Last night my sister came over to pick up our keys because she's going to be checking our mail until we have a forwarding address. She only stopped by briefly, and then we stood in the hallway surrounded by boxes and trash, delaying the inevitable goodbye.
It wasn't poignant, it wasn't dramatic. I knew it was going to happen but I still wasn't expecting it. We hugged, we said we loved each other, we reminded ourselves that we'll see each other in June. Her eyes looked red but maybe I was imagining things. After she left, I cried. And I'm crying again, writing this.
I knew this part would be hard and I know I made this choice. And I'm still so happy about going to Denver and I know that there will be visits and calls and emails and lots of people only see their sisters a few times a year and they're all fine.
But I love her and I like knowing that she's nearby and I like getting to see her whenever and just getting dinner or going shopping or hanging out at her house. I like that we talk almost every day at work and that there's no pressure because we live near each other and it's all just casual and easy. It's just so weird that we're going to be so far apart.
Most people who move to settle down make a choice to be near their families. Maybe we're crazy for moving further away. I know that my family is close enough that geographical distance won't change anything, but a small part of me wonders what the hell I'm thinking, choosing not to live in the same city as my sister anymore when it would have been so easy to stay.
Moving to Denver is the right choice, I know that it is. But Jesus Christ, this part sucks.
I've always thought that we'd have two kids, and then recently I'd started to think that maybe just one kid would be nice too, and simpler. But now I don't think so. I'm really sad right now, but I still want this for my own kids. I want them to have a sibling, someone they care about enough to make them cry. Even if it means they end up like me, sitting in their offices using scratchy paper napkins to wipe their eyes.
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Awww, hang in there. Right behind the hardest part is the exciting part - where you drive to Denver, and get to call your sister and update her along the way!
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about children. I have my first, and she is amazing and I can't fathom another being as wonderful as her - but I want to try, because I know how much I love my sisters now, and how much I lean on them. I want her to know that sibling love, too.
I moved away from home seven years ago, 10 if you count college, and we've lived more than a 1,000 miles away for nearly five years. It's still hard saying goodbye to my parents and sisters when we visit. But it's OK. We talk a lot on the phone, and sometimes I think our relationships are better for the distance.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Jess! Good things are ahead.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI think the bond between sisters is different. I have a brother, and while we aren't in the same state anymore, we're still very close. I don't know how my three girls will do (especially the twins) when they grow up and have to make choices about where to live.
ReplyDeleteI have the four kids, and I can't imagine them not having each other. All three girls will have their brother to take care of them, even if he is the middle child. The twins have each other, and my oldest gets to mother them all.
Your trip is going to be a great big adventure. Make your sister a scrapbook album or journal your experiences for her.
I have lived apart from my parents and brother for 17 years (gulp!). And you know what? If all parties are willing and able, you make it work. (And I know you two will!) You continue to talk everyday, only now you use Skype instead of the phone. You send each other pictures more than you used to, maybe video, too. You skip planning trips to visit with friends in favor of visiting with your family. And you might even skip spending time with friends local to your family in preference of spending more time with your loved ones. I'm amazed every day how connected this world is, regardless of where we live. And while I know the transition will be tough, hopefully it will be quick and you'll soon find your new routine.
ReplyDeleteAw, I feel for you, Jess. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteAw Jess - you guys will definitely make this work for you, and I second the skyping! Who knows, maybe you'll make Denver so sexy she'll have to join you =)
ReplyDeleteI've has the same thoughts about children - that one child would make our lives really simple. That we could stay in the little house we live in now for as long as we want. But I also have a beautiful, amazing sister who my whole childhood was about and I'm not sure I could deprive my child of that.
I can only imagine how hard moving away from your sister is. My sister and I are really close, and I'd miss her if she or I moved away. But at least you can stay in touch via e-mail, gchat or the phone, so I'm sure that will make the transition easier.
ReplyDeleteAnd just think, now the two of you will always have a place to vacation to! Good luck during your last few days in DC.
Moving away from my family is the one reason I don't think I could do a big cross-country move. Unless, of course, they all came with me. Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteAww.. yeah, i could see that. I'm very close to my brother - he's really one of my best friends. I'm not sure how i would deal with him not living 10 minutes away, but on the other hand, i don't see him as often as i used to anyway.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you'll be ok with the cross-country communications, and it will be that much more exciting when she comes to visit. Hang in there!
Being that both my sister and Mother are my closest freinds I realted well to this post. I, too, live far away from both of them and it is hard, however, the decision to live here was worth it and I have no regrets. You will have a wonderful life in Denver and trust me when I say your visits with your sister will be all the sweeter.
ReplyDeleteTry to remember the old saying - "Distance makes the heart grow fonder." But go ahead and cry if you want to!
ReplyDeleteAw, this is sad. I don't live near any family so I know what you're feeling.
ReplyDeleteYou know, I think my brother and I are closer now that he lives in England. We send frequent emails and pictures and talk on Skype. When he lived 20 minutes away, we would occasionally get together, but we would never email or talk on the phone.
ReplyDeleteAwww, I know your sister will miss you like crazy too. The two of you seem quite close and the good thing is that not even distance can change that.
ReplyDeleteI'll be moving about 15 minutes away from my family (I know only 15 minutes but I've lived with them my whole life!) and although like you I'm excited about the changes ahead, I know I'll miss them all so much.
of course it will be hard to leave your sister and be further away from your family, but you know this move is the right choice for you and torsten. things will get better!
