Remember last week when I was talking about the large woman in my water aerobics class, and how I was comparing myself to her?
Well, this week I found out that she is pregnant. Not just pregnant, but 36 weeks pregnant. And you guys, I had no idea. I SCRUTINIZED this woman while she was wearing a bathing suit, and I didn't have the first little inkling of the POSSIBILITY that she might be pregnant. It is so, so, so not obvious. And she's due next month.
Last night I even saw her naked in the dressing room after class, and it is STILL not obvious. EVEN NAKED. I mean, since I knew I could tell that part of her belly was a little firmer than the rest. But if I hadn't known? Even naked, I would NEVER have guessed.
I don't mean this as a criticism of this woman at all. I'm excited for her that she is pregnant, and impressed that she is still coming to water aerobics so close to her due date. I also know that it's true that larger women don't need to gain as much weight during pregnancy (and possibly not even any at all), so it makes sense that she's not showing as much as a thinner woman might be.
But still, the idea scared me. I'm not as large as this woman, even without the pregnancy. But a pregnancy in a plus size... well, it scares me. And yes, part of it is the higher risk, the gestational diabetes, and all the rest. But if I'm being totally honest? Part of it is that I want to have a normal-looking pregnancy. I want to be able to find maternity clothes that fit. I want to have enough of a bump that I'll even NEED maternity clothes. I don't want people to look at me just weeks before my due date and assume that I'm just extra-fat, not pregnant.
And yes, I know, I won't be getting pregnant for almost a year at the very least, and I've already lost a lot of weight and will lose a lot more before then. So I shouldn't have to deal with this issue.
But I haven't always known that. This surgery was a recent decision. I've been thinking about getting pregnant for years. And I've worried about this exact issue for precisely that long. It's not a worry that just goes away like that, you know? But I always used to tell myself that I was just being silly and of course even larger women look pregnant once they get that late in the pregnancy.
Except... now I know that those worries WERE founded. And, OK, yes, it's shallow and the last thing I should have been worried about. And it was not a reason why I had the surgery. But it is absolutely a fringe benefit. I am SO RELIEVED that this is something that I am unlikely to have to worry about. And now extra-motivated to lose a ton more weight before I get pregnant.
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I actually don't think it is shallow at all. Why not want for yourself a "normal looking" pregnancy. You deserve it! And you sure as hell worked hard for it :o)
ReplyDeleteMaybe if you knew what she looked like before she was pregnant than you would be able to notice a big difference in she looks.
ReplyDeleteI know a couple of significantly overweight people (not that you are significiantly overweight and who knows what size you'll be when you get pregnant). Both definitely looked pregnant, but not until they were pretty far along. Even the one who only gained 10 pounds (!) looked really pregnant at the end. I thought they were lucky for being able to hide it for a longer time.
Aww, good for you. I'm glad that you have the motivation you do - it's so difficult to be pregnant when you started overweight. I was, a bit, when I got pregnant, and MAN was I miserable at the end (although I think that's probably true of all women?). The health of your baby, as you said, is absolutely worth it - not to mention your own comfort.
ReplyDeleteI did the pre-eclamptic thing, and let me tell you - not fun. Definitely something to avoid if possible!
Sounds like that woman is doing what's best, though - staying active and making healthier choices, so awesome for her!
My cousin was worried about the exact same thing, but in the end she definitely ended up looking pregnant. I think it depends very much on the person, everyone looks different.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's hard to tell with not-overweight people too. I recently saw a friend I hadn't seen in a couple months, who I THOUGHT was due around November. She did not look pregnant AT ALL. She looked less pregnant than when I saw her last. I was terrified something had happened and I didn't know. But then, no, it was just kind of the way she was holding herself and the clothes she was wearing. GAK.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's shallow either, btw. EVERYONE wonders what they'll look like when they're pregnant!
I don't think it's shallow at all. You've never been pregnant, of course you'd want everything to go perfectly, who wouldn't? And being plus sized isn't just a vanity issue in pregnancy, as you stated, it's a health issue too.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, I definitely want to have that skinny-from-behind, basketball-under-the-shirt-from-the-side look when I'm pregnant. And what size you are to begin with definitely has an effect. However, and I'm sure you already know this, I know a woman (friend of a friend) who is very in shape and thin and never showed her entire pregnancy. As in, she wore a bra and hula skirt to a halloween party in the third trimester, and looked better than I'll ever look when I'm not pregnant. So everyone carries it differently, and pre-pregnancy weight isn't the only factor.
ReplyDeleteAs someone who is overweight and currently pregnant, I think about this exact thing every single day. But you know what the only thing in the world that matters is, now that I am pregnant? That this baby comes out of my body at the right time, and as healthy as possible, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen. The weight gain has really become about how I feel about myself, not how other people view me - I couldn't care less about that.
ReplyDeleteSomething I think you should do a significant amount of research on, BEFORE you become pregnant is weight gain during pregnancy. You need to figure out what is right for YOU. Not gaining any weight at all during pregnancy means that you are actually LOSING weight whilst your baby is growing inside of you (the baby and all of his or her accoutrement weigh approximately 30lbs).
My midwife actually scoffed at me when I asked about my weight causing complications. She told me that as long as I continue to exercise and eat healthily, that I shouldn't have any problems at all.
Here are a couple of websites that I really like:
http://www.babycenter.com/plus-size-pregnancy
http://www.plus-size-pregnancy.org/firstindex.html
I think we all relate in wanting to be uberhealthy before getting pregnant and not wanting to be overweight. That is a gift you give yourself and your future child. It isn't shallow or selfish--remembering yourself will make taking care of yourself and them easier!
