Swamped

I realize that I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but OMG work is KILLING me. I am seriously floundering. And it's not even just that I'm about to leave for two weeks and have tons of stuff to finish before I'm done--although that's part of it. It's mostly that we have this huge deliverable due TODAY and I am still not totally sure how that's going to happen. Seriously, it's all very unclear. I don't have time to eat lunch, or talk to people, or even breathe, really.

All I can say is, thank GOD that all the wedding planning is done, because if I had to deal with this work crap while trying to nail down a million final wedding details? I don't think I would live to see the wedding.

I keep telling myself that no matter what, at the end of today the worst will be over and things can normalize for, like, two days before the wedding stuff really kicks off, but oh my god I seriously cannot see past the end of today. It's just too much. I am usually very good about having perspective, but right now? Really stuck on the present, really unable to fathom what it will be like once it's all done and the deliverable has been, well, delivered.

Yesterday when I got home, my French mother had cooked dinner, which was amazing--and it was fabulous not to have to worry about pulling dinner together after such a horrible day--but somehow it was also exhausting, because we had guests. And for us, the apartment is clean, but I guess not to her, because she had organized all the cabinets and even arranged the shoes that we had left lying in the hall all in a neat row under the table. She can't help it, and it's so nice, but apparently I'm one of those people who needs to be alone to recharge--and alone includes when Torsten is there--because even though she took a huge load off, and I really appreciate it, I didn't really start to relax until after they left and it was just the two of us. Although really not even then, because I did more work.

Argh. I can't even think straight. Seriously, I am incapable of coherently organizing my thoughts. And that NEVER happens to me.

By tonight it will all be over. I think it's time to start chanting the old mantra from my college finals days: Better done than good. Better done than good.