Dear Torsten, volume 5

Dear Torsten,

Five years and one day ago, you and I went on our very first date, the first time we'd met in person after a week and a half of emailing back and forth daily. Despite the fact that I was half an hour late, it seems pretty clear by now that the date went pretty well.


This last year has been fantastic and wonderful in ways that have involved a lot of change and therefore also a fair amount of stress. We've been through a start-up, two new jobs, a pregnancy, and, you know, eight months of babyhood. And through it all you have been amazing. Strong, motivated, caring, and you've never lost your sense of humor.


Recently we decided to finally have an electrician come and install outside lights on our house. You were trying to describe your vision to me. You were saying how we'd have three lights over the driveway on the things between the garage doors. I said, "The posts?" envisioning the columns we have in front of our garage. You said yes. I was very puzzled about why anyone would mount lights on columns, but we went gamely off to Lowe's, where you suggested a decorative iron lantern style light that would have looked ridiculous on a column. I stared at you like you were crazy and suggested plain, unobtrusive white floodlights. You stared at me like I was crazy, but agreed to buy them. When we got home you changed your mind so I threw my hands up and told you to get whatever lights you wanted. You bought the decorative lanterns and when the electrician finished installing them, you told me to come outside and take a look. I came out and the damn lights weren't mounted on the columns at all. They were mounted on the three sections of brick wall that separate our garage doors, and they looked fantastic. The whole thing struck me as really funny, because we spent so long talking past each other in Lowe's and the entire time you knew exactly what you were talking about and I was the one who was totally confused. It just goes to show--when I trust you, things come out right. Although I still maintain that sections of brick wall are not "posts."


By far the best thing about this past year has been seeing you as a father. You are so completely head-over-heels for our baby, and it's so amazing to see you together. The two of you are so very bonded and he just lights up when he sees you--and you light up when you see him too. You are such a happy and confident father, carting Callum around on one hip and getting up in his face to laugh and shriek with him. It is such a cool thing to have made a whole new person who is the combination of our two sets of genes, and yet also his own person entirely.


This whole last year we were on a pretty tight budget and as a result we didn't take a single vacation together until we finally did a long weekend in Santa Fe this last July. And while we both missed the vacations we would have liked to take, missed having time to get away and just enjoy each other without any of the usual everyday stressors, the constant wear of the day-to-day life didn't change anything about our relationship. We didn't get sick of each other; we didn't snipe at each other; we didn't feel like we needed any time apart. Such a thing never crossed our minds. The best part of a vacation is getting away with you, but the best part of not being on vacation and just living our regular lives is also getting to be with you. Really, it's a win-win.


The thing about being married to you is that it's just really nice. I don't know a better way to phrase it. It's just really enjoyable to see you every day, chat with you about everything from politics to people to travel to our baby and the daily minutiae of our lives. It's great to wake up to you every morning and go to sleep next to you every night. And I like seeing you during the day, too. And I hope we never lose the habit of gchatting each other even when we're just on different floors in the same house. It might sound weird, but I love that we have each other at our fingertips for anything we want to discuss, big or small.


Sometimes when I think about the life we've built together I just can't even believe how lovely and amazing it is. How lucky we both are to have found someone we connect with so perfectly, someone we match with on those big important "ideal mate checklist" levels and also on the little day-to-day things-you-don't-think-about-until-you're-married levels. And how lucky we are to have expanded our love to a whole family, complete with baby and even dog. I can't imagine any other life I'd rather have, any other place I'd rather be. Because you are here, and I will always want to be with you.


Love,
Jess