Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Why do you live where you live?

First things first, in the excitement over the big news yesterday I forgot to pick a contest winner. So last night I went through all the comments. I was going to pick a winner based on which guess I liked best, but so many of them were awesome that I gave up and went back to my old friend the random integer generator. And the winner is Devan! For the record, she guessed that we are buying a house, a puppy, or both. She was wrong! Although we do hope to get a dog shortly after moving to Denver. But I did clearly state that the most accurate guess would not necessarily be the winning one. So, Devan, email me your info and at some point during the pre-moving frenzy I will get a prize out to you!

Now, moving on. A lot of people have expressed surprise or other strong reactions to the fact that we're not moving to Denver for a concrete REASON such as a job or to be near family or something.

When I gave my notice, the director of my department asked me why we were going to Denver. I think she more than most other people was open and understanding to our reasons for going--possibly because she knows that I'm happy in my current job and therefore it probably wasn't foremost in her mind that I would be moving across the country for the opportunity to leave my current position. And she's right. As I said yesterday, we decided to move to Denver, and then we looked for a way to make that happen.

Apparently that's not a very common thing to do? My own parents live in North Carolina because when they decided they didn't want to stay where they were (Massachusetts--too cold for them), NC was the best of my dad's transfer options with his company. It's not Kansas, but it isn't the place they would have chosen if they could have gone anywhere.

And that's the situation for a lot of people. I know there are tons of reasons why people move--jobs, family, school, convenience, money. But just deciding that you want to be somewhere does not seem to be a common reason to move. Or am I wrong?

I mean, the way we wound up in DC was a bit random for both of us. When I was in college, I wanted to move to Chicago after graduation, and during my junior year I arranged a summer internship there that fell through at the last minute. I was abroad at the time and my sister, who was already living in DC, helped me find a place to live there, so I found an eleventh-hour internship and spent the summer in DC.

I liked it, it was near family, there were job opportunities, and I liked the fact that there was so much nonprofit and government work here, leading to a lot of very idealistic, driven young residents. So after graduation, I didn't look anywhere else. I moved here to DC, I liked it fine, and I don't regret it at all. But I couldn't imagine settling here.

Torsten, on the other hand, sort of stumbled onto DC by accident. He was in grad school and wrote to a bunch of professors in search of a research position while he worked on his thesis. He wound up at the University of Maryland, and the professor he worked with (who is still a friend, and in fact was a groomsman in our wedding) wound up introducing him to the man who is now his boss.

So, here we are, for various reasons, which involve some measure of choice but a lot of measures of chance and circumstance as well. And this move to Denver is us thinking deliberately about the rest of our lives, and where and how we want to spend them. I know that we are very lucky to be in a position where we can make such a calculated decision and uproot ourselves like this. And it makes me wonder how many people have done similar things for similar reasons.

So tell me, why do you live where you live?

61 comments:

  1. We moved to Md when I was 13. I've been here ever since. I went away to school out of state, but came back after graduation. The job market was better here. Also my parents were here, so it made it easier. My husband and I moved here from VA after we got engaged. I love this area, love the schools, love it all. I think DC is so much fun. It is expensive, but we bought early enough it was affordable.

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  2. The husband and I both work in the same field and we needed jobs together. At the time, we had been dating about three years and were sick of not being able to live together. We looked for months in places we wanted to move to, without luck. He called one night and said, "What about Florida?" because the company where we now work had two jobs. I said, "No way! There are bugs and hurricanes and humidity." But, after another month of searching with no leads, I gave in, and it's been a good move -- despite the fact that we lived through THREE hurricanes in the first 18 months we were here.

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  3. I am SO INTERESTED in this entire conversation! For obvious reasons.

    Right now, I live in Texas primarily because of inertia. I think a lot of people, if they were being honest, would admit the same.

    I agree that it's NOT common to decide on a place to live, and then make it happen. At least based on the strong reactions I've gotten when expressing my desire to live on the east coast, even though I ALSO have a good(ish) life here.

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  4. We stayed in the same general area where we went to college mostly because we loved our church. We both got good job offers after school, and our house is halfway between our jobs, so it worked out. However, four years later, I am getting the itch to change it up and, uh, this is not helping. :)

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  5. My family was living in Malaysia (moved from Ohio. Obviously we're a fan of moving around.) - and I decided to go to school in Ohio. I stayed in college town for a year to continue working at the environmental education center I'd worked at in college.

