Holiday seeeeason

So, Thanksgiving was awesome, in a relaxing and low-key kind of way. The flying was easy (helped by our decision to travel on unpopular travel days, as well as Southwest's direct flight from Denver to North Carolina), it was great to see my parents, the meal was delicious, and the four days off of work were luxurious.

And NOW. Well, Thanksgiving is over and that means Christmas! Our first one in our new house. This is our third Christmas living together, and therefore the third time we've gotten a Christmas tree together, but this year we really pushed the boat out and also invested in a wreath for our door AND outdoor lights for our bushes.

And first of all, the wreath? We bought one of those $2 wreath hangers, and put it on our door, and were happy to see that it fit, but then when we hung the wreath on it we realized that the hanger was way too short, and the wreath was way too high up on the door. But I felt very crafty and creative because I took the twine we used to tie our Christmas tree to our car and tied it to the wreath hook and to the wreath and managed to hang the wreath just high enough to hide the twine, but still reasonably low. Behold:


And, um, I think I might wait on showing you the Christmas lights, because... well, it turns out that you need a lot more lights than you think you need to cover a couple of bushes. First we tried those net lights, but the claims on the box that there were enough lights to cover a six-foot shrub were blatantly false--one net literally only covered a fifth of the bush, and we have two bushes to light.

So, those went back to the store in favor of regular light strings, but of course we managed to inadvertently buy garland lights, which are really short strings with clusters of lights, so basically NOT what we needed, at all. We didn't really feel like a THIRD trip to Home Depot yesterday, so we just put the lights we did have on one of the bushes and left it at that. We still have part of one bush and all of the other one to cover before those will be ready for photographing. Unfortunately.

Anyway, onto the tree. Our ceilings aren't particularly high, but we got a bigger tree this year than we've had in past years, and actually invested in a tree topper for the first time. Again, as with last year, we decorated the tree with a football game on in the background, and again we forgot to get eggnog to commemorate the occasion.

However, we did manage to get the tree up and decorated. Growing up, Torsten always had a very traditional tree with white lights and just a few ornaments, while I had a crazy tree with multicolored lights and ornaments crammed on every branch. So, we have compromised with something of a middle ground: white lights, and colored ornaments, but only a few different colors (red, purple, silver, and a bit of gold) in order for the tree to have a cohesive feel. We're both happy with how it turned out:


It's a little weird to have set up the Christmas tree without Montana here. I kind of wonder what her reaction will be when we bring her home this week and she sees a giant tree in our living room. I can only hope that she doesn't instinctively decide to pee on it.

AND, in what can only be described as a true holiday miracle, we actually managed to find a menorah that we both like, and it only cost $25 and it's excellent quality silver (steel?). It is a lovely compromise between traditional (Torsten's preference) and modern (my preference). See?


Now all we need is an advent calendar with chocolate, and we'll be set for the season.

What about you? Will you be getting a tree this year, or have you already? How do you normally decorate it?

The end of the tunnel FINALLY

I am so happy that it is finally Wednesday. To be honest, when I was slammed with work yesterday and Monday, I was a little bitter about being so busy and having to work so late while visiting my parents, and it kind of seemed like it would never end.

But! Well, now it's Wednesday, my workload has lifted ever so slightly, and the light at the end of the tunnel looms, looking beautiful and tantalizing and four days long. Four whole days! I can hardly get over it.

Though, I still can't believe it hasn't even quite been a week since we dropped Montana off to board. Are we really not even halfway there yet? Because it feels like several years have gone by since I've seen her. And I don't appreciate that.

Of course, I still have to work today. But it won't be the same kind of desperate, clawing-my-way-out-of-the-madness type of work with one thing after another after another and no time to stop for lunch. Or breakfast. So, I think I'll be able to survive it.

And then: tomorrow. Turkey! And stuffing (though I'm not sure how well that will go down with my lap-band)! And pie!

Actually... I'm not sure we're having pie. My mom said something about a chocolate-orange souffle? And there is definitely some mochi ice cream in the freezer. But hey, my dad is British and my husband is German, so why not celebrate this American holiday with some French and Japanese desserts, right?

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Weird doctor stuff

The other day, we got a letter in the mail from our old doctor in DC. (As an aside, I have no idea how he got our mailing address and it is driving me a little crazy trying to figure it out.)

ANYWAY, apparently this doctor is switching to membership-based care through some third-party company? Since we aren't his patients anymore I didn't read THAT closely, but he seems to have formed some sort of partnership with a third-party company that provides software solutions to allow patients to email the doctor directly, etc. Apparently, this system will allow him to provide a better standard of care without working quite such long hours.

All good and well, right? Except apparently to become a "member" you have to pay a modest monthly fee. And by "modest" he means $45 a month, IF you act fast and become a "charter member."

So, that's $540 per year, per person, for the privilege of being able to continue to see your doctor. It doesn't include the actual health care, or co-pays, that you pay for. It's basically an annual fee to keep the doctor on retainer. AND the fee will go up if you don't join right away. And the price is only guaranteed for two years and I assume that after that it will increase just like every other health care cost.

ALSO, the letter that he sent out, which to be fair he did not draft (it was from the membership software company) but which he still clearly approved and disseminated, said something about, "With the increasing threat of government-run health care..." and OH did that piss me off. I mean, I understand that not everyone supports health care reform (though I would think most doctors would as they don't like being beholden to the insurance companies' whims any more than the rest of us).

