Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Well, THAT was fun.

Well, so much for 90-minute, minimally invasive surgery with a two-centimeter incision. The surgery started at eight a.m. and lasted FIVE HOURS. Did you know that when you have your neck operated on for five hours, it isn't just the incision that hurts afterward? Because they tilt your head way back in this hollow circle thing so that they have unobstructed access to the surgery site? And they hold it there, perfectly still, for five hours? So when you wake up, OH MY GOD IT'S SO STIFF.

Anyway, so, I'm still in the hospital, but I'm supposed to be going home sometime today, hopefully soon. We got here at 5:30 a.m. yesterday, as specified. There wasn't much of a wait. I was being prepped for surgery by six o'clock or so, including wearing a fantastic purple paper gown. It was seriously the best paper gown I've ever seen--thick and padded and with vents that hooked up to a hose that blew in temperature-controlled air so I could stay as warm or cool as I liked. In fact, I'm thinking about setting up some similar technology for my wedding dress, because all those layers are HOT.

Then, let's see. Oh, they wanted to do a pregnancy test just to be absolutely sure before they put me under, so I had to give a urine sample, which I thought was convenient because I really had to pee. Seriously, really bad. But when I got to that bathroom with that cup, I just... I couldn't do it. I thought I had overcome the inability to pee under pressure during the 24-hour urine test, but it was back. So I went back and said I'd try again later, and the nurse said she literally only needed three drops for the pregnancy test. She wasn't exaggerating--the instructions on the test really do call for three drops of pee.

So I trudged back to the bathroom, ran the water, struggled for awhile, and finally forced out--and again, NO EXAGGERATION--precisely, and I mean precisely, two and a half drops of pee. The nurse was literally trying to vacuum the sides of the container with her little eye dropper, and she managed to get JUST enough to do the test (and yes it was negative, thanks for asking).

As soon as she gave me the results? I went to the bathroom and peed like a champ. God, I suck.

Anyway, eventually they walked me to the operating room, and I said goodbye to Torsten, which felt sad, and I don't remember much from there. I remember that people were rushing all around in the OR, and that it felt like a scary, intimidating place. I remember the anesthesiologist telling me that I'd fall asleep soon, but I don't remember counting backward from 100 or anything. And the next thing I knew, one of the doctors was wiping my face and telling me I did great and I was being wheeled to the recovery room. A nurse was asking me questions and I was giving answers, but I wasn't really aware of what was happening. It was like, I heard the question, and I heard the answer, and the answer was correct and relevant, but it didn't feel like I was the one answering. Does it hurt? Yes. Where? Throat. How bad on a scale of 1-10? Four. And so on. All accurate, but I have no idea how I was able to answer them so automatically. Cool little brain feature, huh?

I asked for Torsten but they said they didn't want to bring him in until I was stable and comfortable. I saw that it was one o'clock and tried to ask what the hell had happened during my surgery, because I had been told that it was a short procedure that would be over by 9:30, but nobody would tell me anything. I knew that Torsten must have had an update from the surgeon, but they wouldn't let me see him. In retrospect, those five hours must have been incredibly sucky for Torsten and my family. I know how badly it sucks to sit there waiting for someone you love to come out of surgery, and five hours is a lot to wait, especially if you know that they've encountered some kind of complication. At least I got to sleep through it, you know?

Oh, and also? You know how general anesthesia causes some people to feel nauseated? It turns out that I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. And my neck hurt like crazy, all different types of pain, stiffness plus the incision plus some other bizarre feelings that I couldn't really identify, including one that felt like I had something tied tightly around my neck, which I did not. I was very uncomfortable but the recovery room was super busy and I was too groggy to do anything to get a nurse's attention.

Finally someone came over. They tried one nausea med and it didn't work. They upped my dose of morphine and that was very nice. They gave me another nausea med and it worked, but it knocked me out FLAT. The nurse was like, "In a minute you're going to feel very sleepy," and DAMN, she was right. I could barely open my eyes and barely whisper. They put a little vomit tray on my chest in case I had to puke, but I couldn't lift my head so it wouldn't have been much use. Good thing I didn't end up puking. I kept asking for Torsten and they kept saying I couldn't see him until I was in my hospital room, which might not be for hours, depending on when a bed opened up.

