The perils of being an international family

So, I was reading Devan's post yesterday about the struggles of traveling with kids, and I wrote part of this in a comment, but then it got me thinking about it more, so now it's a post.

I love that our family is international. In elementary school when we learned about immigration, I was always so proud of being a "first-generation American," tenuous as that was for me (my dad was born in England but moved to the US when he was six weeks old). Now that I'm older I recognize the more tangible benefits of his birthplace--namely, my British passport. But our family wasn't really international because both of my parents are, essentially, American. The first time I traveled internationally was, I believe, when we went to France when I was nine.

Obviously growing up I became more international, in that I lived in France and then in Senegal, and I've visited ten different countries and have a list a mile long of other countries I plan/hope to visit someday. But that's just an enjoyment of and interest in going other places. It's not that I myself am international in some way.

I love that our family will be. There are certainly frustrations with Torsten's family living so far away, like the fact that a simple visit to see his parents is expensive and time-consuming and involves a really long flight, but I love that he has a different perspective on things, and I love that our kids will grow up bilingual, used to traveling, understanding of different perspectives and cultures, knowing that there is more than just the US, you know? I think that's awesome.

But OMG, when we flew to Germany last month they showed us the little safety video and it showed a woman holding a small child on her lap. And that made us think about the fact that until kids are two years old (I think), you do not need to buy them a ticket to fly. They can ride in your lap.

I can maybe, MAYBE understand this if it's a short (read: under two hours) flight. But a transatlantic flight? No, no, no. As we sat on the plane, shifting uncomfortably in our small seats, we tried to imagine what it would be like with a baby on one of our laps. The first thing we noticed is that if the person in front of us put their seat back, they could easily crush the baby. And eating dinner? Forget about it. One of us would have to eat while the other held the baby. Then we'd have to switch. But it wouldn't be that easy because those tray tables are only big enough to hold one tray at a time, so after the first person ate, they'd have to wait for a flight attendant to collect their tray, and where would the second person's meal even go while the first person ate?

And how could you sleep? You couldn't, basically, not that I sleep very much on planes to begin with. And you'd have to trade off with the holding because your arms would probably fall asleep. And I doubt the baby would be thrilled about the whole thing (though I suppose that depends on whether it's the kind of baby that likes to be held all the time or not), but there would just be no relief. For nine hours.

And don't even get me started on how horrible it would be to do this with a baby AND a toddler, even if the toddler (presumably) had its own seat. One parent would be engaged in dealing with the toddler, so there wouldn't be as much trading off and maneuvering going on--it would be more like one person would just be stuck with the baby while the other one chased after the toddler. And the idea of traveling with THREE kids? As in, one of us would have to deal with two of them at once? Let me tell you, that idea right there has cemented my desire to have only two children.

I'm just saying, when our flight arrived in Germany last time and we had to circle for half an hour, I was ready to scream. And I WASN'T holding a baby. So basically, we've come to the conclusion that no way in hell will we be flying with a baby on our laps. Which means we will have to drop the $600 or so to buy it its own seat. Which also means we won't get one of those nice little two-person rows to ourselves anymore--instead we'll be stuck in the middle, likely next to some unsuspecting person who glares at us when our baby cries.

Yes, I realize this is all very detailed. What can I say? I didn't sleep much on the plane so there was a lot of time to think about this, and we aren't sure if we'll be going back to Germany before there's a baby in the picture, so it was actually important for us to visualize the scenario while we were in it, you know?

But on the plus side, our kids will have little passports with little baby pictures in them. How cute will that be? I wonder what you do about the signature when the kid is too young to write. Or talk.