Three, two, one

I've always disliked countdowns, and it can be traced back to that damn game. It's called Perfection, and the idea is that you have to get all the little pieces into their appropriate slots before the time runs out, at which point the whole thing pops up and the pieces fly everywhere. Apparently I used to play this game at the age of four, and every time, EVERY TIME, I KNEW the thing was going to pop up and yet when it happened, I would jump and scream. According to my mother, she let me keep playing because my startlement was just so cute. Perhaps that's true, but Mom, if you're reading this? PERMANENT DAMAGE.

Seriously, I've figured this out. I don't like surprises. I absolutely do not like not knowing what's going to happen next, and I especially don't like it if I know that something is going to happen, but I don't know exactly what or when. The thing that bothered me about that game was that I knew that at any second it was going to pop, and I would get increasingly tense and my heart would pound as I waited for it to happen. I'm still the same way. I don't like it when people count down to anything, even photos. If something's going to happen, I want it to just bloody happen already, or at the very least I want to know every last detail of exactly when and where it will happen. I need full information at all times, thank you.

This isn't to say that there aren't some surprises I like. For example, I could easily have peeked at the wedding vows Torsten wrote for me, but I would never dream of doing that because I wanted them to be fresh when I heard them at the wedding. And I like surprising Christmas presents and all of that. I like positive surprises, but I like knowing the framework in which the surprises are going to occur. For example, if the wedding itself had been a surprise? Not sure I would have liked that so much.

Same thing with movies. I hate scary movies. Really, really hate them. I hate especially the ones with eerie soundtracks that imply that something horrible or surprising is about to happen. Did anyone see The Others? That movie nearly KILLED me, but then I saw it again and it was fine. Once everything is laid out and predictable, I'm FINE.

Recently I've been congested and Torsten has been giving me nasal spray. Yes, I said he's been giving it to me, and by that I mean that he has been inserting the nozzle up my nose and squirting, and the reason for that is that I hate putting things, especially misty, liquidy things in my nose, and therefore he offered to do it for me the first time and now he views this particular task as belonging to him. I know, we're nauseating and also a little bit weird, but you know what? I'm over it and you should be too.

It takes Torsten forever to get the damn thing in my nostril because I instinctively duck my head when I see the bottle coming toward me, and then he tries to count down before he actually squirts. I know he thinks he's doing me a favor by giving me fair warning, but you know what? The nozzle is already up my nose, I'm pretty sure I know what's going to be happening next, so please just get it over with as fast as possible. Finally, after many incidents of my blood pressure rising as I deal with the countdown to nose-spray doom, I snapped and yelled, "STOP COUNTING AND JUST SQUIRT IT ALREADY."

OK, maybe I'm not very good at picking my battles, but I'm telling you, it's all that stupid game's fault! It deserves its measly 4/10 customer rating on Board Game Geek, that's all I'm saying.

However, the kind of countdown that is basically meaningless? Like the one that happens on New Year's Eve? I am TOTALLY down with that. Does that count as progress?