Luckily, I was only in the recovery room for two hours. Then they wheeled me up to my actual (lovely, private) room and then Torsten was there in the hallway and I was so happy to see him that I almost cried. I was still very out of it from the anesthesia and the nausea medication. They let me put on my own nightgown, which I appreciated. I had to pee into what they call a "hat" that is suspended over the toilet so that they could measure my pee. I hadn't peed in over nine hours, and had taken in quite a lot of fluid through my IV, so I really had to go, but the pressure thing got to me again and it took me about fifteen minutes before I managed to pee.

Then I got into bed, totally exhausted and in pain, and Torsten told me what had happened. Apparently the enlarged gland that was visible on the ultrasound and the parathyroid scan, the one they thought was the problem gland, was actually totally fine, but they didn't know that until they took it out and the lab tests came back unchanged. So then they had to widen their original two-centimeter incision to six centimeters. Torsten didn't know that at the time; I found out later from the surgeon. And I am not happy about it. I haven't seen it yet, but I am not looking forward to it. It was supposed to be a little, tiny, barely-noticeable scar, but now it isn't going to be.

Anyway, when they opened up the incision further, they found the real problem, which was a different parathyroid gland (there are four altogether). They removed it and stitched me up and that was that. The biopsy and blood tests came back normal, so the problem appears to have been solved. And I'm very glad for that, even at the cost of a scar that's three times the size it was supposed to be.

And also? I've learned something about myself: I am not very good at being babied. I was actually apologizing to the nurse for being nauseated. I kept telling people I was sorry that I needed them to do this or that for me. I batted Torsten away when he tried to help me unplug my IV so that I could go to the bathroom. I was grumpy at him for trying to raise and lower my bed for me. Apparently, I LIKE doing things for myself, even when I'm in no condition to be doing them.

So, in conclusion: My scar is triple its original projected length, waking up from general anesthesia sucked, and I am now out two out of four parathyroid glands. But the surgery appears to have been successful, and that's the most important thing. Also, a clear liquid diet (thanks to anesthesia-induced nausea) is a great way to stick to your daily allotment of Weight Watchers points. Inhaling a packet of peanut butter Ritz Bits as soon as you're allowed solid foods? Not so much.

64 comments:

  1. Happy to see you back.

    The first time I went under anesthesia, I puked for about 8 hours. The second time? Nothing. No idea why.

    Anyway, you need to make off with that gown. Seriously.

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  2. Wow! That was quite the ordeal. You are very brave, I'm sure I would have been crying at multiple points throughout the day.

    And I'm with slynnro- take that gown home with you and get us some pictures!

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  3. Wow... I'm glad everything came out okay, even after the little 'hiccup' in their plans. I've never been under general anesthesia, but I would almost guarantee that I'd be sick afterwards. Yuck.

    And that gown sounds fabulous- sneak it under your shirt or something! :)

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  4. Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through all that but at least you are fine and everything came back positive :)

    I'm with everyone else--snatch that gown asap!

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  5. Wow! Nothing is ever as easy as they say it is going to be, is it? Glad your doing well. Don't worry about that scar. That is what stage makeup is for!

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  6. Jeezey Creezey! That sucks, Jess.

    However, I am really, really glad that you're ok and the problem's been solved.

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  7. Jesus H! This sucks!

    I'm terrible at being babied too. I tried to get out of staying the night at the hospital after I had AD, but they wouldn't let me.

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  8. My last surgery left me sick as a dog, too, but it was from the morphine rather than the anesthesia. The nausea? WAY worse than the pain.

    Glad you're back and okay!

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  9. Oh yuck honey. I'm so sorry it didn't go quite as planned, but relieved you came out of it in such good spirits.

    Also? I am so much one of those people who experiences nausea with anesthesia that even READING about it just now I started feeling a little woozy and had to walk away for a minute to get a glass of water. I pray I never have to have any general anesthesia surgery ever again.

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  10. I am so glad you're back!
    No surgery yet for me ... but I would not have handled it as well as you. I am a big ol' chicken!

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  11. Oh man... im so glad you made it through all this. You never know, the scar might not be too bad after all! And the nausea, AWFUL - worst thing of the whole experience :( FEEL BETTER!

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  12. Wow, I bet you are glad that is over! It sounded like such an ordeal. I'm glad you're back though! :)

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  13. I'm a little addicted to reading your blog and I'm 1.) glad you're recovering well from the surgery and 2.) glad that you're back!

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  14. The wait must have been torture to poor Torsten.

