Friday, August 1, 2008

Three months

So, now that it's August, our wedding is exactly three months away. And can I just say that I'm starting to feel the pinch? For the most part I'm calm and relaxed about things, but we're at that point now where every weekend contains multiple wedding tasks, and some weeknights, too.

A whole bunch of my friends have moved since we sent the dates, or might move in the next month, which makes addressing invitations difficult. Not that the invitations are assembled yet, or even printed for that matter, and yes we do have to send them out this month.

I bought the ribbon for the cake, but I still have to send it to the baker, along with the topper and the photo of the design. I picked out the candles that I want for the centerpieces, but I'm holding off on ordering them until I get a confirmation from the venue that open flames are allowed, and even though I sent an email about that on Monday, I have yet to hear back. And once I have the candles ordered, I still have to figure out what in the hell we're going to do about holders for them.

We haven't ordered the tux yet, or even picked a style. We keep meaning to just suck it up and go to Men's Wearhouse, but as of yet it hasn't happened. But I swear, this weekend is the weekend. We are really going this time, damn it. And we also have to find the perfect purple tie for Torsten and the groomsmen--purple, but still classy and not outrageous. Let's just hope that such a thing exists.

We haven't written our vows yet, or the ceremony. I've had the packet that our officiant gave us to help us get started sitting on the coffee table for over a month, just waiting for us to pick it up and have at it. We haven't picked a reading yet. We still haven't figured out if any of our friends can sing well enough to perform during the ceremony.

I was going to name the tables after different shades of purple, but now it's looking like there are going to be more guests than initially expected (which: double-edged sword, because increased cost on the one hand, but the fact that people we care about will be in attendance on the other hand), which means more tables than I was thinking, and I've run out of ideas for shades of purple, plus the idea of making table cards is stressful to me. Now I'm thinking about going with table numbers instead of names and buying house numbers at Home Depot or somewhere. That would look cool AND be simple.

We still haven't arranged the rehearsal dinner. I know I need to call the restaurant, but I'm really dreading it because I'm sure it's going to be a hellish conversation. We're doing it at a little hole-in-the-wall Thai restaurant where none of the employees speaks English, they have probably never even heard of a rehearsal dinner, and trying to figure out if they can give us a fixed-price family-style meal instead of serving us a la carte is going to be impossible.

Speaking of meals, we're thinking of having some sort of post-wedding brunch, but I don't know how to set it up. Where will we do it? Who will we invite? We can't afford to pay for it, so how do we invite people to it while politely expressing that everyone will be paying their own way? How do we know in advance how many people will be attending? How do we make reservations? Do we invite every single wedding guest? If not, how do we keep people from being offended?

The little to-do list on The Knot is starting to show lots of items with exclamation points next to them, indicating that it thinks we should have done them already. Most of them are things that are nearly done, or that we're in the process of doing, and also I've already checked a lot of things off the list that The Knot didn't have scheduled for another month, but still: the sight of all those little exclamation points is driving me a little batty. Even though they're purple.

Things that we're thinking of skipping altogether: Programs. Pew decorations. Menu cards. Any kind of unity ritual during the ceremony. Out of town bags.

Things we're definitely skipping altogether: Bouquet toss. Garter toss. Videographer. Limo. Receiving line. Bridal portraits. Freezing the top tier of our cake. Calligraphy. Ring bearer. Flower girl.

Except that suddenly I've decided I want an aisle strewn with petals, and how to arrange that except by having someone walk ahead of me, scattering them? DAMN IT. It just never ends.

On the plus side, we recently received our first gift, which was fun! And it forced me to pick out and order our thank-you notes. I love them, even though they don't actually say "thank you" on them (they're just blank). But aren't they beautiful?

Just looking at the pretty tulips is soothing, I think. It's another item crossed off the to-do list, and a helpful reminder: one thing at a time. Eventually it WILL all get done.

44 comments:

  1. Fuckity fuck fuck FUCK! Whenever you do a wedding post, you remind me how much we have left to do. Only our wedding is a few weeks before yours. FUCK!

    Funny enough, I did a wedding post today, too. We're on invitation lock-down this week until we get them done.

    By the way, LOVE your thank you cards.

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  2. Wait, why aren't you going to freeze the top tier of your cake?
    I mean granted I can't wait until next month when I finally get to take that monstrosity out if my freezer and actually have a freezer again, but I also can't wait to eat that cake! :)

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  3. It sounds like you're getting tons of stuff done! No worries, I am sure you will be just fine, judging by the beautiful thank you notes you've picked out.

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  4. Re: Wedding brunch, often those simply include immediate family and wedding party and out of town guests.
    You could simply include a note with the invite indicating that you will be "going for brunch" the next day, and if they would like to join they're welcome to.

