Galloping

My 28-week prenatal appointment was yesterday, and it was a very good, informative appointment. It was just basic--talk to the midwife, listen to the baby's heartbeat, measure the fundal (uterus) height, get blood drawn--but it went very well for the following reasons:

1. Piglet's heart rate is a perfect 145. Also, when we were listening to it on the Doppler, at first it just sounded like the usual whooshing of blood pumping, and then suddenly the sound changed to a lot more like galloping horses, which we have never heard before. So I asked the midwife what was up and she said she managed to pick up not just the blood pumping but the actual opening and closing of the heart valves, which is what makes that galloping noise. It was awesome.

2. My weight gain is right on track, and my blood pressure is great. Not to say that neither of those things will get out of control at some point, but for now they are awesome and that is a great start.

3. When the midwife was measuring the fundal height, she pressed on my pelvic bone a bit and I flinched. Then she asked if the pressure had hurt, and I said not exactly, but it was definitely tender. She asked if it had ever been tender in the past when I'd had the fundal height measured and I said no. She said that's great--it means that my pelvic ligaments and bones are softening and loosening up in preparation for birth. I asked if it wasn't a bit early for that, and she said no, and sometimes it starts much earlier than this, even in the first trimester. So that was great to hear--like my body might have an end point in sight, and at some point the baby will actually exit my body. I mean, I know intellectually that that will happen, but it's good to know that my body appears to be on the same page.

4. Since I have a negative blood type and Torsten has a positive blood type, I got a RhoGAM shot, which I have heard is typically administered in the butt, but mine was in the arm and it didn't hurt at all.

5. My bloodwork came back beautifully--my thyroid is exactly where it should be, so I don't have to change Synthroid doses, and I am not even close to being anemic. I also don't have hepatitis C, shockingly. (They are required to test for hepatitis C if you are hoping to do a water birth; they can't let you in the tub if they don't have a negative hepatitis C test on file.)

6. The midwife gave me information about kick counting. You're supposed to feel at least 10 kicks in a two-hour window. I started counting on the way home, and Piglet kicked 10 times within three minutes.

The appointment didn't go perfectly for the following reason:

1. The midwife wants me to do another gestational diabetes test. It's scheduled for later this morning. At my 24-week appointment, a different midwife told me that since my three-hour glucose test at 21 weeks was negative, I didn't have to re-test. This midwife disagreed; she said the negative test at 21 weeks only proved that I didn't have GD at that point, not that I haven't developed it since then. Given that glucose levels normally peak between 24 and 28 weeks, it's possible that I've developed GD since then. Since my glucose levels were totally normal at 21 weeks, and my understanding is that GD develops gradually rather than suddenly coming on one day out of nowhere, I am not too concerned about it, but it's better to be sure, so I scheduled another test. I will do the one-hour test again even though I failed it last time; it seems worth a shot so that if I do happen to pass it this time, I can avoid doing another three-hour test. My hopes aren't high, though. Boo. Let's just hope I don't actually have diabetes, whether it takes a one- or three-hour test to find that out.

Still, on balance, a great appointment. And now I have the rest of my prenatal appointments scheduled, all the way up to 41 weeks. It's like there's really going to be a baby or something.

Banking woes

Oh hi. I'm tired. I feel like I spent all day yesterday on the phone with Wachovia. I didn't, really--I actually managed to do work, too--but the emotional toll of dealing with a bank who can mess with your finances without, apparently, leaving a paper trail explaining their actions? It's pretty high. And I don't really feel like coping.

The short version is, I deposited a check last Friday. I checked our bank balance online every day and watched it process until they released the funds and the full amount of the check was included in the available balance, which happened on Tuesday. Then I mailed checks to pay several bills. Yesterday I logged into our bank account only to see that the balance had been "adjusted" to remove the exact amount of the check.

I called Wachovia. They transferred me to their disputes and claims department. Disputes and claims could tell me nothing. They were able to look at the image of the check and see that it was properly made out, signed, endorsed, etc. They could see no reason why the check had been rejected. There was a note along with the rejection, but apparently it was written in gibberish because it meant nothing to everyone who looked at it. The ATM department also knew nothing about the situation. All I could do was file a dispute and wait 5-7 business days for it to be resolved. Which is great, given that I mailed these checks yesterday. How should I pay my mortgage, I asked. And was advised to "make other arrangements." Oh, sure. I'll just send my mortgage company a whole bunch of invisible cash to make up for the check that's about to bounce. No problem. Thanks!

I called the main Wachovia line. The woman I spoke to put me on hold for 20 minutes while she tried to figure it out. Then she told me it was more complicated than she'd realized and she'd have to call me back. Three hours later, she called me back. She'd spent the last three hours looking into the situation, contacting every department that could possibly be involved in the issue, working with her supervisor. And she had learned... nothing. Nobody knew who had rejected the check, or even what department they were in. Nobody knew why the check had been rejected. Nobody knew what the note associated with the rejection meant. There was nothing she could do for me except suggest that I wait five to seven days for the dispute to be resolved and see what happens then.

