Monday, September 21, 2009

My fault

On Saturday I caused a car accident for the first time in my life.

It was a relatively minor crash, in that nobody was seriously hurt. Torsten and I were in our car, with a friend of his. We were driving on a four-lane road that had patches of stop and go traffic. I was driving. I was going maybe 40 or 50 miles per hour, as was the car in front of me, an SUV that was blocking my view of the road in front of it. I was maintaining a reasonable distance from that car.

I guess what happened was that the SUV could see that the traffic in our lane was at a standstill up ahead, so decided to change lanes. Since the SUV was so much higher than me, I couldn't see that, so I had no idea that there was a car stopped in front of me until the SUV moved out of my lane, and at that point it was too late. I stood on the brake as far as I could and I came close--so wrenchingly, bitterly close--to not hitting the car in front of me. But I did.

The only car accident I've ever been involved with was when I was five years old and my carpool driver spun out on a patch of ice and landed in a ditch. I have never been at the wheel. I had no idea what it was like. I could see as it was happening that we were going to hit them. I could hear the brakes squealing and I was totally aware of what was about to happen. I was hoping against hope that we could stop in time or at the very least just give the car in front of us a gentle tap.

I did manage to slow down enough to make the accident relatively minor. We hit the car in front of us, and she bounced off the car in front of her, but so lightly that the third car had no damage, and the front of her car didn't have damage either. Her back bumper was banged up, but it wasn't terrible.

Our car definitely took the worst of it. The hood crumpled, but not completely. The radiator definitely burst, and leaked all over the ground. I think I killed the battery too. One headlight broke and the metal Honda logo popped right off the car. The front bumper totally bent. I think a total of three, maybe four, panels will need to be replaced. I think and hope that the engine is pretty much fine. The car was still running after the accident, because I was able to pull over onto the shoulder before turning the car off. I don't think it's totaled.

I wasn't looking at the speedometer when it happened, but I don't think we can possibly have been going more than ten miles per hour. The airbags didn't deploy. And yet, it was scary. Torsten and I were both thrown against our seat belts hard enough to feel it in our chests for awhile afterward. My sunglasses, which were on top of my head, flew across the car. Torsten's friend, who had braced himself for impact (which is actually dangerous as more impact transfers to you if you stiffen your muscles) didn't hit his seatbelt, but he did have some pain in his knee, which he had used to brace himself, that went away later.

The girl in the car we hit said that her neck hurt when she moved it, so as a precaution she was taken to the hospital. The police and firefighters who were there agreed that if she has any injuries, they are very likely quite minor.

Financially, the accident will cost us $500 for our insurance deductible and $115 for the 2-point "careless driving" ticket I was issued (and that could have been worse--the cop could have also cited me for "following too closely," but after I told him how it happened, he opted not to), plus the increase in our insurance premium cost.

Practically, it cost us 4 or 5 hours of our day as we dealt with police and tow trucks and rental cars (thankfully all paid for by our insurance company--and can I just say that it is absolutely worth getting the best possible insurance? Because this was a minor accident and yet it will probably cost our insurance company $10,000 in repairs, hospital bills, rental cars, towing, etc.).

But OMG, it was so scary. Looking back, I'm surprised I didn't burst into tears when it happened, although I came close several times. I got out of the car and asked the girl I hit if she was OK, and she said that she was OK except for her neck, and I told her that I was totally aware that I had crashed into her, and that I had insurance (even though apparently you aren't supposed to say these things after an accident, as it turns out--but I don't think it mattered).

I kept just telling everyone that I was so sorry. It was just so surreal, standing there on the left shoulder of the road calling 911, and watching cars drive by with their drivers staring at us, and seeing our car that we love sitting there all crushed, and watching the girl from the other car get checked out and then taken away in an ambulance, and talking to the cop. And all the details that had to be worked out and trying to talk to the insurance agent on the phone over the sound of four lanes of traffic rushing by. And hearing the traffic report on the tow truck's radio refer to our accident as a "three-car pileup."

And it's also scary because I can only imagine how much worse so many other accidents are. High-speed accidents, full-on collisions... if all this happened at 10 MPH, what could happen at 50 MPH or more? That's something that I don't want to even think about.

I know we're lucky, that it could have been so much worse and that nobody really got hurt and that damage to cars can be repaired. But I keep thinking about how it could have been avoided--not really in the moment, because there really wasn't anything I could have done that I didn't do--but like how when we were leaving that day Torsten asked me if I wanted him to drive, and I said no, I was fine, and how we had run another errand first which had caused us to leave later, and so on. I know the "what if" game is pointless and especially in this case where everything turned out basically fine, but I can't stop playing it.

