Thursday, October 16, 2008

Married Life

Now that the wedding is almost here, I'm starting to think beyond it more and more. And not just in the big picture stuff, although of course it's fun to think about a house and a dog and a baby and all that. But also just in terms of day to day life.

I think I've done a good job of not letting wedding plan take over my life. Things have been getting done, but for the most part I've just solidly been doing them one at a time. There has still been time for sleeping in and relaxing and going out and all the rest.

However, it is definitely true that wedding planning has provided sort of a built-in hobby. At loose ends one day? Why don't you make some escort cards? Bored waiting for your fiance to come home from work? Try folding programs! Feeling restless? Go on TripAdvisor and read the latest reviews about your honeymoon resort!

In a way it's kind of like being in college again and knowing you have a paper due in a few weeks--you know that you can do it later, and most likely you will, but you always feel that vague sense that it would be a good idea to get some of it out of the way now. Except that planning a wedding is much more fun than writing a paper and therefore I am much more likely to actually start on stuff ahead of time.

But after the wedding, once we're back from the honeymoon... well, then what? Will there be some sort of letdown that it's all over, or will it be a huge relief to go back to the way things were before? And I'm not talking about the way it will feel to be married to each other--although I'm definitely interested in that, too. No, I'm talking about actual ways time passes. I have grown so used to doing wedding stuff all the time, or at least thinking about it when I'm not doing it, and reading wedding magazines and reviewing wedding checklists and all the rest. When that's suddenly gone, will the rest of the stuff going on in our lives just sort of naturally fill in that space? Or will it feel like a gaping hole?

It's not that I'm worried that we'll be bored with each other, at all, because I can't fathom that ever happening. I'm just wondering what it will be like to go from having this one giant wedding planning hobby (if you can really call it a hobby) to... well, not. As though suddenly I couldn't cook anymore, or read, or do any of the other things that I like to do when I have some free time.

What do you think? If you're married, was there a post-wedding letdown? And for all of you, what do you do when you have free time?

44 comments:

  1. I didn't go through a post-wedding let down. When we got back from the honeymoon, it was kind of like we had this new project: learning how to be married. It was exciting and wonderful and I wasn't sad for even one tiny minute. Besides, with all of the other things you have in the works? You'll always have more projects/hobbies to do.

    (Also, I'm going to see you in like TWO WEEKS.)

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  2. No post wedding letdown. Granted our wedding wasn't as elaborate as yours, but it was kind of nice to not have that work to do anymore.

    We could just spend time enjoying each other, and doing the things we've always liked to do.

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  3. You could fill the void with more blog posts-we want to be as supportive of your excess spare time as we can! :P

    I was pretty happy to relax and get back to daily life after the wedding. Free time-what a novelty!

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  4. Oh and dont forget, if you decide to change names, you have a heap of paperwork and visiting places to do after the wedding. I got a little rush every time I got something changed to my married name or got to use "mrs" instead of "miss"!

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  5. I didn't feel a post-wedding letdown at all -- I did feel a post-honeymoon letdown, as I had the most amazingly long, relaxing honeymoon I could have possibly imagined. That was hard.

    But beyond that, it was such a pleasure to have our free time back again. We did nothing for entire weeks at a time, watching movies and reading and cooking and enjoying each other. And being married was a new thrill that didn't get old for a long, long time. It feels different, and it's a lot of fun.

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  6. Free time is hard to come by these days. But I read, cook and if I have a streach of time paint.Or just watch bad tv.

    Now my free time is going to be planning our wedding as we just got engaged. Maybe you can offer some much needed tips.

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  7. the most encouraging thing i heard from a married friend was when i asked her "so how's married life?" and she replied, "the exact same."

    you and torsten will go back to old routines you had before the wedding planning and it will feel normal in no time :)

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  8. Well, even though you'll have some downtime after the wedding it probably won't be long before something else pops up. When we moved, I spent a lot of time on house related things. Now that we're moved and settled in we're working on dog adoption planning =).

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  9. I didn't have any post-wedding blues; I was relieved to have all of it over with. I was just done with planning and answering questions and nitpicking, you know? There was an odd sense of "I should be doing something now," but that passed quickly because we immediately started house-hunting. Oh, good, DIFFERENT stress! That was quite the year.

    In my free time, I try to read as much I can, but I wish I had time to bake more often.

