Year in review

So, this end-of-the-year questionnaire of Sundry's is becoming something of a tradition, so even though I'm not sure if she's doing it this year (edited to add: she posted hers at almost the exact same time that I posted mine; here is hers), I think I'm going to go ahead and continue the pattern on my own. You can see answers from 2008 and 2007, too.

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?
Moved across the country. Got a dog of our own. Bought a house. Had weight-loss surgery.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Last year, all I said is that I wanted to get one or two nice pieces of art to hang on our walls. And actually, though this wasn't what we were thinking at the time, we did purchase a couple gorgeous photos of Colorado that we need to get framed and hang. So, that's close enough, right? I do have a couple of actual resolutions for this year, for once, but those will come in a separate post.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No. Except now I'm paranoid that I'm forgetting someone.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.

5. What countries did you visit?
Just Germany this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?
Wow, looking back at my answer to this question from last year, I got a lot of what I wanted this year (namely, a house in Denver, a dog, and a car). I did not get a housekeeper or a meeting with this lady. I'm going to go ahead and cut the housekeeper thing off the list, because, well, that's just not going to happen next year. But I will add a new one for 2010: a baby, or progress toward one.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
We did a lot of big things this year, but the two where the dates clearly stand out in my memory are March 5, when we got Montana, and May 14, when I had lap-band surgery.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finally managing to make everything happen that we'd been working on for so long. Namely, moving to Denver and getting a dog and a house. And remaining very happily married in the process.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Hm. This was a pretty successful year for me. I think one thing that I do want to work on is not getting frustrated about things that aren't happening, and instead focus on enjoying the things that are happening. And yes, I am talking about babies, thanks for asking.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
No, unless you count my surgery, which I don't.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Our house.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Torsten's. He is awesome, and supportive, and ambitious, in the best possible ways.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A couple of Colorado State Senators of whom I had never heard until we moved here. One, Scott Renfroe, made a lovely comment comparing gay people to murderers on the floor of the legislature, and another, Dave Schultheis, said that he doesn't believe in mandatory HIV testing for pregnant women because they deserve to watch their babies die as punishment for their promiscuity. There are so many things wrong with this that I don't even know where to begin. (See here for more details.)

14. Where did most of your money go?
Toward our house. But there are no regrets there.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Moving to Denver! Getting a dog! Buying a house! Having weight-loss surgery! Are you sensing a theme throughout this questionnaire yet?

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
Um. I don't think there is one.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?
Happier, thinner, and richer. Though I must qualify the "richer," because we are richer in terms of assets, but poorer in terms of money in the bank.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Becoming an awesome DIY person who can make her house look fabulously decorated and only spend $10 at Michael's to do so. But I'm pretty sure that's just a pipe dream.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Umm. Working? While still earning the same amount (or more), of course.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
In our house here in Denver, with my parents, my sister, and my sister's family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?
I'm going to repeat last year's answer here: Only more so, not for the first time.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
House. And American Idol. I know, so passe, but I can't help it. I like it.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.

24. What was the best book you read?
I know it's a little premature, but I really enjoyed Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. She is just slightly extreme for my taste, but she has so much experience and so many important things to say. I learned quite a bit from reading the book and now I have a ton more questions for my midwife.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Hm. I know this wasn't her first year on the scene, but I started loving Sara Bareilles.

26. What did you want and get?
A house in Denver. A dog. A lap-band.

27. What did you want and not get?
A baby.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I don't know, really. I just saw Avatar and thought it was awesome.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
We had just gotten back from a weekend in Glenwood Springs. On the day of, I worked, and relaxed with Torsten, and went out for dinner. I turned 25.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Well, a baby, kind of, because I have insane baby fever, but also not, because the timing wouldn't have been right. So really, nothing. It was a great year exactly as it was.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?
Denver is so casual. Plus, no more work clothes were required. Lots of jeans and sweaters. And boots! Both Uggs and nicer slouchy suede boots.

32. What kept you sane?
Torsten. Amidst all this change and upheaval, it was immeasurably grounding to have such a stable force in my life.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I have to say, despite the challenging first year that he's had, I'm still a big fan of Obama.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Well, cliche as I'm sure it is, health care. If this bill passed and all it did was block insurance companies from denying you coverage based on pre-existing conditions, I'd already be thrilled.

35. Who did you miss?
Most of my friends and family, since pretty much all of them live far away now.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
We met so many great people this year when we moved to Denver, it's hard to even remember them all. The ones that come to mind right away are Jeni and her husband, Rosie and her fiance, Kath, and Penny. Plus our next-door neighbors. And a bunch of other people I'm sure I'm forgetting.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
Well, this is something that I didn't exactly learn this year, because I kind of already knew it, but this year certainly confirmed it. I know now that if you know something is right for you, then it's fine, even if other people find it shocking or wrong. So, if someone thinks you're insane for moving to a state you've never even visited before, or tells you that you shouldn't have weight-loss surgery because don't you know that it's all about calories in vs. calories out? They can talk, but it doesn't matter, because I have faith in my own decisions. And honestly, people's opinions about your choices are really reflections on them, not you.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
For the third year straight, I'm going to go ahead and say no, I refuse. Happy New Year, everybody!

A very important guest post

My name is brandy. And I have a blog.

And a plea.

I use my blog to showcase the crazy I meet everyday, share the stories of the kids I teach and document my love for tequila, dairy products and the abdominal muscles of Ryan Reynolds. Rarely do I talk about personal issues on my blog- as personal as the dude that I adore (who I actually met through my blog- single ladies, let that be a very good reason to blog, the possibility of meeting someone as wonderful as my man), but I need your help. And it involves my dude.

He's a guy who made math comics for my class, so they would love learning about addition. He's the kinda guy who sends my friends gift cards when they are having hard times, who remembers every story I ever told him, who was the first person I celebrated with when I got a teaching job. He's the guy who sent flowers to me at school- dozens of my favourite pink roses just because he loves me. He's a guy who has spent a year patiently explaining (and re-explaining) everything there is to know about football during the important games when silence is preferred. He's made me word puzzles and comics and stayed up late playing Scrabble with me (even though I beat him almost every time). He's listened to me cry about school and family and jobs. He is everything I never knew I needed and everything I always knew I wanted.

The holidays have hit us hard. He's recently been told he may have something called multiple myeloma- an incurable cancer, that gives a person an average of five years of continued life. Though this news has came as a shock, he continues to be exactly who has always been- spending his time worrying about me, rather than worrying about himself. He's the most selfless individual I know- (he stayed late on Christmas Eve to work, so his co-workers could leave early) and a post like this would never be something that he would promote or encourage but when I'm overwhelmed and feeling helpless, the blogging community has always given me tremendous support and comfort, two things I desperately need at this time.

As I write this, the future is uncertain and we aren't sure what's happening. He'll need to see an oncologist soon, to verify what's going on in his body. My hope is that everyone who reads this think positive thoughts and if you are a person who prays, could you add him to your list? (You can refer to him as 'brandy's hot awesome dude'). If you don't pray, please keep him in your heart.This cancer is only a possibility and I believe that the prayers and positive thoughts of people can make sure it never becomes a reality.

