Last night we had dinner with some of our closest DC friends, a couple we adore and their beautiful baby. The food was excellent and the conversation even better, and when it was time to leave, I kept reminding myself of what one of you guys said in my comments last week: we're moving, not dying. We will see these people again. They know that they have a standing invitation to visit us in Denver and it is our sincere hope that they will take us up on it, and soon.
It got me thinking about friends, and couple-friends, and lifelong friends. We are moving, we are not dying, but some of our friendships will probably start to die out once we put so much distance between us. But some of them won't, and I am firmly convinced that these friends fall into that category.
I love thinking about how we will always be one of those sets of friends that knew them before they had kids, and knew their daughter when she was a baby. I always love meeting those friends of my parents, even if they live far away now, and I love that we get to play that role for this child.
And also, we were talking about this last night, they are the kinds of friends you can vacation with, you know? My family has those family friends, the ones we vacation with and spend holidays with, the ones who feel like a second family, and I love that and want it for our own family too.
And these friends are exactly the type of people I could see doing that with. I could totally see the four of us going somewhere with assorted kids, and the guys doing a brewery tour while the women wandered around downtown, and all of us taking the kids to see the sights, or just hanging out on the beach, or, you know, whatever vacation stuff you'd normally do on your own.
I want more friends like that. I want those friends who are so close that they're like a second set of parents to your children, the ones you can spend special days with and travel with and always, always trust your kids with. The ones your kids can turn to when they need an adult perspective on something but for whatever reason don't want to talk to their parents about something. The ones with the kids who aren't quite like siblings, but are closer than cousins.
I wonder if, and when, we'll find that in Denver. And how the friendship will organically grow to that point.
What about you? Did you have a family friend like that growing up? Do you want something similar for your own family, now or in the future?
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I mostly got that through my extended family (aunts/uncles/cousins). It's the same for my kids. It would be nice to have friends like that, and I know it would be that way with my best friends, except that we're a little too far apart geographically.
ReplyDeleteMy fam had freinds like that when I was little and we all grew up traveling and going on fun expeditions toegther - it was a very unique and special experience. I can't have childern so we don't have any but I love getting together with other couples and their kids as I adore kids ( I am an ex K teaher. )
ReplyDeleteMy family never had those friends when I was growing up, and I so wish they had!
ReplyDeleteI know when we have children I definitely want to be locked into that kind of a support network.
My mom's best friends are like that to my brother and I. I am closer to them than I am to my own aunts and uncles. We went on vacation with them every year and they are still a huge part of our lives. Now that some of my friends are having children, I look forward to being that person in their lives.
ReplyDeleteMy parents never had friends like that, and it makes me sad. But honestly, I can't blame them. I'm from small town hell, and well, my mom just didn't have anything in common with most of the people there.
ReplyDeleteThat would be nice, to find another couple like that. We sort of have one, but they live a little too far away to visit frequently, and we're all just a bunch of introverts on top of that, so it's hard to form really tight bonds.
ReplyDeleteWe had 2 family friends. All the coulpes had love marriages when that was unheard of in India and the fathers taught at the same university. The mothers were all working mothers. I was the oldest and the other two had kids 2 years younger than me. Then one of them had a child, the other couple had a child a year later and then the third couple had their second child in another year. We all vacationed together and our parents would whine about what the kis did wrong to each other and brag about our accomplishments to each other. Now the kids have all moved out and the parents still go to each others' houses on the kids' birthdays and their anniversaries. It makesme want to cry just thinking about it because I don't think I have friends like that. Yet.
ReplyDeleteMy parents never really had that but we have made a few friends that we travel with and know will be around forever. When we moved someone said "friends become family" and I think its true with enough time. The hardest part about moving is not making new friends but giving it enough time so that those friends become "old friends."
ReplyDeleteYes, we lived many, many miles away from our extended family when I was a kid, and this whole "clan" that my parents befriended just kinda adopted us. We spent x-mas with them and vacations and everything.
ReplyDeleteI do want that now--as I moved my own family far, far away from where I started! We are very close to one family here and I WOULD vacation with them in a heart beat--we just never seem to mange to make the plans work out! And another family is starting to get almost as close. It's nice. And necessary for our sanity!
