stuff home on the bus.
• We really need to get lots of sleep tonight and tomorrow so that we can do lots of driving over the weekend without getting exhausted. I wonder what the odds of that happening are.
  
• I wrote a post about the difference between fat and unhealthy over at Bodies in Motivation. You should all go read it and weigh in. It's such an important distinction to me, but so many people seem to feel differently about it, and I'd like to see what all of you think.
  

The hardest part

Last night my sister came over to pick up our keys because she's going to be checking our mail until we have a forwarding address. She only stopped by briefly, and then we stood in the hallway surrounded by boxes and trash, delaying the inevitable goodbye.

It wasn't poignant, it wasn't dramatic. I knew it was going to happen but I still wasn't expecting it. We hugged, we said we loved each other, we reminded ourselves that we'll see each other in June. Her eyes looked red but maybe I was imagining things. After she left, I cried. And I'm crying again, writing this.

I knew this part would be hard and I know I made this choice. And I'm still so happy about going to Denver and I know that there will be visits and calls and emails and lots of people only see their sisters a few times a year and they're all fine.

But I love her and I like knowing that she's nearby and I like getting to see her whenever and just getting dinner or going shopping or hanging out at her house. I like that we talk almost every day at work and that there's no pressure because we live near each other and it's all just casual and easy. It's just so weird that we're going to be so far apart.

Most people who move to settle down make a choice to be near their families. Maybe we're crazy for moving further away. I know that my family is close enough that geographical distance won't change anything, but a small part of me wonders what the hell I'm thinking, choosing not to live in the same city as my sister anymore when it would have been so easy to stay.

Moving to Denver is the right choice, I know that it is. But Jesus Christ, this part sucks.

I've always thought that we'd have two kids, and then recently I'd started to think that maybe just one kid would be nice too, and simpler. But now I don't think so. I'm really sad right now, but I still want this for my own kids. I want them to have a sibling, someone they care about enough to make them cry. Even if it means they end up like me, sitting in their offices using scratchy paper napkins to wipe their eyes.

20-somethings growing older

The other day, Nicole posted about how being in your 20s is all about change, especially for her. And I think she's right, but it also got me to thinking about the way that our culture fetishizes 20-somethings. Not that there's anything wrong with being in your 20s (obviously), or with being youthful and carefree and in flux at that age. But I think it sets up a false dichotomy, like your 20s are your youth and that's when you can change and do whatever you want, and then you hit 30 and bam, your life should be all set and you should be settled into a routine and popping out babies left, right, and center.

Most stereotypes have a grain of truth, because they stem from perceived norms, and that's totally fine. But it makes me sad that we have it all set up like oh, to be in your 20s again, how wonderful life was, how easy decisions were and how fun was it to pick up your whole life and start again somewhere else if you wanted?

Of course it's funny that I say that now, given that that's exactly what I'm about to do and I'm in my 20s at the moment. But still, I think it's sad that we have this idea that once you're not in your 20s anymore, you're not living the same type of life, you're not constantly evolving and changing, that you've basically become who you will be, your journey has ended and now you're just sitting around at the destination.

Obviously, people in their 30s, 40s, and beyond know better. But I wish that our society as a whole knew better. I think goals and milestones are great, but it's frustrating when people beat themselves up because they haven't done X or Y by the time they were 30, and now it's too late or now they're already old or whatever.

My college had a program for non-traditional-aged students, mostly older, and what I was always struck by in class was how those students were so engaged. Unlike a lot of their 20-year-old classmates, they really WANTED to be there. They'd had all sorts of life experiences that colored the way they viewed the things we were learning. They always did the readings. They always had things to say. But they weren't just stagnating in their lives just because they weren't in their 20s anymore. They were doing new things and applying new things to their lives and going new places, just like our society assumes 20-somethings are doing. And in a lot of ways, I think they were getting a lot more out of the college experience than a lot of their younger classmates.

And it works the other way too. People assume that you at a certain age are exactly like they were at that age. You're 24, why are you getting married? You're too young to know what you want. You're too immature to make that kind of lasting commitment to another person. Why aren't you ENJOYING your youth instead of tying yourself down? And so on.

I AM enjoying my youth, but I also don't have to stop enjoying life once I leave my 20s behind. Yeah, we as 20-somethings are in flux now and our life circumstances lend themselves to enabling lots of change, but it doesn’t start or end here. People are made of their experiences, and that never ends.