But why do you have to get political in your letter that's ALREADY informing your patients that you're about to demand MORE of their money? Why do you have to say anything at all? There's a time and a place, you know? And the last thing I want to hear when I find out that my doctor is demanding many hundreds more of my dollars is that I also disagree with his politics.

My point is, here's another reason I'm glad we don't live in DC anymore. Because we liked this guy a lot, as a doctor and as a person, but if we were still living there, after this, we'd have to change doctors.

So, is this membership thing for doctors becoming a more common phenomenon? Have any of YOU been asked to "join" your doctor's office for the privilege of continuing to receive medical care from them?

Kid desk

So, we flew in to North Carolina last night and this morning I am all set up to work at my desk in my childhood room, which is where I'm typing this right now. And really, I should say, this working from home thing is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it is awesome because we were able to come for the whole week without having to use precious vacation time.

On the other hand, it means that today through Wednesday, even though I'm visiting my parents, I'm going to be slammed with work all day. Because the craziness I referred to last week has not yet lightened up. So, you know, working from home means flexibility, but flexibility means that it's very hard to leave work behind. And that's too bad.

However, sitting at this desk is pretty awesome. I mean, I have my work laptop set up right here, and that's one thing. But, behind and all around the lap top are some pretty cool memories and souvenirs. From my vantage point right here, I see:

• Two piggy banks
• A purple and yellow candle shaped like a face that I made in middle school
• Bookends made out of agate
• A vintage-style radio
• A flower pot I painted when I was a kid, filled with my old rock collection
• A clock with Eloise on it
• A small stuffed giraffe
• A small model VW Beetle
• My first camera
• A model Eiffel tower that I bought when visiting France for the first time at the age of nine
• A small copy of Eeyore Has a Birthday
• A lamp shaped like the Cape Hatteras lighthouse
• A framed photo of myself doing karate (wearing an orange belt)
• My book of squashed pennies (I still collect these, actually)
• A huge collection of Beanie Babies
• My Millennium Princess Barbie, still in its box
• A bunch of animal-shaped candles
• A PinPoint
  

What souvenirs do you still have in your childhood room?

You know you miss your dog when...

(Alternatively titled "I am such a sappy wimp.")

• You find yourself thinking nostalgically of the time earlier this week when you were talking to an important client on your BlackBerry while it was plugged in, and the dog tripped over the charger wire, knocking your phone out of your hand and sending it flying across the room with a crash.
• You keep starting to say, "WHO'S a cute doggy?!" only to realize nobody is there to answer. Well, not that the dog actually answers, normally, but I think the pricked ears and wagging tail qualify.
• You keep catching sight of her empty water bowl on the floor and thinking that you should refill it so she doesn't go thirsty.
• The sight of the closed dog door makes you wistful.
• You drop a noodle on the floor and feel tragic about the fact that nobody is there to gobble it up.
• You feel confused when you finish work and realize that you can go straight to the gym without feeling guilty that the dog isn't getting her time at the dog park.
• You get home from the gym and head straight upstairs to her crate to let her out.
• You start wondering how she's going to go two whole weeks without her daily glucosamine, even though you yourself only started giving her glucosamine a few weeks ago.
• You indulge in your paranoia and check the available dog listings on the prison program website to make sure they haven't gotten confused and put her up for adoption.
  

One day down. Thirteen to go. At least we have the reason she's not here--our trip next week--to distract us.

Work vs. work out

Do you get physical symptoms of stress? I normally don't, but things have been super crazy busy at work and I've been getting up early to deal with is and am still feeling snowed under and, well, my right eyelid has started twitching sporadically, which only seems to happen to me when I'm extra stressed.

I suppose it could be worse. I mean, I'd rather my eyelid twitch every now and then than have my entire face break out with stress-induced acne, for example.

But still. No eyelid twitch is preferable to yes eyelid twitch, you know?

Luckily this weekend I should be able to take an actual work break. You know the stress is bad because I'm actually looking FORWARD to going to the gym. The idea of 30 minutes on the adaptive motion trainer with my workout playlist pumping sounds really, really nice right now. Almost nice enough for me to say screw it to the whole work thing and go there right now.

Unfortunately, the whole regular paycheck thing sounds EVEN NICER than a good workout in a nearly-empty gym. So, it's back to the grind with me.

Silver and gold

OK, first of all, I'm feeling better about the whole dog boarding thing, mostly because the director finally emailed me back. She agreed to honor the $200 quoted price (apparently they increased their rates recently), and answered some of my other questions. We are still trying to figure out if we'll be able to do an early pick-up or not, but most of the other issues have been resolved.

Still, I look forward to the day when we might have dog-friendly friends close by who could dogsit for us. There are a few people in town that we've started to become friends with, and I love them and I'm sure if we were in a pinch we could ask them to watch Montana and they would agree, but I just don't feel like we're at the point of closeness with any of them to be able to ask them to take on that kind of burden, you know? Especially over Thanksgiving when everyone either has their own plans to leave town or will be stressed hosting guests of their own.

Sometimes it's hard to remember that we've only been in Denver for nine months, and to remind myself that these things take time, sometimes lots of time. We do have a reasonable social life and people we really enjoy spending time with here, and I'm sure those relationships will grow and more will develop the longer we're here. It's just hard to leave a city where we had a whole social network built up and move to a town where we have no real connections and have to start from scratch. Especially without jobs and offices to get us out of the house and meeting people.

I know I've talked about this before, and I don't mean to harp on it too much, but sometimes it can be really hard. It's just weird with my parents in North Carolina and my sister in DC and my best friend in San Francisco and most of my other friends scattered across the country and the globe.