I called the branch of Wells Fargo where I deposited the check. (Wachovia has already switched over to Wells Fargo in Colorado, but not in DC, where the account was opened, so our account is still technically Wachovia but we do our banking at Wells Fargo.) I thought maybe the note associated with the rejection was from Wells Fargo, and the Wachovia people weren't familiar with the terminology used. I know from experience that the two banks' ability to access each other's systems is severely limited. The guy from Wells Fargo was very nice, but could tell me nothing. He didn't know what the note meant either, and it wasn't anyone at his branch who rejected the check. He's still trying to look into the issue for me, but I am not hopeful that there is anything he can do to find out what happened.

I called the issuer of the check. They are happy to issue another check. However, since the original check is still in limbo, the new check can't be issued until the problem with the current one is resolved. Since it's possible that the dispute I filed will be resolved in my favor, i.e. the funds will be credited back to our account and the check will clear, the risk with issuing a new check is that they both will end up getting cashed. So we are going to hold off on issuing a new check until the dispute is resolved.

I understand that Wachovia didn't actually take anyone's money. The check didn't get cashed so nobody is out for the amount it was written for. Apparently banks have the right to refuse to cash checks if they wish, since they are partially liable for bad checks. That's fine; I get that. But is it really possible that one random person within the enormous Wachovia corporation has the ability to reverse payment on a check that has already been credited to an account, without any sort of paper trail?

How is it possible that four different people spent many hours yesterday looking into this, and weren't able to find out so much as what department was responsible for rejecting the check? Shouldn't anyone who makes any sort of adjustment on somebody's bank account have to enter their employee ID into a computer system to make it traceable, at the very least? Not to mention possibly adding some kind of drop-down menu of standardized reasons they could select for doing so, in order to avoid the situation where they type gibberish into the notes box that nobody else at the entire company is able to interpret? I mean, the way the system is set up (not that I actually think this is what happened, just that it seems like a potential liability), somebody could be in a bad mood and just arbitrarily decide that they felt like messing with someone else's finances, and there would be zero accountability for their decision to do this. Nobody would be able to find out who did it or why. That's a lot of power for a bunch of random bank employees.

I'm thinking it might be time to switch to a local bank. The small kind, with a finite number of employees, so that if something like this happened, at least somebody would be able to claim personal accountability.

I fail at Halloween.

The back pain, oh, the back pain. Too long in the car, or any kind of uncomfortable seat (such as a stadium seat... we went to the Colorado Rapids game with friends on Saturday night), and my back revolts. OUCH. I would still classify this as "mild" back pain--it's not all the time and it's not debilitating, it's just uncomfortable--but oh, I'm only 28 weeks along (not even quite), which means I'm only just about to hit the third trimester tomorrow, which means I'm a little nervous about how this is going to progress over the next 12ish weeks. Hopefully it will be one of those pregnancy symptoms that shows up in mild form, makes me wonder, and then disappears again (see also: heartburn, acne).

Also, sometimes pregnancy seems to go on forever, truly, for ever and ever, and it feels like AGES since I first got pregnant and it's amazing how long it takes for a person to grow to the point to be able to thrive in the outside world. Then you think that only seven months ago this person didn't even exist, and now if he were to be born he would likely survive with no long-term problems, and really, seven months for someone to go from NOT EXISTING to not only existing but also likely to thrive really seems like very little time at all.

Unrelatedly, we bought a pumpkin last week, and put it on our porch, and vaguely thought that maybe we should carve it, and then... didn't. We probably should? Sometime this week, before the holiday actually arrives? Also, I'm sure it's full of seeds, which I would really like to roast and eat, except that last year's pumpkin seeds didn't turn out so well. I think maybe we roasted them for too long? I don't know, my mom always did this when I was a kid and she was always great at it and I'm pretty sure she gave me advice on how to do it last year and I still managed to mess it up. I fail at pumpkin seeds, basically.

Also... Halloween is on Sunday. That means November is on Monday. That means that January, aka my due date, will only be two months away. That means I will be, like, really pregnant and stuff. I think I'm starting to fall more on the side of "holy shit pregnancy goes by fast" rather than "good lord I can't even remember not being pregnant, it was so long ago."

Besides, I very clearly remember not being pregnant. I slept through the night, I only peed every few hours during the day, I survived minor inconveniences and disappointments without bursting into tears, I fit into jeans that had zippers instead of elastic panels, my back didn't hurt, I ate sushi and brie and had the occasional cocktail. I also wanted a baby more than anything in the world. And now I'm having one. Seems worth the tradeoff, no?

I still can't wait to scarf down some salmon sashimi, though. In the meantime, I'll settle for some Halloween candy. Which means we should really probably buy some of that, too. And don't even get me started on the whole costume thing. Because, well, I suck at them, and I won't be dressing up. Unless "pregnant woman" counts as a costume.

Preparation

We started childbirth class this past Monday. In the first session we learned, among other things, some stretching exercises that can help make the third trimester, as well as labor, easier. I'm trying to do them at home almost every day, with Torsten's help.

The crib, bookshelf, and dresser are in the nursery, fully assembled. The bookshelf is full of kid stuff--toys and books. The top drawer of the dresser contains Piglet's freshly washed, 0-3 month wardrobe. The 3-6 month wardrobe is waiting to be washed and dried and then put in the bottom two drawers of the dresser. The glider is scheduled to be delivered tomorrow. Then we'll need blinds, a crib mattress, and a variety of small stuff like a laundry hamper and a changing pad. And then the nursery will be ready for the baby.

We still don't have a stroller or a car seat or a few other bigger things we need. But we've done all our research and we know what we want. And within a couple of months we'll have all of it. We even know where we're going to store most of it.

