GRUMP.

Oh hi. I am GRUMPY. And NO I do not have a good reason for being grumpy, as in, there is nothing in my life that is grump-inducing. It is just the HORMONES. And I am SORRY. But that does not prevent me from being pissed off at EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME OMG.

The thing is that I have actually had a very easy, uneventful pregnancy so far and for that I am incredibly grateful. There was one month of atrocious morning sickness, for which I blame myself because in retrospect I'm pretty sure it was caused or at least seriously exacerbated by my lap-band, but other than that it's been smooth sailing (KNOCK ON WOOD). And I really, really appreciate that, and really, REALLY hope it stays that way for the next 18 weeks.

AND, the other thing is that even WHILE I am irrationally, excessively pissy about everything, I am bizarrely, simultaneously happy. Does that make ANY sense? Little things piss me off to no end but at the same time I have a more global sense of happiness and delight over being pregnant, and over my life in general. And LUCKILY the hormonal moodiness does not obscure my ability to see the bigger picture.

BUT that does not change the fact that I am SO easily infuriated. Sometimes the moodiness manifests itself in tragic sadness over nothing at all, and very rarely as euphoria, but mostly it's just FURY, plain and simple. People who drive like aggressive assholes are subject to scathing internal monologues, and possibly some external swearing as well. The woman at Costco the other day who just STOOD in the middle of the exit with her stupid giant CART well after her receipt had been checked and approved? Well, let's just say she's lucky I didn't ram her with my own giant cart, creating a painful for her but OH so satisfying for me cart-and-dumbass sandwich.

And let's not even get me started on the fury I feel toward my bladder. Isn't it a muscular organ? And doesn't that mean that repeated workouts should make it stronger? So why do I have to pee every five minutes? Seriously, I get up to go to the bathroom and by the time I've returned to wherever I was, I HAVE TO PEE AGAIN. I wake up four or five times a night to pee. I lose literally four pounds overnight, every night, in water weight alone. I can't even think about going anywhere without a bathroom for more than 45 minutes at a time. And supposedly this is only going to get WORSE for the next 18 weeks?

Luckily for me, my husband thinks my Moods are hilarious, and doesn't get offended when my irrational wrath is directed toward him. Not even when I told him that Alfred is the stupidest name suggestion I've ever heard in my entire life and I was starting to wonder how I could even have MARRIED someone who would seriously consider naming their baby that.

(I still think I was right, by the way. ALFRED?!)

Oh and also, THIS. This 22-week belly is a pretty lucky and beautiful thing, too.