Even a lot of the friends who came to our wedding, all of whom I would consider close, feel further away. Not that we aren't friends anymore or anything, but just, well, for one thing most them are, geographically, further away and also a lot of them have started new things in their lives, jobs or grad school or relationships or some combination thereof, and we don't all talk as much as we used to.

I guess this is a typical 20-something experience, whether you're married or not? Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out on the 20-something crisis that a lot of bloggers talk about, and that's not a bad thing because I love my life and where things are and where they're going, and I don't miss what I don't have, and I think that's crucial.

But there are a lot of supposedly "universal" 20-something experiences, like confusion about where your life is going and what you're doing with yourself and what you really want, that I seem to have just skipped over. And that's OK--I like being grounded and driven and knowing what I want and taking steps to get there.

But the experience of seeing your social circles shift, and seeing not only your own life change but also the lives of everyone near and dear to you, and finding yourself far apart from people you once couldn't have imagined not seeing regularly, and going down wildly different paths from people who used to seem just like you--well, THAT is a 20-something experience I think we all deal with.

And I'm excited for everyone, myself included, for all the thrilling things going on in their lives now and in the future. And I have no regrets about moving to Denver--I love it here. And when I was in DC I realized that the vast majority of my friends there have also moved on, so it's not like things would be the same as they were even if we were still there.

But still. This part is frustrating. I know that I will keep my old friendships with the people who matter, and a few small seeds have been planted for new friendships. But I still feel stuck in between, for now. And I wonder how long it will take until it doesn't feel like this anymore.

Dog boarding complaints

I am feeling a little ranty about everything that's going on with our plans to board Montana while we are at my parents' house for Thanksgiving next week.

First of all, we always board Montana when we leave town. We don't have any friends here who we are close enough with to ask them to take her in, and plus I'd be nervous about that, what with her tendency to run away if she sees an open door. We don't want to leave her alone in the house all day, especially when she's used to us being there most of the time, so hiring a caretaker is out. And we are definitely not flying across the country with her checked with the rest of the cargo.

So, that leaves boarding. The first two times that we've left town without her, we boarded her at a place that got good reviews about 15 minutes from our house. It's nice enough, both a daycare and a boarding facility, with a webcam so you can check in on the dogs (though it's not very good quality so if you had a black dog, I have no idea how you'd tell which of the 27 little black dots roaming around is yours).

We liked the place OK. They're open on weekends. They have good security and the dogs are well-monitored. The people seemed nice and the application was thorough. Montana went there for a "trial run" before we boarded her there, and came home tired and happy. When we brought her back to board, she approached happily and without anxiety. Same with the second time.

However, I don't LOVE the place. The website makes it sound like the dogs are crated from 9 p.m. to 6 a.m., but the reality (as proven by the webcams) is that they're crated from 7 p.m. to 6:30 a.m. That seems like a bit much, and I don't appreciate the duplicity (though they technically aren't LYING, it just isn't clear from the way the info on their site is written). The location and facilities are decent, but not great. There are a lot of dogs there. And while Montana doesn't seem unhappy there, from watching on the webcam we can see that she doesn't do a whole lot of playing while she's there, which is quite unlike her tendencies at the dog park, and from their eating records we can also see that she skips about half her meals.

I don't know how much of this is related to the specific place where we were boarding her (I suspect probably not that much) and how much is related to separation anxiety and not being thrilled about being away from us and away from her home. But still, we aren't in love with this kennel, so we were happy to try something new.

The prison program where we adopted Montana offers a two-week boarding stint for $200. This program is quite popular and needs to be booked months in advance. I booked her in for Thanksgiving back in June, and when I called, I got the second-to-last available spot.

This arrangement is not ideal, because we don't actually NEED her to board for two weeks. If we did, the $200 would be a steal (the other kennel costs $27/night, and that's cheaper than many others we looked at). Since we don't, and that's the minimum, we can (supposedly) arrange to pick her up early, but we still have to pay the full price. Since we're spending a full week in NC, the price difference works out to be minimal. Still, it's annoying.

Also, because it's a prison, their rules are a lot stricter. They don't take credit cards. You can't bring in anything from home to make your dog feel more comfortable, like her crate mat or her favorite toy or a towel that smells like you. You can only bring in food in an unopened bag, and they will not return any leftovers to you. The dropoff and pickup times are very limited. There is certainly no webcam for you to check in on how she's doing while you're gone.

However, the program is great, we're happy to support them, and we know she was happy there. We figure a refresher training course can't hurt. And we won't miss the other kennel. So, we were happy that we were able to reserve a spot for her.

But now I'm frustrated. There are several reasons for this:

1. They KEEP calling to confirm. Like, I've freaking confirmed already! She's boarding there! Stop calling!

2. The most recent time when they called to confirm, it occurred to me to ask what forms of payment they accept. They said only money orders and cashier's checks. This seems strange to me since we paid her original adoption fee with a personal check. However, they were firm about this, and had no answer when I asked why we were able to pay with a personal check last time. USELESS.

3. Since they don't take personal checks, shouldn't it be on them to tell me this? If I hadn't thought to ask, we'd have shown up for her drop-off without the proper form of payment. What then?

4. It's really hard to get a straight answer out of them. Part of the program for inmates seems to involve office duty, so often it's inmates answering the phone, and they don't seem to have very good information and also not very good communication skills. The director of the program doesn't seem to be accessible by phone, and so far has not answered any emails.

