So, yesterday I made my first Denver friend! I think. I met the lovely Jeni for a last-minute lunch, and enjoyed myself thoroughly. She was fun (and gorgeous) and the conversation was fluid and interesting. I haven't been reading her blog for long, so I wasn't totally sure what to expect (though of course I liked what I had read), but it turns out that we have a lot in common. She had a good time too. I think.
Am I the only person who struggles with "friend dates"? Like, when I met pseudostoops and Nilsa almost a year ago, I had a great time, and I still walked away being like, Oh god, they hated me. I suck. And of course that wasn't the case at all and we are all three still friends. (Speaking of which, you two? I think a trip to Denver is in order, STAT.)
And the same thing happened when I met Alice. And again, totally off-base and we stayed friends, and she even hosted my bloggy bridal shower.
So what is it? Some sort of deep-rooted insecurity? Fear that people will judge me by my weight? Worry that my blog is cooler than I am? Not trusting what people say because really, what else could they say? (Imagine the following. Me: This was great! We should do it again soon. Her: Actually... I'm not really feeling it. Sorry.)
I think really the problem is that friendship is so murky. The above conversation could totally happen with someone you were saying as a potential romantic partner. But with friends, it's not so cut and dry. So if I tell Jeni I had a great time, unless she's really callous she pretty much has to say it back whether she means it or not. Right?
In any case, I DID have a great time and I shall choose to believe her when she says she did too. All part of being grown up and self-possessed, right? That's the thought, anyway.
In other news, I have a post up at Not a Diet about the different types of exercise I want to get involved with here in Denver so that I don't get bored and stop exercising full stop. So far I've been doing well, mostly with the walking, but this weekend I'm going to hit the gym and look into volleyball and swimming possibilities in the area. It should be a good weekend. I hope it's a great one for you guys too!
New Recipe: Greek Penne Pasta
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This recipe sounded delicious to me when I came across it, and it turned
out that it was. Also, I've reached the point with cooking where I can make
a few ...
14 years ago
Trip to Denver = dreamy! Sweets and I would love to come see you and I'm pretty sure SoMi would love to meet your pup (to be named at a later date)!
ReplyDeleteI've had the opportunity to meet other bloggers on a number of occasions. And the thing with meeting other bloggers (kind of like going on a date for the first time after finding one another online) is *some* people are more comfortable in an online world than in the physical world. And many bloggers are more adventurous on their blogs than they are in real life. And there are certain things we feel comfortable exploring on our blogs that we'd never discuss the first time we meet someone in real life. And there are surely a host of other things that make meeting bloggers in real life ... scary!
But, like when we met, I'm quite sure you did fine. What's not to love about you? Yay for making new friends!
Hi! I'm leaving to go snowboarding in one minute but I stopped to check your blog first. :) I had a wonderful time and we are totes doing it again. Yes I totes.
ReplyDeleteBUT I totally get what you're saying. I think it's hard to make new friends as you get older. People are more established, they have their ways, and sometimes it's hard to know what those are. And maybe as we get older we become more picky about our friends too, and that can be intimidating. Not like in high school when you just hang out with whoever will have you. Or was that just me? ;)
Anyway, I must go but you are spot on once again. We'll talk soon.
Friend dates are HARD! Probably because women tend to judge each other, or we think that are going to. lol
ReplyDeleteI still have insecurities about friends I've had for YEARS. I'll think - they're mad at me! they hate me! they think I'm annoying!
Normal, but oh-so annoying!
If you felt confident enough to blog about it - then I think you'll have good instincts on how things go. In the first meeting - all you can tell is how that moment went. Time will tell if things progress! :)
ReplyDeleteMeeting friends and meeting dates are very similar!
Oh man, I always walk away from meeting new people over analyzing everything I said and thinking, "Well, that was probably a weird thing to say. Now they think I'm weird." I'm getting better about it, but still . . . I wish I didn't do it at all.
ReplyDeleteApril 10-12, I'm there, baby. It's booked.
ReplyDeleteBut yeah, I suck at friend dates too. They make me antsy and insecure.
Meeting bloggy friends is always strange, like an internet date, but my experiences so far have always been totally awesome. So either I'm really lucky or bloggers really are as great as they seem in print.
