How to be a grownup

When I was in college, I felt like I spent half my life planning for the future. I spent forever filling out applications--for internships, summer jobs, study abroad programs. I had to plan out my coursework semesters in advance to make sure I'd fulfill all the requirements for graduation. As I got involved with various student orgs, I also had to plan for them. And my senior year, of course, I spent quite a bit of time arranging my post-grad plans.

I remember being frustrated at the time, and talking with my friends about how much we looked forward to living in the present and not having to worry so much about the future. Which is funny, because I'm still not totally sure what we were thinking--I think I will ALWAYS worry about, or at least attempt to plan for, the future.

Not that I'm not enjoying the present--I absolutely am. But these are the Big Three things that I am thinking about on a long term scale:

1. Babies. I want them. This won't be a surprise to anyone here, particularly those who have read my past posts about adoption. Sometimes when I talk about kids with my single friends, they're surprised that I've thought so far ahead. But I think getting married is a time that requires thinking ahead. When you get married, you're committing for life--and that means thinking about, and discussing, your goals and aspirations and plans for the future. It seems unwise to get married without discussing those things, figuring out where you mesh, and talking through any discrepancies.

So, we have a baby timeline. It's not strict, but it's there. We have a loose idea of when we want to start trying to get pregnant. And I want to NAME THE BABY even though it won't exist for at least a couple more years (assuming no accidents, of course, and THERE CAN ALWAYS BE AN ACCIDENT, and um? If there is an accident and I am hyperventilating, perhaps everyone can remind me how cute baby clothes are? I think that would be calming in such a situation). I read somewhere, possibly on Swistle Baby Names, a suggestion that each of you independently make a list of names you like for a baby, and then compare and find common names, or at least common themes.

AND I WANT TO DO THAT NOW. I am constantly suggesting names to Torsten, and he is tolerant enough to humor me and tell me whether or not he likes the name (usually not), but I'm pretty sure that he would balk at the idea of such a formal process to name a baby that is nowhere near even being conceived (I HOPE). Also, I'm pretty sure he would be annoyed if I came home with a baby name book, too. Damn.

2. Buying a house. It is definitely a market for buyers right now, and I know that first-time home buyers are the key to ending the housing crisis, because we don't have to worry about selling our current house before we can buy a new one. But we do have to worry about where to buy. In the city or in the suburbs? If in the city, some expensive, settled neighborhood or somewhere a bit more up and coming? How much can we spend? How much are mortgage rates going to go up and how will that affect our buying power? Should we be trying to buy a foreclosure to get a good deal? If so, where do you even find foreclosed houses for sale? How big of a house are we talking? The questions go on and on and on, and right now there are very few answers.

3. Finances. I don't know anything about equity and financial planning and whatnot other than the basics, like yeah it's good to contribute to your 401(k) and have enough set aside to support yourselves for a few months. We were discussing this recently, and Torsten started talking about buying bonds and stock and I started envisioning high-risk investments and our whole down payment just GONE. And then realized that I don't have a clue how to invest or what equity really is and how to maximize your credit rating or anything, really.

I'm pretty sure that what this all boils down to is that I really don't know how to be an Adult. I mean, yeah, I can hold down a steady job, and I can maintain a mature adult relationship, and I can pay bills and cook and generally manage a household, but when it comes to planning, adult style? As in, figuring things out on my own instead of just filling out applications and then letting other people make decisions for me? That part I'm still kind of stuck on.

So, what are you trying to plan for right now?