5. We were told when we adopted Montana that the two-week boarding fee was $200. I confirmed this when I called to book her slot back in June. Today, when I confirmed this again, I was told that it was $250. The woman I spoke with (who I don't think was an inmate) was quite firm about this. She didn't care that we had twice been quoted a lower price. She says it's $250 and she's sticking to it. I have not been able to get in touch with anyone else to discuss this. So what do we do? Order a cashier's check for $200, or $250? I don't know.

6. We were also told that while they only have certain official days for drop-off and pickup, it's possible to informally arrange an early pickup, which we would like to do so that we don't end up without her for several days after we return to town. However, everyone we have tried to talk to about this has totally stonewalled us and said it's not possible.

7. This all boils down to LACK OF COMMUNICATION OMG.

It's just driving me nuts! $250 for what amounts to a week of boarding is really excessive, but of course it's too late to book her in somewhere else because everyone is booked solid for the holidays, and I don't know where we would even book her anyway. The fact that nobody responds, nobody is in charge, nobody has any communication skills, nobody is receptive, and they are freaking IMPENETRABLE is driving me CRAZY.

It makes me never want to board her with them again, and that's really too bad, because if they could just make their logistics clear and straightforward, we'd never need to board her anywhere else unless it was a last-minute thing. SERIOUSLY. It should NOT be this difficult.

I mean, I know she has a place to board where she'll be happy and safe, and that's the most important thing. But STILL. If we wind up handing over $250 for these people to basically hold our dog hostage for two weeks because NOBODY WILL COMMUNICATE, I will be PISSED. That's all I'm saying.

Sorry. This post isn't very thankful, huh? Not so much in the spirit of the holiday that it's all about.

But still. PISSED.

In concert

I don't really think of myself as being particularly into concerts. I like live music, and I like going to concerts, but I don't do it that often and I'm not clued into the scene, really, so I'm sure I've missed local tour stops from some of my favorite musicians.

Over the years, though, the artists I've seen in concert have started to add up. I'm sure I'm forgetting some, but here's a partial list of artists I've seen live, some more than once (coughBenFoldscough).

• Squirrel Nut Zippers
• Catie Curtis
• Dar Williams
• KT Tunstall
• Ben Folds
• David Gray
• Aerosmith
• Rufus Wainwright
• Missy Higgins
  
• Kyo (French band, seen in France)
  
• Ummm... I'm sure this isn't the whole list. Who am I forgetting? Am I senile already?

Next year, Torsten and I will be adding U2 to this list. We were impressed at how affordable the tickets to this concert are, and we are super excited about the concert because we hear that they're one of the best live.

I'm trying to come up with a list of who else I'd like to see in concert, and some of them are ridiculous pop acts but I am not ashamed. Here's what I can think of:

• Snow Patrol
• Coldplay
• Pink
• Britney Spears
• Ben Folds, again (even though the last concert of his that I attended sucked)
• Sara Bareilles
• Adam Lambert
  
• The Billy Joel/Elton John Face 2 Face tour (the WORST about this is that they recently added a Denver date but we will be OUT OF TOWN and thus can't go, and are both crushed about it)
  
• Robbie Williams
• The Beatles (I never said this was a REALISTIC list)
  

What about you? What are some memorable concerts you've been to, and/or what concerts are you dying to go to?

This is my body

I'm struggling a bit with the compliments I've been getting on my weight loss. I mean, I've lost weight, it's noticeable, and while I don't always approve of positive comments on weight loss (example: a high school teacher of mine talking about visiting another teacher, who was dying of cancer, in the hospital, and saying, AS A POSITIVE, "She is looking SO SVELTE!"), in this case weight loss is the goal, it's a good thing, I've been clear on that, it's improving my health, so: yes, I have lost weight, I do look and feel better, thank you for noticing.

So, here's the next step. Here is me showing you my body. The pictures aren't designed to be flattering or unflattering. Just photos. Just factual.

No bra, no makeup. Just me. Just my body, as it is right now. Not where I want it to be. But maybe not so bad, either.

This is my face, complete with double chin, but also the first hints of a visible jawline.


This is my scar from my parathyroid surgery. And the beginnings of visible collarbones. And more of the double chin.


This is my hip. (And, unintentionally, my dog.)


This is my ass.


This is my belly, covered.


This is my belly, uncovered. These are my lap-band surgery scars.


Maybe these would be some people's "before" photos. Maybe this body is somebody's worst nightmare. But in this case, it's just me. Unvarnished.

Redirect

Over at Bodies in Motivation: All About Vomit

Montana's advice to dogs everywhere

How to receive and eat a treat
If you hear a plastic bag rustling in the kitchen, immediately check out the situation. Sit in front of your owner with your ears pricked and your tail wagging. If a treat is not immediately proffered, scooch continuously closer until one is given. Continue wagging your tail throughout.

Once the treat has been received, head directly to the door. If the door is not open, sit by it with the treat in your mouth, ears pricked, tail wagging, while staring hopefully at your owner. This should procure an open door for you.

Take the treat outside and deposit it on the grass. Flop down in the grass next to the treat and make sure to rub your face on the ground. Then do a full-body roll in the grass with your legs in the air until you are thoroughly covered in leaves. If you're light-colored, you might even be lucky enough to pick up a grass stain or two. Try to roll ON the treat as well as next to it.

Once the rolling has been completed, pick up the treat with your mouth, deposit it between your front paws, grip it tightly, and consume with delicate bites. While chewing each bite, look around the yard to make sure you aren't missing an errant squirrel or other crucial situation.

