How to buy a Christmas tree in 10 easy steps

So, you all convinced me to go ahead and get a Christmas tree, so that's what we did on Saturday. Well, actually, Torsten went downtown to do some Christmas shopping and my sister and I went to Target and then Home Depot to get a tree. It turned out to be much more difficult than we were anticipating. We got some ornaments and a tree stand at Target (and, umm, a dress and a shirt and a skirt. But that's beside the point). But Home Depot, well, sucked. Here's what happened:

1. We were hoping to buy a tree that was about five feet tall. The two options at Home Depot were 2-4 feet and 6-8 feet.
2. We found the perfect tree after much searching. It was listed as 6-8 feet but really it was a little bit shorter than me. The reason it was so short was because its top part had broken off. We decided that if we could get a discount on it, I'd get it anyway.
3. Nobody was outside to help us carry the tree, trim the branches off the bottom of the tree, put the tree in the netting stuff, or tell us if we could get a discount. I went inside to find somebody. It took forever but finally somebody came out to help. At which point everyone else who was buying a tree stampeded over into a line, which we wound up at the end of.
4. I bargained a 25% discount off the tree and my sister and I hauled it outside to where there was supposedly a parking lot attendant who would help us tie it on top of the car.
5. There was no parking lot attendant. We emptied the trunk of our Target bags and tried to fit the tree in. It didn't work.
6. I went inside and found someone in orange to "help" us. The help consisted of first trying to wrap the tree itself in saran wrap. Then I told him we didn't need to do that because we wanted to put the tree on the car, not in it. He told me in it would be better. I told him it wouldn't fit because there were going to be three people riding in the car later, and also we didn't want to get needles all over the car. He picked up the tree and attempted to ram it into the backseat, spraying needles everywhere.
7. Finally, after much pleading from my sister and me, he agreed to put the tree on the car instead of in it. But he didn't want to do it until we put a blanket on the roof to protect it from the tree. Even though he clearly had absolutely no regard for the state of the inside of the car, where we actually have to sit, he was very concerned that we might scratch the roof, which nobody cares about.
8. We convinced him to put the tree on the roof without a protective blanket. He spent about ten minutes trying to figure out which way to strap the tree onto the roof. My sister did more of the work than he did while I held the tree steady.
9. Eventually, we got the damn tree attached securely to the car. We thanked the guy, who told us to have a good night and then stood there, expectantly waiting for his tip.
10. We gave him all the cash we had, $2, and he left. My sister and I had to sit in the car laughing for like five minutes after he left before we were composed enough to drive away.
    

But look! Wasn't it worth it? My first Christmas tree with Torsten!