I hit the third trimester, 28 weeks, next week. After that I start going to prenatal appointments every two weeks instead of every four. I already have my next three appointments scheduled. Then there aren't that many more appointments before I get to full term.

January 19, my due date, is less than three months away. That day, there will be a full moon. They say that full moons can cause women to go into labor. I wonder if I will actually give birth on my due date.

If I don't give birth on my due date, I'd rather be late than early. The longer Piglet stays in there developing, the better. And the further his birthday is from Christmas, the better. Yes, I know I'll be incredibly uncomfortable by the end, and please feel free to throw this post in my face when I'm complaining that this baby needs to get the hell out already, but from the vantage point of the still-comfortable second trimester, I'd prefer him to stay where he is for as long as possible.

Baby clothes are so SMALL. It's hard to believe that he will ever be small enough to fit into this stuff. On the other hand, if he were too big to fit into this stuff, I don't see how I'd ever manage to give birth to him, so I guess it works out for the best.

This year we're thinking that instead of sending a holiday card, we'll send a birth announcement that has some sort of belated holiday message. I actually mocked one up on Shutterfly last night and was really pleased with how it came out. I also started putting together a recipient list for it. There are 70 people on it. That seems like a lot, and I'm guessing there are some people who still need to be added. Some of them have moved since the last time I sent them something; I have to hunt down some addresses, which is why I started the list so early.

We still don't have a name, but we have a front-runner, and we've agreed to revisit the issue when I hit 30 weeks. That's less than three weeks away.

The sushi chef at Whole Foods asked me out of the blue the other day if I'm pregnant. When I said yes, he said, "It's a boy?" I don't know if he's psychic, has his own theories about the shape or position of my belly, just has a preference for boy babies, or had a language barrier that prevented him from phrasing the question in a more neutral manner. I'm guessing the last one.

Piglet kicks all the time now. The kicks aren't painful, and they're so frequent that I've gotten used to them and sometimes I don't even notice he's doing it. He also kicks much higher up than he ever did before. He's getting close to my ribs and I suspect once he starts hitting them, the kicks will become much more uncomfortable. At this point Torsten has both felt and seen baby kicks, though we aren't yet at the point of being able to identify specific body parts.

I've checked the same book for first-time dads out of the library three times, at Torsten's request. Each time, I've hit the renewal limit before Torsten has read more than a couple pages. Now, he's actually reading the book. He reads it in bed before we go to sleep and reads passages that he finds particularly interesting or surprising out loud to me.

They're saying it might snow here next week. Snow. Piglet is due in the height of snowy season.

There's a baby coming soon. A real one.

Santa baby

So. Santa, with kids. Or one kid, anyway. For now. A little half-German kid growing up in the US while we try to preserve his multicultural, multilingual heritage. Which includes two quite different, but not necessarily opposed, stories about Santa.

Here in the US, as I will assume that you all know, Santa comes down the chimney late at night on Christmas Eve. Kids wake up on Christmas morning to find their stockings full of gifts from Santa. I grew up with the philosophy that stocking gifts were from Santa and gifts under the tree, which were more major, were from parents, and I imagine we'll stick with a similar philosophy with Piglet.

But in Germany... it's a little different. First of all, Santa and Christmas are separated. Santa comes on St. Nicholas Day, which is December 6. He doesn't come down the chimney and he doesn't come in the middle of the night. Instead, apparently he sneaks into the house around dusk, via an unspecified entrance (most likely the front door). He leaves small gifts--such as fruit and candy and toy cars and little games--in the hallway or other currently unoccupied area of the house. Then, when Christmas itself arrives, it really starts on Christmas Eve. Families go to church on the evening of December 24, and when they get home from church, they exchange gifts. By the time Christmas Day itself actually arrives, the gift exchange is over, and only the meal remains.

So. As you can see, the traditions are a tad bit different between the two countries. And the question for us is how we're going to reconcile these traditions to create our own little family traditions for our own little multicultural family.

Here's what we know: Santa will come on Christmas Eve, and Piglet will open gifts in his stocking the next day, on Christmas morning. Here's what we almost definitely know: Piglet will open nearly all of his other gifts on Christmas morning as well. I am being very insistent on this point. Christmas morning is a tradition I am not willing to give up, despite Torsten's point that Christmas Eve gift-opening is just as exciting. Plus, Santa comes overnight, so Christmas Eve gift-opening wouldn't work. And, since we don't go to church, we would miss the whole concept of "Christmas Eve church trip followed by gift exchange" anyway.

However, Torsten is a big fan of gift opening on Christmas Eve. So maybe we will find some kind of compromise and have Piglet open one or two gifts on Christmas Eve, and the rest the next morning. As it is, we are going to have to spread out the gift-giving a bit, because we also plan to celebrate Chanukah. So I would have no problem with that, as a concession to the German tradition. But I just will not give up the Christmas morning tradition, and Torsten agrees that it makes the most sense to keep the tradition consistent with the country, so we'll likely stick with that arrangement.

But then the question is... what about German Santa? We've already agreed that Santa will definitely come on Christmas Eve, American-style. But... is it outrageous to think that maybe he could come on St. Nicholas Day too? I mean, yes, Piglet would be the only one of his friends who got TWO visits from Santa, and that might cause some confusion, but I'm sure we could give him some sort of explanation about how Santa visits Germany and the accompanying diaspora on December 6, and he'll be back for all of Piglet's American friends in a few short weeks. We could figure it out, is my point.