How to bury a treat
Treats should never be rejected. If you receive a treat that you don't feel like eating, or you sense that your stockpile is getting low, the treat should be accepted and then carefully concealed in the yard. If the yard is not accessible to you, a dusty closet corner is an acceptable, though not preferable, alternative.

Start by scouting out your burying spot. This involves carrying the treat, even if it is a very large and heavy bone that hurts your jaw, in circles around the yard at least five times. Try selecting a spot near some sort of edge--a fence, a tree, a wooden garden barrier.

Use your front paws to dig a large hole. Make sure to send dirt and mulch flying everywhere, and try to get as much soil as possible under your toenails. Bonus if you can get some grass stuck under there too.

Once the hole is of a sufficient size, deposit the treat in it. Then use your nose and the top of your head to cover the treat back up. Flatten your head against the ground and scrape dirt and sticks forward until the treat is covered and fully concealed. It's OK if you blister your nose while doing this. Concealing the treat is more important than physical pain. Don't stop until your owner won't be able to find the treat, even if he saw where you were burying it. Then walk away looking nonchalant. The attitude to project is: Treat? What treat?

Note: If at any time during the burying process, you realize that the selected spot is not suitable, it is perfectly acceptable to dig your treat back up and seek another spot. However, don't forget that you must start the process over at this point, which means at least five more circles around the yard before you settle on a new spot.

How to alert your owner to a truck in the vicinity
While lying in your dog bed, you may hear a truck down the street. If this occurs, lift your head and bark once, very loudly and sharply. Then go back to sleep. Bonus if your owner is on a conference call when you do this. Double bonus if it's a speakerphone call.

How to lie down in your dog bed
Step into the bed. Make sure that there are no stray toys or treats in the bed that you could lie on. Pat the bed with your paws a few time. Turn around in several circles before collapsing in the bed as though you've just been shot.

How to alert your owner to the arrival of the mail
When the mail comes through the slot, jump up in shock at the unexpected noise, whine, and run into the other room. Even though this happens every day and your owner might think that someday you'd get used to it.

How to dry off
Towels are useful for drying off, but even better would be your owner's pants. Stealth is key here. Don't let your owner know that you are wet until you are already rubbing yourself thoroughly against his legs. Maybe give his thigh a little nuzzle with your head to make up for it. Unless your head is also wet. Then the head-nuzzle might not make up for it.

How to make the most of a trip to the pet store
Look for the rodent cages as soon as you walk in the door. Once you spot them, yelp, whine, and pull as hard as possible to get your owner to bring you over there. Park yourself in front of the most enticing-looking rodents--sometimes the ferrets, or the rats--and sit perfectly still, in stalking mode. Try not to shake with excitement. Whine occasionally, and drool. If your owner attempts to pull you away, go limp and force him to drag your prone body all the way across the store to the exit. Once outside, wag your tail to let your owner know that there are no hard feelings.

What about you? Would your pet have any advice to add?

Oh right, goats. Not all of them alive.

So, let's move that political post down on the page and move back to our regularly scheduled programming, shall we? Because, you know, Torsten's birthday happened, and it was great--the perfect combination of relaxed and special. It involved a brunch cooked at home, a trip to a German bakery to purchase a birthday cake, a couple hours of Rock Band Beatles, a small gift of a goat-shaped Christmas ornament, dinner at a fantastic restaurant--oh, and that goat farm thing.

The goat farm was actually kind of awesome. The guy has only been doing it for three years--during which time he's built up his, um, herd? from 1 goat to about 40. He still has a day job, in fact (which is insane). He doesn't normally do tours but he agreed to let us visit, and showed us around the dairy and then let us pet the goats and take photos (full set here).

Goats are pretty cute, as it turns out. And actually, some of them reminded me of Montana. Especially this one:


I think it's the ears, and the quiet pushiness, and the constant curious sniffing. Of course, the goat also checked out my shirt:


But the farmer said, and seems to be right, that goats don't deserve their reputation of eating everything. They TASTE everything, because that's how they figure out what things are, but they don't actually EAT things. And it is definitely true that this goat was not CHEWING on my shirt. She was just... MOUTHING it. Though she did grab on with her teeth when I tried to get her to let go.

Goats also kneel as they're getting up, which, for whatever reason, I find incredibly endearing:


AND, the farm had some yearlings, who were in their own separate field, enjoying playtime:


Unfortunately, the trip was not entirely fun and games. We were standing in one field and I looked over the fence into the yearling field and noticed a goat lying oddly, on its side, with a leg in the air. I said to the farmer, "Is that goat sleeping on its side?" And he looked where I was pointing and said, "That goat's dead!"

Turns out, there were two dead goats, both yearlings. I actually felt kind of bad that we were there--the farmer said this had never happened to him before, and he seemed quite stunned. He was definitely very attached to his goats and it can't have been easy to see two of them dead for no real reason.

It looks like they died of bloat--the farmer said that normally when that happens, the goats bleat and he comes and kind of pumps the bloat out of them, but these two didn't make any noise. And I guess they could have eaten baking soda to help, but their feeder was out of baking soda.

We were talking about it in the car on the way home, and it does seem like the type of thing that happens to everyone as they start to expand their new business--a little mistake, like not putting out two trays of baking soda, that seems inconsequential but ends up costing you. But usually the cost would just be money, and in this case it was the lives of two goats.

Not exactly the best thing that could have happened on Torsten's birthday. But still, the visit was great, and we are definitely planning to go back in the spring when there will be lots of baby goats. Torsten can't wait. (And actually, kind of, neither can I.)

