Monday, May 4, 2009

Minor pre-surgery freakout

Today we leave for a week-long trip to visit Torsten's parents in Germany. Other than a party with his family to celebrate our wedding (since most of his relatives couldn't make it to the actual wedding), we don't have much planned other than generally hanging out while we're there. So, the blog will be quieter than usual but I'll still probably be posting occasionally.

When we get back from Germany, it will be three days before my surgery, which means that I have to start my liquid diet on the plane. Here's hoping there will be broth available on the plane. What do we think the odds of that are?

But basically what that means is that I'm done with my former eating habits. I mean, I don't have terrible eating habits to begin with. But I'm a little bit in that "OMG what have I done?" mode. Like will I be able to eat at Jimmy John's again? Or enjoy Torsten's grilled bratwurst on baguette? Lap-band isn't incredibly restrictive about these food choices but if you want it to work you need to make better choices--namely, protein first, and lean protein at that (I wrote about this in more detail over at Not a Diet). So not so much with the carb-heavy sandwiches, and not so much with the greasy bratwurst.

Which is good, because those things aren't good for you. But I didn't eat them all the time. But I liked having the option to eat them sometimes. And I know that I will still have that option, a little bit, occasionally. But I don't really want to avail myself of it.

But it's not just the unhealthy stuff. Things like Cheerios for breakfast are a no-no in favor of scrambled egg substitute and/or lox. And I'm used to thinking that fruit is a freebie--if I'm hungry, I can always eat it, and as much of it as I want. Now I have to stick to three small meals and one protein-heavy snack per day. No grazing, even on healthy foods.

I think it was Mandajuice who said that right before her surgery she treated every meal as if it were her last and went crazy eating all sorts of unhealthy things because she thought she'd never be able to eat food she liked again. And no, I'm not doing that. But I can totally relate to the feeling. Kind of a "Oh my god what have I done is this really about to happen and wait, will I ever eat mac and cheese again?" Even though I hardly eat mac and cheese to begin with, and I know that I can still eat somewhat "normally" post-surgery, it's still like, "Wait, is this for real? Grilled chicken breast for dinner from now until eternity?"

I'm not going to go nuts and stuff my face with all sorts of unhealthy crap in my last week of unrestricted eating. To be honest, my eating has been restricted for a very long time as I have attempted to lose this weight on one diet after another. So nothing is really changing except that this time the restriction will work and it won't be as mentally exhausting.

And I'm not regretting my choice to have the surgery at all, $10,000 price tag notwithstanding. I know this is the right thing for me and I'm really looking forward to starting down this road. I know that the first month or so will likely be sucky, but it will all be worth it ultimately.

But still, at the airport today I think I'm definitely going to buy some gummi bears for the plane.

24 comments:

  1. I think you should have a marvelous time in Germany. Use it as a time to celebrate your nuptials with Torsten. Use it as a chance to get to know his family even better than you already do. Use it as a chance to unwind. And when you return, you'll be ready for your surgery. And here's a thought that might not have occurred to you. With your new lap band, you might not crave food in the same way you do now. Try not to let those thoughts overwhelm what should otherwise be a really fabulous vacation!

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  2. I was the same way before jaw surgery with crunchy and chewy foods that I knew I wouldn't be able to eat for up to a year afterward. I say don't go crazy but eat whatever you want, and savor it. Thing is, after the surgery everything I ate was such a pain (and I was in so much pain) that eating that junk wasn't even really all that appealing. Have fun in Germany and you can deal with this when you get back!

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  3. It really is weird to think of it! Like, now, if you wanted to, you COULD have a huge binge and then go back to straight and narrow. But after the surgery---no. Very odd.

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  4. Jess!

    I should follow your blog more regularly-- then I would have been on top of this news sooner... but just wanted to say have a great trip to Germany! And good luck with the lap-band.... my mom had her lap-band surgery in August 2007, so I know lots about the day to day post band life if you want to chat about it sometime.

    Much love,
    your little sib

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  5. I can't believe you're having the surgery already! They scheduled that so quick! I think a minor little freakout is totally normal, but you've got the right attitude about it.