ReplyDeleteI haven't commented often, but I wanted to let you know that you are having normal feelings - well, at least normal in the sense that I have them too. :) We just moved to a new city a little over six months ago and I have a LOT of the same thoughts. Plus, I'm working from home too and don't have the option to make friends at an office - so I'll be curious as to any ideas you have. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteI have the same problem - in fact, the "asking" out for "dates" is the worst part, I just can't seem to figure out how to do it with a friend (with a prospective boyfriend it's easier).
ReplyDeleteI think we always underestimate our appeal to others. You are great, so enjoy!
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you mean about new friends. We recently went out on a couples date with a couple who we have hung out with - because our kids are friends. Inviting them out without the kids felt like it might be crossing a line, but they said yes and we had a blast!
ReplyDeleteHmm. Blogger said I posted a duplicate comment, but my original isn't here. Oh well. At the risk of it showing up and me being repetitive, I'll just say I think it's totally normal to be insecure about that, but it's also probably totally unwarranted in this case. :-)
ReplyDeleteSomehow I'm much, much better at not worrying if someone liked me after a platonic blind date than I am after a date date. That being said, the first time I met someone who had read my blog, but not met me, I felt tremendous pressure to be interesting.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you were completely likeable!
I am excited that there are other bloggers in Denver still to meet, including you! :)
ReplyDeleteI've definitely gotten better at whole meet-in-person, thing. When I met my first blogger it was totally weird, but now it's just part of the deal...
And the thing with meeting bloggers is that even if you don't have a ton in common with that person, but at least you both know what it's like to put your life out there on the internet, so there's always that!
But I'm the type of person who can always find a commonality :)
And, I am dying to know where you guys ended up moving! I read your other post and if you need hikes and things like that, I know tons of good places!
Hello,
ReplyDeleteI found you through Jeni's blog and I thought I would say hello and welcome to Denver. I am glad to hear you like it here. I am a native and love it.
I also wanted to comment on your post because I have been there too. I think making friends is hard because as adults there is so much more for people to judge us on. As a former teacher I have seen it first hand with the little guys; it is so much easier to be friends. You have the same fruit roll-up in your lunch today? We can be friends. You don't want to play this game at recess? No problem, we can play tomorrow.
But as adults there is always that fear, the fear of judgment. I don't know how to get away from it, but if you figure it out let me know!
So not alone in this. I have lived in Dallas for 3 years and I've just started really making friends with people I didn't know before I moved here.
ReplyDeleteI worry every time I meet bloggers in person that I will be too fat for them to like.
ReplyDeleteI hate that I think like that.
I think most people get a bit nervous when trying to make new friends. It's natural. And I'm certain you're very likable in person!
I have that too! And they say they had a good time, but did they, and do they mean it, and did you come off as weird and desperate and..
ReplyDeleteyeah.
It's funny, maybe because I have met so many friends (and my husband) through various internet things, I'm not especially nervous to meet new bloggers. Though when I'm meeting someone on whom I've had a longtime blog crush (like when I met Leah and Simon a few years ago, or when I met Adina from Crazy Asian in Philly), I get butterflies in my tummy!
ReplyDeleteI am so looking forward to having lunch with you next week. I love meeting new people and love to share suggestions about this city.
Making new friends in a new city can be tough, especially when you work at home so don't have a group of people you're around all the time. You might consider joining a group that does something you're interested in. When I first moved here I got involved in the local Burning Man scene and made some good friends through that.
I feel exactly the same way whenever I meet a new friend. It's worse than dating! I'm so self-conscious and immediately thinking, SMOOTH MOVE or, YEAH GOOD ONE and undermining my own confidence. I always feel like a doof. And I think that comes across, and truthfully, I don't think women are as forgiving of doofiness as men.
ReplyDeleteAh, well.
Well looking back, this weekend was actually crap for me and the LG since she ended up in the hospital in MB to the tune of $2700usd which we are totally not prepared for...
ReplyDeleteI hear you about friends though. It was the same way when I moved to WA after we first got married. It took months and months until I met somebody my age and we clicked immediately (whether because we really clicked or because are circumstances were similar, I don't know). She was also a newlywed and a Canadian transplant - what are the odds? I remember going home after our first 'date' and crying I was so excited that I had finally found a friend!