But maybe there are logistics we're overlooking? Or maybe it's just ridiculous and overblown to have your kid get two trips from Santa every year? Even though both times Santa brings small gifts, nothing outrageous or expensive? Or maybe it would be too complicated or somehow reduce the specialness factor if Santa shows up twice? Or just confusing to the kid, like OK, Santa came, but also, he'll be back? I don't know. This is a point that we just haven't figured out yet. I mean, we're not in a rush since it will be a good two years at least before Piglet even begins to understand the concept of Santa, but it is sort of a perplexing issue.

Also, I want to know how you celebrated the holidays when you were growing up, and how you celebrate them now. What were your family's traditions? Was Santa involved? If so, what was the story behind it and what kind of gifts did he bring? How are the holiday traditions you observe with your adult family different from the traditions you observed as a kid?

Rocky Mountain High

OK, I'm sorry for the bad cliche in the title, but you guys, these mountains. I don't think it is ever possible to take them for granted. They are just so beautiful. (Full photo set here).


On Saturday we drove up to Rocky Mountain National Park. We took the dog, even knowing that she would only be allowed on roadsides and not on any of the trails. This was the right choice--at 12,000 feet, I was also getting pretty out of breath, and the weather was cool, so we were able to leave her in the shady car for a few minutes while we walked short trails, and we had no desire to do anything longer.


Because seriously, look what you could see without even taking any long hikes. I'm sure the hikes were absolutely stunning as well, and at some point when I'm not pregnant and the weather is a little warmer we will go back and do a couple of them, but this trip (including the $20 park entrance fee) was totally worth it just for the beauty of the drive.


We were really lucky with the timing--it was possibly the last temperate weekend of the season. You could clearly see that the mountains that high have already had some snow this year, but while we were up there, it was sunny and clear, though cool and windy.


It's mostly pines up there (that is, where there are trees at all--some parts of the park are above tree line), so it wasn't the awesomest in terms of fall foliage, but there were just enough changing aspens to satisfy our desire for colorful trees.


September and October are also elk mating season. Everyone told us we were likely to see elk, but my hopes weren't high--it seems like we never see exciting wildlife, even when people swear that we are in prime viewing areas. (See: moose and bighorn sheep, which I feel like I've been looking for for YEARS and yet have never seen.) But then! We were really high up, above 11,000 feet, figuring it was probably too high for elk, and then we came around a bend and there one was, standing so still we both briefly thought it was a statue. But then she crossed the road and started to walk away, and we both came to our senses and grabbed for the camera.


And there were even MORE elk, after that. We saw herds and HERDS of them, big groups grazing in meadows all over the place. I didn't even both trying to count how many of them we saw. Did you know that elks make a sound called "bugling"? I had never heard such a sound in my life until this weekend. It pretty much just sounds like screaming, but it is awesome. Apparently the males do it to keep their females together and to signal to other male elk in the vicinity how big they are. And the other males bugle back to signal that they are even bigger.


I seriously love these mountains. I don't think I've ever seen anything more stunning than the Rockies in my life, and I feel so grateful to get to live so close to them. And to be having a baby who will grow up with them. I hope they are in his blood from the day he is born.

Dogs and sheds. Or playhouses.

Man. Having a job is a real pain in the ass sometimes. Like when they expect you to do all this WORK in exchange for that paycheck they keep giving you. I mean, not that I don't work regularly, but some weeks the workload is more manageable than others. This has been one of those "other" weeks.

TGIF, is my point here. Torsten and I are thinking of driving to the mountains tomorrow, perhaps somewhere we haven't been before? We usually go to the Breckenridge area but perhaps tomorrow we'll head somewhere closer to Rocky Mountain National Park for a change of pace. The dog will come too, of course, and perhaps a not-too-strenuous hike will be in the works as well. Though I will say that when you're pregnant, most things become strenuous once you've hit 9,000 feet or so.

But the dog, the poor dog. Call it prep for when a newborn is here and we have no time or energy for her, but when work is so crazy we abandon all thoughts of taking her to the dog park and she has to settle for boring walks around the neighborhood instead. Not nearly as good for her, since she has to walk at our tedious pace instead of getting to sprint like a greyhound, as is her preference. Of course taking her to the mountains won't help with that situation, since we are the law-abiding (or giant-fine-averse) types who don't let her off-leash in prohibited areas, which is almost everywhere. But at least it will be an exciting new place with lots of interesting things to sniff, pee on, etc., right?

Anyway, she doesn't seem to mind too much. She creates her own entertainment, really:

Perhaps today I will join her out there instead of working.
Doesn't it look peaceful?

That shed, also. Have I mentioned that shed? I call it a shed but really it's more of a playhouse, though it's made by TuffSheds and therefore I think was probably reasonably expensive. You can see the porch and the doors and one of the windows. It has more windows, too, and carpet on the inside. It's not really suitable for storing things, but why on earth would anyone buy a playhouse made by TuffShed? No?

Anyway, the shed/playhouse/whatever was here when we moved in, and neither of us likes it much. We don't use it for anything, and it's kind of big and ugly, and it takes up a chunk of the yard for no real reason. When we moved in we thought it would be nice to take that out of our yard so we could have more, you know, green space.