I want to give a big thank you to the blog owner who scraped their original blog plans and graciously put this up. My goal is to get as many people as possible to see and read this post. If you are reading this and want to help, copy and paste my plea into your blog or send a link through twitter, so more people can keep him in their thoughts. I would be so very grateful (even more grateful than I am to my friend who first showed me the picture of Ryan Reynolds on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. If you haven't seen it, google it. You. Are. Welcome).

I realize this all sounds dramatic, a Lifetime movie in the making- but this is life. Right now. And I'm throwing away any hint of ego and am humbly asking for you to pray or think kind thoughts. If you are able to pass this on, thank you and if you know anything regarding MM- please email me (my email is on my blog). This isn't a call for sympathy or a plea for pity. It's just one girl hoping you can think positive thoughts for the person she adores. If my current heartache provides you with anything, let it be with the reminder that life is short, love is unbending and no one knows what could happen next. Maybe it is silly, but I really do believe that positive thoughts can make a huge difference. Thank you for reading this and if you haven't already? Please tell someone you love them today.

I did.

An easy way to get into that holiday spirit

So, since it's the day before Christmas and all, it seems like a good time to mention that pseudostoops is doing her blog giveaway again... and this year, there's an extra twist! Not only is pseudostoops giving 50 cents to charity for each comment on these three posts, but now Swistle is in on the fun, and will be adding another 25 cents per comment.

So, head over there, post a quick comment on each of those three posts, and know that you've done your part to help someone else, just that little bit. For free!

AND, you can vote on which of five charities should be the one to receive an additional $50 donation.

So, go! Comment! Help! I don't care if you have a blog or not. Just leave a comment! It's free, and it matters.

And happy holidays!

Genetic counseling redux

Remember last week when I mentioned how my midwife told me we should meet with a genetic counselor before we try to get pregnant? Well, we had our appointment yesterday. And... it was kind of a bust.

I mean, it wasn't awful. It's just that when I was talking to the midwife, she gave me some basic information about genetic diseases. What she told me is that because Torsten and I are both European Caucasian, we have an elevated risk (1/29 chance each) of being carriers of cystic fibrosis in particular. Also, because I'm Ashkenazi Jewish, I have an elevated risk of being a carrier for certain Jewish genetic diseases such as Tay-Sachs. Because Torsten isn't Jewish, it's unlikely that he's a carrier for those diseases, but since it is possible that he has a Jewish ancestor somewhere that he doesn't know about, in theory he could also be a carrier.

So, if we're both carriers of the same genetic disease, we have a one in four chance of having a child with that disease. But, according to the midwife, if you know you're both carriers ahead of time, there are steps you can take to avoid passing on the disease. So, she said we should meet with the genetic counselor, who would ask us more in-depth questions about our family histories, provide us with more information about genetic diseases, and then draw my blood to see if I'm a carrier for anything. If I am, then Torsten will be tested to see if he's a carrier of the same disease. If he is, we'll discuss options.

So, we met with the counselor and... I guess I just didn't learn anything new. I wasn't really expecting to, because the midwife covered it pretty thoroughly, but I thought we'd have a slightly more in-depth conversation about the whole thing, and then she'd draw my blood. Instead, we had pretty much the exact same conversation I'd already had with the midwife, and then she told me that she wasn't going to draw my blood yet because the hospital first needed to check with my insurance to find out if the tests are covered.

I have to say, I was pretty freaking annoyed by that. My understanding when I made the 20-minute drive to meet with her was that she would be drawing my blood there. If I'd known the hospital needed to check with my insurance first, I would have asked them to do that when I made the appointment. And also, if the appointment is for exactly this purpose, shouldn't it be standard procedure for them to check with your insurance ahead of time anyway?

I did manage to talk her into drawing my blood while I was there, since it's good for a week or so, on the off chance that they're able to get insurance approval within a week. But of course it's about to be Christmas so I'm guessing they won't, so I'll have to do another 40-minute round trip drive JUST to get my blood drawn.

I would be less annoyed about this if I had felt like the rest of the appointment was productive. But... well, it wasn't, really. I mean, it was somewhat useful for Torsten because he heard the information directly from the source instead of filtered through me. But nothing was really new.

Though we did talk about one thing that was new. I asked what happens if we find out that we are both carriers for the same disease, what steps we could take to avoid passing the disease on to our child. And it turns out... well, not much. Basically the only option is IVF, essentially. You create embryos outside the uterus, test them for the disease, and then only implant the ones that don't have it.

Which... well. If we're both carriers of something (which is unlikely, especially since as far as we know, neither of us has any genetic diseases in our family), we'll discuss it. I mean, a 1/4 chance of giving birth to a child with a debilitating disease is pretty high. So, if we're both carriers, we're going to have to figure out what to do. But IVF is an expensive, invasive, challenging procedure. I guess my expectation was that there was something simpler that could be done. I don't believe in testing just for the hell of it, when you get information that won't change anything. I wasn't expecting to hear that we get tested and then, if the tests are positive, we have basically one choice, and it's a very challenging choice.

I mean, I'm not worried about it. The chances are so remote, and I'm not one to waste time and energy freaking out about statistical outliers. If it happens, we'll address it and figure out what we want to do. And most likely my tests will come back and say that I'm not a carrier and then it will be a non-issue and we'll all move on. So that's fine.

I just was expecting a little more from the appointment. More clear steps to take, and a test that was already approved. Instead, we both walked away feeling like the whole thing had been a waste of a couple hours. I mean, an important step forward. But not as productive as we were hoping.

Now I'm just keeping my fingers crossed that they get insurance approval at all, so we don't have to pay out of pocket for these tests, and that they get it within the next week, so I don't have to go back for another blood draw. We'll see if that's too much to ask.

Dogs are better on couches

Last week I finally talked Torsten into allowing Montana on the couch, as long as two conditions are met:

1. She has to lie on a blanket to protect the couch from dirt, germs, and dog hair
2. She has to be expressly invited and cannot feel free to just hop on the couch whenever she wishes--she has her dog bed and crate for that.

Torsten gave into this mostly to humor me, but it turns out that he likes it too. I mean, seriously, who wouldn't love this? My two best buddies on the couch with me is pretty much the best thing ever. (Also, Shelly, you can see some of our stockings hanging in the background.)


Also, last night, in preparation for my family's visit, I made peanut butter buckeyes, and they are possibly the best things I've ever tasted. I've been waiting for the family visit for this, because Torsten doesn't like peanut butter (I KNOW), and I didn't want an entire batch to eat myself. Plus, they're so rich that I really can't eat many, which is definitely a blessing in disguise.

Of course, peanut butter buckeyes aren't the only thing on the menu. This is our first time hosting Christmas, not just in this house but ever, and while I am trying to make sure we're prepared, I'm not freaking out about making everything perfect, because a) my family isn't like that--nobody expects perfection and nobody needs to be impressed--and b) my dad will be doing most of the cooking, as usual.