    Have a great trip!

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  6. You seem very prepared for this (not that I'm surprised — you were born prepared!), Jess, and I think the things you are sharing are very normal. I'm pretty impressed that you got a date so soon, to be honest.

    Enjoy those gummi bears and have a fabulous time in Germany.

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  7. I think all dieters think like you are- the whole 'I'm starting my healthy eating next week, so I gotta get what I can this week." It IS kind of scary, but I think you'll do great. And once you start losing weight, you'll be even more motivated!

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  8. Take some boillion cubes for the flight. (Or are they allowed? It's been so long since I've flown, I'm completely ignorant of ALL those travel rules!)

    Enjoy your trip to Germany!

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  9. oh man, your self-restraint is admirable. i would not be able to stop myself from going nuts w/all the german foods available to me, especially knowing i was going to be extra-restricted when i got back. this is why dieting never works for me, obviously... there's always a caveat, or a "one more before i'm not allowed any more" so that i can convince myself to never actually stick with it ;-P

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  10. Have so much fun in Germany! Deep breaths if you need them. :)

    As far as the surgery goes, I can totally see the tendency to want to eat everything! now! At least I bet that's what I would do. But you sound very prepared and focused on the end goal, which is of course amazing. I have complete confidence you are going to handle this all with style and grace.

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  11. You are amazing. Absolutely amazing.

    Have a blast in Germany!

    Lots of love,
    xox

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  12. That's a tough line to walk. I used to feel a bit like that every time I went on a diet (something I no longer do). You want to indulge if it feels like you won't be able to for a while, but you also know you're negating what you'll be doing with the dieting (or surgery) by indulging beforehand.

    I think you've found your happy medium. Certainly better than I ever did!

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  13. Well, you HAVE to have something to help your ears pop!

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  14. They'll have water on the plane, so I guess you could take those little dried broth cubes. Also, I would totally have a warm brownie topped with ice cream and hot fudge at least ONCE this week. Wait, does melted ice cream count as a liquid? How about hot fudge? Milkshakes? I'd totally fail the liquid diet thing. I'd be pureeing Heath bars and shit like that. :) Have a great trip!!!

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  15. Have fun in Germany and try to rest easy.

    I think it is legit to have a mini-freakout. This is a big change, even if it is a small change. Does that make sense?

    Regardless, I am thinking of you!

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  16. When life hands you lemons, grab some tequila and salt and be happy! I hope you will use this as an opportunity to better your eating habits for good...

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  17. Have a wonderful trip!

    I also think a bit of a small freak out is totally normal, and would probably be worried if had no concerns.

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  18. I would take some bullion with you on the plane if I were you.

    I have had much of the same feelings during pregnancy as you have now - namely, once I give birth my metabolism will return to normal manageable levels and I will have a lot of weight to lose - therefore, my eating needs to shape up. My first pregnancy I reacted by eating a lot of junk at the end. This pregnancy, because I know it's a mental challenge, I have been trying to eat as sensibly as possible, more in line with what I think I will do post-partum. I think the second way is easier, to tell you the truth - there was nothing satisfying after I ate the junk anyway.

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  19. This is how I feel about being gluten free, which isn't really a choice. But the restrictions make me resentful to be sure.

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  20. I tend to go on a binge right before I decide to go on a diet so I know how you are feeling. But after you get the surgery you will be so excited that you are on the path towards a healthy weight that I bet it won't be too bad. :-)

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  21. I would feel really nervous too. But I have a bad history with emotional overeating! I know if I did something like that it would be very hard for me to cut back on certain foods. I know you can do it though Jess! You are prepared!

    Have a great time in Germany!

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  22. It's hard not to freak out about the future when you're about to embark on something you don't know what the outcome will be. Just remember that when the time comes for the surgery you probably won't be worrying about these things. Our minds like to go into overdrive...

    Have a fab time in Germany!

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  23. Have a wonderful time in Germany! And I think most people can understand where you are coming from. I think we'd all be tempted to binge and freak out just a little bit :) You are doing great!

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  24. You've put so much consideration into this decision. I know you'll thrive in your post-surgery life!

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