We build up so many expectations for youth, like that’s the only time in our lives that we can be carefree, or do whatever we want, or change at random, or grow or experience our lives, that we act like everyone secretly wants to be in their 20s. But that’s not the case, and I’m glad it’s not the case, and it’s why I don’t fear growing older.

Family friends

Last night we had dinner with some of our closest DC friends, a couple we adore and their beautiful baby. The food was excellent and the conversation even better, and when it was time to leave, I kept reminding myself of what one of you guys said in my comments last week: we're moving, not dying. We will see these people again. They know that they have a standing invitation to visit us in Denver and it is our sincere hope that they will take us up on it, and soon.

It got me thinking about friends, and couple-friends, and lifelong friends. We are moving, we are not dying, but some of our friendships will probably start to die out once we put so much distance between us. But some of them won't, and I am firmly convinced that these friends fall into that category.

I love thinking about how we will always be one of those sets of friends that knew them before they had kids, and knew their daughter when she was a baby. I always love meeting those friends of my parents, even if they live far away now, and I love that we get to play that role for this child.

And also, we were talking about this last night, they are the kinds of friends you can vacation with, you know? My family has those family friends, the ones we vacation with and spend holidays with, the ones who feel like a second family, and I love that and want it for our own family too.

And these friends are exactly the type of people I could see doing that with. I could totally see the four of us going somewhere with assorted kids, and the guys doing a brewery tour while the women wandered around downtown, and all of us taking the kids to see the sights, or just hanging out on the beach, or, you know, whatever vacation stuff you'd normally do on your own.

I want more friends like that. I want those friends who are so close that they're like a second set of parents to your children, the ones you can spend special days with and travel with and always, always trust your kids with. The ones your kids can turn to when they need an adult perspective on something but for whatever reason don't want to talk to their parents about something. The ones with the kids who aren't quite like siblings, but are closer than cousins.

I wonder if, and when, we'll find that in Denver. And how the friendship will organically grow to that point.

What about you? Did you have a family friend like that growing up? Do you want something similar for your own family, now or in the future?

It's starting to sink in.

Last night, Torsten and I took a break from our hectic pre-move social schedule and stayed home and did... nothing (unless baking brownies from a mix counts as something, and considering that it takes three minutes of labor, I don't think so).

We didn't pack. We didn't deal with logistics. We didn't plan anything. We just... were. And it was lovely.

The Lakers-Celtics game was on TV, so I lay on the couch half-watching the game and half-reading the new issue of Glamour, while Torsten watched the game and rubbed my leg. Despite the fact that our walls and shelves are bare and we were surrounded by boxes, it was lovely and peaceful and calming. It made me think about all the lovely years of domesticity stretching ahead of us, most of them in our own house. It was a happy image, and I can't believe how soon it's going to happen.

Only recently, I've been realizing that my sense of timing has not been on par with the actual passage of time. What's happened is that we keep saying that we'll do X or Y in one year, or two years, and not on a specific date. So time moves forward, and I keep thinking to myself that we'll do something in one or two years, so it's like the planned time period never arrives.

For example, before we got married we decided we'd start thinking about getting pregnant in about a year and a half. So that's what I've been telling myself, and other people too, and then I realized that you know what? A year and a half is now just a year. And yes, maybe in a few months we'll move to Denver, but now a few months is next week. (OMG.)

And that's exciting. All this stuff that we are really looking forward to, but in a vague far-off sort of way... it's happening, and not that long from now. And in the meantime we still get to enjoy everything we already have, not the least of which involves having few responsibilities and lots of time to spend quietly with each other.

I'm just so EXCITED about Denver. I'm excited about working from home, with Torsten. I'm excited about living in such a great city in such a great location. I'm excited about the weather, and the downtown area, and the nice people, and the mountains and parks and lakes, and the great home prices. I'm excited that in just a few weeks we will have a dog, and that in hopefully not too long we'll have a house and then a baby. I'm excited about where we are now and I'm excited about where we're going to be.

I'm excited about the new routine, and the chance to build more activity into it. I wrote about that over at Not a Diet (so go read!), and it's really exciting to me how close we will be to so many lovely outdoorsy things to do. I have not been the biggest nature lover in the past, but I love being outside, and walking, and especially walking a dog. I still don't think I'll ever love camping, but I am all about getting outside and moving around, as long as I have a nice home with a soft bed to come home to at night.

