Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Pregnancy compliments

I love the compliments you get when you're pregnant.

I don't mean like, "Oh, you're glowing!" or "Look at your adorable belly!" and so on. Or even the ever charming "You look tired" (though who am I kidding, that's not a compliment, it's just a comment, and not a very nice one, either).

I mean the pregnancy-specific comments that would normally mean nothing to you, but suddenly matter. Like when your midwife tells you that you have a great cervix. Or your birthing instructor tells you that you have a marvelously flexible pelvis. Or the ultrasound tech tells you that you have a great baby who has already gotten himself into the perfect birthing position. And so forth.

All true compliments, by the way, received recently. And the funny thing is that they mean SO MUCH to me. Like, I am inordinately proud of my cervix--not proud of it as in like, "Oh I am awesome I do such a great job with my cervix"--because it is totally outside of my control--but I am so happy that the state of my cervix means that I am a very low risk for preterm labor. And I am very happy that my head-down, sideways-facing baby is in a good position for birth. And I am thrilled that my flexible pelvis means that I should be able to move him around as necessary during labor. And eight months ago these things would have meant nothing to me at all.

The ultrasound was yesterday, by the way, and it went great--very healthy-looking, active baby measuring right on schedule in the 59th percentile, no concerns about the kidneys whatsoever. Also, it was so cool to have an ultrasound this far along because everything was so visible and well-developed. We could see the spine, with all the vertebrae and the ribs extending out. And the femur, perfectly shaped instead of just a blurry white line. And the kidneys weren't just indistinct black dots--they were actually shaped like kidneys.

And--this was the coolest part--we could see the baby BLINKING. The tech zeroed in on his face and we could SEE the eyes opening and closing. Eyes closed--light gray eyelids. Eyes open--big dark eyes. I mean, what we were actually seeing was just the wetness of the eyes, since fluid shows up black in ultrasounds, but they LOOKED like big dark eyes. And you could see the blinking. I didn't believe it at first--I thought I was imagining things--so I said to the tech, "Is he... BLINKING?" And it must be an unusual thing to see, because the tech seemed surprised too: he said, "Um, actually... I think he is!" and then we watched for a few more moments and he definitely was. So. Cool.

I just think it's amazing that something like BLINKING can become so meaningful with a pregnancy. Our baby BLINKS. Just like every other human in the world! But it is still awesome and miraculous when you see it for yourself. Just like how every parent thinks their baby is the cutest in the world, and even if they are only of average cuteness (and let's face it, even an averagely cute baby is still really freaking adorable), the parent can't see that the kid isn't the cutest ever to exist, which is how so many thousands of average-looking baby photos get submitted to cutest baby contests and so on.

I can see why some people roll their eyes at parents like that, parents who seem to have lost their perspective entirely and can go on and on about their baby for hours and did you see how he CRAWLED? And my god he laughed SO HARD that time I sneezed! He is a GENIUS, didn't you know? And it's all perfectly normal and mundane stuff to everyone else.

But I think it's AWESOME that you, as a parent, can care so much about this stuff. That you can be so blinded by love for your child that you think every single regular little boring thing he does is amazing and new. That just looking at him, you can't fathom that anyone else would disagree that he is the cutest, most beautiful, most amazing and wonderful child ever to exist. Because it's so OBVIOUS.

It might be annoying to everyone else, but damn, I look forward to feeling that way.

(Though I do hope to keep most of the ridiculous gushing for people who care, like Torsten, rather than boring everyone in sight with it. But I make no promises.)

By the way, to people who are sick of hearing me talk about pregnancy: I wrote another post just now, about something completely unrelated to pregnancy and babies in any way, and Torsten put the kibosh on it. And he was right do so, I think. But this is what I'm left with, and so this is what you get. Funny how pregnancy goes from the big secret that you can't talk to anyone about to the one safe area that you can talk endlessly about with anyone.

19 comments:

  1. 1 - You're so right. Our own babies are all the most adorable, smartest humans ever to exist! They sneezed! They blinked! They are looking at their fingers in awe - SOCUTE!

    2 - Now I am wondering what that other post was about. lol

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  2. H and I totally gush about our kid to each other. And my mom and I discuss what a genius B is. But otherwise I think I am usually pretty good about keeping that stuff to myself. I do hope that every parent feels that way about their own kid!

    I think it's super weird slash cool that fetuses do things like blink and suck their thumbs. It's like your baby is a real person! It's very cool that you got to see the blinking.

