Thursday, August 7, 2008

Not quite slick enough

Yesterday my blog got more traffic than it has ever gotten before. I do not know what yesterday's guest post was about (and believe me, it was a HERCULEAN EFFORT not to look. Seriously, harder than Weight Watchers). But I do know that I am THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD who is still in the dark, because the rest of the Internet visited my blog yesterday, prompted by Swistle.

The funny thing is, usually I don't even LIKE surprises. But this one? People keep telling me what a great surprise it is, and being all cute and sly about it, and I am so delighted that there is a surprise! I am just really, really curious about what it is!

Anyway, MOVING ON. Last night I went out for sushi with a friend of mine, and afterward we went to the cutest little shoe store. While I was there, I was tempted to buy approximately seventeen thousand different purses, but I RESISTED. I did not buy a SINGLE BAG even though they were all SO CUTE.

I did, however, have a moment of temporary insanity that caused me to try on a pair of black patent leather platform wedges with black and white striped heels, sort of similar to these:


I KNOW. What was I thinking? I put them on and looked at myself in the mirror and it was like an overgrown five-year-old in the most ridiculous pair of Keds I've ever seen. My friend was super sweet and tried to convince me that I could totally carry them off, but I knew better, and so the shoes went back on the shelf.

Lesson learned: There are some things that I just can NOT pull off. Let's add to the list: aviator sunglasses, criss-cross wraparound tops, baseball caps (I get the puffiest case of hat head), and true red lipstick.

What about you? What are some of the things that sound good in theory, but make you look or feel like a complete and utter fool?

37 comments:

Janssen said...

I can't pull off much high-waisted stuff because it makes me look five years old. Alas.

lspoon said...

Tucked in shirts. I mean holy crap I never looked put together b/c the moment I tuck in a shirt I look like a complete tool. I wish I had Emily Proctor's body. Every time I watch CSI:Miami I think "damnit, why can't I look like that?"

getdone said...

im going with tube tops and lipstick in any other shade than a very natural pink color

pessimisticredhead said...

Oh man. I am so happy you returned those. I don't think anyone can pull them off.

I would love to wear knee length shorts (preferably in madras print) but they look like hell on me. So sad.

S said...

Skinny jeans. Why do they even sell those in anything larger than a 2?

nancypearlwannabe said...

Halter tops, skinny jeans, button down shirts. And probably many more that I will think of later!

SLynnRo said...

Baby doll dresses. I always see such cute ones and then I remember I am TOO OLD.

Also, capri pants. Not kind to my bubble behind.

Nilsa S. said...

The surprise? It's good. Really good. You'll be tickled, I think.

The shoes. Adorable. What I can't pull off? Mini skirts. Belted shirts. Button down shirts.

Maxie said...

Skinny jeans, high waisted shorts, aviators and those new weird glasses that were big in the 80's... I'm not sure if they have a name, one piece swimsuits (i have a REALLY long torso so they all look strange on me), strappy heels, and knee-high boots.

I can totally pull of the wedge though :-)

Ms. R said...

I have to agree with you on the aviators and the wrap top stuff. I would also add the color yellow and long skirts. Gross.

LoriD said...

Anything in pale pink. I feel ridiculous in it.

pseudostoops said...

I am so glad to learn from the comments that I am not the only one who struggles with button downs! Every time I read an article on "5 classic pieces for your work wardrobe" or some such they always mention the white button down, and I'm always all "WHERE? Where do you find one that stays tucked in and is cut in a flattering way that does not make me look like a linebacker?"

Ahem. Other no-nos: skinny jeans, anything with a puffed or cap sleeve, tunics, and pointy-toed flats.

each of the two said...

Tube tops, button downs, leggings as pants (though who would want to?), anything that is drop waisted or puffy or baggy or tent-like.

Much to my dismay, the color yellow.
(so I bought a yellow purse! how do you like THEM apples?!)

wet hair.
short shorts.
long nails.
and humility.

