Wednesday, May 5, 2010

My unshakable truths

Sometimes the unknowns of everything really get to me. Like when we wanted to move to Denver, and didn't know we could keep our jobs when doing so, and were trying everything in our power to find jobs here, and it wasn't working and we had no idea if or when it would ever happen. Or thinking about getting pregnant, and wondering if one of us has a fertility issue that we have never had reason to know about, or if I am going to get pregnant how long it will take before it happens once we start trying.

Call me a control freak; I prefer the term "planner," but it really doesn't matter. Here is the way I cope with this character trait without going insane over things I really want but can't obtain through sheer will: I fall back on my facts, my unshakable truths, the cornerstones of my life, some big and some small. I remind myself of them and then I feel better about all the other stuff.

Here are some of the main ones:
  • I love my husband so, so, so much, and he loves me equally much, and we mesh and and we are happy together and we are growing together and we will always be there for each other.
  • I have a lot of things going for me: skills and education and useful personality traits. I make things happen. This ability will not go away even if I don't always get exactly what I think I want.
  • Globally, as a society, we tend to move forward over time, helped by each new generation's different outlooks and ideals. Even if it feels like sometimes we are bogged down in the moment and it is unbelievable that we aren't getting something that seems so clear-cut, eventually we will get there. Eventually we will move forward.
  • I do not need to become fluent in German. I do not need to learn the nuances of German grammar. The basics are enough. My skills do not need to be perfect in order to be useful.
  • I have a family and friends whom I love, and who love me back.
  • Someday Torsten and I WILL have kids, whether I give birth to them or not. (This is the only thing that keeps me from panicking when I think about trying to get pregnant and possibly not being able to for whatever reason.)
  • Most people are good, and mean well.
  • I do not need to be a size 6 in order to consider my surgery a success. I would consider it a success even if I never lost another pound. But I am still losing pounds, and I will continue to do so.
  • Exercise almost always makes me feel good, even if I have to force myself to do it.
  • Purple is beautiful.
  • I am a good person, and I always try to do the right thing.


  1. One thing I gather about you from reading your blog is that you tend to see the world as "the glass is half full" and you put a positive spin on things, which is important. :)

    And I loved your second to last bullet point. :P

  2. You forgot at least one thing ... people who have the opportunity to meet you are pretty darn lucky. =) I like this list, Jess. It's reasonable, honest and personal.

  3. yay, I do love you! And purple is most definitely beautiful! (yesterday my students gave me a card declaring I am the "World's Purplist Lady"!)

  4. I always marvel at how you have such a positive sense of self. It is truly inspiring to see. I love this list and I want to write one like it for myself.

  5. Very nice post. Those are very good unshakable truths to have!

  6. I love the positivity of this list! I had a wise friend once tell me not to be worried about the future and what may or may not happen but to be excited for what awesome things are going to happen. Even if some crummy things happen, awesome things will also happen. You can't know what they are yet but you can be excited about them. I try to follow that advice when things aren't going according to my plan.

  7. This is such a smart thing to do. Sometimes when I get down on myself, I will make a list like this. Except I will focus on my accomplishments of the last year - from learning to cook with different vegetables to completing that hardcore work assignment - to show myself that I am making progress and accomplishing things.

  8. This is a great list, Jess. It's great to remind yourself of what you DO know.

  9. hear hear! I will drink to that.

    decaf coffee, that is.

  10. I love this list. You are one awesome woman. I love your optimism - it's smart to have these things to look to when life throws curveballs.

  11. I'm not religious at all. But there are times that I've woken up in the night unable to sleep because I was so overwhelmed by everything in my life.

    And saying the serenity prayer and just thinking about the things in my life that I can control and can't control helps me calm down so much.

    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    the courage to change the things I can;
    and the wisdom to know the difference.

    I really believe in this as statement of life.

    You have a wonderful list of unshakable truths! And you've made this amazing life for yourself!

  12. Sometimes we need to just step back and think about these kinds of things.

    This is a wonderful list. And yes, purple is most definitely beautiful!

  13. Great list, Jess! I think one of the beautiful things my children have taught me is to let go of my "planner" tendencies. I can't wait for you to embark on that journey too!

  14. I like this. It's a good exercise to put those all down.