    Mike and I decided we wanted to move to a bigger city and be closer to family - so he applied to grad school and I applied to a job in Cleveland.

    And then we moved here.

    Our next move (Fall '10) will depend on where Mike gets into grad school. And that might determine where we settle down. :)

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  6. We live in Philadelphia because my BF was offered a job here and in Baltimore. But there were more publishing opportunities for me in Philly, so that's how we picked. It's weird that we could be living in Baltimore right now... So, our decision was basically employment driven. An added bonus is that many of our friends were already in Philly!

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  7. My family is in India, some in CA, some close friends in IL and OH. I ended up for grad school in MI because they offerd a full scholarship. I ended up in MD because they offered me the best job. My husbad moved from CA to MD with me because he loves me so much he would give up his favorite state of all to be with me (ahd his job with Apple retail lets him move if he wants to). We'll always have the West Coast in our minds as the place to be in eventually. But right now, with the affordability of MD, we own a house here, and our jobs which are quite decent, we're ok with where we ended up.

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  8. I think it's awesome that you're moving because you want to and not because you have to...I live in Orange County, Ca because when I met my hubby on the computer he lived here and we decided to buy a house here after we got married. I lived in Marin County outside of San Francisco but went to college at U.C. Irvine here in OC so I knew the area so it was fairly easy to relocate. Whew long enough??

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  9. ACK! I Never win anything!!!! Yippeee!
    We live in Northern AL, and we live here because of D's job. We lived on the coast in VA for 2 years while D went to grad school for his masters in Aerospace Engineering. We didn't want to stay there because the high cost of living made it necessary for me to work and I had just found out that I was pregnant for the first time.
    He got an offer in AL and I was, uh... not thrilled.
    But, he loved it, we tried it and now - 4.5 years later - I STILL love it here. We plan to live here forever, but of course you never know...

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  10. I live about 10 miles from the city I was born in. My husband and I met in high school and got married here and never even thought about moving away, since both sets of parents live here.

    We have the option to move anywhere in the world with husband's job, but we still can't imagine moving away from family and friends....even though Florida is so hot and tourist-y.

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  11. We moved here for my job, but it was a no-brainer because it's closer to family than where we were and in a place we would choose to live anyway. Homer had to transfer schools, but that wasn't a big deal for him.

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  12. Growing up a liberal in very red Texas, I knew I had to get out eventually. I did not want to spend my whole life never having lived further than 30 minutes from where I was born. I got into grad school at the University of Chicago and wow, I love it here. Despite the winter, this city is great and I don't plan on leaving any time soon!

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  13. I know lots of people who picked a spot they wanted to live and then found a job so they could move there (or moved without the job and hoped for the best). I don't think it's strange at all!

    As for me... Nothing so interesting. I went to college in a city an hour and a half from Minneapolis, and when I wanted to move to a bigger metropolitan area after graduation, the Twin Cities were an obvious choice. A whole lot of graduates from my college make the same migration. It's almost like there's a quota or something.

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  14. First of all, I didn't get a chance to say CONGRATULATIONS yesterday. I'm really excited for you guys, and to read about your move and your experiences in Denver.
    Ryan and I live in Duluth now, and it's completely out of choice. We did both go to college here, but we love the city. The fact that it's in between our families is also a huge plus for us.
    When I was about to graduate from college I moved to Delaware without a job lined up and into an apartment with a man I had never met. I wanted to try living on the East coast, and an organization I was involved with needed volunteers, so I went. Looking back it was totally irresponsible, but it was great to have that feeling of doing something a little crazy just because you wanted to. It turned out to be too far away from family for me, but I think it was one of my best experiences so far.
    All this is to say that I think it is fabulous that you guys are moving to Denver because you WANT to.

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  15. I was living in NYC and was getting burned out and tired of living there. I just got out of a serious relationship and was in this funk an dneeded to change things up.

    I was going to quit and move to Santa Monica but then this work opportunity came and I moved to Chicago. Not exactly Santa Monica but exactly what I needed.

    I have not looked back.