But we have been doing the grocery shopping and so on, and that's actually been kind of fun. Also, we are realizing how unprepared we are to have six guests simultaneously. We have enough bedrooms, and enough beds if you count the air mattress on loan from my parents, and enough sheets. We do not have enough dining room chairs, but we've borrowed some folding chairs from our next-door neighbor, so we're set there.

We've also borrowed a car seat for my younger step-niece from the other next-door neighbor. We've been to Costco and Safeway and we're planning a trip to Whole Foods later this week. We purchased mantle clips and hung the stockings. The presents are all purchased, wrapped, and arranged under the tree. A tree with presents under it is just so SATISFYING.


And, the menu is set. It includes:

• Rib roast with gravy
• Yorkshire pudding
• Mashed potatoes
• Sweet potatoes with brown sugar and marshmallows
• Creamed onion casserole
• Peas
• Frozen mint chocolate pie
• Trifle
• Chocolate orange souffle
• Eggnog milkshakes
  

Of these, I'm in charge of two of the desserts. And that's it. THAT is the way to host your first Christmas, as far as I'm concerned.

Snow day and Christmas meme

So, I hear that a bunch of you guys got a ton of snow this weekend or something? And it's actually kind of funny because when we made plans for my family to come out to Denver for Christmas, we worried that bad weather on our end could make travel difficult. And instead, DC has two feet of snow and this weekend in Denver it was sunny and in the 50s.

Also, my office is closed today, and I'm wondering what that means for me. Do I get a snow day too? After all, when all of Denver got a snow day, I was still working at home. Or does working at home mean I never get a snow day? But if I'm the only person working, it's going to be pretty challenging to get certain things done, because nobody will be in to discuss, answer questions, etc. I just don't know. I emailed my boss to ask what I should do, and I'm still waiting to hear back.

So, with all this snow in the air, and this being Christmas Week, what better time for a Christmas meme? (Stolen from Swistle and quite a few other people.)

Eggnog or hot chocolate? Eggnog. OMG yum. My mom always makes eggnog milkshakes by blending eggnog with ice cream, and that is a million times better than just plain eggnog. Adults always had rum in their milkshakes too, but even now that I technically qualify as an adult, I still prefer my milkshake without rum.

Does Santa wrap the presents or leave them open under the tree? Santa leaves small gifts, wrapped, in stockings. Presents under the tree are from family. I intend to uphold this tradition with our kids as well. Though in Germany, where Christmas is celebrated on the 24th, apparently Santa sneaks in the house in the middle of the afternoon and leaves the gifts in the hallway? I'm pretty sure we'll be sticking with the American version of this one once we have kids.

Colored lights on a tree or white? I grew up with colored lights but Torsten had very strong feelings about only white lights on a tree, so we went with that and actually, I love it.

Do you hang mistletoe? No.

When do you put your decorations up? It depends, but the last couple of years it's been the weekend after Thanksgiving.

What is your favorite holiday dish? Yorkshire pudding. YUM. This is one of the perks of having a British father.

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? Our policy used to be that we would save gifts that were sent from extended family until Christmas Eve and open them all then. But now we don't really receive gifts from extended family anymore, so everything is saved until Christmas morning.

How do you decorate your Christmas tree? White lights and a general (but not super restrictive) theme of red, purple, gold, and silver, with a silver star with white lights at the top.

Snow: love it or hate it? I love it. Maybe this opinion will change the longer we live in Colorado? But since we work from home, it's not really an inconvenience, so we can just light a fire and enjoy the beauty from inside. Plus, there isn't much cuter than a dog romping in the snow.

Can you ice skate? No. Unless you count "clinging to the wall of the rink while flailing wildly and watching your feet slide uncontrollably further and further apart" as ice skating.

What is your favorite holiday dessert? Hm. We don't really have a traditional holiday dessert that we eat every year. This year, we're planning on frozen mint chocolate cream pie, trifle, and chocolate orange souffle. All of those sound yummy to me.

What is your favorite holiday tradition? No one specific thing, I guess. Just the season. The tree and all the pretty lights everywhere and baking cookies and having fires in our fireplace. Just all of it.

Candy canes: yum or yuck? I don't like them, but it's not that I can't stand them. And actually, have you ever had a lemon with a candy cane straw? Amazingly good, and quite lip-puckering.

Favorite Christmas show? Umm. I don't really watch Christmas shows, I guess. I like it when TBS or whoever shows all the holiday episodes of Friends around Thanksgiving and Christmas, though.

I hope lots of you guys will do this meme too! As Swistle said, it's unexpectedly fun to fill out, and I'm enjoying reading them everywhere, too.

What are your big issue dealbreakers?

All this preparation for pregnancy has gotten me thinking about how lucky Torsten and I are that we are so compatible and have such similar outlooks. Love is important, of course, but as far as I'm concerned, love alone is not enough to make a marriage and a shared life work. It's not that you have to be clones of each other and of one mind about anything. But there are certain things that you need to have in common, or at the very least learn to respect and tolerate about each other.

I'm not talking about those hypothetical dealbreakers, like not dating a guy shorter than you. I'm not even talking about things like politics and religion--while I know that those can be Big Issues for some, for me, it's more about respect, reason, and open-mindedness. I have a problem with politicians who seem to be making decisions that are bad for the country but good for them personally, but I don't have a problem with people who disagree with me politically, but still have the good of the people at heart.

For me it's more about goals, ambitions, lifestyle preferences, priorities. How do we want to spend our money? What things are we willing to sacrifice and compromise on, and what things are set in stone for us? Where are our sore points, our sources of disagreement, and how can we resolve them?

For us, these sore points have been minimal, and easily resolved. We have been lucky in this regard. But the whole thing leads me to wonder... what do you do when you fall in love, really deeply in love, with someone who isn't compatible with you in some crucial way?

For example, what would I do if Torsten were dead set against having children? On Friends, Monica broke up with Richard because he didn't want kids. Would I have done that with Torsten? I don't think it's a good idea to plow into a marriage assuming you'll work out Big Issues like this down the road. But how could I give up Torsten ever, under any circumstances? I can't fathom it, I literally can't wrap my head around the idea of it. But what would I do if being with him required one of us giving up something else so important to us that we couldn't conceive of our future without it?

I want kids. I want them so badly. I really cannot imagine what I would do if Torsten didn't want them too. I wouldn't leave him--I know that. But would I have let things get this far with him to begin with? Because say I decided that being with him was more important than having kids, that I knew I wanted to spend my life with him, and that was more important than kids to me. And I think that would be the decision that I would have made, because how could I not be with him?

But then doesn't that affect the relationship? Wouldn't I develop negativity and resentment toward him for essentially preventing me from having something that I desperately desired and even needed? But on the reverse side, if he did agree to have kids because I wanted them, wouldn't he resent me for so fundamentally changing our lives and shifting our priorities? And wouldn't it be unfair to the kids to have a parent who merely gave in to having them, instead of actively wanting them?

