Tuesday, May 25, 2010

First world problems

I'm sick of living on one income.

I mean, it's not that hard, really, not at all. We can afford our mortgage and our car payment and all our other necessary bills. We have cut a lot of things out, like eating out, and hardly miss them. We have a great quality of life and consider ourselves very lucky. My salary is decent and we are doing just fine.

And, it is so worth it. So, so worth it. Torsten is so much happier than he ever was when he was in his previous job. He is doing amazing work. He is on the cutting edge of technology again, exactly where he always used to be until he stopped having the time and energy to stay there while overwhelmed with his last job. He is making great partnerships and already impressing potential clients. He has come much further in the past few months than anybody was expecting. I am really impressed with his progress. He is also very pleased. There is hope that soon there will be a client, maybe even more than one.

But oh, I miss having disposable income. Not so much because I miss buying random things I don't need (though I do miss that to a certain extent). More because I miss being able to do what I want. I guess this is a learning opportunity to figure out what is and is not important to us in terms of budget priorities down the line. And what is important for us to spend money on is experiences.

For example, my best friend is getting married in San Francisco next month, and I won't be attending. She'll be having another wedding in Panama in a year or so and I am already counting on attending that one, but still. That doesn't make up for the fact that I won't be there for this one.

And every now and then a quick vacation, just a long weekend on a last-minute beach resort deal, would be so nice. Sometimes we're just tired, both of us, and want to rejuvenate and take a quick break.

And sometimes artists we really like come to town and we would love to go to their concerts but can't justify the cost. Like Lilith Fair. I've been wanting to go to that show since I was 13 years old and actually went once only to have the mom of the friend I was with force us to leave before Natalie Merchant and Sarah McLachlan came on. Ever since then I've been dying to go back and now the show is coming to Denver but we just can't figure out how to justify the expense. So we aren't going.

And yes, sometimes I do want to buy things. If I see a cute skirt, I want to have it. I'm losing weight and I can't justify purchasing anything other than the most basic pieces from Old Navy to tide me over as I descend to a new size. We take nice new photos, and I want to print them and buy nice frames to hang them in. We have a beautiful dining room table and crappy Ikea chairs that don't fit it at all, and I would like to buy proper chairs to fit the table instead. I want these things. And I used to be able to spend money like that if I wanted to, and now I can't, and that is frustrating.

I know, I know. Woe is me. I earn a good salary and have a great husband who is pursuing his dream and running a company that seems like it will wind up being successful. I spend my money on paying for our nice house and our nice car and our nice lifestyle. I get it; I know I'm lucky, and most of the time I don't mind at all. And I know, even when I'm feeling like this, that it's OK, it's worth it, and also, it won't last forever.

But sometimes I just miss being able to buy something because I want it, dammit. And not having to count pennies and budget by the dollar and consider every purchase and put off necessities because are they really necessary?

And yes, it's a good exercise in self-restraint and frugality, and even once Torsten has an income again, some of the modifications that we've made during this time (such as trimming our grocery budget in half) will definitely stick with us. And that's great.

But ooh, just to go on one carefree shopping spree. Even just at Target! Or really, who am I kidding... especially at Target.

20 comments:

  1. have you ever thought about getting into DIY stuff? photo frames are a perfect example. if you get bare wood and stain them yourself, you not only get a beautiful product, but the mark down is incredible.

    i understand what you mean by getting away... maybe try going ice skating or setting up a restaurant style atmosphere in your back yard. have a bbq w/friends. those kinds of things are often cheap, but, for me, i find just as relaxing as a big vacay.

    and torsten will be making the big bucks eventually ;) and then you can go nuts at target.

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  2. What about second hand shops for cute clothes? A friend of mine who is pregnant raids the second hand shops in the posh suburbs ... places where women spend tons of money on clothes and then she picks them up for under $20. That way, maybe you can have some cute clothes that aren't budget breaking ... especially if you're only going to wear them for a season (or less) before you outshrink them!

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  3. I sooooo relate to this. Sometimes I am just SICK AND TIRED of being on a budget. I want a break from thinking about it and planning and being careful. When my little sister bought a house two years ago - and her expenses went way up - she said her favorite thing to do was go grocery shopping because it was the only time she got to spend money.

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  4. I get this. We've been living on one income for three years since I quit teaching. We do fine. We own our home, drive nice cars and have managed to go on vacation for the past few years. We have nice things because families are generous around the holidays and we want for nothing. But. Every single non-essential purchase has to be thought about first. Even a $5 shirt at Target. A friend of mine doesn't understand how I haven't gone crazy shopping for this baby girl. It's because we have every dollar in our budget accounted for. We each get an "allowance" every month and that has to cover whatever fun things we want to do. And it's small. So a couple of trips to Starbucks, or a lunch or two out, or one treat and it's gone. When it's gone, it's gone. We have a great life, but sometimes it would be nice to just throw something extra into the cart at Target, or not have to wait until I have a gift card to buy something cute for myself. Woe is me, indeed.