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  16. Because it's where I grew up and where ALL my family is. And the summers are fantastic.

    Although these last two winters are effing KILLING me and we have the financial means to leave, so if next winter is just as craptacular, we're going to seriously consider it.

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  17. It's not uncommon for interesting people to pick a place to live and then move there. Less interesting people tend to not move unless they're forced to.

    I live in Edmonton because my girlfriend is going to school here. It is a horrible pit, and I can't wait to leave.

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  18. I think that when Mister and I end up moving, we'll do it much the same way as you guys did - I still think it's just fantastic.

    We live in Winnipeg because we were both born here and it's where we've found work & bought a house. I think we'll probably stay here too, unless Mister is transferred. It's just home, and I'd like to stay near my family.

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  19. We moved to Austin on a whim too. We wanted somewhere warm, where the job market was good, where we could afford to buy a house, and that had a lot of personality and culture. Plus, there was a good university, which I theoretically wanted to attend in the future.

    And you know what? It's been the best move ever.

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  20. My husband and I have lived in the same general area all our lives, just like our parents and grandparents. We've talked about leaving, but we just have too many ties and don't like the idea of making such a huge change. It's a nice place, not perfect, but better the devil you know....

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  21. I think deciding where to live and then making it happen is the way to go. I think the reason why most people don't do it is because they feel responsibilities or obligations to others, or they're comfortable where they are and don't like change.

    I live where I do because when my husband and I decided to get married, he had his own business established here and I didn't want him to have to give it up. Also, a fresh start in a new place appealed to me at the time. We don't leave now because my husband has a really good job that pays very well and the schools here are AMAZING. Also, we're near the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, which came in very handy for us a while back, and I can't discount access to superior medical care. When all the kids graduate and my husband retires, though, I would definitely consider scoping out a place to live and making it happen. Hawaii, maybe?

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  22. I live in the small town where I was born and raised. Growing up, I couldn't wait to get away. I ended up in the nearest city during college, but always had plans to move somewhere else - somewhere far away, but things always came up - meeting my husband, his schooling, my grad school, jobs, wedding, etc. And then when we had our first child, being near our families became more important than getting away. So here we are.

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  23. I grew up in Ontario, Canada. When I was 17 my parents decided that they wanted a change from the more urban area we were living and came up with either northern (rural) Ontario or some other province. By the time our house sold, my parents had picked Newfoundland. My mom's mom was originally from here but left about 60 years ago. My mom visited as a small child, but didnt remember much and my dad had never been here.

    So we packed up all of our stuff, sent it on a truck and headed out. We didnt have a house to go to, like you and just decided to wing it. At the time I had just had my first baby and was a single mom so I decided to come with them.

    That move was the craziest thing that I have done but it didnt really feel like it. The whole thing just felt right. I miss my hometown but Newfoundland is now my home. I am raising my children here and I think I actually prefer that to the childhood that I had in Ontario.

    You sound like you are really excited and ready for this change in your life and really that is all you need. Well, that and Torsten! Good Luck!

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  24. We are in Chicago because John was on the job market at the same time I was applying to law school, so we made a list of cities that had both good job options and good school options and hoped for the best. We've been considering a move much like yours, to Portland or Austin or Denver, but inertia/developments keep interfering- John loves his job, I got a two-year fellowship here, and now John just got into grad school here- so it looks like we may end up being here a while. Good thing we like it!

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  25. I don't think moving some place just because you want to is nonsensical. I think it's great!

    I moved from CA to WA because of family first but also because I was bored in CA and felt limited. It was one of the best decisions I ever made!

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  26. We did the same thing...we had been wanting to move to Nashville for a while, so we just did! I found a job, and my fiance finished up school where we had lived and is now down herelooking for a job. We wanted to live in a city that wasn't too far from our home, had culture, and had more opportunities. We love it here!

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  27. I moved to DC because I really, really wanted to live there. And I loved it.

    I moved to Laramie for grad school.

    Now A. and I are working on job hunting, etc. in a few towns we want to move to because we want to live there. The job is just necessary.

    Fun and scary! What if we are dissapointed?

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  28. I think people often react to decisions others make based on how they'd behave if in the same situation. People react with surprise to your situation because most people wouldn't ever do what you're doing.

