Thursday, December 11, 2008

Three, two, one

I've always disliked countdowns, and it can be traced back to that damn game. It's called Perfection, and the idea is that you have to get all the little pieces into their appropriate slots before the time runs out, at which point the whole thing pops up and the pieces fly everywhere. Apparently I used to play this game at the age of four, and every time, EVERY TIME, I KNEW the thing was going to pop up and yet when it happened, I would jump and scream. According to my mother, she let me keep playing because my startlement was just so cute. Perhaps that's true, but Mom, if you're reading this? PERMANENT DAMAGE.

Seriously, I've figured this out. I don't like surprises. I absolutely do not like not knowing what's going to happen next, and I especially don't like it if I know that something is going to happen, but I don't know exactly what or when. The thing that bothered me about that game was that I knew that at any second it was going to pop, and I would get increasingly tense and my heart would pound as I waited for it to happen. I'm still the same way. I don't like it when people count down to anything, even photos. If something's going to happen, I want it to just bloody happen already, or at the very least I want to know every last detail of exactly when and where it will happen. I need full information at all times, thank you.

This isn't to say that there aren't some surprises I like. For example, I could easily have peeked at the wedding vows Torsten wrote for me, but I would never dream of doing that because I wanted them to be fresh when I heard them at the wedding. And I like surprising Christmas presents and all of that. I like positive surprises, but I like knowing the framework in which the surprises are going to occur. For example, if the wedding itself had been a surprise? Not sure I would have liked that so much.

Same thing with movies. I hate scary movies. Really, really hate them. I hate especially the ones with eerie soundtracks that imply that something horrible or surprising is about to happen. Did anyone see The Others? That movie nearly KILLED me, but then I saw it again and it was fine. Once everything is laid out and predictable, I'm FINE.

Recently I've been congested and Torsten has been giving me nasal spray. Yes, I said he's been giving it to me, and by that I mean that he has been inserting the nozzle up my nose and squirting, and the reason for that is that I hate putting things, especially misty, liquidy things in my nose, and therefore he offered to do it for me the first time and now he views this particular task as belonging to him. I know, we're nauseating and also a little bit weird, but you know what? I'm over it and you should be too.

It takes Torsten forever to get the damn thing in my nostril because I instinctively duck my head when I see the bottle coming toward me, and then he tries to count down before he actually squirts. I know he thinks he's doing me a favor by giving me fair warning, but you know what? The nozzle is already up my nose, I'm pretty sure I know what's going to be happening next, so please just get it over with as fast as possible. Finally, after many incidents of my blood pressure rising as I deal with the countdown to nose-spray doom, I snapped and yelled, "STOP COUNTING AND JUST SQUIRT IT ALREADY."

OK, maybe I'm not very good at picking my battles, but I'm telling you, it's all that stupid game's fault! It deserves its measly 4/10 customer rating on Board Game Geek, that's all I'm saying.

However, the kind of countdown that is basically meaningless? Like the one that happens on New Year's Eve? I am TOTALLY down with that. Does that count as progress?

28 comments:

  1. Oh man- I'm the same way! And I remember that blasted boardgame too! Maybe we were both scarred for life by it!
    I HATE knowing something bad/scary/shocking is about to happen... the lead up is always much worse than the actual thing. And If I suspect something bad is happening I will totally freak myself out, coming up with things way worse than what probably is happening. So I tell people to please not "keep it a secret to protect me from worrying" Trust me.. I'll worry a lot more if I don't know.

    Not that this helps... at all.. but just sayin' I totally understand :)

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  2. hahahahahaha. I'm the same way - HATE waiting for suprises and I loathe scary movies.

    And I remember that game!! The "popping up" thing scared me everytime, even though i knew it was going to happen.
    It still happens with Jack-In-The-Boxes to this day. Hate those.

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  3. I'm sorry, but... I'm sitting here, making funny noises into the front of my robe (hey, it's EARLY here), trying to not wake the family with my raucous laughter. It's the image of you playing the game...

    But, I'm with you on the whole surprise thing. Gah! Do. Not. Like. LOTM, on the other hand, LOVES them and thinks I should too.

    Oh, despite my loathing of surprises, I do like a good scary movie. Bizarre, I know, but I like to find out if I'm right about the ending. Of course, sometimes it takes a few viewings for me to see the whole thing, but I can do it.