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  5. I know exactly how you feel! I thought I'd be making so much more once I graduated with my MA and then...the economy tanked and I had to take any job I could get. And I have student loans. So yeah, I'm on a very tight budget. Although as a friend (who makes even less than I do) once said "It's kind of great being poor because you appreciate the small things so much more." It's totally true. I finally bought myself some summer sandals (for like $30) and I wear them every single day and LOVE THEM. I don't know that I would get such satisfaction if they were one pair in a pile of sandals but since I deprived myself so long and had to scrimp to get them, it feels like a present every time I wear them. Anyway, it'll get better!

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  6. I know exactly how you feel. At times I am really grateful that because of my husbands furloughs we just can't throw money around on accumulating more junk, and other times I just want to be able to go buy two more patio chairs without agonizing about it for three months. I just get tired of thinking about money ALL THE TIME.

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  7. ugh, i so get it. when i worked at the airline i would have to check my bank balance on thursday evenings to see if i had enough money to get 1 beer at happy hour, or if that $5 would overdraw my account before payday hit at midnight. NOT FUN. now i have a similar-but-not-really problem: i HAVE the funds now, and so does my boyfriend, and i just want to GET AWAY sometimes and get those last minute beach deals.... and both of us could swing it financially, but his job is annoying and he can't just take a day off and go away for the weekend, like, ever. so the only thing standing in the way of our spontaneous trips is his boss potentially deciding on a saturday night that he needs my bf to work for 8 hours the next day with no warning. SO FRUSTRATING.

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  8. how did you trim your grocery budget in half??

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  9. Yeah, sometimes budgeting sucks, even though you know it's for the best.

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  10. Oh, I so get this. When J. was unemployed, he was getting unemployment income so we didn't have to cut anything, but we pinched pennies anyway in case he didn't find a job before the benefits ran out.

    I kept a list of things I wanted to buy once he got a job, and the nice thing was, when that finally happened, I no longer wanted 90% of the items.

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  11. Oh I completely understand! We are working on two incomes but are trying to finish paying down our debt, looking now to buy a house AND have a baby. So we are Quicken addicts and will be maybe for the rest of our lives?

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  12. Adam was unemployed for two or three months, and even though we planned on it and saved for it and did it sort of on purpose, by the end, I was SO DONE with living frugally. SO DONE. I know this pain. I wanted to get some stupid hand weights for my workouts, and couldn't justify it, among other things.

    I am embarrassed to admit that since he's started working again, I've been at Target three times a week. If I keep this up, we're going to be on a major budget again. Therefore, I recommend that you plan on spending a little fun money each month, even if you have to save for it. A LITTLE. Because otherwise you're going to do what I did, which is to say that once you have money again, you're going to have ZERO RESTRAINT. And that's no good, either.

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  13. Erm, that last anonymous comment was me. Sorry!

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  14. We are going to have to start changing our spending habits, not drastically, but enough to notice because of some major upcoming purchases. Its amazing how easy it is to get used to such an easy life.

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  15. I can really relate to this post. Sometimes I just want a pair of shoes JUST BECAUSE. I know that the decisions we're making for me to be a SAHM are best for us in the end, but it's still tough, especially coming from being unemployed for 18 months.

    I suggest Marshalls or TJ Maxx for a small "just because" gift for yourself. You'll feel a little less guilty when it's half off :)

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  16. Oh, man, don't I know this feeling well. We had two really solid incomes for a while in Texas, and then when Bart quit his job and we both went back to school, well, we had to really start living more frugally. It's as much the HAVING to do it as the doing it, I think.

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  17. Is there anyone who doesn't love Target, I wonder??

    I'm sorry things are frustrating for you just now, but if it makes you feel better every time you blog about your finances/money issues I read like it's gospel. I WISH I was responsible with $ the way you seem to be.

    :)

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  18. I'm all for thrift store shopping - you can get crafty AND treat yourself (and sometimes a charity, depending on the stores you have locally) at the same time. Good, good fun. :D

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  19. One of the main reasons I've been considering getting another job (my current one is only a few hours/week) is that I'm sick of living without disposable income. We've lived this way, more or less, since we decided I would stay home with our children... It's not a decision that I believe we need to hold our selves too 100%... it's more of a decision that has worked out well for us.

    Maybe it's our kids getting older, but I have been feeling like I could/should work more. I'm certainly not ready for full-time; for our family I think me being around after school is important. But maybe 25 hours a week?

    But THEN the question becomes "what do I want to DO after all these years?" Having an education and some standards for myself, there's a certain level of professionalism that I would need in order to feel like it's worth it...

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  20. I'm a rare commenter, but really liked this post. My husband has been out on his own for almost 2 years now, and it is definitely a tough adjustment at first--especially when you have visions at first about things happening quickly, but learn that in reality building your own business takes time. The biggest thing we have learned is that it motivates us to live strictly on one income by planning what we do with the "extra" money (his income) as we receive it...for example, we just took an awesome vacation that we saved up for using his money and now we plan on paying extra on our mortgage. (Though it doesn't have to be that fancy or lofty--when he first starting getting clients, we would celebrate by going out to dinner.) That way, we don't feel as deprived the rest of the time by limiting our normal expenditures to my income. Starting out is so much harder and more stressful than I would ever have imagined, so it's nice to finally start reaping the rewards--which I'm sure you'll be able to soon. I will be sending good thoughts your way of soon-to-come Target shopping sprees! :)

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