Friday, February 15, 2008

All wrong

I didn't think I cared very much about Valentine's Day, but apparently I do, because yesterday sucked. I was positive Torsten was going to send me flowers. The year before, our first Valentine's Day together, he didn't get me flowers because he thought I was the type of girl who didn't care about Valentine's flowers, and I was very upset about that, and this year I told him several times that I would like flowers, because the type of girl that I am not is the type who expects her significant other to read her mind.

So, I told him that I would like flowers on Valentine's Day, and I would like them sent to the office so that I could pick them up from the receptionist and set them on my desk and admire them all day and have other people admire them all day. And I told him not to waste his money on red roses because I like purple flowers much better anyway.

And I was sure he would get me flowers. I cleared off a space on my desk and I waited and waited for the flowers, and no flowers came, and at around three o'clock I finally caved in and IMed him and asked why there were no flowers, and then he got very upset because it turned out he had gotten me flowers but they hadn't arrived yet. And he had paid extra to have them delivered on Valentine's Day, and then they didn't show up until after four.

And when they did show up, they were in a cardboard box, because he didn't get them from a florist, he got them from 1-800-flowers, which is a stupid crappy website that ships you your stupid flowers FedEx, which is why they were so late because FedEx isn't a florist and they have no awareness of timing, like the fact that Valentine's Day flowers that show up right before you leave work DON'T COUNT.

And I didn't even bother opening the box because given the upcoming four day weekend I figured it would be better to leave them in the box so they wouldn't die, and bring them home and enjoy them there. So I hauled the box from work to dinner, and dinner was fine, it was good even. And I thought I was over the fact that I was expectantly waiting for flowers all day and feeling like an idiot for having cleared a space for them and feeling wildly, irrationally unloved about it.

And then we got home and opened the flower box, and it was just a crappy bouquet of pink tulips in plastic wrap. It looked like something that you could buy at the grocery store for $10, except that he paid way more than $10 for it, and also they were pink and not purple, and also they looked like they were about to die and a bunch of them were crushed, and what stupid company thinks it's a good idea to ship flowers in a cardboard box? And also the company guaranteed overnight delivery for freshness, but according to FedEx tracking, the flowers actually shipped on Tuesday morning and didn't arrive until Thursday afternoon, so that is almost three days in transit, which might explain why they were crushed and half-dead.

Torsten was very upset too, and he showed me the picture of how they were supposed to look online, and he was right that they were much prettier online, but even still, they were pink, ugly pink and I don't like pink, I like purple. In fact I fairly strongly dislike pink. And I guess he was swayed by the fact that the website said something about how they were cultivated in Holland, which is a bunch of useless marketing crap anyway and who cares where they were grown and besides, local flowers are the best because they are fresh and nice, not that it matters in February, but at least they could have come from a god damn florist who would have arranged them in a vase and delivered them in a timely manner.

And at first I was okay about the whole thing, because geez, it's just a stupid manufactured holiday and my fiance tried, he really tried to send me pretty purple flowers and even though it didn't work out quite right, I still have an amazing and loving fiance and it's just some stupid pink tulips and regardless he's going to call and demand his money back given that the flowers were delivered really late and half dead. So it wasn't a waste of money.

And then we were sitting on the couch and he moved his arm suddenly as I was moving too and he inadvertently whacked me in the side of the head, and it hurt but not THAT much, and yet I totally burst into tears and started completely freaking out. And I knew, I KNEW that I was being irrational, I could TELL that it was just stupid hormones combined with the stress of disappointedly waiting for flowers all day, but probably mostly the hormones, but it doesn't matter if it's hormones making you cry because it still feels shitty, even if you know the reason.

And Torsten tried to make me feel better, he tried to touch me and hold me and even though logically in my head I wanted him to touch me, whenever he actually did touch me I shrank away, I wasn't ready to be touched because I was just so frustrated, and there was nothing that could be done because all I wanted was for once to get some god damn Valentine's flowers that were pretty and showed up on time, and is that really too much to ask? And also the next two years Valentine's Day will be on a weekend so the next opportunity for this issue to be rectified is in 2011, and that feels very far away right now.