    Re: rehearsal dinner- I would recommend having that meeting in person. Might make the communication easier. And it's harder to say no to your requests if you're right in front of them.

    Good luck!

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  5. As for the post wedding day brunch a lot of people will do something at the hotel where the guests are staying if they have a breakfast buffet or someting. They will just say that the bride and groom will be in attendance and would love to see you there. blah blah blah.

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  6. Its not easy to plan is it?! Two days before our wedding I broke down in tears over all the stuff that was left to do.... but on the day it all worked out and I had a great time.
    You'll be fine :)

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  7. We too skipped the garter toss - I think it's SO tacky. We didn't have a limo either. Or a videographer. Or a flower girl. Or bridal portraits. Or a ring bearer.

    We did have a receiving line and we did freeze the top of our cake.

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  8. Make it easy for yourself: Go with table numbers (people like them anyway since they're in an order and it makes it easier to find their tables); when checking with your venue to see if they allow colored candles if you're using their linens (some places do not!); do double check to make sure your candles are long burning so they don't pool very quickly (this is a significant problem with candles from IKEA); for the brunch it's best if you do the invite casually and just tell people that they are welcome to make a reservation at such and such a restaurant and they will try and seat the group together there; skip everything you're thinking of skipping, and if you're hemming and hawing do programs if your ceremony is going to deviate from the normal format; the petal thing is easy, your florist will scatter the petals beforehand and block off the aisle with ribbon, guests will enter their seats from the side aisles (this is SUPER common).

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  9. Breath, honey, breath, everything will fall into place, I promise! And hey, I know we have never met, but I live right down the road in McLean and could totally lend a hand with table numbers, programs, etc... Seriously :)
    For the brunch, do you have a hotel that everyone is staying at? Perhaps they could throw in a discounted brunch for you?

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  10. AHHHHH
    Okay, i have 30 DAYS and now i'm freaking out about all the stupid stuff I have to do......
    It'll be fine, you have plenty of time, plenty of supporters and a good hold on what needs to be done! Don't stress... leave that for October!

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  11. Re: Brunch. I think you should outsource the invite, have someone in your wedding party organize it, that makes it seem more casual, etc. It also lets you take something off your plate.

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  12. I LOVE your idea about naming the tables after purple colors.

    I think you HAVE to do this and I will help:

    Violet, Lavender, Orchid, Heliotrope, Mulberry, Pansy, Eggplant, Amethyst, Lilac, Thistle, Wisteria, Plum, Concord, Tulip

    What do you think? Is that enough?

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  13. I also like the Purple names table system - what about using their German equivalents on some?

    No matter how well-prepared you are, there are always tonnes of last-minute things to be done for a wedding. They always get done, so no need to stress!

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  14. The thank you cards are lovely!

    Regarding your desire to walk down a petal strewn aisle: why not have petals strewn on the aisle before any of your walk down. The only problem is if would prefer that only you walk down the petalled aisle.

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  15. Wow - 3 months! Don't worry. All the important things will get done, and if some things get overlooked no one will notice AND you'll still be married.

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  16. LOVE the thank-you cards. Everything will get done and you'll have a wonderful day.

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  17. Lurker here. It's a tradition in our family (and my friends - so maybe it's an Iowa thing?) that the brunch is usually held at someone's house the next day. Generally it's at the bride's parents or the couple's house. Usually it's just the wedding party, close family and out of town guests, although by that time most out of towners have fled. We also watch the bride & groom open their gifts there. But the food is usually just either leftovers from the wedding or simple breakfast casseroles, muffins, fruit, juice, coffee, etc. Pretty casual.

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  18. Take a deep breath.

    IT will be okay. I am all for skipping what you want to skip amd just look forard and focue on the things that are important.

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  19. One idea instead of shades of purple you can name your tables after purple flowers.

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  20. Maybe I should read the whole message before posting :) Some weddings I have been to, the bride & groom have left homemade chocolate chip cookies in the hotel rooms for the out-of-town guests. I always thought that was a nice idea (of course I LURVE me some chocochip cookies so I may be baised). You can also have the petals on the aisle before the guests even arrive. Someone can do that while pictures are being taken. Good luck!

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  21. You seem so on top of everything, it will all get done. We skipped programs, garter toss, bouquet toss, and probably some of the other stuff on your list too. You just can't do it all. Do what you absolutely care about and you'll have a great time. :)

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  22. I was going to comment with similar advice as Princess of the Universe. We just spread the info via word of mouth that we were going to be getting together the next morning. And I think if you phrase it like "we are going out for brunch - you are welcome to join us" then people will know that you aren't paying, and they won't be offended. I think most people would be happy that they could have another chance to see you.