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  10. We kept getting gifts for a long time so I remember feeling like the "wedding" was still going on for several weeks. It was odd when I stopped having to go to the apartment's leasing office to pick up my UPS packages. That, and putting the candid photos in albums and stuff, kept me busy for some time.

    And then we got into making dinner together, and watching our shows/movies, and like someone else said, the hobby changed to "looking at realty sites and houses" and then once we moved, painting rooms and installing blinds... it all just continues and is fun, fun, fun. :)

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  11. No post wedding let down. It was a relief. You plan for something you waited your whole life for--to meet mr. right and then you finally get to marry him. It was like everything after the wedding was just bliss..or at least for me.

    I fill my free time with family and friends, and then running after my two little ones and doing fun stuff with my hubby.

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  12. Gods...we were so glad to be done with the wedding, the hassle, and the day that there was no "let-down", it was more of a "let-up" by then. We were pretty happy to go back to some semblence of normality and privacy.

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  13. Being married to my husband didn't feel any different than just living with him. It was just like we went on a vacation, changed our legal status, came back home to our jobs and routine and that was that.

    But I never really put a whole lot of stock in the 'being married' thing. I see it as a legal contract. Our relationship and love and building a life together has really nothing to do with the legal contract. The legal contract has to do with practicalities.

    But I know already that your philosophy differs from mine. I think you guys will transition smoothly and there won't be any let down. As for free time? Hon, once you have kids, it becomes a thing of the past (or simply filled with sleep.)

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  14. It is a little weird to suddenly have all this free time again, especially at work. Wedding planning kept me occupied when things got slow or when T was working late. Now it is a little strange to not feel that pressure to plan.

    Married life isn't too much different, especially once we both fell back into our normal, everyday routines.

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  15. I had a little bit of post-wedding let down. I cured it by keeping up with all the wedding related web sites and blogs that I read before the wedding. Even though I'm married I still love weddings! We had a lot to look forward to so that also helped (new family members being born, weekend getaways, showers, parties, getting our pro pics back, getting our wedding video, etc.). Even though we were married 5 months ago sometimes I still can't believe we're married. It's all very surreal.

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  16. I didn't have any post-wedding letdown. It was nice to have my free time in the evenings back! Plus it was nice to look forward to getting our photos. (I'm still scrapbooking our wedding a year later. I'm almost done though, really.)

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  17. well as you've read - I had a bit of a letdown when we got back from our honeymoon, but I think it's just cause I went into it thinking things would be "different". Not sure what I exactly thought would be different, but after realizing life is pretty much the same, but a lot less busy and more time to do whatever it is you guys want to do, I calmed down and feel a lot more normal now. It'll be great, don't worry! You had a life before and you'll have a life after :)

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  18. The day AFTER the wedding was the only day I was sad- and I think it was because I was saying goodbye to everyone- all my family and friends. The reception was so much fun and everyone I loved was there ... I didn't want it to end.

    But I threw my wedding binder away the next Monday. No more deadlines, no more pressure. I was FREE and I was very happy about that!!!

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  19. I finished almost all of my DIY items a month before the wedding – and when those little projects were all done I had a couple days of feeling really wiped out and down, but then as the wedding was still a ways away I was able to get excited about it again on another level.

    After the wedding, I didn’t have any post-wedding withdrawal. I was just really happy and relieved to ease off planning and to just enjoy life as a married couple! The past couple weeks have been really great, I wouldn’t brace for impact at all – give yourself other projects to work on and you’ll be golden!

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  20. I agree with almost everyone here - no letdown, just absolute joy to have my life back! Besides, you still have lots of stuff to do after - thank you notes, organizing photos, telling everyone you've ever met about the wedding/honeymoon, organizing all of the new things you got as gifts.

    We also moved cross country 3 weeks after our wedding, so we were busy. But after that we just enjoyed lots of down time. We have watched several TV series online, cooked together, had silly times wandering Target, house hunting, playing Wii....there are lots of things you'll find to zap up your time.

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  21. I forgot! I gave you some bloggy love this morning = )

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  22. I worry that I would have a let down after a wedding because I tend to get really hyped up by big events then have a low period after. Not healthy but has been my track record.

    I'd maybe take a class with my partner after the honeymoon. To keep learning about each other and share something together.

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  23. I totally had the post-wedding letdown. I had so much fun planning, and the day itself was so fantastic that I was pretty sad when it was over. I mean, happy to be married, but still!

    I tackled all sorts of stuff around the house - we'd just started living together, so there was that. Then I started getting pretty domestic, learning to cook and decorate and all that.

