Friday, December 12, 2008

Perspective, or lack thereof

Last week was my first five-day workweek in about two months. With wedding stuff and the honeymoon and holidays and retreats and compressed workweeks and whatnot, I hadn't worked a full five days straight since, I believe, the very beginning of October. So I think it's fair to say that I was dreading it. But in actuality, it flew by. I was impressed, and began looking forward to the next few weeks when the workdays will be fewer.

But, clearly I counted my weeks when only one had hatched, because this week has been the longest EVER. It doesn't help that my new computer has some sort of hardware problem that causes software to crash and the computer itself to freeze and/or not wake up, and that I spent an hour and a half on the phone with Dell last night, getting transferred from one useless customer service rep to another and then getting mysteriously disconnected every time--yes, EVERY TIME--that I was allegedly going to get to talk to a manager or anyone else the slightest bit useful, until finally I called back after getting disconnected and was told that it was after business hours and I'd have to call again the next day, i.e. today. That kind of experience really puts a damper on your evening, and I think my blood pressure is still twice its normal range from the experience. And now I have calling them and going through the same thing again on my list of things to do today, and I really, really, really don't want to.

Today is our office holiday party, and though it's a fun and somewhat swanky affair (cocktail dress, open bar, all different cuisines including sushi, raffle for real prizes like free plane tickets, dancing with a good DJ, etc.), I'm feeling somewhat downtrodden by it. For one thing, I was torn between wearing jeans to work since it's Friday and therefore casual, and then changing into a nice dress for the party, and just wearing an in-between dress to work and going to the party dressed in that. I went for the latter and I'm wearing a purple wrap dress that normally I like, but I feel so beaten and exhausted that I really wish I were just wearing jeans and a sweater. But then I would have to go to the work bathroom and change for the party like a teenager and I don't think I'd have the energy for that either. I think I'm lacking perspective on this week.

On the other hand, I think I'm gaining perspective on the past. Yesterday I was having a conversation with the lovely Each about ridiculous past relationships, and this friend of mine from when I was living in Senegal came up, and I realized that you know what? I kept a journal fastidiously while I was there, so much so that I filled it up and had to purchase another one. And then I came home and took a creative nonfiction writing class and I wrote so much about Senegal, which was obviously just me processing through the experience. And then I graduated college and moved to DC and started a job and met Torsten and changed jobs and got married and in the midst of it all, my experience in Senegal kind of got shoved to the back of my mind.

But in discussing it yesterday, I realized that I had a lot of really crazy experiences there, and that maybe I'm in a place where writing them out again from a more distanced place might make for a very interesting, cathartic experience. So I think I'm going to do that, privately, just for myself. I started yesterday and it was so interesting, looking back at all the stuff that happened while I was there from this distanced vantage point.

It was such a new experience for me and changed me in so many ways, and it's taken these four years of distance to start understanding that. And I imagine in another forty years I'll look back and think of even more ways that the whole experience affected me. So having this kind of tangible subject to write about, just for myself... it's a nice feeling. It's good to have things to write other than the blog. Not that I don't love the blog. But private outlets are good too.

15 comments:

  1. BE CAREFUL at your holiday party. Have a good time, but not too good a time. Our holiday party was last Friday night and one employee may not be coming back to work because of his drunken behavior at the holiday party.

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  2. Our party is today too! I am one of the few who opted for jeans at work and then changing before the party. I didn't want my clothes to get wrinkled on the train ride =).

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  3. I so agree with you! Whenever I read old journals of mine I am always so glad I took the time to write about whatever was going on in my life at the time. I have started writing again - offline - and it is very rewarding.

    Have fun tonight!

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  4. Your holiday work party sounds lovely. Ours is casual, at 3:30 in the afternoon, and we have to pay $25 to go. Sigh.

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  5. Ooo, that Dell experience sounds like the 7th level of Hell.

    Too bad you just couldn't wear jeans to the party.

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  6. Oh, i'd be interested to hear about some of your experiences in Senegal. It just sounds like it would be so, so different from anything i've ever experienced in travel. But it is, of course, great to write for yourself for your own enjoyment.
    Though, maybe just maybe, you'll have a publishable book when you're done....

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  7. Enjoy your holiday party!

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  8. I hope you have fun at your party tonight. ;)

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  9. Have fun at your party - and I would love to hear a little about Senegal if you want to share! That sounds very exotic ;)

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  10. I have a feeling that a little holiday cheer will pull you out of your downtrodden funk. Enjoy yourself!

    (You don't strike me as the get-wasted-at-the-office-party-and-photocopy-your-bum type, so I'll save those warnings for someone who actually needs them. Like, oh, me. If I had a job. :) )

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  11. Lucky! Our holiday party is in a CLASSROOM and is POTLUCK and it is at 11:30 in the MORNING!

    I hope you do have fun though. And it will be interesting..if we get to hear about your writings :)

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  12. I'm really going to miss not going to my old company's holiday party. :( I would say, just take the time to freshen up after work and between the party. You'll feel better.

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  13. Writing can be much more cathartic than having that writing read. Sounds like a great experience. Glad to have found this blog.

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  14. This excites me because your Senegal posts from the past were great, and what made me start reading the blog!

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  15. Hey, maybe Dell will contact you like the flower people did and make everything right with your computer!

    Have FUN at your office party! I went to Sid's Battalion Christmas party last weekend and it was just what the doctor ordered to pull me out of my funk. Hope the same happens for you! :)

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