What do you do in this sort of situation? Do you just move ahead, make a decision that satisfies one person but not the other, and hope that it doesn't lead to conflict down the line? Or, if you need to deal with it ahead of time... how do you do that? How do you address an issue like this, where one person has to win and one person has to lose, and still preserve your relationship going forward?

Honestly, I don't know. And I feel very lucky that I don't have to find out, that this is a huge issue that we don't have to deal with. That we do have similar goals, and that every disagreement we've had has been a small issue, something that allowed for compromise, something that didn't leave anyone feeling fundamentally dissatisfied.

What would you do? Have you ever broken up with someone you otherwise could have seen spending your life with due to an issue like this? Or, have you ever decided to stay with someone despite an issue like this? What issues do you not think you could compromise on?

Good customer service FOR ONCE (or twice)

Well! People certainly do have strong opinions about Lexus commercials, as it turns out. I have to say, I wasn't expecting to incite quite so much controversy with what I was thinking was a fluffy little post. But hey, the more discussion, the better, right?

Anyway, in the past couple of days I've had two amazing customer service experiences, and I feel compelled to share them here, because... well, if they'd been bad experiences I'd be ranting about them here, and really, it's only fair for it to go both ways, right?

So, first of all, the hard disk on my work laptop started making funky noises like it was going to die any second, and programs started crashing on my computer. On Monday, I contacted my company's IT department, who put me in touch with Dell directly. I was a little nervous about this, and picturing hours on the phone going from person to person with nobody able to help me (this has happened to me with Dell in the past).

But instead... well, it was amazing. I called up. In under five minutes, I was talking to a real person. I explained the problem to him. He had me run a couple simple tests on my computer. Then he said he'd have a new hard drive sent to me, free of charge. And a new adapter, too, because my computer has stopped recognizing mine. He had to talk to a supervisor to get approval for all this, so he said he'd call me back within an hour. I figured I'd never hear from him again, so imagine my surprise when 45 minutes later, my phone rang and it was him, confirming the shipment. And then, yesterday morning, the new adapter AND the new hard drive showed up at our door.

Seriously! The whole thing took me under 15 minutes on the phone, no ridiculous lengthy useless troubleshooting, nothing. AND it was free. I mean, I'm assuming this is because my company has some sort of enterprise-level contract with Dell, but still. It was AMAZING.

And then I decided to press my luck and call Comcast. We had a couple of promotions on our bill, worth a total of about $40 in savings, and they expired a month or two ago. At the time, I spoke to someone to ask if they could be re-applied and was told I had to wait 90 days. But because it just seemed ridiculous to be paying so much more, and reminded by a post at Get Rich Slowly, I called back. Again, I was given the same line about having to wait 90 days, but this time instead of just saying OK and hanging up, I asked if anyone was available who could make an exception.

And... well, turns out, there was! He transferred me to something called the "employee department" (has anyone heard of this? When we were with RCN back in DC, they had something similar). So when I got on the line with the second guy, I politely explained the situation and said that while I liked Comcast and didn't want to switch, if I wasn't able to get my bill lowered, I was thinking about canceling. I didn't invoke the name of any competitors (though there are competitors in the area), but I assume it was implied.

And the guy immediately said, "Well, normally we do ask that you wait 90 days between promotions, but of course we don't want to lose you as a customer, so let me see what I can do." Then he typed for all of 10 seconds and then offered me SIXTY dollars off a month, for the next six months, PLUS free Showtime. For real! That's MORE of a discount than we were getting before. All because I invoked the word "cancel," and was polite about it.

It's my understanding that in some areas, Comcast is the only alternative, so it's harder to call them up and make threats. And I totally get that, but you know, it's still worth calling, right? You can say that you're trying to cut costs and you're hoping you can get your bill lowered, and if you can't, you're thinking of canceling altogether. Even if you can't threaten to switch providers, you can still threaten to take away your business. And it's not an unfeasible threat... I imagine that lots of people whose incomes have been reduced are cutting out luxuries like cable and Internet. It sucks, but I bet they're doing it.

All I'm saying is, it's worth a shot. Sixty dollars a month! That's over $700 a year! Just from one five-minute phone call. Just call your cable/Internet provider and try it. And hey, if they call your bluff about canceling (assuming that it IS a bluff), you can always just "get disconnected." Right?

Recession-proof?

First of all, a clarification: I'm afraid I may have mistakenly given the impression in yesterday's post that we are trying to conceive. We aren't. In fact, we are actively Trying Not to Conceive, and will remain that way until, at a minimum, a year has passed since my surgery. I just did the pre-conception appointment because I was due for an annual exam, needed to find an OB/GYN here in Denver, and thought it would be a good way to see if I could find a practice I liked. So, don't hold your breath for any Big Announcements anytime soon. Sorry!

Now, onto other subjects. Because if I keep talking about babies I will drive myself certifiably insane over the fact that I can't have them right now, and I WANT THEM.

So, moving on, what is WITH the latest Lexus ad campaign? Have you all seen this? The cars with the giant red bows on top? And the voiceover about how your loved ones would really like a Lexus for Christmas? You've seen it, right?

So, you know, just for kicks, I popped over to the Lexus website and had a look at their prices. The cheapest Lexus starts at over $30,000. The most expensive starts at over $100k.

That's nice, right? I mean, here we are in a recession and most of my friends are totally planning to spend the cost of a down payment on holiday gifts. I have friends right, left, and center who are trying to figure out how on earth they'll spend their $50,000 gift budget this year. Thank god Lexus came along with this earth-shattering suggestion!

Also, I don't know about the rest of you but a car is a rare, Big Deal kind of purchase at our house, and not the kind of thing that I'd like Torsten to decide on without discussing with me. I mean, even if $50k were like pocket change to us (though I'm really not sure that $50k is like pocket change to anyone other than celebrities). I'd still want to talk about it and decide what was best for us, together.

And if you WERE rich enough to just buy a car, like that, as a gift, without consultation, as though it were nothing... wouldn't you be driving a Bentley or something?

ALSO, who teaches their kid to drive in a Lexus? Shouldn't you use some crappy old car for that? I mean, really.

My point is, I think Lexus is way off-base with this ad campaign, and it pisses me off every time I see another one of their commercials talking about how a luxury car is a great Christmas present because of the memories you'll have of it. THINK OF THE MEMORIES. You just can't GET memories like this in, I don't know, a Ford. Because you'll always remember, no matter what the memories are, that they didn't take place in a Lexus. And that will ruin the whole thing for you.

I'm just saying. The kind of memories that make me happy are the things like last night, when I watched The Devil Wears Prada with Torsten while he rubbed my back, even though he has zero interest in that movie and had a really long workday. It was so cozy and he is so sweet. That's the kind of memory that sticks. Even though our couch isn't even brand name.

So thankful for midwives

Warning: Female discussion topic ahead. Not that I have many male readers anyway.