    I moved to Chicago after college because it's where I wanted to live. Instead of going somewhere warm for spring break my senior year, I came to Chicago, where it snowed all week. I interviewed with a number of companies. And while it wasn't the most exciting vacation, within a week of returning to school, I had a job.

    But, in my experience, I've found I'm unique. Most people tend to move to areas that are close to family. And if it's not their first move after college, home usually calls within a few years.

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  29. I think it's awesome that you guys were able to pick a city and go for it. I've spent a lot of time thinking about where I want to live, and how to plan the next few years. After I graduate (two or three years from now), I have to move to get a postdoc, and if I want to be a professor, I'll have to move at least once again. My SO is in a location-restricted area, so there's not a whole lot of options (pretty much only Big Cities.) On top of that, we're both torn between wanting to be closer to family, and wanting to move someplace more "interesting". (We've been on the east coast for 7 years... California sounds really nice as the ice currently falls, or else somewhere abroad). I think there's no way our decision will be just based on what sounds nice; it will end up being determined by a lot of factors, and will most likely involve extreme compromising.

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  30. I tell people I moved to NYC because of my chosen field (journalism) but it's only half true. My friends who went into newspapers moved mostly to small towns in states they had never even visited before, and I salute them. But I spent my first six months out of college in a very small town, and when my internship and lease were up there, I wanted to move somewhere exciting -- somewhere where the action was. I had lived in New York City over a summer and had so much fun, I always wanted to go back and see if I could make it there.

    All these comments are really interesting, by the way.

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  31. We had a list of things we were looking for in wherever we moved (after my husband graduated, we really wanted to move someplace new and far....ther away from his parents.
    This was the first place that met at least some of our criteria and had a job opening. Then we came here. Then we hated it. Now we're waiting to leave. Yippee.

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  32. I live here because I wanted to live here, and found an excuse: college. But it was also a good college. In fact, it was probably college first and then location, but the two are so close it's hard to separate. My dad was originally from here and we used to visit grandma's quite a bit, so I always liked the area. Plus, I hate humidity and the south and I can't stand a place that doesn't get at least occasional snow but also lots of sunshine, and Colorado is about the only state that has those requirements.

    At one point we were contemplating moving and we couldn't think of one state we wanted to be in more.

    I think it's ideal that you can find a place you think you can enjoy, just for the sake of good weather and nice surroundings, and build up from there.

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  33. Well, living in Denver....let me count the ways :)

    - The weather. It is AWESOME! Always sunny. Never humid.

    - The people. There's definitely a young energy here. People are smart, healthy and friendly. And HOT. Seriously, Denver has some really good looking people.

    - The outdoors. Enough said about that :)

    - Cost of living is great.

    - Dog-friendly!

    - LIBERAL. Woohoo! Blue Colorado!

    - Denver is the perfect size - not too small, not too big.

    - Good art and music scene, good food. We are NOT a "cow town," contrary to popular belief...I mean, we're no NYC or San Fran when it comes to cuisine, but we have many delicious restaurants. Great mexican food here!

    - Transplants are totally welcome :)

    There are some negatives like lack of diversity and lack of ocean, but hey - keeps things real :)

    I am so excited for you to experience it here! I hope you end up loving it as much as I do!

    -Rosie

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  34. i grew up in michigan and moved to ct when my dads job came out here, i wasnt doing much out in michigan as it was, then i moved to hartford because my then boyfriends son was in school here and we wanted to make a difference in his life, low and behold we have full custody, we're engaged and i am in grad school. in a few years we plan on just moving somwhere because we CAN! Congrats on your huge descision and i wish you the best of luck!

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  35. Because it is the BEST PLACE EVER!

    I went to school here because 1) in state tuition and 2) family nearby, which was important with my mom and dad being on the other side of the world and all. Ended up staying because I met all my important people, they all live here, and I hated hated hated hated hated moving when I was growing up. I feel like I have found my place to be from.

