Thursday, June 26, 2008

Voice of Reason

Yesterday one of my friends informed me that she considers me her ultimate voice of reason. Whenever she is debating what to do about something, or needs advice, she comes to me and we talk it through. She considers me a logical, objective voice, and she always likes to get my opinion.

She is definitely not the first person to say something like this. I am always being told that I'm the grounded one, the even-keeled one, the diplomat. And for the most part, it's true. I'm able to be very professional, and I am generally good at defusing situations. I am usually good at calming people down, and I can find good compromises. I value those skills about myself and I think it's really important to be able to navigate volatile situations without exacerbating the problem. I love that I am usually able to do that. So I really don't mind the reputation. In fact, I like that my friends see me that way, and that they consider my input so valuable.

But even though I am generally grounded, I still get upset about things. For example, watching sports gets me totally riled up--and I'm still pissed off about what happened last night. Germany was playing Turkey in the semifinal of the European Cup, which normally Torsten would have been really excited about. In the quarterfinal, for example, the game was close and tense and both of us were jumping up and down, screaming, and hardly able to breathe all the way through.

Torsten LOVES the European Cup. He has the passion for soccer that all Europeans seem to share, and the Euro only happens once every four years. Europeans prefer it to the World Cup, because pretty much all of the European teams who qualify are strong contenders, so the games are close and interesting starting with group play, whereas with the World Cup, the regional quotas mean that the early round play is dull.

But during last night's semifinal, I was watching tensely and shouting at the screen, but Torsten was sitting there totally bored, messing around on his computer during the whole game, which is SO unlike him. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he was so uninterested, and I kept asking what was wrong, and he kept saying that he was just exhausted from work, but I couldn't believe that ANY work issue would ruin his enjoyment of such a close and rare game.

His attitude kind of ruined the game for both of us, though, and after the game ended (with a last-second, game-winning goal! A total gem! The kind of game that you see once every few years at most!), I interrogated him until he admitted that he had found out the score at work that afternoon, so he already knew the outcome of the game.

I know that a lot of you don't care about soccer, but if you already know what happens? It becomes nothing more than watching a bunch of people run up and down the field mindlessly. There's no suspense, there's no nail-biting, there's no fun breathlessness as each play unfolds. Yeah, it's fun to see the goals when they happen, but only to admire their technique, not because of what they mean.

The point is, Torsten would NEVER intentionally ruin the experience of watching such a great game live, and we had both implemented a media blackout for ourselves at kickoff time so we would avoid seeing the score before we got to watch the TiVoed game that evening. We had also warned our respective offices that we were TiVoing the game and did NOT want to hear the score from anyone who had looked it up online before then. Both of our offices were kind enough to be completely poker faced so as not to give anything away for us. So how the hell did he find out?

Well, it turns out that a German friend of his who lives in Europe and apparently didn't think about the time difference and the fact that Torsten was at work and couldn't have seen the game yet took it upon herself to SEEK HIM OUT and TELL HIM THE OUTCOME OF THE GAME via IM the second that it ended. She didn't even say hi first, so he didn't have the chance to warn her against telling him. She just went straight for the jugular and ruined the whole game for him, the game that he had been looking forward to for days.

So, that nice, rational, grounded attitude that I usually possess? It's GONE. I am PISSED that he had his game ruined for him, and that by extension the game-watching experience was ruined for me as well. It irritates me to no end that a single thoughtless comment by a friend could spoil his enjoyment of something that is so special to him and that happens so rarely. It makes me really sad that he didn't get to enjoy the experience that he'd been waiting for for so long.

All I can say is, at least Germany effing won the game, so there is still one more good game with a team we care about to watch this year. And if anyone ruins the finals for Torsten, I will kill them. Personally. And I might even enjoy it.

Okay, rant over. Back to my nice voice of reason now. I was actually going somewhere with this whole voice of reason thing before I got all upset about the whole Euro Cup thing again. My question was, do you have a reputation among your friends as being a certain type of person? And if so, do you think that the reputation is accurate?

