Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Bridal

On Monday when I got home from work, there was a notice in our mailbox that we had a package. I assumed it was something boring that Torsten had ordered, but when I picked up the package, before I even looked at the return address, the lightness of the box told me that it was my veil. And you know what? I got shivers, the goosebumps that I didn't get when I tried on my dress.

I carried the box upstairs to our apartment and put it on our bed. I was very slow about my usual getting-home routine--deliberately putting away my purse and keys in the exact right spot, taking off my shoes, putting my lunch container straight into the dishwasher. I opened the box and the veil was wrapped in tissue paper that was packed into a plastic bag sealed with a gold sticker. Suddenly I was incredibly excited, and ripped the sticker in half.

The veil was--is--perfect. It's a very soft ivory color, the exact shade of my dress. It's pure tulle, no edging, no embellishments. It's one layer, not too poofy but not totally flat. It's gathered onto a metal comb and falls out to fingertip length with delicate folds.

I put it on my head and pulled it around my shoulders. It fell perfectly. I didn't cry. My breath caught. I was afraid to look in the mirror. When I did, all I saw was the veil, and not the ridiculous way it clashed with my work clothes.

I trembled, for real. I was alone in my messy bedroom, my dress hanging from the closet door in an opaque bag, wearing a black skirt and a black and white striped top, barefoot, with my hair frizzing from the humid walk home. But it didn't matter. I felt like a bride. I had a little moment, there with myself and my veil. I must have stared in that mirror for several minutes straight.

I am so, so ready to be married.

We've been engaged for almost exactly a year. The logic of what will wind up being a 15-month engagement stands; we got engaged toward the end of the summer, and we wanted a fall wedding without having to rush. I would make the same decision again if I went back in time. And the wedding will be wonderful. I'm extremely excited about it.

But oh, I'm so ready to be married. It feels like we've been engaged forever. We're at the point where people mention that the wedding must be coming up soon, and when you tell them it's still four months away, they say things like, "Oh, well that's still a ways away." And I agree COMPLETELY. I have actually resorted to saying things like, "Believe me, I KNOW." Because I totally, totally do.

I am so looking forward to peaceful married life, to official and formal recognition of us as a couple and as a team, to moving forward with our lives and our plans, to celebrating one wedding anniversary for the rest of our lives. We live together, so nothing concrete will really be changing, but I think in its own way it will feel different. And I'm really ready to find out.

40 comments:

  1. Being married is so amazing. And let me tell you, those four months will fly by :)

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  2. I'm so glad one of us is squeeing in excitement about her dress and veil. I'm so apathetic about that stuff. However, I echo your thoughts completely about married life. CANNOT. WAIT.

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  3. You are too adorable! I love the way you talk about your relationship. It makes me smile every time I read a post of yours like this one =)

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  4. My husband and I got engaged after only 7 months of dating ... and then we were engaged for 3 1/2 years after that. While NOW I'm glad for the long engagement and look back on it fondly, at the TIME, I was DESPERATE to don the white dress and made the long walk down the aisle.

    So I feel your pain.

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  5. I also wanted to say ... that if you are living together, marriage doesn't really change anything.

    But there is something so awesome about introducing him as "my husband" ... and hearing him call you "my wife."

    and I LOVE being married.

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  6. that is so exciting! I'm sure the big day will be here before you know it!

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  7. That is so cool about your veil. I love it.

    I remember loving my dress SO MUCH that after the reception we went into this little bar to hang out (even though neither one of us is much of a drinker) just because I wanted to spend a little more time wearing it.

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  8. Oh! How exciting! We'll be engaged for 18 months because we wanted a spring wedding without feeling rushed.
    I'm getting even more excited reading about your wedding adventures!

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  9. YAY! I'm so glad it looked perfect :-) Don't worry you don't have that long to go.

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  10. Being married IS different. You're gonna love it.

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  11. i am so excited for you. your post describes exactly how i want to feel when i meet that special guy and decide to marry.

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  12. Pretty quick, you'll be wondering where the four months went, I PROMISE! Being married is all good things. I'm so excited and happy for you.

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  13. I am not even engaged yet and I can't wait to be married! Screw the whole party, I just want to be married to AS.

    But... as long as I have to wait a few more years... I'll take the big party!

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  14. That is so awesome. Also, for some strange reason I find it hilarious that your veil came in the mail.

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  15. What an exciting time! I'm glad you love the veil!

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  16. I loved my veil. More than my dress, I think.

    Homer and I were engaged for 3 years, but it still felt like the right length of time for us.

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  17. Even though we just got engaged, and we aren't getting married until next May. I already think that it's been forever, and it can't get here soon enough!

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  18. Your veil sounds gorgeous! I'm so glad you had such a nice little moment when it arrived.

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  19. I love your post, but I love the comments even more! At first, being married didn't feel much different. But about a month in it started to feel different, and I agree with everyone that it is amazing. I LOVE IT! I think it appeals to my insecurities. When you're dating/engaged, you can feel like it's easy for a person to throw up their hands and say "I've had enough, I'm out" (even though they probably wouldn't do that). Marriage has made that feeling go away for me...we're committed and in this for the long haul - even if there might be rough patches.

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  20. Trust me- we were living together before we got married. But there is a change. It's all a feeling, but it's very very real.

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  21. I agree with Moo that 'husband' sounds quite special, and quite different from 'boyfriend.'

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  22. Being married is so wonderful. You're going to love it! :)

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  23. I'm so happy to hear someone talk about how excited they are about the marriage itself and not JUST the wedding. It seems like so many people get caught up in JUST the wedding. PS - I still put on my dress sometimes and it's been over a year. LOL I get your veil love. :)

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  24. 4 months = hella soon :-)

    I love your summary of what marriage means- it's exactly perfect.

    And squeeeeeeee re veil! I can't WAIT to find mine :)

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  25. . . . sigh. . . this gave me goosebumps, too.

    And let's just hope these next four months don't fly by too quickly ;) At least, for my sanity's sake.

    Yay!

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  26. YAY! I'm so glad you got your veil. :)

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  27. Your happiness is contagious! I'm so happy for you and wish the next 4 months are filled with moments as happy as this one was for you.

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  28. Weeeee! That veil sounds delicious. And that description of it is awesome.

    I was engaged for about 14 months, and by the end of it I too felt like it had been FOREVER. But I'm still glad we didn't rush things.

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  29. It's so exciting!

    I never thought I wanted to get married but lately I am surrounded by people getting married or having a baby and it is quite possible I caught some sort of. . . fever.

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  30. You make me so excited to get married... whenever that day comes, haha. :)

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  31. I LOVE being married. It was a tangible difference for us. It was different, in a good way.

    I'm really thrilled that you're so thrilled.

    (Also? Got excited that you got a package. Totally thought it was mine, for which there are ANNOTATIONS I NEED TO DISCUSS via e-mail.)

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  32. I seriously heart the crap out of you, and reading this post brought tears to my eyes because I am SO HAPPY for you. You're going to be a beautiful bride and have a wonderful marriage. I just know it.

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  33. Gah... I got shivers reading this. I'm so happy for you. And it fits, today, because (you're the first person to know this) TB and I went ring shopping yesterday. Squee with me?

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  34. OMG that's so sweet. Maybe you got the goosebumps because it's the final piece of the full picture with the dress. I would :)

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  35. Aw Jess, I'm so happy for you! You guys are so genuinely good for each other, and I know you day will be amazing!

    (Glad Torsten is okay too, and your scar looks totally fine - will heal nicely.)

    Hooray!

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  36. Awwwww. This is so exciting!

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