Tuesday, September 14, 2010


Oh hi. I am GRUMPY. And NO I do not have a good reason for being grumpy, as in, there is nothing in my life that is grump-inducing. It is just the HORMONES. And I am SORRY. But that does not prevent me from being pissed off at EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME OMG.

The thing is that I have actually had a very easy, uneventful pregnancy so far and for that I am incredibly grateful. There was one month of atrocious morning sickness, for which I blame myself because in retrospect I'm pretty sure it was caused or at least seriously exacerbated by my lap-band, but other than that it's been smooth sailing (KNOCK ON WOOD). And I really, really appreciate that, and really, REALLY hope it stays that way for the next 18 weeks.

AND, the other thing is that even WHILE I am irrationally, excessively pissy about everything, I am bizarrely, simultaneously happy. Does that make ANY sense? Little things piss me off to no end but at the same time I have a more global sense of happiness and delight over being pregnant, and over my life in general. And LUCKILY the hormonal moodiness does not obscure my ability to see the bigger picture.

BUT that does not change the fact that I am SO easily infuriated. Sometimes the moodiness manifests itself in tragic sadness over nothing at all, and very rarely as euphoria, but mostly it's just FURY, plain and simple. People who drive like aggressive assholes are subject to scathing internal monologues, and possibly some external swearing as well. The woman at Costco the other day who just STOOD in the middle of the exit with her stupid giant CART well after her receipt had been checked and approved? Well, let's just say she's lucky I didn't ram her with my own giant cart, creating a painful for her but OH so satisfying for me cart-and-dumbass sandwich.

And let's not even get me started on the fury I feel toward my bladder. Isn't it a muscular organ? And doesn't that mean that repeated workouts should make it stronger? So why do I have to pee every five minutes? Seriously, I get up to go to the bathroom and by the time I've returned to wherever I was, I HAVE TO PEE AGAIN. I wake up four or five times a night to pee. I lose literally four pounds overnight, every night, in water weight alone. I can't even think about going anywhere without a bathroom for more than 45 minutes at a time. And supposedly this is only going to get WORSE for the next 18 weeks?

Luckily for me, my husband thinks my Moods are hilarious, and doesn't get offended when my irrational wrath is directed toward him. Not even when I told him that Alfred is the stupidest name suggestion I've ever heard in my entire life and I was starting to wonder how I could even have MARRIED someone who would seriously consider naming their baby that.

(I still think I was right, by the way. ALFRED?!)

Oh and also, THIS. This 22-week belly is a pretty lucky and beautiful thing, too.


  1. I'm sorry to giggle at your fury, but this post is pretty funny. I remember all too well those hormone induced moods when somebody's head was just ITCHING to get RIPPED off. heee!

  2. When I was pregnant with Sam, I was the same way! ANGRY. I blamed it on all the extra testosterone coursing through my system. So, it's totally not your fault. It's the wee Piglet making you all manly!

  3. Um, Alfred? Seriously? Oh, Torsten. He gets a pass on that for tolerating your moods so well though, right?

    All 3 times I was pregnant, I had RAGE. Not just your run of the mill grumpiness, but full on rage. I feel like I controlled it quite well, but others—especially those who were working for me at the time, disagree. (Do you remember by chance when they gave me $210 in cash for Christmas and I freaked out?) Mostly though, it would come out in my dreams. I would wake up having just bitched FIL or MIL up and down.

    It was kind of liberating.

  4. Alfred? Eh, it's not for me, but as long as his middle name isn't Edward and your last name isn't Newman, I'm sure he'd manage alright... :)

  5. I had those too, and it made me even more angry/grumpy to think about how I shouldn't be angry/grumpy because I had it so good.
    Alfred's not really my cup of tea either, but good for Torsten for not provoking you further by being offended by the mood.

  6. I'm not even pregnant and I feel most of those things. Dear God help everyone when I do get pregnant! To my credit, I do have PMS. That's my excuse and I am sticking to it.

    Mr. D has suggested Aggememnon (not even spelling that right and I don't care) or Balthazar. He's fired from naming our kid.

  7. I'm with devan--I'm kind of giggling over your grump-tasticness. :)

    Love you dear,

  8. My husband was fond of saying, "You're MEAN when you're pregnant." I couldn't help but laughing because I've so been there. I would lie in bed seething with anger that I had woken up, yet again, to pee. Also, that lady in Costco deserved to get bumped.

  9. Man, with my first pregnancy I nearly wept- no, I ACTUALLY wept- over having to pee so often. I was so goddamn TIRED and I would FINALLY get comfy enough to sleep, only to be unable because I had to haul my bacon out of bed to pee AGAIN. Also, once we were in Home Depot (no doubt gathering Nursery Project Things) and I had to go to the bathroom which was WAY THE HELL across town in that damn store, I swear. So I waddled by way there, waddled back to David, only to promptly need to pee again. I'm not even kidding. When I found him, I needed to go again. I was furious, and also weepy. And also? They should provide shuttles in stores that big. Especially stores that big that have lots of pregnant women shopping for their Nursery Projects. ;)

  10. He! You're cute when you're fussy. ;)

    I am drawn to this group of names:


    I used one of them and then couldn't use any of the others. They are nice though, yes? Not Alfred-ish. :)

  11. Oh dear, Alfred? If it's any consolation, my husband when we were talking names (for in the hypothetical future) suggested Aristotle for a boy. We are not Greek. Not even a little bit. So it is my great plan to name my next male pet Aristotle, because you can't name your son after your goldfish. Right? right.

    You're adorable by the way.

  12. See, I'm not a fan of Alfred, but I have a soft spot for Alfie. SO cute!

  13. Given you've been so even-keeled for most of your pregnancy, I think it's well within your right to get grumpy from time to time for no reason at all.

    Oh, and while I'm not personally a fan of Alfred, at least if you pick that name, you can rest assured it's not on our list of potential baby names. ha.

  14. Well, you know I feel you big time. What can I even say? I've told Jim this about why I don't like being pregnant: I don't feel like myself. Physically, mentally, emotionally, I feel like I've been hijacked by an alien. An ANGRY, peeing alien.
    Alfred is a terrible name, imo. Oh and MY husband wanted to name this baby ROLAND. And was genuinely wounded when I laughed in his face. I guss fathers to be get a certain form of insanity as well.

  15. By the time I had my first, I knew where every bathroom was in every retail establishment between mu house and my workplace (35 miles!). It came in very handy 3 years later when I was potty training.

  16. You are SUCH a cutie patootie pregnant woman!

  17. CART AND DUMBASS SANDWICH!! *dies laughing* Oh, Jess. I'm sorry you're cranky, but glad you're willing to share!

  18. Another giggler at the wrath o'Jess right here, but honestly.. I get it. And um, hello, big job carrying another human being, I say RELEASE that fury, girl! (But you know, in soothing, yoga-ish ways, rather than ramming the stupid lady with the shopping trolley.) (Although, that WOULD be kind of awesome.) (hee.)

  19. "Cart-and-dumbass sandwich." HAH!

    Isn't Alfred Batman's butler??