I still can hardly believe that it's all really happening. I can't believe that it's close enough that we can start making appointments to view places to live. I can't believe that in a week and a day we will be loading up the moving truck and the Civic and beginning the long drive. I can't believe that we can start looking at houses TO BUY whenever we feel like it. It's so LIBERATING. I can't even get over how delighted I am.

In which I complain about complaining.

My standard policy on rude and/or anonymous comments is not to address them, but I got a comment yesterday that wasn't anonymous exactly, and that made me think about a topic more broadly, so I do want to post about it. The person in question told me that I complain too much, when in fact I am quite lucky. It's true that I'm very lucky, and I think my blog and the way I write about my life reflects that. If a reader finds that I complain too much, and doesn't see all the happiness and optimism mixed in with whatever negative stuff I might be talking about, that's unfortunate, but so it goes.

Obviously nobody wants to read a blog that is just nonstop whining and negativity, especially if it's not coming from someone whose life is terrible and miserable in every way. And I don't think my blog is that. I think the best we can all do is acknowledge the greatness that we have in our lives. And I have that, and do that. I have an incredible, amazing relationship. I have a fantastic job and was even given the choice between two great jobs in a time when a lot of people are struggling to find even one job. I'm financially secure and not in debt. I have a wonderful, supportive family and lots of friends. I'm about to move to the city that I've been dying to live in for months. I have a ton to look forward to, including a dog and hopefully at some point a baby. My life is fantastic and I can hardly think of way in which it could be improved.

But that doesn't mean that I'm not allowed to sweat the small stuff. Moving is stressful, so even though it's a wonderful thing and I'm happy about it, it's OK for me to vent about the negative side effects. And yes, it's great that I have a lot of friends but that doesn't mean I can't talk about how difficult it will be to leave them all behind. And yes, it was lovely for Torsten to send me flowers on Valentine's Day last year and he himself is the best husband I could ever imagine, but that doesn't mean I should pretend that I didn't have an irrational, hormonal breakdown about the flowers for no good reason--because I KNOW it was unreasonable, but it WAS how I felt at the time.

My blog is a space for honesty, interaction, thoughtfulness, fluff, discussion, happiness, and complaining. It's a space for whatever I want it to be, and I like finding similar spaces in other people's blogs.

Because it's not just me. Just because someone struggled with infertility before becoming pregnant doesn't mean that they have to enjoy every second of their pregnancy and can't complain about the awful morning sickness and debilitating symptoms that accompany it. Just because somebody was unemployed before finding a job doesn't mean that they can't complain about their rude boss and the tedious work they have do. Just because someone has a fantastic marriage doesn't mean they can't complain about how frustrated they are when their spouse never does any housework. Complaining is an outlet, a way to keep from bottling up negativity, and I think that's a good thing.

I see blogs as a space for venting and for gaining perspective. This blog is many things to me, and one of them is an outlet where I can write about whatever is on my mind, remind myself of its importance or lack thereof in the overall scheme of things, and then move on. It's also a space where I can read about other people's lives and what's going on in their minds, and see that we all have this little stuff that bugs us, but maybe the fact of writing it down and commiserating with others about it and seeing how similar we all really are helps us not be bugged by that stuff anymore, and to be better-adjusted and happier people.

So no, I don't think I complain too much, because while I do talk about stuff that's bothering me, I also temper that with how happy and lucky I am overall. I wouldn't want a blog that went on and on about how great everything was all the time, and glossed over the bad stuff, no matter how small, because that's not real life and that's not relatable. And as long as I haven't lost sight of the big picture, I don't think there's any need for me to limit what I talk about just because hey, it could be worse--I could be paralyzed. Not being paralyzed doesn't mean we're all required to be happy and bubbly 100% of the time. And I don't see any need to feel guilty for having a normal range of emotions about my life.

Priorities in a limited time frame

I'm beginning to think that I misjudged this whole moving strategy thing just a tad. Torsten is steps ahead of me and says I definitely did. The packing is going well, for sure, and that should be pretty much done this weekend. It's not that. It's the social thing.

It's like, I've lived in DC for three years, plus a summer a year before that, and when we realized that we were moving it suddenly occurred to me just how many friends I have here. Which is great, and I'm sure we'll make friends in Denver, albeit slowly. But what happened was, our move that we had been thinking about in the abstract for so long suddenly became this concrete thing with a DEADLINE, and as soon as that happened I had the overwhelming need to see everybody one last time. And they don't all know each other and I want real quality time with them all so it's not the kind of thing where you have a big crowded happy hour sendoff and call it a day.

