Bridal

On Monday when I got home from work, there was a notice in our mailbox that we had a package. I assumed it was something boring that Torsten had ordered, but when I picked up the package, before I even looked at the return address, the lightness of the box told me that it was my veil. And you know what? I got shivers, the goosebumps that I didn't get when I tried on my dress.

I carried the box upstairs to our apartment and put it on our bed. I was very slow about my usual getting-home routine--deliberately putting away my purse and keys in the exact right spot, taking off my shoes, putting my lunch container straight into the dishwasher. I opened the box and the veil was wrapped in tissue paper that was packed into a plastic bag sealed with a gold sticker. Suddenly I was incredibly excited, and ripped the sticker in half.

The veil was--is--perfect. It's a very soft ivory color, the exact shade of my dress. It's pure tulle, no edging, no embellishments. It's one layer, not too poofy but not totally flat. It's gathered onto a metal comb and falls out to fingertip length with delicate folds.

I put it on my head and pulled it around my shoulders. It fell perfectly. I didn't cry. My breath caught. I was afraid to look in the mirror. When I did, all I saw was the veil, and not the ridiculous way it clashed with my work clothes.

I trembled, for real. I was alone in my messy bedroom, my dress hanging from the closet door in an opaque bag, wearing a black skirt and a black and white striped top, barefoot, with my hair frizzing from the humid walk home. But it didn't matter. I felt like a bride. I had a little moment, there with myself and my veil. I must have stared in that mirror for several minutes straight.

I am so, so ready to be married.

We've been engaged for almost exactly a year. The logic of what will wind up being a 15-month engagement stands; we got engaged toward the end of the summer, and we wanted a fall wedding without having to rush. I would make the same decision again if I went back in time. And the wedding will be wonderful. I'm extremely excited about it.

But oh, I'm so ready to be married. It feels like we've been engaged forever. We're at the point where people mention that the wedding must be coming up soon, and when you tell them it's still four months away, they say things like, "Oh, well that's still a ways away." And I agree COMPLETELY. I have actually resorted to saying things like, "Believe me, I KNOW." Because I totally, totally do.

I am so looking forward to peaceful married life, to official and formal recognition of us as a couple and as a team, to moving forward with our lives and our plans, to celebrating one wedding anniversary for the rest of our lives. We live together, so nothing concrete will really be changing, but I think in its own way it will feel different. And I'm really ready to find out.