    Life fills in all the gaps eventually... but it won't hurt to have some idea of things you'd like to try, just in case. :)

    Have fun in these last weeks!!

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  24. free time is what my dvr is for. :-)

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  25. I had a small amount of post wedding let down. I was just bored, but you eventually fill in the gaps with other stuff that happens. It all works out.
    I don't even know you but I thought about you yesterday when my newest magazine came in from Pottery Barn (yes I know not everyone is a fan)..but almost every page had something Purple! The linens, the bedding, the dishes...all this beautiful deep wisteria colored purple. You would LOVE it!

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  26. For me, it was a relief. But I have plenty of friends who did not know what to do with themselves after the wedding!

    You can do the pregnant thing. Something to occupy your mind AND good blog fodder!

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  27. I did have a post-wedding let down. We were engaged for less than 9 months before our wedding and I've wished that we would have had a longer engagement so that we could have just enjoyed "being engaged" rather than the non-stop planning squeezed into a short amount of time. Regardless, I loved planning the wedding and it was sad to let that go!

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  28. Oh my god, I was thrilled. We could finally do fun stuff with our weekends again, instead of wedding planning.

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  29. No post-wedding blues here, although I do miss the excuse to be "crafty." But only occasionally. Mostly, I enjoy that I can sit on the couch and watch 4 hours of John & Kate + 8 while Ryan is playing WoW. God, we are totally lame! I swear that's not a regular occurence at our house!

    I do love all the free time, though. It kind of fills itself up.

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  30. I totally had post-wedding blahs. We didn't go on a honeymoon (until I was 5 months preganant and we'd been married for 3 years!), so it was the build up and the awesome fantastic party, and then we left our family and friends to move to Seattle.

    It was kind of exciting that we were moving - we had never lived together before we were married (not even in the same STATE) - but I wanted the party with all our family and friends that we don't see often to just stretch over weeks.

    I busied myself with thank you notes!

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  31. In terms of day to day life with my husband it didn't change. I felt more secure but that is about it.

    I didn't think I would have post wedding blahs but I did and they lasted for a few weeks, I believe. It wasn't that I missed the planning but more that I felt like, Now what? What is my life now?

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  32. It wasn't so much a letdown as it was just an astonishing amount of free time -- and this is from a bride who had a low-key wedding in the parents' backyard.

    We caught up on movies and books and spent a lot of time hanging out with other friends, mostly newly married couples like us. One of those couples dabbled in film, so we actually made several short movies together. It was a great time.

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  33. i felt a bit of post-wedding letdown. i really enjoyed the planning and the whole being the bride thing. however, i was so ready to start being married. i love it. we like to just chill and watch tv, or play board games or the wii together. we're dorks like that. :)

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  34. We didn't have a letdown. We looked at it as a time to finally relax after all the craziness. Of course, we took our honeymoon later though.

    We actually started doing a lot of house projects together during that time. I look back at it with fond memories.

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  35. I DEFINITELY had a post-wedding letdown. Planning took up my whole existance, and now there was nothing *sob!* to look forward to.

    But gradually, things went back to normal. And then I started with the baby fever. And believe me, once you have a baby, there is NO post-pregnancy letdown.

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  36. It wasn't let down, it was more of "lets just relax and enjoy things." We went out after work, we were busy, busy, busy on the weekends with friends or day trips or what not. We filled our time with eachother and it was wonderful. Its a good time to look forward too.

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  37. What about thank yous and scrapbooking? That'll be a lot of hobby for you.

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  38. When I have free time I go to the gym, or write chapters for my romance novel.

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  39. Hmm, I liked having my time back after the wedding. All my bridal weight loss was literally due to not having time to eat but I wasn't complaining.

    I am one of those people who feels marriage changes everything. At this point of my life it is the best and most underrated experience I have had. I know that sounds obnoxious...gag, sorry.

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  40. HEY.

    just wondering about the name of your blog...

    http://www.lulusaysit.com/

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  41. when i have free time I read, listen to music, reflect and walk. i like thinking about possible blogging topics. i takes a while before a topic becomes good enough to put down on paper.

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  42. There was no let-down, but then I thought things should be Changed Now, right? Only things were pretty much the same. I was annoyed at K for a while. Some of my friends say the same thing happened to them.

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  43. There was definitely a post-wedding let-down, but it didn't happen for several months after the wedding...probably because we were too busy dealing with immigration and work permits and moving and settling and me being homesick. :)

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