You know how you always say to various people, oh, let's do this or that sometime? And you both mean it and vaguely keep planning on it but somehow "sometime" never turns into concrete plans? Well, now that we're moving, that "sometime" has become now or never, and I choose now. So I booked our social calendar, specifically mine, pretty much full. Dinner and coffee and shopping and brunch and whatnot with one friend after another. And I'm still missing a lot of people who are very important to me in the process.

And I think that ultimately I won't regret this, and it's fine, but also I am just so busy and have plans like every night between now and when we leave, practically. I mean not exactly, but almost. And I while I'm remarkably unstressed given what's going on in my life right now, this stuff isn't helping. Well, the time with friends is. But the lack of time at home to unwind, or sleep... that's not helping.

I was super grumpy yesterday and all this stuff kept pissing me off, some of it legitimate and other stuff just stupidity that I normally take in stride. And I think part of it is that I am running on very close to empty and I have a long way left to go.

But what am I supposed to cut out? Plans with my sister? Shopping with one of my best friends from college? Dinner with our favorite local couple and their adorable baby? Really, I WANT to see these people and I'm going to miss them all terribly when we are gone, and there will be plenty of time for sleeping later especially when we are in Denver and know no one and therefore have no social life, but OMG SO MUCH TO DO.

I think it would be easier if it weren't for all the other last-minute stuff that has to get done, like the ridiculous car inspection fiasco, and one last haircut from my beloved stylist, and figuring out everything we both need to get our remote offices set up, and oh, I don't know, sorting through and packing up everything we own? I don't even need a to-do list because it's all so obvious that it can't be forgotten, but can I just say that I LIKE it when some of the stuff I need to do is trivial enough that I need to write it down to remember it? That kind of thing implies that if it doesn't get done, it's not the biggest deal. But in this case it would really be awesome if the movers didn't show up to a half-packed apartment, and if I didn't spend our entire road trip feeling sad because I didn't get to say goodbye to half my friends.

So, you know. Priorities. I think mine are in the right place. But this whole wanting to see everyone and do everything one last time thing... well, it's a factor that should be weighed quite heavily in the timeline of any future interstate moves. Of which there will hopefully be very few in our future. But, you know. Just in case.

My marriage is the best! CLEARLY.

So many things have been happening, I think I need to resort to bullet points. Maybe this is for the best? Well, regardless, here we go.

• I got a BlackBerry! Ah, the perks of working remotely--I never had a justification to get one before. It's pink. I'm only sorry that it isn't purple. Now I'm going to be connected all the time, and I know that can be problematic but since I'm going to be so far away from my office, this makes me feel better. And also allows me more flexibility in terms of stepping out in the middle of the workday.
• I need an endocrinologist in Denver. I found one that was highly recommended, but she didn't take my insurance. Then I found one who seems mostly good, but a few reviews said that he was too busy and was kind of rushed. I'm going to try him, though, because at this point I know my condition and don't really have questions. If I like him, I'll stick with him. If not, I'll keep looking.
• Now that we know we're moving to Denver, we can start planning our trips for this year, which were on hold because we couldn't book flights without knowing what airport we'd be departing from. Now we can, so we're working on figuring out our promised trip to Germany in May, which will involve a mini second wedding reception for Torsten's family and friends who weren't able to attend the actual wedding, and a trip back to the east coast in the summer to spend a week with my family at the beach. Already I'm glad that I'm still with my current job and its luxurious four weeks of vacation per year.
• Moving out of our apartment building is a huge pain. They only let you reserve the freight elevator for two hours, and not at all on Sundays unless you pay $200. The movers could hardly guarantee a day on which they'll arrive, much less an exact time. I'm still not quite sure how we're going to resolve this. Maybe there will be a miracle and they'll show up at exactly the right time? HA HA HA HA. HA. Ha.
  
• Last week our car dealer called to ask why he hadn't received our DC inspection papers yet. I had no idea that we had to get the car inspected in DC. We bought it in Virginia and it passed inspection there, so I thought that was good enough, but of course it wasn't, and I should have known that. So, I took the car off to get inspected, and it failed because the windows were too tinted. DC has very strict tinting laws, apparently, and the most annoying part is that the window tint our car has is totally legal in Colorado, but we have to register the car in DC because that's where we live right now. So, this weekend I took the car to get de-tinted, and now I have to take it to get re-inspected. A pain in the ass, and one that cost $135 plus hours of our time.
• Last night Torsten stopped at the grocery store on his way home from work to pick up dinner, and when he got home he realized that he'd forgotten to buy one of the things I'd requested. Proof that he's the best husband ever? He offered to trudge back down to the store and get it, despite it being late and him being exhausted. And proof that I'm the best wife ever? I told him not to go because it wasn't a big deal, AND I MEANT IT.
  