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  36. First of all: Congratulations on your big news! I think it's great that you are moving somewhere you WANT to go and not somewhere you HAVE to. Looking forward to hearing about Denver.
    This is why I live in Vienna: My parents are Austrian, but lived in the US for a very long time and raised us four kids there. It was very important to them that we get to know Europe better and give living there a chance, so they always made it clear that they would like us to go to university in Austria (or at least somewhere in Europe). The older I got, the more I liked the idea. I chose Vienna because it's the biggest city in Austria. At the moment I split my time between Vienna and Salzburg because of my Master's program. And while Salzburg is a charming and beautiful city, I am looking forward to being in Vienna again full-time. I love Vienna and think that's where I want to live long-term, but I would love to try out a place or two more before settling down.

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  37. This is probably the worst question you could have asked me today. I live where I live so that my husband can go to school here. It has nothing to do with any other reason. I would leave in a heartbeat. That's about it.

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  38. Hub and I live in the house where he grew up. We met where we were both living about 45 minutes away, and about 11 years ago, got the offer from his dad to move in and pick up the mortgage, so there you have it. We love our neighborhood and it's proximity to shopping, the city and basically anything we need.

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  39. Like you, I decided to move somewhere and then found a way to make that happen. The way sort of fell into my lap, the why had been there for years.

    After 5 years in the Boston area, I *knew* I wanted to be back in California, in a liberal, diverse city with access to mountains and great food. Los Angeles was never going to be a possibility for me (my boobs are real) so the Bay Area was the only option. I missed California desperately (the produce, the people, the mountains, proximity to my parents), but wanted to wait until I could find a job (not easy in my field) to move. Once the job happened, I made a beeline for San Francisco.

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  40. I went to college in Maryland, and was going to stay there because I loved Baltimore, but then my boyfriend and I split so I had no place to live when my lease was up. In the middle of frantically apartment and job hunting, an ex called me up and asked if I wanted to come sublet half of his apartment in Brooklyn for three months. I had no concrete reason for going to NYC other than his offering me a place to stay--just for the Summer--and being able to just say "f*** it!" and go.

    So I did. And I fell in love with New York. Seven years later I'm still here, so clearly it was the right decision.

    I hope you feel the same about Denver!

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  41. I had basically no say in the matter. Aaron is a year older and graduated from law school before me and had a very well paying job in Dallas. So Dallas it was. I'd love to move to Austin, but the legal job market there sucks. And if Aaron makes partner at his firm, we are never going to leave.

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  42. I moved to Boston after leaving the wasband.
    Main reason? Many friends offered ,but these were the only ones who had public transportation close by and I didn't want to rely on friends driving me around.

    3 years later. Still in Boston. Never planned to stay here, but so far so good.

    3 years from now? God knows. :)

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  43. I ended up in NC after 4 years of school in Cleveland (lake effect snow anyone??). I basically looked at a map and picked any graduate school that had a southern address. My NC graduate program just accepted me first! I committed to a graduate program never even having set foot in the STATE I was moving to. Good thing it all worked out...I LOVE North Carolina.

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  44. I live in Maine. I grew up here. My husband grew up here. I went to college in NY and law school in MA, but I moved back. Being near family is worth it for my kids.

    Good luck with your move!

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  45. I was born and grew up in Jakarta so i live here, i always wanna move somewhere but we'll see. If not then I have to be okay with vacations to see other parts of the world.

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  46. I enjoy your blog, but for once, I have a question for YOU: it always seems like your posts pose a question to your readers, which is fine, I get it: you like comments. But I have to wonder, do you ACTUALLY care what everybody takes the time to write out, or do you simply care about the number of comments you receive on a daily basis? This entry is a poor example of my point, because it's actually interesting, but many times, it seems like the questions you ask are so random and off-kilter, that I truly don't get why they are there in the first place.

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  47. I'd like to live all over. I live in the Chicago area now because that's where the kids' dad is. I've lived in either IL or WI for my entire life. I'd love to try anything new. Anywhere. Hopefully I'll get to someday.

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  48. I live in the Bronx because that's where my boyfriend lives. When we decided to move in together, it made more sense financially for me to move to the Bronx, since his commute would have doubled both in price and time, and mine would only slightly increase in time. But I don't think we'll be here forever, especially when we want to start a family.

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  49. I grew up in greater Boston. In my 20s, fed up with the whole "winter" thing, I moved to North Carolina in much the same way you're moving to Denver: I picked it, liked it, and found a job there.