But it was just so weird, I was there being insane, being irrational, and knowing it and yet I couldn't stop it, I was crying and curled up in a ball and Torsten was being so supportive and apologizing and I kept telling him it wasn't his fault and I meant it, because it really wasn't, because god damn it he tried to send me purple flowers on Valentine's Day and what more could he have done? Except not order from a stupid website that ships flowers FedEx from a warehouse instead of working with local florists like Teleflora does, and now he knows, and 1-800-flowers is officially on our shit list and will never be used again.

But there was just nothing he could do, nothing that was right because I was frustrated by the outcome of a situation that could not be reversed and so anything that he did was going to be wrong, and so he just sat there impotently while I freaked out, and of course that was the wrong thing to do too, and oh, the poor boy. It just really should not be that much to ask to have a simple Valentine's Day that goes smoothly and involves pretty flowers that arrive in the morning.

And yeah, I feel spoiled because oh tragedy, my fabulous fiance spent too much money sending me flowers he thought I would love for a holiday that doesn't matter, and really, if I'm looking for problems maybe I should try getting some real ones? But damn it it DID feel like a real problem and still, now, the next day when things are supposed to feel sunny and bright again, I look over at those god damn crumpled pink tulips and I kind of want to throw them on the floor.

69 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry your Valentine's Day sucked. Damn those hormones! Years from now...after you receive flowers at work in 2011...this will be a funny story...maybe? Here's hoping your 4-day weekend is super duper!

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  2. I know this is not funny to you but I can relate so well that I actually had to laugh.
    Also, D ALWAYS uses 1800 flowers and I hate getting flowers in a box. BUT if they are dead and crappy, email the company and TELL THEM. YOU WILL GET FREE FLOWERS. And you deserve some.

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  3. aww, that's AWFUL. knowing you're feeling/acting irrationally doesn't actually HELP when you're feeling shitty, unfortunately. just makes you feel shitty AND slightly guilty. poor jess. and poor torsten :-) stupid hormones.

    overall, at least torsten knows he's with a girl who likes romance and appreciates flowers, though! poor karl has a girl who keeps suggesting beers for valentine's day ;-)

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  4. I'm sorry you were disappointed with Valentine's Day. I prefer not to have Valentines flowers delivered. They're crazy expensive. The first we dated, hubby had roses delivered to me. My now sister-in-law received roses from the grocery store, and hers lasted longer than mine.

    This is where maybe I should pull an anonymous comment (ha), but I would never WAIT for flowers. I know it's what you wanted, what you asked for, and what your fiance tried to do...But you've kind of lost the nature of receiving a gift when you call and ask where it is. :)

    Now everyone can blast my insensitivity. :)

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  5. Awww! I want to give you a hug.

    Also, the same sort of thing happened to me last year. TB sent me a dozen assorted color roses that he spent waaay too much on from a place called ProFlowers or something and yeah. My work ended up being closed on Valentine's Day and that's where he had them delivered only they couldn't get delivered to me because, hi, my office wasn't open. So, they came to my work the next day but it was already super anti-climatic and it didn't help matters that they arrived in a giant brown box and I had to open it up and unwrap everything and trim the ends of the flowers and put water in the vase and dump the flower food in and freaking arrange them myself before I could enjoy their pretty-ness. GAH.

    In short, I GET IT.

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  6. Okay, that's even crappier than just plain not celebrating the holiday because it's a complete let down. I'm sorry it sucked!

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  7. oh honey, we both had annoying nights! Im so sorry - and i know how you feel about being irrational and knowing it but not being able to stop it. happens to the best of us. But just think its over & a long weekend is ahead of us!! Enjoy it! :)

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  8. i feel you.
    im not sure how much i can express that i feel you.

    sigh
    stupid irrationality attached to tear ducts, always messing thngs up.

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  9. Oh man, that sucks! If it makes you feel at all better, I spent the evening alone with a girl who decided it was a good time to cut a tooth, and when the husband finally did come home, he promptly fell asleep on the couch. Argh! Better luck to BOTH of us next year!!