    Now, I must go clean off my monitor and apologize to the guys for waking them. I'll blame it on you, ok?

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  4. How about the countdown to Christmas? We have an Advent Chain that my son made in Sunday School, and everyday it has a passage and an activity. That has made our countdown interactive, and we've been enjoying that a lot!

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  5. Hahah! I played that game :) I also hate surprises and scary movies. Go figure. maybe it's a trend...

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  6. I hate scary movies, too. "The Ring" nearly killed me.

    And I had the same problem with the game Perfection. So stressful! Gah! And Operation was just as bad.

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  7. Ahahahahah. I needed this laugh. Thanks, Jess! Your countdown reminded me of Biggest Loser last week. When Vicki got all freaked out about jumping into the pool (from a pretty high height). And she sat there and freaked for a long time. Until one of the other contestants talked her down. OMG, that was equally as hilarious! Silly countdowns. =)

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  8. ha! i'm one of those weirdos who LIKES that sort of thing - i like rollercoasters, i like the adrenaline rush of being scared out of my gourd during scary movies, and i LOVE surprises.

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  9. Ah, the counting thing just made me laugh. I ate surprises too.

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  10. I don't care for surprises and if I'm forced to watch a scary movie I do it hiding under a blanket.

    The only surprise that was awesome was my engagement but I knew that was coming eventually so it wasn't totally earth shattering.

    I love that Torsten squirts the nasal spray for you.

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  11. Oh god I hate timed games. HATE. And Perfection was absolute madeness. I shudder to remember it.

    I hate surprises too.

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  12. I love surprises but I hate not being in control of everything - do you see how those two things don't fit together?

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  13. I completely understand what you mean. I hated that Perfection game and I cannot stand scary movies. But countdowns to exciting/fun events? Yes, please!

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  14. Hmmm... I am too anal retentive and a control freak to deal with a countdown for anything so after the first time of Hubby attempting to squirt nasal spray up my nose and counting down to prepare me, I would have yanked the bottle from his hand, squirted by own nose and screamed at him that he is too slow and we would never have that cute and adorable togetherness thing that you and Torsten so sweetly share...

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  15. I'm another one of those weird people that does like surprises. I love scary movies. But the one game which always made me nervous was jenga. (not sure i spelled that right). I hate possibly being the one which didn't put the block in right and the whole thing came crashing down. always scared the crap out of me.

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  16. I still love Scary movies, but understand. I don't know if I could handle someone else squirting nasal spray up my nose. You are brave. I have to control it myself. I think New Year's Eve countdown is easier b/c you know it's coming and they won't suddenly change their mind and let it drop early. So it is a known anticipation!

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  17. Ha ha ha! "JUST SQUIRT IT ALREADY" has me in tears. Too funny.

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  18. Oh no, my friends gave me "The Others" on DVD for my birthday last year (the title is an insider for us...that's the only reason) and now I don't think I'll ever be able to watch it...

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  19. I hate scary movies too. HATE THEM. I saw Blair Witch Project and I CRIED at the end because I wished I'd never seen it.

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  20. a) I totally heart you.

    b) I also abhor scary movies. Can. Not. Deal.

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  21. The nasal thing sounds like the Friends episode where Monica has to hold Rachel down to give her eye drops. Yes, that show is very old and i can still quote from it.

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  22. I tell people the story about you and Perfection, without mentioning your name, of course, all the time. It's a big hit, for the record.

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  23. I never cared for the game Perfection, but my little sister was ADDICTED to it. She would play game after game.. getting more and more frustrated.

    So.. what's a big sister to do?

    While she was intensely focusing on getting every little yellow plastic piece into the correctly-shaped hole, I would palm one. As she neared perfection, she would frantically look around for the last piece - and by the time she realized I had it - the game would erupt and spew its contents all over the room!

    It was great. :)

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  24. Have you ever had your eyes checked for glaucoma? Oh man... they shoot that puff of air in your eye and I'm a goner. The first eye I can mentally convince myself that it's okay, but the second eye twitches so much from the anticipation that it takes forever to get the air in!

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  25. Oh man, that game is one of the worst! And I'm with you about hating surprises. LOATHE. My 18th birthday was the only surprise one I've ever had and it was also the absolute, never-to-be-topped, WORST birthday EVER. EVER! It solidified my hatred for surprises.

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