ReplyDeleteI definitely think its normal,esp. After you've really worked hard like this. I hope normal looking pregnancy too if I'm about to have kids someday, but I definitely won't restrict myself from eating what's necessary for the baby even if it means having extra pounds. That woman you told me about, good for her to have that kind of spirit :)
ReplyDeleteMy concerns about pregnancy as a plus size person were more about the health issues that might come up as you mentioned and not being able to find maternity clothing easily. I never thought about the not looking pregnant part and just looking bigger...hmmm.
ReplyDeletei want a normal looking pregnancy too, even though its five years plus down the road....honestly though, every woman carries differently and looks different while pregnant.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I DO NOT MEAN THIS OFFENSIVELY, I REALLY DON'T, but shouldn't the focus be on the fact that you ARE pregnant, and not what you LOOK like while being so?
Btw, are you keeping your "fat" clothes for when you get preggers? I so am. HELLO, FREE WARDROBE.
Have you considered body tracing?
ReplyDeleteWhen I work with clients with body dysmorphic disorder, we do a lot to solidify what's 'real' and what's 'perceived'. Tracing is technique we use.
You stand up, with a piece of paper taped to the wall that is wider than you. I had a roll of paper so we can get a sheet just as tall as my client as well.
Very slowly, I trace them, making sure to get an accurate silhouette. I avoid any uncomfortable areas they might identify. Week by week, we can see how the shape changes, or stays the same, and how it may look bigger/smaller or taller/shorter than my client perceived.
It might help you continually see the changes in your body, and help solidify what your new shape!
I don't think it is shallow, just human. And I think the body tracing idea is FABULOUS.
ReplyDeleteI had a similar experience in my water aerobics class. One really lovely lady who happens to be larger was pregnant but I could not tell by looking at her. I guess we are so conditioned to view pregnancy and our bodies in a certain way that we can only see it one way. I know it can be a total drag to be plus sized and pregnant because the clothes are not cute (they hardly are for just being plus sized!).
ReplyDeleteI'm not a plus-size woman, but I'm worried about those first few months where I just look like I'm gaining weight. I'm worried enough not to want kids. And I figure that that kind of vanity tells me I'm not READY to have kids, so it all works out.
ReplyDeletePregnancy is hard work. And you totally deserve to get credit for that hard work. I don't judge you for wanting that. Now, if you talked about your surgery as if that was the only reason you wanted to lose weight, then my opinion might change. But, I've known you long enough to know that's not the case!
ReplyDeleteThis is a tough one- I think we all worry about being healthy glowy pregnant women. I worried about gaining weight too- and yes... I look at other pregnant women and compare. And then I feel guilty about doing it. Its not easy. But I think mostly we all hope that we can be healthy for the baby's sake and our own. I try to think about that when I start obsessing.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry too much- you are working so hard to be healthy and you will be beautiful when you become pregnant!
Shallow, maybe, but I totally get it. It's the reason I always hate those first few months when people can't tell that you're pregnant but can tell you have a gut. I always want to wear maternity clothes right away so I can be all, "I'm usually pretty thin! This is a baby! Or a relaxed uterus, anyways!"
ReplyDeleteThat's a pretty normal desire. And I'm sure you'll have that if you keep working!
ReplyDeleteI had a larger friend once ... and she looked TOTALLY pregnant when the time came ... she had the baby belly and everything. I really do think it's just how you're made up. Everybody is different - it's like that Carson Kresley show that was on last year. You could line up sise 12's from your house to mine and every single girl would look different- all the same size.
ReplyDeleteyou're not shallow at all ...
I never notice when people are pregnant. It's horribly. Someone could be a size 2 and pregnant and I wouldn't notice it.
ReplyDeleteAs far as you being pregnant, I'm sure you will show. My sister had a baby 2 years ago and she's not tiny at all. She was DEFINITELY pregnant (all over, which is another story). Maybe that womans body is just... weird?
You seem to have babies on the brain lately!
ReplyDeleteBut I don't think you're being shallow. I think body issues crop up in all kinds of funny places, and it's cool that you share them and think about them like this.
Jess, I love how honest you are. You are such a good role model.
ReplyDeleteWow! I'm impressed that she was still doing good exercise that late in the game too! At that point, all I wanted to do was sleep and/or lay on the couch.
ReplyDeleteMaybe she was hoping for a water birth too! :)
I am so afraid of what I will look like pregnant that I don't think I will ever have kids :(
ReplyDeleteI was an overweight pregnant person and didn't really show until about 7 months. I thought that was awesome because I didn't have to tell a ton of people at work. And no strangers tried to touch my belly! I also had a very healthy pregnancy with zero problems. I carried until past her due date, was super-motivated to exercise and eat healthy and was back to below my pre-pregnancy weight within a week of having her.
ReplyDeleteI only gained about 8 lbs (after losing 8 in the 1st trimester due to morning sickness, so total gain was 16 lbs). In a typical pregnancy baby=7-8 pounds; placenta=1-2 pounds, amniotic fluid=2 pounds & increased blood=4 pounds, so even for a normal weight person gaining 30+ lbs is unhealthy.
Everyone is different and every pregnancy is different. I have a close friend who is prego with her 3rd and due in 3 weeks. She is very slim and fit when not pregnant but if you met her today you would just think she had a bit of a spare tire. With her previous 2 she was "basketball under the shirt" big from about 6 months on. This time she just looks heavy.