Then we looked at it closer. And saw that it has a steel frame. A proper shingled roof. And a concrete foundation. That thing is SOLID, is the point. If a tornado came by it might actually fare better than our actual house. (Let's hope we don't ever find out if that is true, shall we?) I seriously have no idea how in the hell we could possibly get it out of our yard. Unless we hired a professional with a crane to dispose of it. And even then, the foundation would probably still be in the yard. And our bank account would be even emptier than it already is. In other words, there's a reason that thing is still there. And I suspect it will be there for quite a few years to come.

(Also, now that Torsten's parents helped us pull out the stupid mini dog run fence that used to divide our yard into chunks, the shed/playhouse/structure/WHATEVER doesn't look quite as giant and dominating as it did before. So we both hate it a little less than we used to.)

In any case, I imagine Piglet will like it. His very own playhouse! What's not to like? And in the meantime, at least the dog is getting good use out of it.

Nursery!

No, I don't have completed nursery photos to show you. Because the nursery isn't complete yet. In fact, all it is at the moment is painted walls, a rug, and a closet full of baby stuff that has yet to be organized in any way.

I mentioned that this is making me antsy, the bags and boxes of baby clothes and toys (almost entirely gifts and hand-me-downs... dear Internet, and soon-to-be-grandparents, thank you for providing for my child), so this weekend we finally did something about it. We decided upon and ordered the rest of the nursery furniture. And now it is all on its way to our house. Where we will have to recruit a neighbor to help Torsten haul it up the stairs, and then we will attempt to assemble it all (actually, only the bookshelf and the crib require assembly) without killing each other. It will be a good test of our marriage, yes?

Anyway, as a refresher, here is the room as it stands now (though the rug now lies flat, and so the books have been removed):


And here is the photo that inspired the planned color scheme (from here):


We have now ordered four pieces of furniture. Once they arrive and are assembled, the only major things the room will be missing are the crib mattress and blinds for the windows. Plus the little things, like a changing pad, crib skirt, laundry hamper, table lamp, and so on. We've also made pretty good progress on wall art--but once the furniture is assembled we will work on placement and figure out what is still needed.

Anyway! We purchased this crib when it went on sale. It is currently languishing in our garage, waiting to be carried upstairs and assembled.


Then, when my parents were here a few weeks ago, my mom and I went and bought this glider and ottoman set, a baby gift from my parents. It is my concession to practicality--it is not the most attractive chair I've ever seen, but it IS the most comfortable chair I've ever sat in. And I expect to be sitting in it a lot, including late at night, so that seemed like a worthwhile tradeoff. We ordered it with a white frame and yellow upholstery, but NOT the upholstery shown in this photo (the fabric we ordered is less... shiny. And hopefully therefore also less ugly).


Then this weekend, we decided upon and ordered this dresser. (We decided to use my parents' early Christmas gift offer on a higher-quality dresser, since, as many of you pointed out, it will get lots of use, what with drawers that are opened and closed on a regular basis, unlike a bookshelf, which pretty much just sits there.)


And then there was the last piece: the bookshelf. I had been coveting this one (there are two in that photo, but we only would have ordered one), but we just do not have the budget for a $400 bookshelf right now. So we discussed it and agreed that a lower-quality, not-solid-wood bookshelf is just fine. As long as it is sturdy enough that it won't collapse into a pile of kindling as soon as we put a book on it, it's fine, at least for the next few years. (And we will be sure to fasten it--and all the furniture--to the wall so that it can't hurt Piglet, too.) So I was browsing Target, thinking I'd never find anything as perfect as the expensive shelf... and then look what I found! A nearly-identical replica of the expensive shelf, for less than half the cost (AND I had a promo code for an additional discount).


Now I just have to antsily wait for everything to arrive so we can put it together... and then organize all our baby stuff! And then wait for, you know, the baby, so that we can actually USE this room we are spending so much time putting together.

Also, while we're showing photos, here's a bonus one of me. 26 weeks today!

Dear Torsten, volume 4

Dear Torsten,

Exactly four years ago today, you and I went on our very first date. Just over two years later, we would be married. On this day four years ago, neither of us knew that would happen--but we both did have a sense that this date wasn't going to be like most others. That this relationship was special right from the day we met.


I probably say this every year, but this past year has been our best yet. Big stuff has happened--you quitting your job to start your own company, me getting pregnant--and when we look back on this year that will certainly be the stuff that stands out... but it isn't just that. There are little things, too. We hosted Christmas at our own home for the very first time. We settled into Denver and started establishing a real little network of friends. We took walks in the snow and hikes in the sun. You held me all night as I cried when I didn't get pregnant our first month trying. I wouldn't have even thought it was possible, but everything that has happened this year has made us even closer than ever. Not everything that's happened to us has been good, or easy--but the overall flavor of this year has been wonderful, because it was a year spent with you.


I still can't believe that I am lucky enough to have this life with you, to live with you every day and go to sleep with you every night. That we have created a child together and in a few months we get to meet this child and spend our lives with him. You have been nothing but supportive and understanding throughout this pregnancy--rubbing my back every day, coming to every prenatal appointment, discussing names for hours (even if you DID suggest the name Fritz in all seriousness, and let's just try to forget that you also argued for Alfred and Kelis), reminding me to take my vitamins without lecturing. You are adorably excited about having a baby. I really do swear that he looks just like you, and let me tell you right now that I will be disappointed if I'm wrong.