    I liked Charlotte a lot, and was there for almost 8 years, but after a while, I realized that I still felt like greater Boston was "home" to me in some mysterious way. My parents had moved to Florida while I was in NC, so I didn't have family here, but I belonged here for some reason.

    Now, as it snows again, I regret not moving to Florida! But other than winter, I have no doubts about living here, and no regrets about moving back. Stupid winter...

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  50. We moved to MA this past summer for my fiance's job (luckily I was able to find a job in the area too). We didn't want to move away from our previous city and would have LOVED to have stayed.

    We are trying to move back there as soon as possible- hopefully I can get my job transferred and my fiance can get into an MBA program.

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  51. i moved here by chance, but i've definitely stayed on purpose. i LOVE being in dc. the company i moved here for collapsed and a large portion of my friends moved away as a result, but i stayed by choice because i love the vibrancy of this area.

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  52. I grew up in NYC. I am madly, madly, madly in love with New York. All of that madness aside, I'm moving in a few months to the city that has yet to be named and am freaking out about it.

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  53. I live here in DC by accident, I'd like to think. When I came home from Poland, after finishing my MA, I was home in NH applying for jobs, mostly in NYC and Boston. A woman I had worked with a few years previously happened to tell me about an opening with one of NH's Congressmen and told me I should apply. Working on the Hill wasn't something I had really given too much thought to, but didn't sound totally terrible (little did I know! hehe, kidding!), so I applied and got the job. Four years and three jobs later, I'm still here...

    PS. Congrats on Denver, that really is exciting! I wouldn't mind moving somewhere totally new.

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  54. I live where I live because I made a snap decision one Friday in 2005 b/t undergrad and the fall I was supposed to go to grad school.

    It is the mistake that keeps on giving. We will move to where we want to live, but not until I finish the project I started when I decided to stay here and completely abandoned my other plan. Because one rash decision with multi year implications is all I can take.

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  55. I was born here. My parents were born here. My grandparents were born here. My family is here. The weather is nice, plus Cape Town has been voted one of the top 5 place to visit before you die. Crime is a bitch, the politians are scarey BUT I love the people. I love the diversity. I love that I seem exotic to some people HERE and yet I'm also not out of place. There are plenty of other "exotic" looking ppl in SA.

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  56. Well, I've lived all over- 5 different countries at last count. And we ended up here -in Iceland because it seemed like the best thing to do once we had a kid. Since here we have lots of family (i.e. free babysitting), free healthcare, cheap daycare and (up until late last year) 0 unemployment- I have a gov. job so I'm safe and so does hubby. So practical reasons really. :)
    I'd still love to go and live somewhere else- at least for a couple of years- somewhere like south of france or something along those lines! We'll see what happens :p

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  57. I moved to NC right out of college because it seemed to have the most job prospects (this, during our last recession). And, I didn't want to stay in Northern Virginia, where I grew up and witnessed the traffic. EEEK. But, after 10 years there, I wanted to be near family, so I moved to MD (near Baltimore, not DC). So, yeah, it's always been about job or family. I'm single, so I'm hoping one day I can move somewhere just because I want to!

    -Mon

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  58. The last 10 years I have been living places because of work or school. I know that we are moving again in 5.5 years and it will be the first time that we will be able to pick (mostly) where we want to be. The prospect is exciting and gives you the opportunity to really decide what is important to you in a a city and what type of place would make you the happiest. Good luck with Denver, sounds like you'll be very happy there.

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  59. I was born in Orlando,FL but moved to Asheville,NC when I was in 3rd grade due to better health care (AT THE TIME) for my brother who was born with kidney failure. Anyways, I've lived here from then on, and I wouldn't mind living here the rest of my life. I love how diverse the culture is here, I love the downtown, I love the shops, cafes, atmosphere, architecture, weather ... I tend to write about Asheville a lot in my blog. What part of NC did you live in?

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  60. As a child I visited PEI almost every other summer. And I loved loved loved it. As a teen I still liked visiting and then as an early twenty something decided I would one day like to live and work there.
    Right now, I'm in school, my husband is in school, and we're actually in different cities for the time being. But when we're both finished, we plan to look for jobs in PEI...even though it might take a while for us to get there.

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