    I'm sure the scar will be fine... they're better at those things now than they used to be.

    Hope you're feeling better soon!

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  15. Oh man. I'm sorry things didn't go exactly as planned. I was thinking about you yesterday :)

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  16. I'm glad you're okay. I can't believe you hammered out a post that long in the hospital!

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  17. I can't believe the gown was PURPLE...that's awesome! Sounds like the only positive part of the whole experience. Ugh. So glad you're back.

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  18. I can't believe the gown was PURPLE...that's awesome! Sounds like the only positive part of the whole experience. Ugh. So glad you're back.

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  19. happy to see that you are recovering enough to apologize to nurses for having to help you. i imagine that's going to be me when i'm in labor -- wanting to do everything myself and not wanting any help even if i am in PAIN. :)

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  20. I'm sorry it didn't go as planned! I hope the scar fades so that you won't even notice and I'm SO GLAD that your surgery was successful!!!! Yay!
    I bet the one that made you sleepy was phenegren. I had that during labor and it knocked me the hell out.

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  21. Glad everything went well though! Surgeries just freak me out. And yes waiting for someone to come out of surgery can be difficult. It's good to hear you are doing well. :)

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  22. Purple gown? CHECK!!!!

    Ok...so NOW you can have a great 4th weekend, let Torsten pamper you a bit and, you know, due to liquid diet, I think this calls for some 4th of July ice cream.....and neck rubs! Get neck rubs!

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  23. I can't even imagine the level of crick-neckedness you must be experiencing ow...
    And as for nausea and semi-unconciousness....its extremely sucky. I hate that! Thank goodness for drugs that make it go away.

    But hey you survived! And you got a wonderous purple gown. Not bad at all.

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  24. What an ordeal.I'm happy everything turned out okay. How long is the recovery?

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  25. yikes! Glad your back and that everything seems to be better...hope the recovery goes smoothly and quickly <3

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  26. Sorry your surgery turned into a marathon, but I'm glad everything ended up ok. Hope you're feeling better. And relax and let Torsten take care of you, it's nice to be pampered a little when you don't feel well!

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  27. Wow! Well, at least it's over and you'll be all better in no time!

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  28. Gald that you are doing okay!

    Sorry about the extra 4 1/2 hours and the bigger scar, the most important thing is that you are okay.


    Rest and feel better.

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  29. What an ordeal! But I am glad you are recovering. I'm sorry the scar will be bigger than you had hoped but. . .I know it's not fair of me to say since I do not have any outward scars to speak of but people who do have visible scars? I always have found them beautiful. It's like a sign to everyone: "I am a survivor."

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  30. Glad you're alright and getting back to your usual self!

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  31. Even though it wasn't what you expected, I'm glad they found the real source of the issue when they were in there and not after the fact. Wishing you a speedy recovery!

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  32. I'm glad you made it, Jess! I'm sorry about the unpleasantness though...

    I hope the healing process is quick and painless for you.

    PS - I love what sizzle said!

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  33. I'm glad it turned out ok. The scar will fade with time.

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  34. Man, what a happening. I was nauseous too after I got my wisdom teeth out. Yuck. Nothing like puking when everything hurts, too. Puking is a terrible thing to begin with, but after surgery it's horrible. I'm glad you're okay!

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  35. Hey honey bunny I'm so glad you're doing well now, but I'm sorry the surgery sucked so bad! Also, I LOVE that you're blogging from the hospital. Dedication. You has it. All my best wishes for a speedy recovery for you!

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  36. Oh what an ordeal! I'm glad the surgery was a success and hope you continue to feel better!

    I also get nauseated from anesthesia AND pain medication... including the general anesthesia I was under when I had my jaw surgery. Then I woke up with my jaw wired shut and my stomach heaving! Not. Fun.

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  37. Jess! I'm so glad you're doing okay. I was worried about you.

    Are you going to use something on your scar? Like Dermascar? It really will minimize the pink puckering look of new scars.

    Good thing you're so pretty! It probably won't even matter if you had a 34532498 inch scar on your neck. :)

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  38. Gaaah! I hope the rest of your recovery goes quickly and without massive nausea!

    Loves!
    xox

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  39. I'm glad you are are doing well! Scars stink, but if it makes you all better, than I bet it's worth it.

    Hope you stuffed the purple gown in your bag to take home!