On Friday I had my annual exam with a midwife, as decided months ago. On the advice of some of you, when I scheduled the appointment I also mentioned that I wanted to do a pre-conception consultation at the same time. This turned out to be an awesome idea, because the midwife actually spent over an hour just talking to me about various pregnancy- and health-related topics.

Seriously, she was AWESOME. She was supportive of my desire to have a natural childbirth without being too extreme about it. She was very knowledgeable and discussed some issues that hadn't occurred to me, such as genetic counseling (since Torsten and I are both European Caucasian, we're at higher risk for being carriers of cystic fibrosis), testing for rubella immunity (apparently some batches of the MMR vaccine weren't fully effective against rubella), and checking Torsten's blood type (I have a negative blood type, and if Torsten's is positive, it's possible that a baby's would be too, and then there would be concern about my body attacking the baby, which could be alleviated with a simple shot).

She listened to all my questions, and answered them thoughtfully and thoroughly. She was interesting. She didn't seem rushed AT ALL, and even sometimes took the time to go on tangents that were useful but not strictly necessary. We talked about doulas and water births and self-hypnosis and c-sections and risks and my thyroid and weight and lots of other things.

Background on the thyroid as it relates to pregnancy: apparently untreated or poorly-managed thyroid problems can lead to temporary infertility. So, before my thyroid was treated and before I went on the pill years ago, my period was quite irregular, and according to my endocrinologist, I probably wasn't ovulating.

Also, because apparently when you've been overweight your whole life you assume that everything is related to your weight, and because thyroid problems affect your weight, I assumed that the non-ovulation was related not just to my under-treated thyroid condition but also to my weight, because being overweight can be related to fertility issues. BUT, this midwife told me that the weight has absolutely nothing to do with thyroid-related non-ovulation. Since my condition is now well-controlled, there's no reason for me not to ovulate once I go off the pill, and if I'm not ovulating, it's irrelevant to my thyroid condition.

SO, yet another way that I've let my weight get to my head for no reason, huh? But good news that I don't have to freak out that I won't be ovulating. And since I didn't start treating my thyroid condition until well after I started the pill, I am sort of curious to see whether my period will be as irregular as it was now that my thyroid is under control.

She was just... she was supportive and aware and reasonable and understanding and non-judgmental and made me EXCITED not just to be pregnant but also to give birth. EXCITED. To squeeze a large baby through a very small passageway! Seriously.

So, let's see. Annual exam done, pre-conception questions addressed. I'll just keep taking my vitamins and folic acid and eating well and exercising and generally do everything I can to get myself in the best possible condition for pregnancy. We're going to meet with a genetic counselor and get tested and if we're both carriers of the same condition (which is unlikely, but possible) take steps to avoid passing the condition to our child.

And then... well, then the waiting game begins. And I try to avoid freaking out about potentially not being able to get pregnant. I try to limit my freakouts to worries that can actually be productive. We'll see how that goes.

THIS is how you want to kick off the week.

So, last night at about 3:30 in the morning, Torsten and I both woke up due to a strange, wet sort of noise coming from Montana's crate. We lay there for a minute, wondering what it was, and then heard her begin to lick herself vigorously, and assumed we'd solved the mystery. We looked over there and dimly saw her sitting up in her crate, licking herself, and went back to sleep.

And then just now, I got up for the day, walked by her crate on my way to the bathroom... and noticed the sizable pile of vomit on her crate mat. Oops.

So, we may make terrible parents, since apparently it turns out that in the middle of the night we rationalize away anything that might make us have to get out of bed? The poor dog, sleeping next to her own puke all night. But at least she's not the type of dog that eats vomit, right?

I can only assume (and hope) that the vomiting was due to the mass quantities of cookie dough she consumed off the floor while Torsten was baking this weekend, and not a virus or other more serious issue. Though I will certainly be keeping an eye on her today.

In the meantime, I'm headed back upstairs with a bottle of 409. I leave you with a video, shot yesterday, of Montana freaking out when she sees a cat in our driveway. (Note that this video is all about the audio.)



Here's hoping everyone (ourselves included) has a puke-free day!

Sometimes the weather is INTERESTING, okay?

So you know that cold front that's supposedly sweeping the country? Well, living in the west, we got ours before a lot of you got yours. It has not been above freezing since... the weekend? Maybe? The temperature has been in the MINUSES for the last few nights. But the storm seems to have broken? It's supposed to be 40 degrees today. Forty. That's ABOVE FREEZING.

When it started I had a small panic attack about how when we researched Denver before moving here, everything we saw and everyone we talked to told us that the winters here are actually fairly mild, and apparently THEY WERE ALL LYING. But, I have since drawn the conclusion that yes, it's cold, but it's abnormally cold EVERYWHERE right now and no, this isn't normal. And I can take the occasional frigid cold snap as long as I know this isn't STANDARD, you know?

Though apparently we're all hunkering down for a harsh winter this year. Something about an El Nino summer and some sort of almanac prediction? Really, I don't know. But at least Denver is sunny, even when it's cold. Still, I'd love some new windows. And maybe some more insulation in the attic. Because last night I was on the couch in the living room? And the heat was on and I was wearing long underwear under my jeans? And yet I was SHIVERING. Because the couch is in the bay window, and sometimes it feels like WHY BOTHER even HAVING a window?

In other words: BRRRR. Please please please let the mercury rise today. I would like to be able to leave the house again sometime soon.

How cold is it where you are?

Private details of a marriage

Last night I read an article from the New York Times Magazine called Married (Happily) With Issues. As I read it--the full thing, all 10 pages--I found myself almost involuntarily comparing my marriage with the author's. Not just in terms of length of marriage but also in terms of routines, affection, communication, sources of conflict. I found more differences than similarities. And yet like the author, I know that my marriage is very happy.

Only the people who are in a relationship can really know what's going on in that relationship (and sometimes even they don't know). Even if I sat here and wrote a blog post that spelled out every mundane detail, every little interaction and discussion and piece of our marriage, still nobody except Torsten and me could ever know what it's like or how it feels.

The author of this article walked us through some very intimate parts of her marriage, fights and sources of pain. She gave great detail. And as I read, I tried not to judge. Because even these things that she was describing, even the ones that sounded foreign and horrifying to me, even those things can't really be understood by anyone who wasn't a part of them. Because different things are sacred to different people. What is a horrible, cruel thing to say in one marriage is irrelevant and casual in another.

I'm reminded of a post that Slynnro wrote once (and that I now cannot find) about how she and her husband do not go grocery shopping together, and people judge them for it. I can see why some people's first reaction would be surprise, or even horror, if for them shopping is a big deal, and a source of intimacy or collaboration. But I think that's what people are really reacting to when they learn details of other people's marriages. It's not, "How can you be happy together if you can't even shop together?" (even if those are the words that are said); it's, "I interpret this detail to mean that you don't share intimacy, because I myself draw something important from this same detail in my own relationship."