I hope that he is like you in other ways too. I hope that he develops your ethics, your strong sense of right and wrong, your desire to always do what's right. I hope that he has a sense of humor like yours, that he can find the amusing or ironic in any situation. I hope that he will make faces like you do. I hope that he will have red hair as a child like you did. I hope that he will be adorably serious when he's concentrating like you are. I love these things about you. I can't wait to see in what ways our child is like you, or like me, and in what ways he will be all his own self.


This next year is going to be, without a doubt, the most life-changing either of us has ever experienced. In some ways I wonder if we're crazy to voluntarily change things up so much when our life pretty wonderful exactly the way it is. But really I know that things will always be wonderful with you, no matter the situation. Because you yourself are wonderful. And I can't wait for the next part, because I know you'll be there too.


Love,
Jess

Holidays

You guys, maybe this is weird since I live in Denver where winter is cold and snowy? But I am really looking forward to winter. I did not like winter in New England, I will say that. It was too cold and gray and unrelenting. It was like, November hit, the first snowstorm came... and we all buckled in and prepared ourselves not to see the sun again for months. And sometimes the temperature would stay below 0 for weeks on end. It was... less than pleasant.

But Denver winter! I love Denver winter. I love snowstorms and I love the sun and mild weather that usually follows them. I love that it gets bitterly cold sometimes and gives us an excuse to hide in the house for days on end with a fire going constantly, cuddling with the dog, and I love that other times we get a snap of 70-degree days in February. I love walks in the snow and Uggs instead of flip-flops and watching the dog go crazy in the snow in the yard.

And I love the holidays. I love Thanksgiving, with its relaxed, family-focus feel, no presents, no real occasion, just a chance to take time off and be together (and eat a giant, delicious meal). I love lighting the menorah and singing the blessings. I love decorating the Christmas tree and putting out a wreath. I love Christmas day, and not just for the presents. I love New Year's Eve, even though we aren't the partying types and this year I won't even be able to drink champagne (sparkling apple cider, anyone?). I love the feelings that surround it and the decorations that are everywhere and the mood everyone's in. I love holiday cards too (though, we are thinking of not doing a holiday card this year and instead waiting and doing a birth announcement that doubles as a New Year's card... so if you got a card from us last year and don't get one this year, don't be offended... it's coming!). I am super excited about holidays with a kid in future years (and at some point I need to write about the whole multicultural Santa issue and how we're going to navigate it, but that's a separate post).

This year, the holidays will be a little different for us. I will be officially too pregnant to fly on Christmas, and since I will be more than 32 weeks along on Thanksgiving, I don't want to fly, or go too far away from my midwives, then either. So we will be celebrating both holidays at home. My sister and her family won't be able to join us--she herself will be pretty pregnant at that point, plus financially it's complicated for them, and made even more so by the shared custody arrangement of her stepkids. And my parents, though they theoretically could join us, are always busy at the holiday season because of my mom's toy store, and they've already booked a trip out here for a couple weeks after my due date, so it would be a bit much for them to fly out here twice in such a short timespan. Torsten's parents don't celebrate Thanksgiving, not being American, and are also planning to come visit shortly after Piglet is born, so they won't be here for Christmas either.

So, the upshot is, it's just going to be the two of us for both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. Christmas I am totally fine with. We will exchange at least stocking-stuffer type gifts, and there will be a tree, and it will be cozy, and also I didn't grow up with any specific traditional Christmas Meal, so whatever we decide to cook will be just fine. Though I will definitely need my dad to instruct me on how to make Yorkshire pudding, because that is my favorite holiday dish, and he makes it every year so I have no idea how it's done.

It's Thanksgiving that throws me a bit more for a loop. I've never cooked a turkey before, and everyone swears it's not as hard as it seems, but then you always read horror stories of really dry turkeys, or underdone turkeys, or turkeys that unexpectedly take 72 hours to cook, and all these complicated solutions to these issues, like brining the turkey, and the point is, I'm a little intimidated by the idea of cooking my first ever turkey, and on Thanksgiving, when the pressure is higher to get it exactly right. And also, turkeys are big. Even the smallest turkey available will probably be too big for the two of us, even considering leftovers. Like, as in maybe we should cheat and do a chicken instead? I've never roasted a chicken either. And the side dishes? I could probably do mashed potatoes, but more complicated things like stuffing? I don't even know where to start.

But it's not just the food. Thanksgiving is just a crowd holiday to me. There are supposed to be some people in the kitchen wrangling the food, and others chatting and drinking eggnog and offering to help with the food, and still others setting the table and finding creative ways to fit all the required place settings, and a general holiday-season-kickoff feel to it, you know? It just seems WEIRD and WRONG to me to have Thanksgiving with just two people.

Obviously, it'll be fine, and you know, it's more like two and a half people, and maybe it'll turn out that Piglet kicks extra hard when I eat stuffing, or something, so that it will feel like he's participating. And I'm sure we'll figure out how to cook a manageable, but reasonably traditional, Thanksgiving meal, and it'll be cozy and pleasant in its own way, just the two of us. But it will certainly not feel like a regular, traditional Thanksgiving. And I'm a little apprehensive about that.