And I feel so guilty. Torsten and his friend are both being so nice about it, and not angry or blaming me and reminding me that there wasn't really anything I could do, but I just feel so stupid and sorry about the whole thing. I keep thinking that if someone else had been driving it wouldn't have happened and that I shouldn't have allowed it to happen either.

I feel so bad for the girl I hit for ruining her day and sending her to the hospital, even though it seems that she'll be totally fine, and for scaring the shit out of her and inconveniencing her with car repairs and all the rest. I feel so bad that we had a friend come visit us and I welcomed him by crashing the car while he was riding in it. I feel bad that I cost us money when we're trying so hard to save right now. I just feel incredibly guilty about all of it, even though I know I'm the only one who's blaming anyone (except maybe the girl we hit--I have no idea what she thinks).

We took pictures of the accident scene in case we needed them for insurance or something, but I don't really feel like posting them here.

54 comments:

  1. That is terrible - I am glad everyone is ok!

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  2. I am really happy to hear that everyone is alright, and that you were properly insured.

    Accident situations like this are extremely hard to avoid. Honestly, no one leaves enough space between themselves and the car in front of them on the highway. It takes an enormous amount of space to stop quickly at highway speeds. Watching highway driving always makes me cringe.

    Hopefully your car is fixed up as good as new, and I hope this doesn't prevent you from driving! It's important to get right back onto the road! :)

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  3. How scary! I'm glad everyone is OK though. Don't beat yourself up about it!

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  4. I'm so glad you all are okay. Accidents are scary and upsetting, but it sounds like you guys handled it beautifully.

    On a positive note, this is beautifully written :). Your description of the seconds before the crash are so accurate too - coming so close to stopping and not making it, knowing it's going to happen. So very real.

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  5. I am sorry to hear that. But I am glad that you are physucaly ok. It does shake you up to the core.

    Please be careful wtih this post. When I was in an accident I wanted to write about it but my husband who is a lawyer told me not to in case the person you hit decides to sue you and uses the post against you.

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  6. I am glad everyone was ok. Having had the experience of being in a 50mph car crash, I am really glad yours was what it was. though, i guess, it would have been better if it hadn't happened.

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  7. Oh, I'm sorry, man. That is the WORST.

    I've rear-ended people a few times too, and I ALWAYS say I'm sorry and take responsibility. I know your insurance company says not to, but COME ON. That is just the right thing to do, ya know?

    Anyway, these things happen. If you spend enough time driving, small wrecks are pretty much unavoidable.

    Well, uh, they are if you are me. :-)

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  8. Don't beat yourself up about it! I promise you, things like this happen. I've been in two accidents in my life- one was my fault & the other was not. The first one sounds incredibly similar to yours- except that I was 16 and the woman that I hit was crying hysterically about me "ruining the first car that she ever owner". Yes, you heard me right. The WOMAN. The, maybe 45 year old Woman, screaming and crying at me hysterically. How's that for blame?
    My insurance took care of it, I paid $500 and her car (as well as mine) was fixed in no time.
    So, don't feel so bad! It happens.

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  9. I'm glad everyone is OK. Torsten is right, you can't blame yourself. You did everything you could to stop it. But if you really want to play the 'what if' game, you have to play all sides of it to be fair. What if you hadn't have gotten in that minor accident where no one was seriously injured and hadn't been held up? Perhaps there would have been a series of events where a more serious accident could have happened. I'm a firm believer in things happeneing for a reason. And sometimes they seem really crappy, but in the end it will work out. Like here. Everyone is ok. Everyone has or likely will get into some sort of accident one day. And I know you're having to spend money when you need to be saving it, but because you guys were smart, you're not having to spend that much (relatively speaking). So chin up. Things will be ok!

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  10. Super scary. I've been in accidents before and they are just as you described- like you are watching it in slow motion and there is nothing you can do to stop it. I'm glad no one was seriously injured. Try not to beat yourself up! It happens to the best of drivers.

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  11. That is scary. I've had big vehicles in front of me suddenly switch lanes and it's very hard to stop quickly to avoid hitting the car in front of you.

    I'm glad you guys are all OK.

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  12. Don't feel guilty. Mistakes happen.

    I'm glad you and everyone else are ok :)

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  13. I'm glad you're all right. Car accidents are scary.

    As a side note, Nova Scotia just passed a law that says you can feel free to apologize at the scene of an accident without accepting liability for it, which I think is pretty awesome. I've always been surprised that doesn't exist everywhere.

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  14. Oh, honey. This stuff happens. Everyone is okay--that's really, really, really the important part. The guilt is totally natural (I think it's actually a reflex, that plus the imaginings of how much worse it could be--I STILL get on the What If train periodically, for a spectacular but injury-free one-car accident I had FIFTEEN YEARS AGO). The guilt will go away, and so will the shakiness. Good luck with all the logistical hurdles--hopefully not too many. And hugs.