Kidding on that last one.




Maybe.

Alice said...

tunic-length anything. i look malformed AND pregnant. super hot.

headbands. my head is apparently the wrong size for ANY HEADBAND.

uggs, but that's because i refuse.

Nic said...

Quite sadly, I can't pull off most necklaces. I wish I could.

-R- said...

Turtlenecks. My neck is too short.

Straight skirts. An a-line is so much better for me.

Ms. Karen said...

Anything with a defined waist. I'm big on top, big on the bottom, and I am very short-waisted, so putting a belt on me? Not good. Funnier than hell, but not good.

sarah said...

high heels, baseball caps and sunglasses. There's more, but those are the top 3.

tozie said...

nice day .. prety...

Gina said...

Hats. I would love to throw on a cute hat and not worry about my hair occasionally, but I look like an alien.

d e v a n said...

So many things. *sigh*
Super cute shoes (they look ridiculous with my tshirt and jeans.)
pretty much all the current fashions, I have no idea what looks good on me.
I can't tuck shirts in either.

Non Sequitur Chica said...

I have realized that I probably need to put the ironic tshirts away now that I am about to turn 30. It just starts to get sad at some point.

Also, with big boobs I can't pull off anything that is strapless or babydoll.

Penny said...

I think a funny day would be to don all the things you think you can't carry off, and see what it looks like! At the very least you'll give yourself a laugh. Or maybe, 4 disasters will combine to equal a miracle! Or, just laughs.

Kat said...

I can't pull off halter tops or spaghetti straps, BUT I COULD SO PULL OFF THOSE SHOES! Where can I get them??????

Ashley D said...

Baseball caps looks ridiculous on me too. Also, I know you are going to love your surprise, so get excited! :)

Stefanie said...

I love trying on ridiculous shoes that I would never wear. It is my favorite thing about shopping at DSW.

I can't pull off pigtails, among other things. (I occasionally do braids, particularly when wearing a bike helmet, but dual ponytails? No.)

Laurel said...

I can NOT do wedges. I just can't stand them. And I also have a hate affair with button down shirts. They look so cute and business-y, but with a chest like mine? There is always a gaping whole in the front where the buttons are waging war against each other. It's a complete disaster. You'll see.

IN FIFTEEN DAYS YOU'LL SEE.

Ahem.

wafelenbak said...

Those cute little swing coats that have been so popular this past yearr. I have an apple shape, so I just end up looking like a particularly flared out apple. :\
Also, strappy sandles never work well on me because I have "Flintstone feet".

Lexiloo said...

those shoes are adorable, but I think they'd look ridiculous on me! also, skinny jeans are a horrible invention. really.

Swistle said...

I can't wear chucks. I keep trying, but I look like ridiculous poser in them. Plus, I look ugly. Other people look adorable in them, but on me they are awful.

lifeintheleftlane said...

I look awful in hats! No matter what kind or how long my hair is, I always end up looking stupid rather than cute. Oh well...

Katelin said...

oh yeah those shoes are cute, but i think they may look a little funny on. as for me i used to be able to pull off hats when i was younger, yeahhhh not so much now, i just look silly in them.

Julie said...

Blouses and skirts with ruffles. Just can't wear them. Also, I LOVE to try on shoes that I would never in a million years buy or have occasion to wear. It's fun!

Princess Pointful said...

Bubble skirts and those which fall just past the knee. They make me look like a little girl playing dress up!!

Bayjb said...

Flowy tops, bubble skirts, bikinis and skinny jeans. All are good in theory but don't work on this body. I don't think the wedge heels are awful, but they are tough to carry off, I know I couldn't.

Alexa said...

why do i kinda sorta like those shoes?! cute with jeans? yes? no?

Tony said...

Can the boys play, too? I can't, at all, do that whole "Hat on top of your longish hair" thing. I look like, as lspoon put it, a tool.