Though at least this year there will BE a Thanksgiving. The year I spent studying abroad in France? It was a random Thursday in November and I didn't even realize it WAS Thanksgiving until my parents called when I got home from school to say happy Thanksgiving, and when they called I STILL didn't realize that it was Thanksgiving at first and was worried that something bad had happened since they weren't calling on our regularly scheduled day. And then after I talked with my parents, my host family and I ate gross leftover soup for dinner. It was the least Thanksgiving-y Thanksgiving EVER, is my point. So this one AT LEAST has to be better than that.

What about you? Do you have holiday plans in place yet? What are your traditions, and will you be following them this year or doing something different?

Pregnant productivity

Yesterday I finally did some research into pediatricians, and I think we've selected the practice we want to go with once Piglet is born. I called them to ask some questions recommended by my midwives, plus a few of my own questions, and the receptionist was great and well-informed and answered all the questions to my satisfaction. This particular practice also offers what they call "prenatal visits," where small groups of expecting parents come to the office for a tour and information session, so we'll do one of those in a month or so, just to be sure. But the practice sounds great and the doctors all come highly recommended, so hopefully we are all set with that one.

Also, we signed up for a baby safety class at a local hospital, to learn infant CPR and basic first aid, along with a few other simple things that are good to know when there's going to be a new baby around the house. That combined with the fact that I have three prenatal appointments with the midwives and one ultrasound scheduled in the next two months makes it feel like things are starting to get really busy around here.

We also scheduled a maternity shoot with a fantastic local photographer for December. We'll do it when I'm about 35 weeks, which I'm hoping will be the magic window where I look quite pregnant but don't run much risk of going into labor before the shoot. We're thinking we'll do it out at Red Rocks, which should be a lovely, if chilly, setting for some photos with a real Colorado feel to them.

And, we are all registered for a 12-week Bradley childbirth class, which starts later this month. I am super excited for this--the instructor gets rave reviews, the class was surprisingly affordable, and we're hoping to meet some nice couples who are expecting a baby close to when we are. For the first class, we were instructed to bring two pillows, which sounds adorably quaint, and we are both really looking forward to it.

I'm 25 weeks today, and starting to reach the point where things are getting a little uncomfortable. So far I feel incredibly lucky with how easy this pregnancy has been--other than the month of morning sickness, I've actually felt quite good and had very few problems and discomforts. I've definitely had the stereotypically lovely second trimester, with lots of energy and very few issues, and I'm still feeling pretty good.

However, I am starting to feel large. My belly just feels full, and it's sort of difficult to comprehend how much bigger I'm going to get in the next 3.5 months. It's no longer comfortable for me to lie on my back or on my belly, even a little bit--the only way I can lie without discomfort is perfectly straight on my side, which is the recommended position at this point in pregnancy, but it's frustrating that I can't lean even a tiny bit toward my belly or my back without feeling uncomfortable. I'm also at the point where I grunt involuntarily when I get up or shift positions, and I have to use my arms to get myself off the couch. The peeing is getting out of control. And, I think I've felt a few minor Braxton Hicks contractions--every now and then, mostly at night, my belly briefly feels tight and crampy, and then it goes away again.

All of these are minor grievances, really--I haven't had much back pain, I have no sciatica issues and have so far not encountered the dreaded jimmy leg, I'm still sleeping fine other than waking up to pee, I have no itchy rashes, and so on. I know that some of this stuff is probably looming just around the corner for me, but so far I haven't experienced them, and for that I'm quite grateful.

I'm also starting to feel a bit nesty--it frustrates me that we haven't started putting the nursery together, and we have no dresser or bookshelf so I can't organize the clothes and books and toys we've collected. They're all in bags and boxes in the nursery closet right now, and while that's fine, I'm starting to get that urge to make it all pretty and organized and maybe even itemize things in a spreadsheet. I don't know if that counts as nesting, but it's certainly something that I don't normally feel compelled to do, so let's blame it on that, shall we?

In the meantime, since the nursery is on hold until we invest in some furniture, I've been satisfying myself with scheduling everything else. Hence all the plans and research. And I'm feeling very accomplished with the results. Which is helping me avoid making a bunch of expensive furniture purchases that I really shouldn't be making. Let's call that a win.

On traveling with kids

Torsten and I keep a list, a mental one, of places we'd like to travel. It includes... well, most places, really. Toward the top of the list are Japan and Thailand, Antarctica, Australia and New Zealand, southern Africa, Dubai, and Hawaii.

Of course there are less expensive/exotic places that we'd like to go. One year we want to buy the America the Beautiful pass and check out several of the amazing national parks within driving distance of here--including Yellowstone and Grand Teton, Badlands, and Bryce Canyon. We want to go pretty much everywhere in California--the Bay Area and also the southern California beaches. We love Chicago and want to go back there when there's no risk of a snowstorm. Torsten has never been to New Orleans. We want to take a train ride through the Canadian Rockies. The list goes on.

Every time we think of somewhere we'd like to go, we add it to our mental list and say we'll get there eventually. And I believe we will, truly.

But, you know, with Piglet's arrival pending in about three and a half months, and the ultimate plan for a second kid a few years after that, our traveling is going to be quite different for the foreseeable future. Say we have two kids, three years apart--that means we'll have a baby or a toddler or both for the next six years.