30 comments:

  1. I am the friend who always tells it like it is. People count on me not to sugar-coat things, but rather be the one to say “Dude, that totally sucks and here is why……but here is what we’re going to do about it.” People tell me this all the time, and seek me out because of it. I agree.

    I would be pissed on your behalf too. Hub loves NASCAR and Tivo’s most of the races. When someone spoils it for him I get pissed off too. And if I have happened to hear who won, I am not good company for him while he watches the race because I am so.freaking.bored.

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  2. I would have been mad, too, and also a little mad at him for not fessing up sooner, because I waste a lot of time thinking, "Is it ME? Is it ME?" when Paul is crabby, and so I would want him to just tell me so it didn't ruin the game in TWO ways (no game excitement AND me fretting that it was me).

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  3. Oh---and I have a reputation as a fretter. Shocker.

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  4. I thought you were going to be upset about the messed up broadcast. What the hell was that about?? Especially during such a close game!

    I totally accidentally ruined one of the earlier games for a friend; I assumed he was watching it on gametracker at work, but instead he was saving it on DVR to watch afterwards. I felt like an asshole.

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  5. Awww, that really sucks.

    I think by not letting you in on what was eating him sooner, Torsten was trying not to ruin the game for you but unfortunately he was probably so sad about it that it ended up happening anyway.

    The most important thing now is he let his friend know that she is not to do this ever again! In fact, maybe he could send an email to all his German/European friends as a precaution...

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  6. I'm weird because I have a different rep with different groups of friends. Some I'm the career person, some I'm the wild one, some I'm the boring married one.

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  7. Ugh. How annoying. D's MOTHER intentionally tells him the scores of football games that he has TiVoed, even though he specifically asks her not to. She can't seem to help herself. It is extremely ANNOYING!
    I think my reputation is as the quiet, nice, reliable one.

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  8. Oh, and D still watches the games with enthusiasm, which actually does annoy me. Why bother?

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  9. I HATE it when Bart looks up the endings to episodes because I don't want to be making wild guesses about who will get together or who will die or who the villain is if HE ALREADY KNOWS. So we both try and not cheat. It really does ruin it.

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  10. I have a reputation for accepting every social invite. And being one of the first ones to arrive. That kind of makes me feel like a loser, but when I have a party, I am always nervous that no one will show up, so I like to get to parties on time so that the hosts won't worry that no one is coming.

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  11. I would feel bad for Torsten, but I don't think I'd be mad at the friend...She didn't know. I know lots of people can't hold off that long to watch a recorded game and must know the results. I'm sure she meant well. :)

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  12. I definitely possess a certain kind of reason you speak of. I'm more the person who will ask lots of questions, often making you look at a situation from another angle or the other person's side or whatever. And by asking these questions, I am getting you to think about all options before making your final decision.

    BTW, while I completely understand how frustrating it must be for Torsten to have heard the score before watching the game ... isn't this a two-way street. I mean, his friend is in a place where EVERYONE already knows the score. Why would she assume he wouldn't already know it. And if he didn't want to know it, should he have pre-warned everyone who might let him know? It doesn't change the matter that he found out in an unfortunate way, but I guess it'd be hard for me to be THAT mad at his friend who innocently wanted to share an exciting moment with him.

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  13. I get tired of being that rational adult that everyone comes to. Wears me out...

    Sorry about the game. You should both remember to turn off your phones and don't sign in on the computer for the next game!

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  14. I think generally people comment me as always being "classy" and "put together". And most people ask me my opinions on fashion and such.

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  15. Oh no, that sucks. I hate when that happens, even if people didn't mean to do it. At least there is another game for him to watch. Go D'land!

    I am the really friendly one, who likes everyone. And I also remember everything. My friends call me Ellie (like elephant, since they never forget).