Moving and packing and jobs and friends

So, there's been a slight change of plans. We're still moving to Denver, and we're still doing it on the same day that we've been planning, but I won't be taking the new job that I was offered. I fully intended to, but when I gave notice at my current job, they asked me to stay on and work remotely, and offered some great perks to doing so.

At first I thought no way, because I was so in the mindset of having the new job, but then I thought about it and realized that actually, it made way more sense for me to stick with my current job than to take the new one. Every factor just spelled out that the current job was the way to go--I love the company and the people, I love the work, the benefits are fantastic, there will be a promotion shortly, there are no unknowns, and I'll get to work from home, which will be great in terms of having a dog now and kids later. And plus, Torsten and I will be working at home together, which will be lovely, though we fully intend to work in separate rooms, because he spends most of his workday on the phone (loudly), and I can't edit with that level of background noise.

So, after I made the decision I had to write a really awkward and guilt-inducing email to the people who offered me the new job, telling them that I wasn't going to be able to accept it after all. I felt really bad about it, but as my friends and family kept telling me, you have to do what's best for you, and companies are used to things like this happening. And in fact I got a very classy response from the guy who interviewed me, wishing me luck and telling me to stay in touch. So, I feel better now.

And this totally opens up our options in Denver. We'll both be working from home, so we need at least a two-bedroom place and preferably a three-bedroom so that we can each have our own office, and we have a lot more flexibility on location. Originally our thought had been to get a place within walking distance of my office so that we wouldn't have to get a second car, but now there is no office, so we can live in whatever neighborhood we want.

Of course, this kind of throws off our apartment-hunting plan, which was to go to my new office and walk from there, stopping into every building on the way and looking at available apartments. Now that we don't have a specific location in mind anymore, we're going to need to do more of a broad city tour to get a feel for the neighborhoods and where we might like to be. We're doing a bunch of research ahead of time and plan to make some appointments to view places before we arrive, but ultimately we're going to leave things open and see what comes along.

This weekend was a whirlwind of packing and logistics and seeing friends. There's nothing like a two-week deadline on your tenure in a place to make you realize how many friends you have there, because there are so many people that we want to hang out with one last time before we go, and short of having a giant packing party at our place, there's no way we're going to fit them all in. But we are doing what we can, and they and everyone else will just have to come visit us in Denver.

We did book the movers, and can we discuss what a stressful thing that is? We did a ton of research and found a company that is very reputable and gets excellent reviews and is well-rated by the BBB, etc., but OMG is it stressful to research movers. The internet is flush with warning stories about scams and movers who held people's belongings hostage until they forked over thousands of dollars in extra costs, etc. Googling interstate moves is like Googling your medical symptoms, or reading What to Expect When You're Expecting while pregnant--bound to convince you that you will never make it to the other side safely.

But we will, ultimately, and the hope is that we can experience a beautiful dovetailing of circumstances wherein we find an apartment and then our stuff arrives shortly thereafter, so we don't have to spend too much time in hotels and/or sleeping on air mattresses in an empty place. Moving is stressfully inexact; they give you a two-day window of when they'll arrive, and you can specify a preference but there are no guarantees and you don't know for sure when to expect them until like two days in advance. And then your stuff doesn't fill the whole truck, so they do a bunch of moves all at once, and it's hard for them to tell how long it will all take, and so they give you a window of how long it will take until you're reunited with your stuff, and the window usually spans a weeklong period.

I totally understand it, because moving is an inexact science, and movers are held hostage to circumstances, and the self-reporting abilities of the people whose stuff they're moving, and weather and weigh stations and all the rest of it. But that doesn't make it any easier to deal with. What is making it easier, I think, is the fact that we ourselves are being so open-ended about this. We don't have a set date that we need to be there, since we're both going to be working remotely, and we don't have anyone waiting for us or anything, and we don't even have a place to stay.

So, you know, what happens happens. All we can do is research as much as we can, make smart choices, and hope for the best. And ultimately, we'll be together in Denver with good jobs and a place to live, and the exact details of when and how all that happens will become unimportant in the long run. I just hope that in two weeks I'm not eating my words.