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  3. The stuff that kills me about my kids, still, is the stuff that's the most normal, obvious stuff. The way Bubette stretches SLAYS me, and Bub does things that are so obviously genius, that I wonder where he came from. It's fun to be in awe of our kids.

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  4. Oh, yes, this. Your baby is the BEST little blinker in the world! And I love hearing all the amazement that goes along with each little milestone, because it's such a miracle. It really, really is. I mean, it wasn't that long ago that your baby didn't even HAVE eyelids, you know? And now he already knows how to USE them!

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  5. I love that kind of compliment, too! (Although I also like "You look tired" because it sounds so sympathetic, and like an invitation to whine and complain if I feel like it.)

    I remember during one ultrasound, the tech said, "Look, he's breathing!" and I was BLOWN AWAY. My baby has LUNGS and is USING THEM!!

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  6. these comments are so awesome.. hee, he DIDN'T have eyelids that long ago, and he is using LUNGS - i mean yes, these are mundane things because it's necessary and we all do them, but it is still stunning that YOUR BABY, who was literally just CELLS not that long ago, is doing these things. HE BLINKS! that IS amazing!

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  7. I'm a little jealous reading this - I know it sounds terrible but everytime I hear about a birth (or potential birth) that goes just as the parents planned or is set up to go as planned I feel like I was cheated out of an important experience. I need to work on that - I have the healthy baby, what does it matter that he wasn't born exactly how I planned?

    So all that to say - enjoy your perfect cervix and flaunt it. And ignore anonymous commentors who don't do any good.

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  8. And I totally want to know what the other post was about.

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  9. um, hello, you are already boring the crap out of Anonymous Commenters, so why stop now? BLINKING, YAY!!!!

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  10. I totally didn't know you could see blinking on an ultrasound. That is AWESOME. My daughter sucked her thumb when we had our 20-week u/s. Cutest ever!

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  11. I am going to pretend that your baby was communicating with you via eye blinks. (Blink once for yes!)

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  12. That feeling of amazement, to the point where sometimes you just find yourself watching only YOUR KID, when he's in a group of a lot of other equally amazing kids, continues. At least for me. I know sometimes I'll be at a birthday party or school function and I'll realize, "Oh, maybe I should, you know, comment on someone ELSE's child here in a minute." Instead I'm always just grinning like an idiot at my own. ;)

    Blink, blink! (Love it!)

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  13. I am TOO curious about the un-posted post, but I also think if you want to write about pregnancy all the time, you can and should. It is your blog and those of us who've adored you all these years will continue to squee with the new updates!

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  14. I don't think I'm getting anymore ultrasounds, but I will admit to beaming when the doctor told me that my non stress test was beautifully perfect. I never thought I'd be proud of a bunch of squiggly lines!

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  15. Wow. Tayla (my sister) is due ANY DAY now, and she never saw her little boy blink!! :-) You're lucky - and clearly Piglet is checking things out already.

    As for the people whining about baby posting, it's not as though you're forcing them to read. If they can't share in your joy/excitement over this major change in your life, they can piss off as far as I'm concerned (not that you asked or anything).

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  16. OH, this is so NOT annoyting AT ALL!

    The blinking thing is incredible and just plain MIND BLOWING.

    And Jess? It only gets more and more that way. Then the baby is out and before you and LIVING. And then talking. And moving. And having it's OWN THOUGHTS.

    It's truly, truly awesome.

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  17. Oh my gosh, I used to read your blog back... um, like two years ago? And I stumbled on it again today, and WOW you're pregnant!! And you have a baby that BLINKS! Congratulations!

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  18. Hello, wandered over from Swistle-I'm Beth, mom to two girls...I love hearing about awesome things other people's kids do. Like right now I was just remembering the ultra sounds I had for both kids. Also, this is just the beginning! How you feel now, after seeing the amazing blinking talent your baby has? Multiply that by about a trillion and that is how you'll feel about just about everything he does. You know the term "your heart swells"? That really happens! It is a physical sensation and it is awesome. Phew, sorry that was kind of gushy, but I love having babies and people who love babies.

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  19. LOL! I have a 12 week old and have had similar thoughts throughout her early life and my pregnancy. When we found out during the ultrasound that she had two arms and legs, I was like YESSSSSS. And I took pride in the fact that because of my short labor I was dubbed a child-bearing machine--something I never would have taken pride in a year ago, when I was afraid of how my body would morph outside of recognition. You will undoubtedly find your child to be the most beautiful in the world, and he/she will be.

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