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  16. I seem to be the kind of person people look to for support. If they have a problem, they talk to me. If they want advice, they ask me. If they need some backup, well, guess who they call.

    But I'd rather be backstage than on stage.

    Oh, and for some reason a lot of people think I'm scary.

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  17. I can be kind of like you at times - I am always the diplomat. And I also tend to be very non-judgmental because I've done enough crazy things that my friends know they can share whatever with me.

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  18. Just had to chime in about your Wii post. I boycotted for the same reason, then bought one for my sister for her birthday (and as a thank you for letting us stay with her). It's AWESOME. Then we bought us one. My birthday was yesterday, and I got Dance Dance Revolution and Zelda. Both SO MUCH FUN. My whole family was in hysterics was DDR...it is such a great video game system. And great exercise!

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  19. I love that you're so protective of Torsten! I agree, it must be such a bummer for him to have missed a great game! Gah, the disadvantages to living far from home, right?

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  20. I would have to agree that you are the "rock" friend. I find whenever I need to talk anything out, you're one of the first I go to, and I value you that more than you know!

    I have ZERO idea what kind of reputation I have. Probably something involving gummi bears? Like, the friend that is always eating them? Because that's pretty accurate.

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  21. Mine, I think, is that I'm always, always up for a good time. Which I can be, but I definitely have my moments where I just want to be chill or hole up at home and not deal with anyoneeeee. So then I'll feel guilty if I take that bit of me time or lame time or whatever. However, must admit that I've gotten better about trying to just be straightforward and say no when I really just don't want to do something.

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  22. Well, depends what friends. With my engineering boys I'm the sassy over-sharing liberal, with my improv friends I'm the zealously rational decision making girl who sometimes holds back, with the roommates I'm the man whore. (This pisses me off hugely. At least I could be called a woman whore!)

    I guess they're all true to a certain level. I'm all of those things, but certain straights seem stronger in comparison when I'm with certain people. For example, maybe all my improv friends are sassy manwhores, so by comparison, my strongest distinguishing trait is being rational and cautious. I don't know.

    But I do think you are a fantastic voice of reason. You always know exactly what to say to calm me down and make me think clearly. You're quickly becoming my go-to blog friend for all my life's troubles!

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  23. Responsible, reliable, good-listener.
    All very good traits- but just once I would love to have the rep of being the cute & fun friend!

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  24. I don't know...I think you are overreacting a bit....I don't think the friend meant harm. I mean. We had the game on the huge tv in the conference room and there were several people who were tivo'ing it..but what are you gonna do? Spoil it for the ones who want to see it live?

    Finals are Sunday. He's all set. :)

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  25. hmm... i think i'm usually thought of as pretty rational, but i'm mostly told i'm the "happy, cheerful" one of my friends. and usually down for a good time no matter what :-)

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  26. I'm probably the one described as irrational! That's so terrible, but true! HAHA! :)

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  27. My dad is the ultimate voice of reason for me. I don't make any major decision without consulting him. I do provide advice to a lot of my friends too. Ironically it's relationship advice.

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  28. Yes, and I am definitely NOT the voice of reason. I'm more the voice of temptation, or maybe the voice of hair-brained schemes. My friends love me for it, and they always seek me out to have fun/be cheered up. NOT to get good advice.

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  29. I feel terrible for Torsten, what a let down :(
    My hubby (who isn't even German) was screaming and hollering during the entire second half of the game. We do get them live however... so no party poopers.
    Maybe he should put up a warning on his IM that people really shouldn't tell him the outcome of the final. Oh, but the final is on Sunday- will you be able to watch it live?

    Me, I think my friends consider me the person they can come to for hugs, food and the occasional shibuku (swift kick to the head). But yeah, the listener thats me.

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  30. Wow, that SUCKS!!!

    I have the reputation of the voice of reason, although I usually have trouble following my OWN advice . . .

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