Not valid

Here is what frustrates me about American politics: everyone feels the need to respect every point of view and every belief that is presented. Even if the points of view are bigoted and discriminatory, and the beliefs are scientifically proven to be inaccurate.

This is where I feel that we've taken the whole "freedom of speech" thing too far.

The media gets accused of bias all the time, from all different sources. And the result of that is a skewed idea of what is "balanced coverage." Balanced coverage now seems to mean taking everybody seriously, no matter how ludicrous the things that they are saying.

And if you DON'T take someone seriously when they, for example, compare marrying someone of the same sex to marrying a horse, or say that they don't believe in interracial relationships, or announce that poor people deserve to be poor--well, then you get reamed for being intolerant and narrow-minded. For not being open to all opinions.

Well, here's what: Some things just aren't open to opinion. It is not a valid opinion to believe that other people aren't deserving of equal rights because they have some characteristic, or set of characteristics, that you don't like. It is not a valid opinion to believe that poor people who are dying of treatable diseases don't deserve to be treated because it is somehow their own fault that they are sick or poor.

I wish that we could all move beyond this incredible need to be politically correct, and this insane definition of political correctness that seems to say that we all need to be open to listening to ridiculous extremists.

It's not that I'm saying that people shouldn't have a RIGHT to say what they want, even if what they're saying is bigoted and uninformed. The fact that people are allowed to say those things is what I think is good about free speech. But I don't think that the rest of us should have to take that bigoted speech seriously. I just think that we're all so focused on free speech as a concept that we forget the difference between "people can say what they want" and "everything that everyone says has value and merit."

It is hard to get accurate information, and engage in intelligent conversation, when misinformation and personal beliefs are given the same weight and deference as actual facts and analysis.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of everyone bending over backward to please fringe groups. I'm sick of everyone saying that we all have to be open to all sides and that if we aren't, then we aren't having a fair debate.

I'm open to debate with people who disagree with me--as long as their opinions are based in fact. I am not open to debate with people whose opinions are based in skewed belief systems that tell them that it's OK to treat certain groups of people as second-class citizens, because I do not believe that they can participate in a reasonable, productive discussion.

Period. End of story.

Our whole basis in the idea of limited government, and freedom of speech, and lots of individual rights, has been taken to an extreme where people think that it's OK to say or do whatever the hell they want, all in the name of the U.S. being a "free country." Even when that speech includes not allowing the president of the U.S. (the PRESIDENT. Of the COUNTRY.) to speak to American children about the importance of education. Even when that speech includes saying hateful, uninformed things about other people based on inaccurate beliefs.

How did we get here? Why do we have no more belief in the common good? Why are we so insistent on the rights of the individual to spew hatred and call it a valid opinion? Why do so many people think this is OK?

Because it isn't OK. Not at all.

Birthday follow-up

After yesterday's post, I feel the need to clarify something. This is probably going to come across as defensive, but honestly? I don't care.

Here's the thing. When Torsten and I were discussing what to do for his birthday, it was not a case of him telling me that he would like to spend the day at home and me insisting that NO WE MUST GO OUT FOR IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND LO, THIS MEANS WE SHALL LEAVE THE HOUSE.

No, he was ALSO interested in doing something special, but ALSO couldn't think of what that might be.

As well-intentioned as it might be, I do not think that it is thoughtful or caring to plan a big birthday event for someone who doesn't want one. What I DO think is thoughtful is listening to someone and really HEARING them when they tell you what they want or need.

SO. If Torsten wanted to stay home on his birthday, even if I were strongly opposed to such an idea (which I am not), we would freaking stay home on his birthday. Because it's HIS birthday.

But he doesn't want to stay home on his birthday. And some of you guys had some great suggestions about brewery tours. We had also thought of that, but he's done so many of those already (especially when his best friend was visiting) that it didn't seem like it would be that special.

But! I did have a brain wave yesterday, and thought of the perfect thing to do: visit a goat farm! For those of you who have only started reading this blog more recently, a quick background: Torsten grew up near a goat farm, always went there as a child to feed them and pet them, and still retains his love for them. Due to this, as a joke, I got him a goat-shaped groom's cake last year.

We've been to goat farms before. But he can never get enough of goats. Seriously, ever.

Of course, I wanted this to be a surprise, but apparently, either he is psychic or I somehow gave it away, because this is the conversation we had when I thought of it:

Me: I just thought of the perfect thing to do on your birthday!
Him [out of NOWHERE I SWEAR]: Is it a visit to a goat farm?!
Me: HOW DID YOU KNOW?

I was just so unprepared for him to guess it that I was not quick enough on my feet to bluff. So, the surprise is ruined. However, it is still the perfect birthday activity for him. And I am not even kidding when I say that he will very likely insist on framing some of the goat photos we take at the farm and hanging them prominently in our home.

Luckily, I went into this marriage with my eyes wide open.

How do we celebrate Torsten's birthday?

Torsten's birthday is on Saturday. I've already given him his present (Rock Band Beatles, but the cheaper version without the limited-edition instruments). I gave it to him early because I knew he would want to play it with his best friend, and his best friend was here for two weeks in September.

So, now I don't have a gift for him, except possibly one little tiny thing, but that's OK, because he's aware of it and we will spend some time this weekend playing Rock Band to remind him of the present. That will just have to be good enough.

But the question is... what to do on the birthday itself? We have made plans for a late dinner at a highly recommended restaurant that we haven't tried before. We plan to drive to a Denver suburb in the morning to purchase a birthday cake at a German bakery and maybe have some brunch.