ReplyDeleteif only you could take her with you!! it will be tough, but i think it will make your relationship with your sister even stronger...i felt closer to my parents and siblings when i was away than when i was there :)
ReplyDeleteCry me a river.
ReplyDeleteJess,
You got to be strong for the move. They say that moving is one of the most stressful events one will go through (up there with divorce and death), so it is understandable that you are feeling some strong emotions.
Look at the bright side, you will be in a nice new city. Loving the clean rocky mountain air and getting away from the scummy DC area.
Sloane Pitos Ketcham
My brother and I aren't close in the typical sense, but we have a unique understanding of one another and our stand-offish personalities and sarcastic humor. We don't talk often, but I am the first one he calls when he has a serious problem and I have dropped everything and physically tracked him down when I had been away on vacation and came home to several days worth of desperate voice mails. He calls me to prepare himself if he has to talk to our mom or dad about something important. I also know he would be there for me at any time.
ReplyDeleteI think it is that unique understanding of personalities and the common bond of being raised in the same way by the same people that make the sibling relationship so important. Also, there is always someone there when you need him/her. My mom is an only child, and as she is dealing with my grandmother's death and all the accompanying stuff, I wonder if having a sibling to help in such a situation would have made it easier for her.
i haven't lived in the same state - or even on the same side of the country as my sister - in... man, over 10 years. i left home to go to college, then she went to houston 5 years later when i settled down here. and now she's in Cali. i lobbied hard for her to move here for her phd program, but no luck :-P
ReplyDeleteAs an only child, I can tell you, I would love to have grown up with a sibling or two. However, I did collect pseudo siblings along the way, so that helped.
ReplyDeleteHaving a big life change happen in my life recently, I can certainly understand what you're going through right now. Even though we know it will get better over time, it's hard to see that horizon over the one we're at right now.
It'll just be temporary and you'll be fine, especially if you stated that you've always been close to your fam and sis. No distance would change that and you can always keep in touch with them , hang in there. Things will look up soon :)
ReplyDeleteI've lived across the country from my sister for YEARS now, and we're still close. Honestly, even if I lived in MN, I doubt we'd see each other that much more often. We mostly email/text anyway.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. I know how you feel, but there are lots of perks to living away from family too.
Ah honey, I'm so sorry you're having a rough day. Hang in there, it will get easier.
ReplyDeleteThinking about you,
xox
Awwww, I imagine is it very hard. Driving away will be hard, but remember that you are driving into an adventure!
ReplyDelete:( This made me cry.
ReplyDeleteYou have a sister?
ReplyDeleteI think you should convince her to move here. That's the best thing for everyone.
Jess, I know how your sister must be feeling. My sister has moved all over (her hubby's in the military) and it's frusterating not to have her and my niece close by. We talk all the time, text pics and facebook constantly so at least we are still close just from a distance.
ReplyDeleteEven when I know I'm making the right decision and I'm excited about it, I still have a hard time saying goodbye to the past.
ReplyDeleteI think it's good for couples to set out on their own, even for a little while. We did that moving here without knowing a soul. Now that we have a kid though (and another on the way) the longing to be closer to family has only increased.....
ReplyDeleteYOU ARE BRINGING BACK ALL MY BAD MOVING MEMORIES!!!
ReplyDeleteI have found my spot, as it is, and my sister lives one block away. One. Block. When she inevitably decides to move, whether it be across country or to another neighborhood, I will bawl my eyes out.
This was great...not great it made you sad. But, thank you for sharing that moment with us. Sometimes there has to be tears before something new...
ReplyDeleteGoing off to college...
Graduating college...
Moving...
etc...
It makes what follows so much sweeter...
Wishing you guys nothing but the best!
I just wrote about my sibling yesterday, inspired by the thought of wanting everyone to experience that kind of relationship. Only children miss so much!
ReplyDeleteSo sad! My brother lives as far away as he can without leaving the country, and it's SAD! I want to live closer, but I don't want to live where HE lives. So I feel stuck. But there's a certain happy benefit of distance, which is that it makes the time together seem more special. ...Sorry, that's total crap designed to sound reassuring. Living closer is better.
ReplyDeleteThis sucks. But think of the great excuse for travel you now have.
ReplyDeleteWell, now I feel a little bad, but one of my sisters lives in the same city as I do, and I see her only a few times a year. Is that bad? That's bad, huh? Glad to hear you're so close to your family. Just remember, you can still talk to her every day just like you do now. Oh, the wonders of technology. :-)
ReplyDeleteLeaving my friends who were like family to me when I moved to Seattle was the hardest thing. It tore me open. But it also reminded me of how much love I have in my life. That kind of awareness soothed the pain a bit.
ReplyDeletemoving away from a sibling is hard! i cry every time i leave my brother. he's my best friend!
ReplyDeleteit makes it easier now that there are cell phones for cheap calls, internet for IM'ing and emailing, and texts...
smile big. this is so exciting!
I hate goodbyes. They're too, too sad. You never know, the distance could make you guys even closer. I think that's what happened with my older sister and I.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the move!
Being further away from your family might just give you a chance to keep in touch with them in a different way; you'll share long emails and phone calls instead of casual visits most of the time, but that can be really fun, too. And you'll have so much fun stuff to tell them about!
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