    (Purple tulips rock though, don't they? So I hope you still get some this weekend.)

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  10. Oh Lord... I am SO SORRY because I can SO RELATE to having irrational flip-outs due to hormones and high expectations that didn't pan out. I had approximately three a week the last few months of my pregnancy with Eli. And it SUCKS, because as you said, knowing that it's irrational and only hormones, etc. does not actually help you FEEL any better. It only helps the person trying to comfort you feel justified in giving up relatively quickly and then staring at you as though you have two heads.
    If it's any consolation, I have gotten ZILCH so far for V-day. We are going out to dinner tonight, though, so there had BETTER be a damn card AT LEAST.

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  11. Wow, this took a long time to show up in Google Reader. Anyway, considering we Gchatted for about 6 hours yesterday and another couple this morning, you have heard all of my comments on the issue.

    I also want flowers and I also get crazy.

    The end.

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  12. that right there has a lot to do with why I don't want to buy into the "hype" that is v-day. my feelings get hurt too quickly sometimes, even over dumb things... so if I learn to not have feelings about it in the first place, I have no reason to be disappointed in the end.

    either way, i hope the hormones stop kickin' your ass soon.

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  13. This is why Valentine's Day will always suck, even if you have a Valentine because now there are expectations and expectations generally lead to disappointment.

    My brother-in-law always tells me that the best way to be happy is to lose all your expectations.

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  14. Oh buddy!!! I'm sorry your Valentine's Day didn't go as planned. I would be upset too. I'm sure Torsten has learned... it takes a few years to really break them in, doesn't it?

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  15. Why is it that the littlest things can set us girls off? 1800 flowers does suck, Dave sent me a stuffed animal from there with explicit instructions that it get to my job the 14th, and it arrived the 13th. Arielle's bf sent her flowers from 1800fuckup and they emailed him yesterday that they may not get to her until SATURDAY, and its at her job so she wont see them until Tuesday cause its a holiday.

    At least Torsten tried... you do have to give the boy credit for that!

    Annnnnd he's letting your whole wedding be purple!! :)

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  16. I am all too familiar with the 'oh my god I can't believe I'm acting like this but I'm just so upset' tears. But this situation is why I like candy on Valentine's Day.

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  17. i'm glad i'm not the only one with irrational feelings. it happens. don't beat yourself up about it and just remember having someone that loves you is the most important thing :)

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  18. Please forgive me for being amused by this story. But, it could be turned into an episode for a sit-com. Really, it COULD be, because the writers are writing again. Hormones SUCK, don't they?

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  19. Jess, I know this isn't probably the best reaction, but I did have a genuine chuckle at this. I've never been one to want flowers. I remember my ex-boyfriend showed up with flowers and I stared at him blankly. I was more excited about the DVDs he got me.

    At any rate, it's one day. And you still have a whole weekend with your best friend. And I think we've all had that moment where we're just mad because we are, not for any good reason.

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  20. Oh my god, Jess. This is hysterical. Like funny, hysterical AND hysterical hysterical. I know it was a rant and all, but I have tears rolling down my cheeks I am laughing so hard at your terrible, horrible Valentines flowers.

    Damn, your hormones are FUNNY!

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  21. I say throw them on the floor if that will make you feel better. (As long as Torsten isn't around). Sometimes doing something ridiculous is enough to help me move along to "this is so lame and ridiculous and I'm totally ready to appreciate that now and move on already" mode. I've found this is especially therapeutic if you are the only one around.

    I'm sorry your valentine's day sucked. I hate when that happens, and I so completely relate to that situation. We call them meltdowns around here, and they happen over stupid unimportant things more often than I'd like to admit. Hormones suck.

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  22. I hope Torsten has a sister and I hope she's telling him to wait a couple of weeks - at least until March - before calling up a lovely florist near your office and having an incredible bouquet of purple flowers delivered with a big ass card that says "Just because I love you." Colleagues admiring V-day flowers is one thing, colleagues admiring "just because" flowers is quite another entirely.