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  15. The most important thing is that everyone is OK.

    You tried to avoid the accident; no one could have stopped fast enough. I've never been in a car accident, but I'm sure it's very scary. I'm sorry that it happened to you.

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  16. Oh Jess, I hate it when something is my fault. ANYTHING! I am so sorry. Five or six years ago I backed into someone (I was pulling out of a parking lot on a hill, had to back up, didn't see anyone behind me in the mirror because the hill was steep). I barely messed up the other lady's bumper, but she was SO angry at me and I felt SO stupid and it was SO awful. On my way home I pulled into an empty school parking lot and bawled for a good 15 minutes. I am so sorry. The my-fault-ness will wear off eventually. And look! You'll have more grace for your future teenagers!

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  17. I'm so sorry this happened to you! As everyone else has said, the most important thing is that everyone is okay. It really is. Everything else can be fixed or replaced or paid for.

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  18. Yowza! That is a scary day! I am so happy to hear that you have good insurance--I can't talk up good insurance enough.

    xox

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  19. That sounds really scary, glad everyone is ok. Sometimes these things just happened, and a whole load of little things just come together to make something big happen. It could have happened to anyone.
    Hope your car gets fixed up ok.

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  20. I have done the exact same thing, only not on a highway. It was a two lane road, and I was at a stoplight, messing with CDs or something. When I glanced up and saw the green light, I was worried I had been holding people up and I just hit the gas, not even noticing that the person in front of me had their left blinker on and was waiting for an opening to turn. Crash. And TOTALLY my fault. It definitely makes you feel really sucky for a few days.

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  21. Glad you're all okay.

    The sad thing about the auto insurance industry, though, is that they tend to take excellent care of their policy holders and drag their feet on paying the bills of the people they hit. (I know from sad, repeated, personal experience.) So, tell them not to do that this time. Heh.

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  22. Wow Jess. I'm just glad everyone is okay. I know accidents like that, of any kind really, can be so scary! Hope you are feeling better today.

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  23. gah, scary. i know EXACTLY that scenario, when the car darts out in front of you leaving a STOPPED CAR in your path? not fun. so glad it was minor and that everyone's mostly ok.

    (i once rear-ended - well, rear-tapped, really - a guy, and even though there was no damage and he OBVIOUSLY was ok, i also kept apologizing. how can you not?? if you hit a stopped car, obviously you feel the need to apologize! i like this nova scotia law...)

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  24. For a very brief blip in my professional history, I worked in auto claims for one of the nation's largest insurers. What I learned there is priceless. From what you just said, you did everything right (other than admitting fault, which you already know). Now, just let the experts do what you pay them to do ... i.e., let your insurer handle the claim (if they're good, they'll make it as painless as possible for the girl); let the auto shops repair your cars and so on. Yes, it's a little inconvenient and a lot unnerving, but as you said, it was relatively minor. I'd still get in a car with you.

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  25. I totally can relate. Last year I accidentally hit a biker. You can read about it here: http://seriouslywonderful.blogspot.com/2008/11/worst-day-ever.html, http://seriouslywonderful.blogspot.com/2008/11/it-could-be-worse.html

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  26. Oh I know I know I know. I'm so glad you were okay.

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  27. Oh, I am so sorry! I am so glad everyone is ok. Don't beat yourself up; that is why it is called an accident. It sucks it happened to you, but it is wonderful everyone is okay.

    Perhaps you will feel better sending a note to the other driver? I was struck by how thoughtful you were regarding not only her well-being, but of her time and her day. I thought, "Man, I wish she knew how much Jess is thinking of her!"

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  28. So glad you are all ok! I agree with what Tess said...you had the "decent human being" response. I had no idea that was bad either.

    And OF COURSE Torsten's not blaming you. He's just glad you are not hurt, woman! Try to be kind to yourself.

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  29. I'm so glad you guys were in your car (not on foot) and that everyone is OK.

    I was in a car accident this Labor Day as a pedestrian. I was crossing the street (in a crosswalk) with my husband and dog, and a car ran a stop sign and hit all of us. He must have been going at least 30 mph, so you can imagine how awful it was. I won't go into it, but I'm just so glad that you guys were protected by your car and that no one has any major injuries. Car accidents are scary.

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  30. Oh wow scary stuff!! So glad that everyone is ok!

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  31. Scary! SO glad you're okay.

    I hate Denver traffic. I think people drive like crap there. But then I'm always a visitor so what do I know.

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  32. I'm glad you're OK! As you may or may not remember, I hit a police car earlier this year (yeah, yeah, yeah, a police car) and my car was totaled, so I know all about the kind of guilt you're experiencing. If I may offer a bit of advice, I'd recommend forgiving yourself. It can only help, promise.