This is why, even if I shared every detail of my marriage on my blog, my readers could still never really know exactly what it all means and how it all feels. Because ultimately, though of course we're capable of empathy, our reactions to other people are usually reflections of ourselves.

And still, even believing this to be true, I found myself judging some of the things the author described. For example, I was horrified when she detailed how her husband invoked divorce during a fight. For us, in our marriage, such a thing is unthinkable. If Torsten ever suggested anything about a divorce to me, I can't even imagine how I would react--it's just that unfathomable. I can't imagine any situation, ever, where I would say such a thing to him.

But that doesn't mean it's the same for all couples. And that doesn't mean that just because neither of us can even conceive of contemplating divorce in any context, our marriage is perfect. I will say that so far, we haven't had those struggles that people talk about when they say that being married is hard, and takes work. Of course, it does--I acknowledge that--and yet at the same time as I think about it, I don't think it's hard, and I don't think we work at it, exactly.

And maybe that's bad? Maybe we should be working at it. Or maybe we're just defining "work" differently--because we do take care of each other, and make a point to be thoughtful toward each other, and make compromises for each other, and make choices that we wouldn't make if we as individuals were the only factor in the equation. Maybe that's what other people call "work"? Or maybe we're missing something that is necessary for some couples to be happy together, but is not necessary for us.

Of course, we've only been married for a little over a year. We don't have kids and our lives are relatively stress-free. Perhaps what causes a marriage to require work is time, and distance, and competing priorities. Maybe right now our marriage doesn't feel like work because it's so easy and natural to focus on each other.

Certainly there are things we could do better, and this article, though the author's marriage seems quite different from my own, made me realize some of them. In some places in our marriage, I put myself first, and then I feel guilty about it. And in other places I put Torsten first without even realizing it, and to my own detriment, and in a way that isn't necessary. Maybe I feel that one balances out the other? And I'm pretty sure that the key to balancing this out without creating a competition, even if it's all in my head, is to talk to him about it and express my thoughts and needs.

The thing is that I'm so comfortable with him, and he's so easy to talk to, and we talk about so many different things, that I don't even really notice if there's something I'm not talking to him about. I don't notice that it's there or that it needs to be discussed. It isn't actively bothering me. My needs are met, as are my non-need-wants, and so are his. And so I don't even notice the little things that slip through the cracks sometimes. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't bring them up when I do notice them.

And maybe in other marriages these little things would be big things, huge problems. Or maybe they wouldn't be things at all. I can speculate about this, but I can't know. Because the only marriage I can really access and understand is my own.

Notes from prison

Note: I originally posted this on Tumblr the day Montana came home from boarding at the prison program, but almost a week later I still haven't gotten over how tragically sweet it is, so I'm reposting it here. Enjoy.

In the prison program, the dogs stay with the same handler the whole time. They sleep in their cells and they’re with them 24/7. The handlers keep extensive daily journals of the dog’s progress. When we first adopted Montana we loved reading her journal and learning more about her. This time when we got her back from boarding, reading the journal was equally enjoyable but in a different way—it was funny to see her handler observing things that we already know about our dog. And it was also very touching to see how much the handler obviously cared about the dog.

Some of my favorite notes:

• “While Montana and I were on our walk, she kept looking around, and at first, I couldn’t figure out why. Then it hit me… she’s scoping the area for bunnies!”

• “Montana trotted away and put her twitching nose to the ground. She had all kinds of fun cruising around sniffing all the new, interesting smells. I got her attention. Once she looked at me, I gave her the ‘come’ command, and to my surprise, she did!! She came right to me! I was so proud of her!!”

• “This morning was my first group training session with Montana and her first training session since she’s been back. Montana did very well! I was very glad to see that she still knows all of her obedience skills very well. You did a wonderful job keeping up with her training! My job is going to be pretty easy.”

• “I love just hanging out with her and spending time with her. She is so much fun to be around. You can’t help but be happy around her.”

• “Because of her cough, she gets the ‘princess bed’ with four blankets folded up just her size so it’s nice and comfy for her. She always kicks the other dogs off her princess bed, and she lays on it every chance she gets.”

• “Since she’s going home tomorrow I want her to look her best, so she got a bath today. She wasn’t very pleased with it, and she almost had a fit when I brought out the blow dryer.”

• “I’ve loved working with Montana. She’s one of the sweetest, most intelligent, and best behaved dogs I’ve ever had. Thank you for letting her come to visit, and tell her I love her and not to forget to write and send pictures. (She may need your help on that one.) I’ll miss you Montana!”

How do you procrastinate?

It's getting to be finals time for all of my friends who are still in school, so I've been hearing a lot about procrastination recently. It's made me think about ways that I always procrastinate. There are definitely a few fallbacks I have. Of course, it's not always so obvious, like oh, I don't feel like doing this, what can I do instead? It's more like, wow, I have to get this done, and yet suddenly I NEED to do this other thing, RIGHT THIS SECOND.

So, let's see. What do I do when I'm trying to avoid whatever needs to be done?

1. Surf the Internet. Obviously. I mean, this is so obvious that I hardly need to state it. Really, what were Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, NYTimes.com, Google Reader, and so many others even INVENTED for? But there are occasionally times when I feel like I've reached The End of the Internet, and that's what the rest of the items in this list are for. Luckily I went to college before wireless internet was commonplace, so when finals time came, I would take my computer away from my room and ethernet cable. It was the only way I could get stuff done.
   
2. Clean. Seriously, in college, the only time my dorm room was ever clean was when I had a big paper due. I would live in squalor all semester, and then suddenly when it came time to buckle down and get to work, I suddenly Could Not Take It One. More. Second. And would clean the room from top to bottom. Except the closet. That pretty much stayed messy year-round. Nowadays, our house is much cleaner and more organized, but still, there's always a dishwasher to unload or a dresser drawer to organize in a pinch.
   
3. Catch up on my correspondence. Nothing makes me remember un-returned emails like a looming deadline or unpleasant task. I don't care if a friend has been waiting a month for a response--if I don't answer them THAT SECOND, it means the end of the friendship. So OF COURSE it's worth delaying something else to prevent that from happening. Right?
4. Brush the dog, or similar. I don't exactly brush her every day, but if there's a task I have to take care of? Well, suddenly I can't STAND the shedding and have to deal with it, right then. Or, if she doesn't need a brushing, maybe she needs a quick wrestle on the floor, or a tug-of-war session in the yard. Or just lots of petting and tummy-scratching.
5. Run errands. Something tedious to be done at home? Maybe some weeding that needs to be done, or the bathroom needs a good scrubbing? Never fear... I'm sure there's SOMETHING you need to pick up at the store. Better head over there right now in case they run out!
   

What do you do when you want to put something off?

Snowy thoughts

That weekend went by way too fast. I still can't believe it's over. And now there's a plain old boring five-day workweek ahead of us. Blah. However, I take comfort in the fact that this week and next week are the last two full workweeks for awhile. There will be a five-day weekend at Christmas and a three-day weekend at New Year's, and that makes me very happy.