    Whenever my man of the moment screws up, I whine to my mother that my dad would never screw up that way. She always, always, ALWAYS replies, "You think he was like this when I married him?" Men learn by screwing up (don't we all?). You may have to wait until 2011, but I guarantee you Torsten will know exactly how to make your workday Valentine's Day perfect the next time.

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  23. i can so relate. i have those sort of moments where the fella is kind of just staring at me waiting for a break in my freak out so he can actually help.

    that sounds really disappointing. :(

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  24. Hormones cannot be stopped! Once they are in full frustration mode the only thing to do is cry it out a little. And, of course, demand your money back for your broken, late flowers.

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  25. So chuck them on the floor!

    Torsten is getting his money back anyway, so why not? If it makes you feel better, go for it :)

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  26. Oooh, I hate the "I know I shouldn't be upset, but damnit I am and that makes me more upset". So frustrating. But the good news is that it goes away the next day and your back to your self and your fiance just wants you to be happy.

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  27. Stupid flowers. They never amount to anything good. Hope your weekend is better.

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  28. awww...i'm sorry. that really sucks. i get irrational like that to...like yesterday i was bummed because even though joe got me some great things for vday i hadn't gotten flowers, but he surprised me with one when he got home. enjoy your 4-day weekend!

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  29. Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I know how disappointing that can be. I also know that feeling of wanting my husband to touch me but when he does it annoys me so much. Why the hell do we do that? Have a great weekend...ok?

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  30. I, too, have had the hormoney moments when your SO isn't technically doing anything wrong and are actually trying to help but even their breathing is causing you great! distress! The last time this happened with Will I actually shouted "I know I'm being irrational but I can't help it!!!" and then buried my face in my lap and started bawling, though for the record all he had said was "poor baby, can I help?" :)

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  31. I say throw them out. Every time you look at them all of those feelings are going to resurface.

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  32. I'm sorry the flowers didn't work out as intended. Its amazing how V-day brings out the emotions like this. How can something so manufactured cause us to feel loved or unloved depending on the events of that particular day? Marketing and commercialism at its finest, I tell ya.

    Enjoy the four day weekend.

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  33. Don't worry! This kind of thing goes under the category of "test run" or "dress rehearsal." These things never go right the first time you try them, because there is so much uncharted territory to navigate: where to order flowers from, and what kind they should be, for example. And now he knows for future years. He can send work flowers the workday BEFORE Valentine's Day next year.

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  34. This is so logically illogical. Been there!

    Anyway, I'm disappointed to hear that about 1-800 Flowers. Aaron sends those to me sometimes, and I really like them because they usually last much longer than florist flowers. But last year, we sent them to both of our moms and both bouquets arrived dead. They resent them, but come on. That is not something you want a redo on.

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  35. I really, really like this post. I think it's one of my favorites. We've all been there, whether it be VD or some other issue.

    Also, GOOD TIP on 1-800-FLOWERS.

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  36. your honesty is so refreshing. i'm glad that you were able to vent and hopefully that helped you get out some frustrations.

    i hope you have a great weekend. i have been so busy this past week but i know i have a lot of catching up to do with you and i can't wait.

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  37. GAH. I hate crap like this. You're wise for recognizing what really matters but it still feels like an old shot to the balls (er, elbow to the dome).

    If it makes you feel any better, not once but twice, HOM has sent me funeral arrangements that he thought were normal flowers.

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  38. God, how awful. I totally know what you mean about telling him repeatedly what you want, because they definitely aren't psychic. i think i told mike about 3 times a week for the last month that i wanted a HEART SHAPED BOX of CHOCOLATES,preferably RUSSEL STOVERS for valentines day. i would even point them out when we would go into a store and say "see, they have them here. you could buy one here." i got one, so obviously it must have worked...i'm so sorry it didn't work out. i am all about attention. in high school i used to remind everyone when my birthday wa so they could figure out who was bringing me balloons...