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  23. Why aren't you freezing the top tier? That's such a lovely/yummy treat to celebrate with a year later. :)

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  24. i know the knot is being helpful w/the exclamation points, but it would probably make me stabby.

    uh, of course, nearly EVERYTHING is making me stabby right now, soo...

    i've always sort of wondered why weddings always have programs. unless there's extra info in them (like words to a hymn everyone's going to sing, or something) it just seems... extra. and then i feel bad throwing it away.

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  25. The only think on your list of things to skip that I think is nice is programs. I always like to see the names of the bridesmaids and groomsmen and to know what their relationships to the bride and groom are. But it's not a big deal. We skipped everything else on your list, and no one cared, including me. Oh, we did have a flower girl and ring bearer, but they were H's godchildren. And the flower girl didn't actually throw petals.

    You could always have an usher scatter the petals before you walk down the aisle. It would probably be a lot prettier than what the aisle would look like if a little girl threw clumps of petals for you. =)

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  26. I am surprised that a few people are recommending you freeze the tier of your wedding cake! Instead of doing that, on our first anniversary we went to the same bakery and bought two pieces of fresh new cake. It was great.

    Of course, you can freeze your tier if you want to, but then it takes up so much freezer space for a whole year. Why am I trying to influence you? Do whatever you want!

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  27. This makes me feel like I dodged a bullet, getting married on the beach with less than 10 people present.

    I can feel your anxiety.

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  28. I thought this time was the most stressful, when all the major decisions were made, but there were still 39580 little details that needed to be finalized.

    You'll get it all taken care of; don't worry.

    And I love your thank you cards!

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  29. Since we already talked about the brunch thing this morning, I'll talk about how much I LOVE YOUR THANK YOU NOTES. They're SO pretty!

    xoxo

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  30. I totally feel your pain. But you seem to have been getting a lot of stuff done early on, so that should save you some stress in the end. Me, I love stress (um, not so much).

    No bouquet or garter toss? But it's so funny to watch people scramble to catch those things!

    Are you guys doing any traditionally German things? I know there is some kind of tradition of the guys at the wedding kidnapping the bride. It happened to my mom, and the stories about it were hilarious!

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  31. This is really making me happy about my JoP wedding. But on the other hand, I love hearing about all the plans and all your choices, so I'm happy about that too. I double-win!

    I LOVE the beautiful notecards. Love.

    I like the house number idea. And you can save them, and maybe you'll be able to use them for your first home together!

    I wonder if your parent(s) could scatter the petals? That's a little touching to think of them doing that. Or maybe they'd look like oversized flower girls. Well, it's hard to know.

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  32. Whoa, that made me feel overwhelmed just reading it! (Note to self: in the event I ever decide to get married, elope.) I am not a very detail oriented person. Are any of your bridesmaids in the area to help you cross some things off of your to do list?

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  33. even if you only have three months, it sounds like you've got it all worked out pretty well.

    good luck! :)

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  34. You have to be careful on the brunch thing because if you aren't paying, then you aren't hosting it. Plus, you don't want people to feel pressure to pay for an extra expense. Just say we are going to brunch- feel free to join us. And those are usually just immediate family/bridal party anyway.

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  35. all the item that you've said you are not doing or thinking about not doing are all superfluous things that we've decided to eschew as well because it seems like overkill and the $$$ keep adding up. my mom and i just met with my planner and our rentals person to discuss tent(s) tables, lighting and other rentals and yeah, stuff costs ALOT.

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  36. Gah! Too much work! You are stressing me out waaay before I'm even engaged!

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  37. Wow. The Knot has been telling me I'm behind ever since. . . well, ever since. I'm still behind, and I'll probably still be behind even after I get married. We're not doing programs, no flower girl, no ring bearer, no aisle runner, no groom's cake, no a lot of things. I mean, for Pete's sake, we just registered. We haven't gotten to the tuxes either. I just get a little scared when I think about how much you have done and how much I've gotten done, but then I remember that we'll get married whether or not I get a marshmallow ghost cake, and I'm alright :) And then I think about how good our little ghosts are going to taste, and I don't think we'll be freezing the top of ours either.

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  38. Those cards are precious, and seem to be very 'you'. Love it.

    Just do the things that YOU prioritise to be important, and don't worry too much about the other ones. It'll definitely fall into place!

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  39. At our reception, we had our MC announce that we were going to have a picnic the next day for lunch and that if anyone wanted to join us, bring their lunch and a picnic blanket to a particular spot on the beach. It was great, casual and didnt cost us anything!

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  40. oh my lord. i'm stressed for you. exclamation points? you mean that should have been DONE ALREADY?!?! would run through my mind over and over. and i haaaate having to wait on other ppl before i can finish a job! I know you WILL get through. I do too, even with a few freakouts.

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  41. I love that you're skipping the bouquet and garter toss. And those cards are so cute! Good choice.

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