Blog Share: Ten Things

[Ed. note: Today is the day of the big Blog Share, organized by the fabulous -R-. Which means that the below post was written not by me, but by an anonymous blogger. Conversely, my post for today is floating anonymously in the blogosphere. And no, I'm not going to tell you where to look to find it.

But please, read and comment on the below post just like you always do with posts I've written. I am sure that the author would greatly appreciate it.]

Ten things I am, for whatever reason, too embarrassed or scared to publish on my own blog:

1) I never like to discuss money with other people as I worry that they will undoubtedly have more and will look at me like Jethro's poor second cousin from the Arkansas back woods. This irrational fear has propelled me to work ridiculous hours, multiple jobs, and take high-paying jobs I'm not in love with. I'm not so much afraid of poverty as I am of looking poor.

2) I have had a (singular) hemorrhoid for a year now and am too embarrassed to go to the doctor to get it "looked at". C'mon! You would totally be the same way & you know it.

3) I made out with a former classmate at my last class reunion, just for fun. But now, I have another one coming up and I am embarrassed to go as he wasn't that cute and oh yeah, I'm married. Lots of people know this fun fact (obviously not the husband) but I'm really more embarrassed about WHO it was, not that I did it in the first place.

4) I am not am empathetic person, overall. I try, but I'm missing a gene or something. I guess I am in certain situations, but only like 10% of the time. The other 90% is total fakery on my part.

5) I'm strangely and secretly sexually attracted to: Michael Gandolfini (Tony Soprano), The taller Coen brother, Sir Ben Kingsley, Dita Von Teese, Seth Rogan, Jeff Goldblum, David Letterman, Will Arnett, Catherine Keener and Chris Noth.

6) I currently weigh 25 pounds more than what my "max" weight was for years. I am disgusted by myself but have done very little to take it off. I have had to buy new clothes, something I had previously thought was something only "weak" people had to do. Now, I get it. And it sucks. And as vain and narcissistic as I am, I know I need to take care of this or I will hate myself.

7) I judge people very quickly, and I'm rarely, rarely, rarely wrong about the initial ruling. No lie. I'm VERY good at figuring people out within 2.5 seconds of meeting them. Seriously. I have like a 99% success rate here. I may be judgmental, but I can't help it- it's my gift. I am obligated to go forth and spread the word.

8) I have enough information to ruin someone close to me who has done nothing but cause the people I love misery and pain. I could destroy this person's career, social standing and reputation in one fell swoop. But I won't. I have decided that there is one thing this person could do to unleash my wrath, and as long as they stay in bounds I am sitting on what I know. I am neither mean nor vindictive, and the event that would cause me to do this is so completely heinous that this person will deserve not only what I can dish out, but much worse. I really hope it never gets to that. Really. I don't.

9) I like watching the TMZ.com show on TV. And I read People and Us every chance I get. I am convinced I am getting dumber by the second.

10) I feel so guilty about having more time off than anyone else I know that I will regularly lie about what I did during the day to make it seem like I actually got off of the couch and DID something, when the reality is I will spend many days laying around, watching bad cable and shopping online. Once I told my husband that I spent the whole day weeding the yard and planning a future trip, when In actuality I bought 3 pairs of shoes, a dress and 4 books online. Oh, and I went to lunch with a friend and had 3 glasses of wine and spent 2.5 hours gossiping. And I took a 1/2 hour shower. And I spent two hours blogging.
Sounds productive to me...