First world problems

I'm sick of living on one income.

I mean, it's not that hard, really, not at all. We can afford our mortgage and our car payment and all our other necessary bills. We have cut a lot of things out, like eating out, and hardly miss them. We have a great quality of life and consider ourselves very lucky. My salary is decent and we are doing just fine.

And, it is so worth it. So, so worth it. Torsten is so much happier than he ever was when he was in his previous job. He is doing amazing work. He is on the cutting edge of technology again, exactly where he always used to be until he stopped having the time and energy to stay there while overwhelmed with his last job. He is making great partnerships and already impressing potential clients. He has come much further in the past few months than anybody was expecting. I am really impressed with his progress. He is also very pleased. There is hope that soon there will be a client, maybe even more than one.

But oh, I miss having disposable income. Not so much because I miss buying random things I don't need (though I do miss that to a certain extent). More because I miss being able to do what I want. I guess this is a learning opportunity to figure out what is and is not important to us in terms of budget priorities down the line. And what is important for us to spend money on is experiences.

For example, my best friend is getting married in San Francisco next month, and I won't be attending. She'll be having another wedding in Panama in a year or so and I am already counting on attending that one, but still. That doesn't make up for the fact that I won't be there for this one.

And every now and then a quick vacation, just a long weekend on a last-minute beach resort deal, would be so nice. Sometimes we're just tired, both of us, and want to rejuvenate and take a quick break.

And sometimes artists we really like come to town and we would love to go to their concerts but can't justify the cost. Like Lilith Fair. I've been wanting to go to that show since I was 13 years old and actually went once only to have the mom of the friend I was with force us to leave before Natalie Merchant and Sarah McLachlan came on. Ever since then I've been dying to go back and now the show is coming to Denver but we just can't figure out how to justify the expense. So we aren't going.

And yes, sometimes I do want to buy things. If I see a cute skirt, I want to have it. I'm losing weight and I can't justify purchasing anything other than the most basic pieces from Old Navy to tide me over as I descend to a new size. We take nice new photos, and I want to print them and buy nice frames to hang them in. We have a beautiful dining room table and crappy Ikea chairs that don't fit it at all, and I would like to buy proper chairs to fit the table instead. I want these things. And I used to be able to spend money like that if I wanted to, and now I can't, and that is frustrating.

I know, I know. Woe is me. I earn a good salary and have a great husband who is pursuing his dream and running a company that seems like it will wind up being successful. I spend my money on paying for our nice house and our nice car and our nice lifestyle. I get it; I know I'm lucky, and most of the time I don't mind at all. And I know, even when I'm feeling like this, that it's OK, it's worth it, and also, it won't last forever.

But sometimes I just miss being able to buy something because I want it, dammit. And not having to count pennies and budget by the dollar and consider every purchase and put off necessities because are they really necessary?

And yes, it's a good exercise in self-restraint and frugality, and even once Torsten has an income again, some of the modifications that we've made during this time (such as trimming our grocery budget in half) will definitely stick with us. And that's great.

But ooh, just to go on one carefree shopping spree. Even just at Target! Or really, who am I kidding... especially at Target.