But... what in between? I thought maybe some sort of relaxing spa day, like a massage? But he's not so into that. Is this a guy thing? Even the suggestion of just hanging out in a spa hot tub for awhile didn't seem to appeal to him.

Suggestions of taking a day trip into the mountains, taking a day trip to Boulder, taking a day trip to Colorado Springs... all shot down.

So far, the front runner seems to involve lazing around at home. Which... well, there's nothing wrong with that, but weekend birthdays don't happen all that often and we do a lot of lazing about at home on regular weekends. So it would be nice to do something a bit different for his birthday.

Edited to add: Some of the comments are making me realize that I need to clarify: this isn't about me. Torsten actually wants to go out and do something special on his birthday. He just doesn't know what that would be. I am not going to drag him kicking and screaming out of the house on his birthday to do what I want.

So, I put it to you. What should we do to celebrate his birthday? We have a few parameters:

• We don't want to spend a whole ton of money but it would be OK to spend a little to do something fun/special.
• SOMEONE doesn't want to drive more than an hour or so away. And as it is SOMEONE'S birthday, he gets to choose.
  
• Apparently it has to be manly (no massages, and I'm guessing this means pedicures are out of the question as well).
• Must be relaxing (as in, not busy-making or overscheduled).
  
• So much the better if it involves beer.

Any thoughts? Because I am stumped.

Areas where my husband and I are not compatible

Luckily for our marriage, Torsten and I have quite a bit in common, especially when it comes to the big things. We have similar views on religion, money, lifestyle, morals, kids, travel, and so on. This makes our marriage very smooth for the most part.

However, there are some things that we don't see eye-to-eye on. Most of these are (as you'll see) quite minor and really more funny than anything else. And in some cases they are actually quite enriching.

1. Rights and freedoms. It's not exactly that we don't see eye to eye on this, but simply that Torsten brings a very German perspective to these things. Germany has lots of rights and freedoms, and is very good about guaranteeing civil rights, but unlike the U.S., they don't value freedom of speech above all else. Much Nazi-related speech is banned, for example, and laws about what you can say in ads (regardless of the fine print) are much stricter. Often we will be discussing something that's happened and Torsten will wonder aloud why someone was allowed to do or say a certain thing. And you know what? I find that what he's saying often makes a lot of sense. Freedom of speech is very important, yes, but I think it's very easy for us in the U.S. to take it too far and argue for free speech even in cases when it's detrimental to the greater good.

2. Movies. I like quiet character study movies, and chick flicks, and period pieces. Torsten likes action movies with lots of high-speed chases and explosions, and thrillers, and Quentin Tarantino. There is basically no overlap here. We do both like animated movies, though. Thank god for Pixar and Dreamworks or we would never go to the movies, ever.

3. Bedtime. Torsten starts work earlier than I do, and works longer hours than I do, meaning by the late evening he's already feeling tired. He often wants to go to bed before 10. I prefer more in the range of 10:30. He also likes to listen to the radio while he's falling asleep, while I need silence to fall asleep. Often the way this ends up playing out is that he will go to bed a bit before me and listen to the radio for awhile, and then I'll join him before he falls asleep and we'll turn the radio off and fall asleep together. Or we'll read in bed together for awhile with the radio on before turning it off and going to sleep.

4. Owning a cat. I've mentioned this one before, and got reamed by a couple of commenters (anonymous, of course) because apparently my desire not to own a cat means that I'm a dictator in my marriage? Regardless, I have a fairly strong aversion to the idea of owning a cat (though I do like petting other people's cats), while Torsten likes them and would love to have one in the house. I could maybe be convinced on this point over time, except that a) my mother is allergic to cats so it would be difficult for her to visit us if we had a cat, and b) Montana has clearly demonstrated her dislike for cats, and we don't think she'd be so happy to coexist with one. And I have to say I'm not too disappointed about these things.

5. Cakes and cookies. Torsten likes dense, dry, German-style cakes and crunchy white cookies made with jam or nougat. I like lightweight, fluffy cakes with lots of frosting and soft, chewy chocolate chip cookies. This doesn't come up that often because we don't tend to venture into the land of cake and cookies regularly, but at Christmas it means that we each do our own baking. (And last year my cookies were more popular than his with my coworkers, so there.)

6. Music. I admit that I have fairly crappy taste in music. I like pop, and some classics, and 80s music, and independent folksy style artists like Regina Spektor, Sara Bareilles, Dar Williams, and Catie Curtis. Torsten tends to like classic rock like Guns n Roses and Aerosmith. We do have some overlap, though--we both like Coldplay, Snow Patrol, etc.

7. Menorahs. The search is on for our family menorah, and unfortunately it turns out that we have totally opposite taste in them. Torsten likes very traditional candelabra-style menorahs, while I like more modern, original designs. So far we have not found anything that we can compromise on. We will continue to look until we do.

What about you? In what areas do you and your significant other differ?

Why sometimes I think I might make a decent mom

The summer before my senior year of college, I lived in DC, doing two internships with literary agents. I also held two nannying jobs and a temp job with a nonprofit. So yes, I had five jobs that summer. It was a lot. There was a lot of driving. But it was also pretty awesome.

One of the nannying jobs was for two older kids--I believe they were 15 and 12 at the time. I wasn't really a nanny--more of a summer assistant/chauffeur/mentor/supervisor. I drove the 15-year-old (a girl) to art camp, drove them both to and from friends' houses, ran errands, took the kids on outings, and generally entertained them and prevented them from just hanging around the house all day watching TV.

