Friday, July 17, 2009

In honor of Lilia

A blog post may not be an appropriate venue for this, but I want to remember Lilia.

Lilia was my neighbors' daughter. She died on Sunday, in utero at 38 weeks. There was an undetected knot in her umbilical cord and over the weekend, apparently it tightened, cutting off oxygen to the baby and killing her. She was due to be born on July 26.

I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of losing a child, any child, at any stage of life. The pain of trying to move on with your life, to take solace in the health of the two beautiful daughters you already have. The pain of waking up to feel no movement from your normally active baby, of going to the hospital only for them to confirm that they can't find a heartbeat. The pain of giving birth to a child whose fate you already know. The pain of going to the airport four days later to pick up the au pair you no longer need.

The family, our neighbors who are quickly also becoming our friends, were so happy and excited about this baby. We were at their house for Sabbath dinner just two days before it happened. They proudly showed us where the baby's room would be, and when we admired the beautiful portrait of their two daughters, spoke with mock exasperation of having to update it once number 3 was born. We joked about Photoshopping her in. We talked about doulas and birthplans. There was so much joy.

I am just so sad, and so sorry, about the death of this baby girl. Lilia, who was already so loved and would have had such a happy life with a wonderful family. And who, in turn, would have provided that wonderful family with so much happiness herself.

32 comments:

  1. Oh, that is heart-breaking. Thanks for remembering her.

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  2. It's amazing that you're able to write such a heartfelt tribute for someone you never met. May your neighbors find strength and peace in the coming days.

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  3. What a kind tribute to Lilia and what she meant to her family. I'm so sorry for them and will send healing thoughts their way.

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  4. I can't imagine the pain. It's heartbreaking.

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  5. My heart goes out to them. SO very sad.

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  6. Oh, I am so, so sorry. Thinking of her and her parents today.

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  7. It's an excellent venue. Your neighbors are in my prayers.

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  8. I agree with Maggie, this is the most appropriate venue. I grieve for your friends and will keep them in my prayers.

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  9. This is heartbreaking. Your friends are in my prayers.

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  10. Oh, that is just so tragic. I wouldn't even know how to begin coping with losing a baby, especially that late.

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  11. so sorry to hear about their loss. i think about how lucky we are to have such a healthy daughter every single day and keep those who haven't had it as easy in my thoughts.

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  12. Oh, Jess, how awful! I'm so sorry for your neighbors. I'm sure you will find a way to offer them support and compassion during this time. But what a rough way to become a better neighbor! Again, so sorry...

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  13. oh my god, that's horrible. one of the reasons i'm kind of scared to have kids is for this type of reason - this is the worst sort of thing i can imagine going through, and it's scary that it's always a possibility with a pregnancy. or a child, even. i mean, obviously, benefits outweigh risks blah blah, but OMFG. i'll be thinking of your neighbors.

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  14. Oh! My heart just dropped when I read this. My thoughts go out to that family.
    This was a beautiful tribute.

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  15. Oh, that is heart wrenching. Such terrible news, I'm so sorry for your neighbors and for you.

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  16. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. Wishing the family some peace during this extremely difficult time.

    Rest In Peace, Lilia.

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  17. This breaks my heart into a million pieces. I've known people who have had miscarriages early in their pregnancy, but giving birth to a still born is in a completely different realm. I just can't imagine the grief. I'm so sorry for this family, but I'm glad they have neighbors/friends like you who can help them through.

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  18. What an awful, awful thing to have to deal with. I plan on hugging my babies a little tighter tonight.

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  19. Oh, I hate this SO MUCH. To think that the baby was PERFECTLY FINE and that if the doctors had had any way to know about the cord she'd have been born perfectly safely by c-section---but instead she died because there was no way to know. ARGGGG.

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  20. How horribly sad. I'll keep them in my prayers.

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  21. Oh this is so heartbreaking. In tears. Sending prayers for that family, and for baby Lilia.

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  22. Omg. They will be in my prayers. These stories always remind me how fragile life is...

    What a good tribute. Thank you for sharing...

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  23. Oh, this is so SAD. And also such a beautiful tribute.

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  24. What a loss. Truly, I can't even imagine.

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  25. So terribly sorry. May the parents find some comfort, somehow, someday.

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  26. This makes my breath catch in my throat. How terrible.

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  27. Oh my gosh that is just so awful. I'm so sorry to hear that. I never understand why things like that happen. It's just so awful and unnecessary.

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  28. you might want to point them to

    http://www.glowinthewoods.com/

    a community for babylost parents.

    also check out

    http://www.glowinthewoods.com/how-to-help-a-friend/

    it's so great that you are acknowledging their heartbreaking loss.

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  29. That's so sad. Something very similar happened to my uncle's wife years back when her little girl died in utero.

    I hope the couple will get through this ok and have brighter days ahead of them.

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  30. Oh, that is just awful. Thanks for posting about it though. Perhaps it would be a comfort for them to know that so many of your friends/readers are thinking of them...

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