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  39. That's crazy timing. I just got a phone call from a co-worker who pretty much told me the SAME STORY about her v-day flowers. Same stupid company and her's showed up about an hour after business hours. They took them back and didn't deliver them until noon today. She found out her boyfriend spent a HUGE amount of money, ordered them MONDAY and is now trying to find a way to get him some money back.

    Bastard 1-800-Flowers. I hope you get something back from them.

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  40. Sorry that your Valentine's Day wasn't what you hoped for. It is hard when you anticipate something and it doesn't work out the way you want. It is always the little things that are hard to handle.

    B got me flowers from the 1-800 the 2nd year we were together and they sent roses when he ordered tulips. I don't like roses. He wasn't pleased. The thought was nice though.

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  41. Aww, girl. I know exactly what you mean! And this is why I create no expectation on V-day. I just tell B that, We're not doing anything, and problem solved. February 14th is just another day again.

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  42. You are SO justified in feeling angry and bitter. Like you I always thought I would be okay with a non-remarkable Valentine's Day until last year, when my boyfriend sent me... an e-card. AN E-CARD. I was perhaps a wee bit hormonal and I let him have it.

    Torsten will do better next year. He loves you, even though maybe he could have put a little more time into it.

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  43. That sucks - and totally irrational meltdowns happen. I used to think that V-day sucked only for single people (I can say that, because that is pretty much what the last 20 somethind v-days have been for me, except for this year), but it's just as stressful for couples. It's ok though - at least you have a nice, long weekend.

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  44. That's awful. Do you want me to direct a hate mail to 1-800-flowers?
    On a tangential note, my valentine's sucked as well. No flowers, no midnight kidding, no wine....and of course after the whole day of bottling it up, I burst into tears and had more than one meltdowns in the night. Surprisingly with the morning, I feel restored. eVil Day, I tell ya.

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  45. I told him I wanted flowers for my birthday. It was important. I wanted them delivered to my workplace ON my birthday (which is NOT February 14th) because... because... there was this gal who always got flowers and loved to rub everyone's nose in the fact that she got some every month.

    So, my birthday rolls around and I wait. And I wait. And wait. I wander down to the reception desk and LOOK! There are flowers! Beautiful flowers! I make mention of the beautiful flowers, and the receptionist says, "Yes, they are pretty, aren't they?"

    That was all she said. Since it wasn't unusual for her to have flowers at her desk, I muttered something and went back to my cell.

    That evening, my fiance asked me if I liked the flowers he sent. "Describe them."

    That cow at the front desk stole my flowers! (they were gone the next day, she took them home). Evidently, she did that a lot...

    I'm sorry things didn't go right for you. There's nothing quite as icky-feeling as waiting for something and it never arrives.

    Here, have a hug...

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  46. I am officially boycotting 1800 Flowers.

    But ya know, Torsten is still there and you're marrying him. And he'll be there long after those ugly flowers die off.

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  47. sorry v-day wasn't all you expected it to be :(

    hopefully your wknd will make up for it!

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  48. Sorry your V-Day sucked. Hope you have a good weekend with your friend!

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  49. I know what you mean. Oh, except for the fact that I got no flowers and no card, not even crappy ones. Then I went home and cooked the dinner after I'd been at work all day and he'd been sitting at home doing stuff all.

    I am also totally aghast at your commenter ms. karen whose receptionist stole her flowers !!!!! I hope she reported that incident!

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  50. Aaaaand this is why (even if I were dating someone at the moment) I do not celebrate V-day.

    I'm sorry you had a bad day though. I hope your free flowers (uuuh 'cause you darned well better get some from the company) are purple!

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  51. eeesh :( i'm sorry you had a not so great v-day....1800flowers is totally expensive and not so great (i've heard people have similar experiences)

    *hugs*

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  52. I got flowers from 1-800-flowers from a long distance boyfriend a couple years ago, the day after Valentine's Day, and they were ugly. Of course, that was his bad taste in part, but I think that website SUCKS and I feel your pain. And I understand about wanting to show them off and have people admire them, and I can't say that I would have personally handled it any better.