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  33. I'm glad to read that you're ok. Accidents are terrible even the most minor. Don't you wish you get ticket that SUV?

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  34. Oh accidents make you feel just terrible, but that is what they are an accident! That is what insurance is for when we make human errors.

    I also would follow up the don't admit fault at the site, but also apologizing can be considered an admittance of fault so if this ever happens again, which we all hope it never happens again to any of us, don't apologize about the accident. I know it sounds harsh.

    Also, if your full name is associated with this website, I would also consider making this post private to protect yourself.

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  35. Oh, Jess. That sounds so scary and awful, but I am so glad no one was hurt.

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  36. Oh Jess, I'm so sorry! Car accidents are always scary, no matter how minor they are.

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  37. oh ugh, I would imagine the experience would leave me shaking for days.

    It is a weird phenomenon here in Denver/Boulder that traffic frequently will suddenly stop. I have never encountered such a thing in other states, but you'll be whistling down US36 or whatever and suddenly have to slam on your brakes. It's crazy!

    Hope you're okay yourself.

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  38. I am happy you are okay!

    I would feel guilty too, but... at least no one was seriously damaged. And you have decent insurance. Like you said, it could have been much worse!

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  39. Oh, I'm so so sorry. What a giant hassle. Glad everyone made it out okay, though.

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  40. How very scary! I'm so glad that it wasn't more serious, but I understand how shaken you can be anyway.

    I've been in a couple of accidents, all small thankfully. However, the first one was my first year of driving, when I rear-ended another car. I jumped out and blurted that I was sorry and it was all my fault. (I think I was expecting a TV-like situation full of arguments over who was to blame.) The other driver snapped that OF COURSE it was my fault, as she ran to check on her baby. That she was taking out in the car for the first time.

    They were both fine, but I still feel awful when I think of that.

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  41. I'm so sorry and I'm glad everyone is okay. Speaking from personal experience with similar type accidents, even with far less damage than you describe, you really need to delete this post. It very well could come back to bite you in the ass.

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  42. Oh Jess, I'm so glad you're ok! Just remember they call them "accidents" for a reason. Don't beat yourself up over it. Everyone survived with minimal inconveniences and that's all that matters. : )

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  43. Oh, hon, I'm sorry. I have been there (in a very similar circumstance) and can relate to how scary it is. I'm so glad everyone is okay.

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  44. I'm glad you, Torsten and everyone else is okay. Don't beat yourself up too much, we all make mistakes, fortunately it turned out okay.

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  45. Ugh! I came close to doing the same a few months ago and it took me hours to shake that nervous feeling. Glad you're okay.

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  46. Hmm, well on the admitting fault part-it's kind of a non-issue when you've hit someone from behind as they more or less automatically assign fault for that. But in general it's best to keep things brief at the accident site.

    I was in the same accident you described but much worse (2 years ago)-and I was the girl. Except the person behind me hit me at 20 mph, HE was hit even faster and the force of the combined collisions drove me 8 feet into the car in front of me, which was also damaged. It happened in front of the SF airport because I was vacationing in San Francisco that weekend and was on my way home to Los Angeles.

    The two cars that hit me were more or less totalled. The car that hit me had its entire windshield busted and the front part of the car seemed to come off. The damages to my car ended up being within 500 dollars of the value of the car (2005 Honda Civic) but because AAA (my insurer) is cheap as hell they rebuilt it. I didn't have a car for close to two months and even though I paid through the NOSE for insurance, somehow my policy didn't cover rental. And because the crashes were near simultaneous the insurers of the people who crashed into me fought about the fault for the next two years so I didn't even get paid out my deductible costs until late 2008 (unbelievable).

    Oooh, but the moral of the story is buy a Honda-because my accident bent the FRAME of my car and my boyfriend-at-the-time just taped the car up and we drove it down to Los Angeles. Bloody crazy. I will never ever buy anything other than a Honda at this point.

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  47. It's so scary to be in an accident, so I'm really glad this was so minor and that everyone/thing is okay. Don't beat yourself up too much; most people are in an accident at some point.

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  48. 1. I am glad that you and Torsten are alright.

    And 2. and this is the lawyer in me, and if you get sued, your lawyer will thank you...when you pay your ticket, or go to court for it, make sure that your plea includes a civil reservation so that it can't be used as evidence in a trial down the line in case the woman in front of you or the person in front of her decides to sue. And they might, because seriously, all the time.

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  49. I'm so sorry you had an accident. I'm really glad you and all the other parties involved are safe.

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  50. Oh no! I'm so glad everyone is okay! Accidents are the worst.

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  51. So sorry to hear it! That must have been so scary!

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  52. Oh man! That sucks. Fender benders are a pain in the butt and an inconvenience, but I'm so glad it was just something minor like that and everyone's OK. That's the important part, of course.

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