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  40. A purple gown? How great is that! Wait for the incision to heal and then put Mederma cream on it. I used it on some facial scars from a car accident and they have noticeably lightened. And, let Torsten take care of you...don't overdo it!

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  41. Glad to hear all is well. But what a bummer that the surgery lasted twice as long and the incision was three times longer.

    Here's hoping for a very speedy recovery!

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  42. So glad to hear everything is ok. I'm impressed you're blogging through the pain. Almost as good as live blogging. Be good to you, rest up and get used to people pampering you (you do have a wedding coming up, right?!).

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  43. I am so glad you made it through okay! I am also glad to hear they didn't discover anything really scary.

    I had convulsions coming out of anesthesia the first time. It sucks going under.

    Rest and feel better!

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  44. I'm glad that you're ok. It sucks to not have the exact outcome you wanted but you're healthy now :)

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  45. Ah, what a hassle! I'm happy to hear that you're back and okay though.

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  46. That does not sound fun, but I'm glad you're OK. And now it's all over and you don't have to worry about it anymore! :)
    Glad to have you back.

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  47. STUPID EXTRA INCISION. but i'm super duper glad everything seems to be FIXED now! just stock up on mederma and slather away until the wedding :-)

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  48. Ugh. What an ordeal. Sorry to hear it. Also sorry you are out an extra gland. (I hope you didn't need that one!) At least they didn't take anything more significant that they didn't need to... you know, like a leg or something. Now THAT would suck.

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  49. Well, I think scars are really cool. I wish I had more visible ones. So you're cool in my books. (Fine, you were before, too).

    I'm the same with the over-apologizing. I can't help it! I am pretty good at being babied though, when I need it. Sounds like quite the ordeal but at least it sounds like its going to turn out a-okay, right?

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  50. Well that's irritating that things didn't go quite as planned. And the nausea...I get that too. It's awful!

    Glad to hear you made it through just fine though. I hope your scar heals quickly and that some of that scar-healer-quickly stuff can help. :)

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  51. I'm glad your surgery went well overall, even though you had a bunch of complications. I am like you by the way- when I once spent a week in the ICU, I too apologized to the nurses and everyone around me and tried to do everything myself despite not having the strength to do so.

    And the scar situation? Not fun, but hey, it builds character. I have a scar on the top of my left hand that runs from my wrist to my knuckles. (You have to try to find the humor in situations, right?)

    By the way, who did Torsten want to win the Euro Cup? I thought it was nice that Spain won (for a change).

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  52. OH, yikes, Jess! I'm glad you survived the ordeal, and I hope the scar isn't anywhere near as visible as you think.

    I definitely puked a lot the first time I went under anesthesia. That was 15 years or so ago and I still shudder to think of it.

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  53. I am not trying to be insenitive at all about your scar, but I have a fairly large scar across my collar bones from a biopsy I had for lymphoma a few years ago. That biopsy saved my life and that scar reminds me of that every single day of my life. You had an operation to remove something in your body that was causing a serious problem. I think you should be a little less vain about the scar and be grateful that you are healthy. Some aren't so lucky.

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  54. Ah no! horible, hospitals are awful! I'm so glad you're ok though. :)

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  55. So glad that you are done with that and don't have to worry about it anymore!

    As soon as your skin is healed and your doc oks it start with the Mederma! It will work, and help minimize that scar.

    Also, Anonymous:
    My understanding about Jess's worry about the scar is that is a new scar close to her wedding date. I think we all should be grateful for our relative health, but a girl definitely has the right to be vain about such things in regards to her wedding if she wants to.

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  56. Ah, anonymous. Way to be a downer.
    Anyways, glad you're okay, Jess! I can't believe that took five hours! I BET your neck hurts! Good grief. I'm glad it all turned out okay in the end though.

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  57. Glad you came out of surgery ok :) Man, five hours is forever, especially when it's supposed to be much shorter. But it's over, and that's what matters now!

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  58. Oh no...it sounds like it was a pretty rough day, but at least you've got the problem removed. Hope you start feeling better and the scar isn't too terrible.

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  59. I'm so glad the surgery went well, even though it turned out to be more invasive than originally planned. Hopefully you heal quickly. It's like they knew you were coming with that special gown. The AC piped in sounds pretty awesome!

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  60. Oww! I can't imagine having my head in one position for hours. Sleeping is troublesome that way!
    I am glad you're fine now. I hope you enjoy resting up.

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