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  53. Aww, this made me cry. I know just how you feel.

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  54. I got beautiful red roses from Eric. They smelled lovely and came early in the work day. But I got no Happy Valentine's Day or a nice dinner or anything. Mine sucked to all and I have are some flowers that are gonna die. Valentine's just sucks.

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  55. OMG. I have so been there...many times. I have a great husband, but his memory for details if a little off. I have told him hundreds of times that I don't like red roses and beyond that, they are the most cliche gift on V-day. What do I get every single V-day? Yep red roses. I know. What a tragedy. ;) But, it invariable makes me feel like he doesn't really KNOW me or LISTEN to me - which is stupid.

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  56. girl, that is crazy feeding on crazy. I was like that the entire 9 months I was pregnant. And the entire 9 months after the baby was born. Hey, you're not....

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  57. Expectations.....ouch.

    I would like to stick up for 1800 Flowers. I know, I know, crucify me, but my wasband used to send me flowers when he was gone for birthdays and V-days. Always a bunch of sunflowers. Always arrived in perfect condition and on time.

    But, that being said, Fuck em. Cause they clearly can't get shit right.

    And Torsten might be color blind, because, damn, pink and purple are close but not THAT close. :)

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  58. Oh, I'm feeling it! My day was SO similar!

    It's so irrational- and I end up hating myself for buying into a day I'm not even sure I believe in.

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  59. my first v-day as a married woman sucked too. I think it's the build up in our heads maybe? I don't know.

    Anyway, I reacted exactly...and I mean exactly the same way. I think it's pretty normal in a crazy way lol. and they always get the flowers wrong...weird!

    Sorry it sucked!

    Poor guys. They really can't win can they?!

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  60. Oh love, I am SO sorry it sucked. I can totally feel your irrational pain... I spent yesterday's awesome trip away being an absolute bitch. Why? Because I have stupid expectations and it's killing me.

    I say complain. :) Free flowers are always good.

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  61. Awe. I hope that you are feeling better about everything now, it's terrible when those companies ship out things that are nothing like what you ordered in the first place. I always use ProFlowers, and they have always been wonderful. I hope your weekend is making you feel better!

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  62. Oh, what a disaster. I'm so sorry to hear how things worked out. That feeling of knowing you're being ridiculous but not being able to stop is horrible. I wish I didn't know it oh so well.

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  63. oh nooo! i would have been irrantionally upset too!! what a sham...1 800 flowers?! i hope he gets the money back!

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  64. I love you. I get you. I get how for no reason at all you are just so upset at the person you love even though they have done absolutely nothing to deserve your scorn. I hate hormones. I hate how some days you simply feel like crying.

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  65. Sorry for the crappy valentine's day. Hope you feel better soon.

    I don't think crappy flowers ever left someone in a good mood.

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  66. My BF and I are doing the long distance relationship thing right now and he sent me roses from 1-800-Flowers.com on Valentine's Day! They were really pretty - it was raining so hard here on V-Day that I was thankful that they were in the box, the rain would have destroyed them because delivery people just leave packages on the front step of my house!

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  67. Oh honey... I am laughing so hard at this post because you captured so well how crazy it feels to get upset over the "little" things. (I put "little" in quotes because they really are important things!)

    I am just glad to know that someone else would react like I would in that situation.

    Long Live V-Day 2011!

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  68. This sounds exactly like how I would behave... the fiance' loves when I ruin a whole evening pouting, but sometimes it seems uncontrollable. I just got flowers today (but they were from the rental car company that screwed up our Valentine's Day- not the same thing).

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  69. Oh Jess... I know I am way late on commenting on this and you already have 68 comments anyway, but I just had to say that while I'm sure none of this was funny at the time, I was shaking my head and laughing as I read this post, because you so perfectly captured that maddening battle in a woman's head... you know, that battle between, "I KNOW this is irrational" and "But I'm still upset about it!!" You obviously have the right perspective and know what's really important in the long run, but I love that you were willing to expose the crazy by documenting that whole thought process.

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