My parents had very close friends in our neighborhood when we were little. They became an extended family for all of us. We took vacations together, kept very close and in adulthood and we have reunited for weddings, and other events. Facebook has helped us keep even closer on a daily basis with status messages and pictures of eachother and our kids.
ReplyDeleteWe have friends we have visited on vacation, and it was the same feeling of family.
True friends stay close despite the distance, and they make the effort to stay in touch. But it doesn't feel like work.
That sounds like a fun weekend! It's great to have friends like that.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend like that. We've known each other for over 40 years. Our older kids grew up as best friends and I was there when she gave birth to her youngest.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I don't know what I'd do without her.
We did have that, growing up--three or four families where the kids and the families were friends. I still see these people when we go back to Ohio, and it makes me feel so wonderfully grounded, even to a place (Ohio) that I always felt I wasn't quite suited for.
ReplyDeleteWe have a few family-friends like that now, as a couple, and as parents--but the bonds aren't as strong as I'd like. Partly it's because the kids aren't quite of the right ages to be friends, I think. And it's a little of a handicap when it comes to meeting my kids' friends' parents--I always feel like I'm testing them out for friend-readiness.
my parents had those friends growing up, too, and it was great - like someone else said, i knew them even better than my own aunts and uncles. i definitely want my kids to have that, too. and heck, i want ME to have that :-)
ReplyDeleteMy parents had several friends like that growing up, sadly I still talk to the parents but none of the kids stayed close. As they are all now aging and sadly passing on, my life is full of reunions at funerals.
ReplyDeleteMy BFF and I have been friends for over 30 years and our youngest boys are exactly 2 months apart and have been best friends since before birth! Even though they have moved away, the boys talk and text more often than we do. Looking forward to our next trip to the beach to visit them!
We did not have a family like that when we were growing up. I think partly because we went to private school and not the public school lots of the neighborhood kids went too, we didn't end up socializing much with kids in our own neighborhood. We also have a large extended family and we did so some vacation type things with aunts and uncles and cousins.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of friends like that - but I think it doesn't happen as often the way we live now - people don't necessarily live in one place their entire lives.
I feel that close to some of my college friends, but we aren't geographically close. Still, I think my children will grow up knowing those women care about them a great deal.
We had friends like that growing up and I loved it. I definitely want it for my kids. Some of my favorite memories were spending the whole weekend of New Years with them in a grandparent's condo in St. George, Utah.
ReplyDeleteMy family had that at times, but we moved a lot. Now that they're back in their original spot, my parents have their original friends, who lasted the 20 years they were away. Which is nice!
ReplyDeleteWe have those friends already, though. We met most of them in college and we have a ton of things in common (interracial marriages, kids the same age). And we're committed with 3 other couples to getting together one weekend a year to vacation/retreat/talk/recharge. Oh, and we've already arranged the marriages.
We did not have a family like that growing up, but I want that badly for our family. It seems like I am always looking for that in my son's friend's families. So far we've had a few close ones, but we're not there yet. I want a family with whom our family can get together, and with whom each of us (hubby, son and I) can enjoy separately (me hanging out with the mom, hubby with the dad, son with the child).
ReplyDeleteMy mom's best friend IS a mother to me, and I even call her mom. I'm not sure if she knows that I'm not really her child (hmm...). Her husband is my dad's best friend, and every year we take a vacation with just my mom, dad, sister, and brother-in-law, and another one with both families. I would not have it any other way! when i think of my family, they are included. i love families that aren't necessarily related--i think it's a great role model for kids.
ReplyDeleteMy mother's friend's family was like that to us when we were growing up. One summer when my parents got the chance to take a long trip and cruise for Dad's work, mom called her and she said sure, send the kids here, what's two more?
ReplyDeleteYou'll find friends like that. And yes, I like the "moving, not dying" reminder.
Mmmm.....I can hardly wait to move and have friends like that too - it sounds PERFECT!
ReplyDeleteI miss my extended family of friends from CA. Since moving to WA I've met great people but few that I can gather in a group and have a party. It's really individualistic relationships which is frustrating though I am grateful. I am thankful my mom and sis are here.
ReplyDelete