In short, it was awesome. The kids were awesome and so was their mom, and that made all the difference. I totally bonded with both of them and we had such a good time together. They were hilarious and smart and fun and I actually really miss them.

Anyway, one of the episodes from that job that stands out most in my mind was on, I believe, my second day. The boy, Brad, had a doctor's appointment to get his camp medical forms completed, and his mom asked me to bring him. It was kind of a last-minute appointment as he was scheduled to head to camp the next week.

It seemed like it would not be a problem. Everything checked out fine at the doctor's office... until they got to his ears. One of them had a blockage. Flushing it out didn't fix it. Neither did flushing it again. Or flushing it a time after that.

Finally the doctor gave up and said he'd need to go to an Ear Nose and Throat doctor (ENT). Of course since he had to leave for camp the very next week this had to happen right away. The doctor made some calls and finally got us in with an ENT well out of the city in the suburbs. We got an appointment for that afternoon and headed up the highway.

There was hardly any waiting time with the ENT. In no time Brad was on the table having his ear thoroughly examined. The doctor wasn't exactly the best as far as bedside manner was concerned. Lots of throat-clearing and hemming and hawing, and grave looks. It didn't take him long to say that yes, there definitely was a blockage, it was fairly severe, and you know what? All that flushing out at the regular doctor's office probably made it worse. Tsk.

THEN, and this was the best part, the doctor turns to me and says, right in front of poor, quaking, 12-year-old Brad, "I think we're going to need to put him to sleep."

At first I thought he was kidding, you know? Like the way dogs are put to sleep? Like a misguided attempt at a joke, oh ha ha let's relax the kid by kidding about how the situation is so bad that the only way to fix it is to euthanize him? But no, he actually meant that he felt that we would need to put the kid under general anesthesia in order to remove the blockage from his ear.

My response was along the lines of: Excuse me? Why in the hell would you need general anesthesia to get something out of a kid's ear? You're not cutting anything open, you're not causing any pain... the ear canal is OPEN. That's how whatever this is got IN THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.

The doctor was all dithering, like, oh, well, with younger kids they tend to move, and then I could stab them in the inner ear, and he's just at that borderline age...

After some back and forth I convinced him to at least TRY to get the thing out of Brad's ear. He could at least go in there and see if it came out easily. If he couldn't get it, and Brad seemed, I don't know, dangerously squirmy, I would call his mother and discuss the anesthesia.

(Even though, really? 12 years old and the doctor doesn't trust him to hold still for five seconds? And also, I've since undergone general anesthesia twice, and can I just say? Absolutely not an experience I would subject my child or a child in my care to for something as simple as an ear blockage.)

So, the doctor pulled out a pair of very alarming looking pincers, dourly warned Brad to hold still, lowered the pincers into his ear... and came out with the blockage, on the very first try.

And what was the blockage? Part of a pencil. A PENCIL. Covered with disgusting green goo. Luckily, Brad was allowed to take it home (wrapped in a napkin) to show his mom. Because what could be cooler than a slimy green pencil that has been residing in your ear for weeks on end, right?

During the car ride home, Brad was marveling about how well he could hear now that the PENCIL HAD BEEN REMOVED FROM HIS EAR. (Shocking, right?) I don't think his sister has ever felt so vindicated as when he announced, "You were totally right! I WAS shouting all the time when I thought I was just talking!"

Really, he was an awesome little brother. And she was a pretty great big sister.

One year in

Dear Torsten,

One year and one day ago, you and I stood up before most of the people we love and who love us, and declared our love and commitment to one another. It was a pretty awesome day.


I can't recall the exact words that you spoke to me during the ceremony (though I know you still have them written down somewhere), but I don't think I'll ever forget how it felt to hear them spoken in that moment. Every detail of the day worked out the way we wanted--from the beautiful flowers to the delicious cake to the excellent DJ--and while I am still so happy that it all came together so well, the thing that made the day so great was that it was about us, and I got to spend it with you, both of us so happy to just be married. Standing up there with you saying our vows, sitting at our table together chatting during dinner, dancing with you for the rest of the night. No worries, no stress, no demands... just us. Married.


It has been an incredibly big year for us, and not just because of the whole marriage thing. As soon as we got back from our honeymoon we plunged into figuring out how to move to Denver, and in February it finally came together. We spent what I still consider to be our best Valentine's Day together driving across the country to our new home. A few weeks after that, we adopted Montana, and our little family expanded from two to three. A month after that, we bought a house, our first (and hopefully last). And then, a month after that, I had weight-loss surgery.


It was a whirlwind six months, let's put it that way. But everything that happened during that time was great, a happy, positive change. It was worth the whirlwind, is what I'm saying.

But you know what's been even greater than all those wonderful life changes? It's been the six months since then, the six months of us living in our house, with our dog, in Colorado, enjoying ourselves. It's been the life we've settled into and the calmer days we've been experiencing. It's been you, with me, us together, the foundation of our family as it is now and as it will be.


I love the way you are, on your own and with me. I love the way we are together. I love how well we know each other. I love how you watch your favorite sports team run away in a blowout win and still think they're going to find a way to lose. I love that I know you'll agree to come to the dog park with me only if I agree to stop for coffee on the way. I love that you cuddle me every night before we go to sleep, no matter what the day has been like, no matter how tired we are, no matter if we'd been squabbling earlier. I love that I can look at you and know what you're feeling, what you're thinking. I love that you can do the same with me.


This is our family now, one year in. I am so happy with where we are now. I can't wait to see where we go.


Love,
Jess