So, in the meantime, things on my mind today:

• I dreamed last night that I was pregnant. It was very vivid, and followed the pregnancy from beginning to end. I was so happy to be pregnant, even when, in the dream, I realized just before I went to the hospital in labor that we had never put together a nursery for the baby. I assume that the dream was caused by all the baby talk on the blog recently? Either way, I was genuinely sad when I woke up and realized I wasn't pregnant.
  
• We cleaned and organized the garage this weekend. I did not take photos, because to be honest, the "before" photos would have been too embarrassing. I am almost afraid to admit that we still had all the cardboard boxes in there that we used when we moved in, back in April. Plus all the cardboard boxes that we've accumulated since then, including things from online orders, packages sent, and big items (such as the shower door and the recliner) purchased. Cleaning the whole thing out took only two hours, and we recycled all the cardboard. Now that garage is clean, spacious, and organized, and I am surprised at how much better I feel. Just thinking about that nice garage makes me happy.
• We've been giving Montana various Kong-style toys with treats in them recently, in an attempt to encourage her to play and chew more. She does chew bones and play, but she's not obsessed with either of those things, and often loses interest quickly. Because of her kennel cough, we've been keeping her away from the dog park, so eventually she got bored enough that she actually picked up a tennis ball and played with it in the yard without encouragement. We were thrilled, but we also notice that she has almost zero mouth coordination. She can't catch a ball in midair, and she almost always misses the ball on her first attempt to pick it up off the ground, and she drops it frequently once she does manage to pick it up. And the chew toys are the same way. She really struggles to get treats out of the Kongs, and often gets frustrated and stops trying. It's adorable, but it's also sad--clearly she never had toys or treats for the first few years of her life, and it is obvious that she is still behind in this area of development as a result.
• It snowed yesterday, just a couple inches, nothing major, but for the first time since we moved here, the city of Denver seemed unprepared. The major, six-lane street near our house wasn't salted at all, so even though it was plowed, there is a very thick, scary layer of ice over it, or at least there was last night, and given how cold it still is, I'd be surprised if it were already gone. People were slipping and sliding all over the place. I foresee lots of nights in this week.
  
• Torsten is flying to DC later this morning for a business trip. I only hope that we're able to get to the airport with no problem and that his flight isn't delayed or canceled. Though selfishly I'd be happy if he did have to stay here in Denver with me this week.
  

That whole baby thing

So, yesterday a few of you asked me to elaborate a bit more on the whole baby thing. I try not to go on about it on here too much because I feel like I've beaten the subject to death, but I realized after seeing your questions that I talk more about how impatient I am than about exactly what it is that makes me so impatient. You know? So, well, since you asked... here's some detail on how I know I want kids.

For the longest time I thought that I didn't want kids. I didn't even consider the possibility of having kids in any kind of serious way until I was a senior in high school, studying abroad in France. My host family had a two-year-old son and I loved that kid so much it almost physically hurt. Plus, I lived with him. Other than when I was in school, I saw him all day, every day. I heard him when he woke up crying in the middle of the night and I took care of him a lot and I dealt with his tantrums. And I amazed myself by not getting sick of it, and not minding the bad parts.

I mean, granted, he wasn't my kid and I wasn't in charge of dealing with a lot of those big parenting issues, but it was my first realization that hey, maybe having a kid isn't all grunt work and frustration.

And actually, I still remember when I realized more concretely that not only was I actually open to the idea of having kids, but I actively wanted kids. It was the summer after my first year of college, and I was working as a counselor at a summer camp for academically gifted high school students. I was 19 and my group of kids was 16, so I was only three years older than them, and yet I loved working with them. I loved dealing with their issues and I loved how smart and interesting they were and--and I know this sounds ridiculous since I was a teenager myself--I realized how incredibly awesome it would be to have teenage children of my own someday.

Seriously. I know I'm weird. But I really do remember. So the short version is that apparently my mind about kids changed, at least conceptually, over the course of about two years.

But of course then there's the part about knowing not just that I want kids someday, in the abstract, but that I want them soon, or even now. And honestly, that part is a little less clear-cut for me. There wasn't a moment, exactly, where I realized, hey, I'm ready for this. And I think, as everyone always says, that that moment of feeling completely ready will never come.

But I do feel ready, for the most part. When Torsten and I were talking about having kids back before we got engaged, we agreed that we wanted them sometime in the not-too-distant future, but also not right away. When we talked about it after the wedding date was set, we agreed that waiting a year and a half or so after our wedding would make sense--give us time to enjoy just being together, to get some things in our lives in order, and so on, without excessively delaying something that we both wanted.

And then I just started to get baby fever. I love babies. When I see one, I immediately want to have it, and barring that, I want to have a long conversation with its parents about all the little details that most people would not care about at all. I think about babies all the time. It's partly the cute stuff--I love seeing adorable babies in person, and in photos, and looking at cute baby clothes, and thinking about cuddly sweet good-smelling babies.

But the thing is that I like them even when the not-so-cute stuff is going on. I don't mind changing diapers. I don't mind crying babies. I don't even mind sitting next to a screaming baby on an airplane. That's how bad it is. When I hear a baby crying, my first reaction isn't to be annoyed, it's to feel sorry for the poor sad baby.

I also like thinking about the details. I want to choose a name. I want to figure out the childcare situation. I want to figure out what I want out of the pregnancy and childbirth experience, and educate myself, and come up with some sort of birth plan. I want to start looking into options for schools. I want to DEAL with this stuff, not just sort of think about it dreamily but really dive into it.

Also, our life right now is so stable. We have everything we need to have a kid... the time, the space, the finances, the mindset. We can do this. Of course we won't do it perfectly. But we're ready for it. A baby would fit into our lives. This doesn't mean there won't be adjustments, but we're already domestic, you know? We don't go out that often. A lot of the stuff we do go out for is stuff that a child could come along with. We like being at home and doing homebody stuff. We devote a lot of time to our dog, and while she certainly benefits from it, some of that time could quite easily be reallocated to a child, you know? And we'd both be happy to do that.

AND, it's not just about babies. I want older kids too. I'm excited about having kids of all ages, and watching them grow and develop, and getting to know their personalities and helping them deal with the different problems that kids face as they get older. Really, I'm not kidding when I say that I look forward to having teenagers.

I mean, some of it is dreamy too. I am excited to be pregnant, in that cheesy-movie way, even though I KNOW that the reality of it tends to be far less pleasant than the daydream version. I am excited to tell people that I'm pregnant, and I'm excited to have that moment with Torsten where we get to hold our baby for the first time.

And, I'm excited to have a baby with Torsten. I'm looking forward to doing this together, not just making a baby that has both of our genes (because there's no guarantee that we'll be able to do that, and I'd be just as excited, though in a somewhat different way, about adopting a baby with him), but parenting together. Having something that we both love so much. Even dealing with the inevitable disagreements about how to handle specific situations. I'm looking forward to parenting with him, and I'm looking forward to seeing him as a parent.