The location of our families alone means that we will definitely be the kind of family that travels with young kids. We are thinking we'll go to Germany with Piglet in 2012, since Torsten's parents will be coming to us after he's born in 2011, and I'm hoping to tack on a few days with my host family and friends in France to that trip (bonus: my host sister is also pregnant and due a month before me, and I'd really like the kids to meet before they're in elementary school). And certainly Piglet will have his first trip on a plane before he's a year old--whether to DC, North Carolina, or both.

But we'd like to do some non-family-related traveling, too. A lot of that depends of course on finances and on Torsten's workload, but assuming that those things become manageable in 2011 (knock on wood), we could theoretically afford our first vacation in quite some time. If we do go somewhere, it will probably be quite a modest, unambitious trip somewhere nearby and baby-friendly (maybe a rented mountain cabin?). We need to ease into the whole traveling-as-parents thing, for sure.

But there is a balance to be struck--we aren't going to hold off on traveling until both kids are old enough to truly revel in and remember everything, because even if they don't remember some of their early trips, that doesn't mean they won't enjoy them and learn from them, but at the same time there are some things that older kids just genuinely would enjoy more than little kids, and hence our trips will have to be selected carefully. State parks and Chicago? Seem quite doable. Dubai? Maybe not so much.

But also, it is a little shocking to realize that we are probably not going to have "babymoon," pre-kid vacation, etc. We often talk about how nice it would be to repeat our honeymoon, go to some tropical resort and just lie around for two weeks. And, you know, with kids? Even older ones? Even if we went to a tropical all-inclusive resort, it wouldn't exactly be spent sleeping and lounging for two weeks.

And that's fine! Better than fine, really. Kids definitely change things, but not necessarily for the worse. We might not get all the sleeping and lounging time we'd take if it were just the two of us, but as a trade-off we get time with our kids and get to see them on vacation and show them new things and enjoy watching them have fun in new places. And that seems like a totally worthwhile tradeoff to me.

And also, I know that my parents would be more than willing to stay with our kid(s) if we did ever want or need to take an adults-only trip. And it is lovely to know that. But I can't see doing that when Piglet is really young. So it will be at least a couple of years before we have a vacation that's just the two of us again. And sometimes that feels like a really long time. But then I think about all the fun stuff, traveling included, that we plan to do with Piglet in the next couple of years, and it stops bothering me so much. We want and need to raise a kids for whom traveling is a part of life, and that's what we plan to do.

What about you? Those of you who have kids, how have they affected your traveling? Have you stopped altogether, changed the trips that you do, or just brought them along with you everywhere? Any tips on making the most out of traveling with kids?

Ultrasounded

One thing I didn't mention on the blog about the 20-week ultrasound was that the radiology report came back with one minor area of concern highlighted: slight kidney dilation. Nobody said anything about it during the scan, and the research I did after reading the report made me convinced that it was not a big deal, but the radiologist did recommend a follow-up scan, which we did yesterday.

I actually wasn't concerned at all; at 20 weeks, one kidney was measuring 3mm and the other 4mm, and the upper threshold at 20 weeks is 4mm, so they were still within the normal range. Dilated kidneys can mean there's some sort of kidney blockage that would need to be addressed after birth, and in combination with certain other issues they can be considered a soft marker for Down Syndrome, but both of those are normally in more severe cases of dilation: 8-10mm or sometimes more. So even though the ultrasound report said that the kidneys were slightly dilated and that follow-up was recommended, I wasn't worried.

And it turned out that I was right not to be. The ultrasound yesterday was great. At 24 weeks the threshold of normal is 5mm, and both kidneys were measuring at 4mm, so not dilated at all. We met with the perinatologist afterward and she told us that not only was she not concerned, but that if she had been the one to review the 20-week ultrasound, she would not have flagged the kidneys as an issue at all, and would not have called for a follow-up ultrasound. In fact, she said there's only one radiologist on the team who would think those measurements required follow-up, and he happened to be the one who reviewed the 20-week ultrasound.

However, once you're flagged, you can't be un-flagged, so even though the kidneys were never really dilated to begin with and by now are in fact right in the middle of the normal range, since the issue has been flagged the perinatologist referred us for another follow-up ultrasound at 32 weeks, so we went ahead and scheduled that for late November as well.

No harm, though. Because these ultrasounds are medically indicated, they're covered by insurance, and it's nice to get a chance to look in on Piglet again. I actually really enjoyed yesterday's ultrasound. I hadn't been nervous about the kidneys going into it, and the tech put us even more at ease by telling us the same thing the perinatologist repeated later, which is that most people wouldn't have been concerned by the 20-week measurements, so we got to just enjoy looking in at our baby, seeing his measurements, watching him kick and squirm and wave his arms, checking his heart beating, and so on.

He was very active in there, much more active than last time, and the tech said she could actually see him kicking my cervix repeatedly, which explains why I've been feeling it so much in that area. And, at one point he had his arm up by his face and was repeatedly mashing it against his mouth like he was trying to eat it, which was, you know, adorable. He's measuring right on schedule in the 49th percentile, and everything looks good and healthy.

And, I still swear he looks just like his dad:


Also, during my regular prenatal appointment after the ultrasound, the midwife told me that because the 3-hour gestational diabetes test is diagnostic rather than just a screening test, and I had great numbers on it only a couple weeks before it normally would have been indicated, they are officially declaring me diabetes-free and I do not need to be retested. So that is another nice bonus.

When I go back it will be at 28 weeks, the start of the third trimester. Eek!