If there was a moment when I knew I was ready, I'd say it was when it occurred to us that hey, we don't HAVE to wait a year and a half to start trying. We COULD start trying earlier, if we wanted. And instead of being like OMG WE COULD HAVE A BABY NOW COMMENCE FREAKOUT, I was thrilled. Even though then I had surgery, and we have a variety of reasons for sticking to our original timeline after all, and therefore decided not to push up the baby-making schedule, the fact is that the idea of getting pregnant right now is positive.

And also, every month when I get my period, even though I'm on the pill, I'm a little bit disappointed.

What about you? When and how did you know if you wanted kids or not?

Grumps

So, the last time (or one of the last times) I did a post like this, I got reamed (anonymously, of course) for complaining too much. But you know what? I'm grumpy. So, I'm going to complain. After all, what better way to break a streak of cheery holiday posts than with a list of complaints? That's what I thought.

• We ordered something from Amazon that showed up broken, so the other day I went online to arrange a pickup with UPS. All was good and well until they called yesterday at 6:45 in the morning to play me a recording saying they would show up between 8 a.m. and 7 p.m. I know, their call center is probably on East Coast time, but OMG, UPS is worldwide. Learn your time zones!
• Today is FINALLY the day when we get to pick Montana up (this really cancels out my grumpiness, but indulge me with this list anyway, please). Of course, the temperature last night was in the single digits--it is currently 1 degree out--and the high today is supposed to be 17. And you're not allowed to wear a coat to the prison. (I don't know either. Too easy to sneak in contraband?) Of course this is the coldest day we've had since moving here and of course it's the one day I have to go somewhere without a coat. Isn't that hilarious? Ha ha ha haaaaaa if I get pneumonia, I'm suing.
• People on Facebook keep posting these cryptic status updates about how their lives are falling apart and not providing details. I know they want to vent, and I'm sorry things aren't going well, but if you're going to air your grievances in such a public forum, at least be clear about what's going on so I don't have to panic that you're getting divorced, etc. and really all you mean is that you had a bad day at work.
• My most recent band fill was great for over a month, but now it's started to relax. On the advice of the nurse, I didn't make an appointment for my next fill plus six-month checkup last time I was there, and instead just called to make an appointment once I felt the fill relaxing. I was hoping to get in there within the next day or so. (For the record, a fill literally takes under five minutes. It's a quick injection into your port. I could practically do it myself.) Instead, I was told that the next open fill appointment wasn't for two and a half weeks, and the next open six-month check-in appointment isn't until January (at which point it will really be an eight-month check-in, but whatever). So now, not only do I have to go two weeks feeling hungrier than I should, but I also have to pay two co-pays for what was supposed to be one appointment, due to THEIR scheduling problems and bad advice.
• I want a baby NOW. And I don't have one. Not even close.

What about you? Any grumps to share, or is the holiday cheer just overwhelming your life these days?

Holiday tipping

Well! It looks like it's Holiday Week around here, so, um, even though it was unintentional, let's just go with it, OK? Because yesterday our newspaper came with a little envelope in it, containing a holiday card from our newspaper carrier, but clearly the holiday card is out of pure politeness because the envelope containing the card was addressed to the paper carrier.

I mean, it's my understanding that this is pretty standard practice, and I had actually been thinking about it and sort of expecting it, so I wasn't surprised or anything.

And, you know, our paper carrier gets up at the crack of dawn every day to deliver our paper, even when there's over a foot of snow outside and most of the roads aren't plowed, and I assume that he isn't paid very much to do it. So, I want to give him a good tip. But I have no idea what that would be.

I like to tip and I prefer to tip well, while simultaneously not breaking the bank. I did some Googling and found answers ranging from $10 to $50 for people who receive papers 7 days a week (as we do). So, I was thinking $25? Is that reasonable? I want to be generous and I really have no idea what generous is, and also we are trying really hard to save money so while I want to be generous, I also don't want to kill the semblance of a budget that we have going on.

And, also, can I assume that this is just the first of many people to tip this holiday season? I am trying to think of who else we might tip. The mail carrier? I read that they are prohibited from accepting more than $20 in cash... but does that mean that we can leave them a tip of $20 or less? Is that standard and/or expected? And doesn't the post office do some kind of canned food drive at the holidays?

In past years when we lived in an apartment, there was always a collection by the tenants' association to tip the front desk staff, but now we're in a house so I guess that's out. But there must be other people, right? People I'm not thinking of?

Basically, this whole homeowner/grown-up thing is, you know, new and I have no idea how to handle it. But that's why I have a blog, right? Help me here, please. Who do you tip at the holidays, and how much?

Christmas shopping: DONE

My goodness, it's December! And what better way to celebrate than by finishing off our Christmas shopping? We picked out and purchased gifts for Torsten's parents last night, thus completing our list. I now have presents for Torsten, my parents, my sister and her fiance, my sister's soon-to-be-stepkids, and Torsten's parents.

My sister and I are still working on picking out and purchasing joint gifts for a couple mutual friends, but for the most part, we are DONE. And I feel quite pleased about that. Also, I'm very excited about what I'm giving Torsten this year (even though the recliner we purchased is our real gift to each other). I got him a couple of small gifts, as well as an assortment of awesome stocking stuffers, and I can't wait to give them to him.

Also, yesterday I mailed out our holiday cards, and an old lady at the post office even complimented me on getting them out so early. It was sweet, but as I told her, it's our first year sending them out, so of course we're on the ball. It's if/when we mail them out a few years down the road that will REALLY be telling. (Though: perhaps we'll receive holiday cards from people we didn't send them to? In which case, maybe we'll send out a few reciprocal cards a bit later in the month? Is that rude, or a good thing to do?)

AND we bought a gravy boat. I'm feeling very grown up over this. Because, let's face it: only grown-ups use gravy boats. Right? Even if they only cost $8. But it's cute, right? Also, I kind of want the matching pitcher, but we don't need to spend $39 on that right now. Or should I say, more firmly, we need NOT to spend $39 on that right now. Tragically.


I'm feeling good, though. I'm down another few pounds over the last couple of weeks, thus FINALLY ending the jean-size limbo I was in, where every pair of jeans I found was either too big or too small. This weekend Torsten and I went to Old Navy and I found not one but TWO pairs of jeans that fit me perfectly, AND were on super sale, AND I had a coupon, so I ended up making out for super cheap, which is perfect for these transitional sizes where the jeans will only fit for a month or two.

So, you know. Jeans that fit. Holiday cards mailed out. Holiday shopping done. Christmas tree set up. All little things, but they feel really good.

It's just been a good year, you know? I know that 2009 has been very difficult for a lot of people, and that most people are really super ready for the year to be over. And I totally sympathize with that, and feel terrible about all the difficult situations that so many of my friends are facing at the moment.

But, personally, for us, it was such a big year. I can't even believe how far we are now from where we were when this year started, and in such a good way. I just hope that 2010 will be as great for everyone as 2009 was for us.