I'm really happy that American Idol is back on TV, but I have to say, it scares me a little to watch some of the people who came to try out because their families told them to. There was this one girl last night who was terrible, I mean seriously awful, and the worst part was that in her interview beforehand she said that she didn't think she was good enough to make it but her parents kept telling her how great she was and how she absolutely had to try out because she was such an awesome singer.
I mean, how seriously deluded do you have to be? It takes those parents who pitch fits that their precious children don't get enough playing time in the kiddie soccer league to a whole new level. Like, they're her parents. They have her best interests in mind. It's not like they're just trying to mess with her. And that leaves only the possibility that they actually think she's good. And she just really, really wasn't.
It scares me a little. It's like, I'm all about parental love and unconditional support, but sometimes you have to trust your family to tell you things that other people are too polite to say. If your family can't tell you that auditioning for American Idol is just going to be an exercise in humiliation for you, who can? And that's how misguided people end up sobbing and pleading with the judges and becoming roadkill for a bunch of rubbernecking American TV viewers.
Also, are Torsten and I going to wind up with a couple of useless brats who are plagues upon everyone who has to deal with them, thinking that they're the best, most perfect little angels ever to exist? I think this is a serious, and worrisome, question.
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That was seriously sad. I have to watch it b/c I want ed to see, but it's like a train wreck. I was wondering the same thing while watching some of those tryouts. How did their parents let them go? Maybe they were scared, they were going to hurt their feelings. Maybe they just couldn't say, " sorry hun you are really bad!". But, on the other hand there were the parents who encouraged their kids and they were good.
ReplyDeleteDon't get worried about that stuff. The truth is, there will always be something. That is the joy of being a parent.
You guys will have a great time...
Yeah, I don't watch AI, so I can't attest to the horrendous nature of the applicants. And I'd like to say that those applicants will learn more about themselves through failure than they ever will through success ... but, um, sometimes that failure just shouldn't be published for the nation to see.
ReplyDeleteI don't watch American Idol, but yes, that is one of the beauties and tragedies of parenting. We end up with sometimes bratty kids who we think are the most perfect humans to ever exist. It's a phenomenon of being human; we (usually-- I know there are exceptions) love our kids in spite of ourselves... and in spite of themselves.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I don't think you're doing your kid any favor by telling they have talents that they don't have.
ReplyDeleteBut then, like you say, how do you figure out if they really are talented or if you are just so utterly biased that you can't tell they have zero talent at all?
I think that most kids have at least one bad habit or bratty tendency that his/her parents are blissfully ignorant of. Kids - blah!
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how hard it must be as a parent to walk that line of wanting to give your child some self-esteem and wanting to be honest to prevent heartbreak down the road when they find out they aren't good at something.
ReplyDeleteGah! I missed it. Obviously we watch too much DVR'd tv, because I hadn't even seen an ad.
ReplyDeleteI think most kids have their bratty moments, but the ones that are truly a drain on society usually were overly pampered by their parents. They don't learn how to problem solve, or that their actions have any consequences. Obviously there are exceptions - some people are just jerks, and no matter how they were raised they will be jerks. But I think that having an awareness that you don't want your kids to be those people helps a lot in them not becoming that way.
Did that make any sense AT ALL?
I'm going to trick my children into being good at things by ignoring them until they succeed at life in an attempt to get my attention.
ReplyDeleteI worry about this too (having rotten kids) and my husband says it won't happen because as parents we won't let it happen.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I completely buy it but what else can you do? Just have faith that it will all work out.
Aw- that's so sad! I think that it's one thing to support your family and friends and another to mislead them. It seems more helpful and supportive to guide people - and especially children - in the direction of their strengths, and to help them understand their weaknesses and how they can work with them, than to blindly push them forward.
ReplyDeleteI really think some people are just cruel because some of those contestants who are being told they are good? Are very bad. And the likelihood of them having all tone deaf friends is highly unlikely, you know?
ReplyDeleteThe worst for me last night was the bleached blonde (orange) bowl cut guy who sang his original songs about his mom and grandmother. CREEPY.
I like Idol but I just CANNOT STOMACH the audition shows. PAINFUL.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious if you've read Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. He touches on this type of thing in that book, and what type of parents produce what types of successful kids.
I'm reluctant to say that parenting involves a lot of trial and error, but for me, at least, it does. Do I say this or that? Do I push or stand back? Do I laugh or cry or scold? Parenting is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's also the one thing I love the most!
ReplyDeleteEverybody loves their kids and thinks that they're FAB, but you're right. Family should be able to keep you from humiliating yourself on AI. I wouldn't push my kids to try out for something like that!
ReplyDeleteSo, really it is important to be honest with your kids. In college, it was really hard for me to hear other students critiques of my papers. They I realized it was CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. As long as it improves you--it is ok and it is all in the delivery.
ReplyDeleteYou don't tell your kid they suck at singing. Get them some lessons, turn them towards something they are good at. Sometimes all they need is a little practice, or to find that niche.
It is like that MTV show MADE. Everytime I watch reruns of it--I remember high school and the PAIN of being a teenager. Now, I wasn't a geek or anything, but I was shy. We moved from another town the summer before my Freshman year. So, I started school and knew NO ONE but my neighbour. Luckily, I was able to make friends via sports, and extracurriculars as well as from school.
I felt really bad for that bleached-blonde bowl cut guy from AI. You could tell either he wasn't all there, or lived in his own little world. As soon as he said he said he was going to sing the original song...I thought OH NO! STOP!
We all have had humiliating moments...our just weren't televised!
OK, I COULD go into a long explanation of why I don't think you and Torsten will have one of those kids, but I won't. I'm just going to say trust me, based on what I've read here over the past year or more, it's not something you guys will have to worry about.
ReplyDeleteNot to poo-poo your concerns...but I am going to poo-poo your concerns (just a little). It is one thing to support a kid in something they LOVE doing, regardless of their talent. It is quite another to talk your kid into doing something they would rather not do. It is the difference between support and control. What does the child want to do? This little girl didn't actually want to sing up there. Her parents talked her into it. Really, even if your child had a wonderful talent of playing piano, but didn't really want to play in recitals, you might encourage them to do so because they could bring a wonderful gift to the world. But would you make them do it? Or would you temper your encouragement with the reinforcement that they know their own mind and can make decisions for his or herself?
ReplyDeleteYou guys are going to be fine. I find the parents that really screw up are the ones who lack the introspective concept of "Hey. I might be screwing up."
When my son said he wanted to be in football I just had to redirect him to something I knew he would succeed at because it broke my heart to know that he'd get creamed out there on a football field. He still has issues catching a ball while he's running. It was honest but man it sure did hurt to tell him so.
ReplyDeletei like to think - eg, really really really really hope - that anyone who has these sorts of concerns is automatically the kind of parent who WON'T raise a kid like that. OH LORDY PLEASE BE HOW IT WORKS.
ReplyDeleteYou are going to be a great mom. No worries. I think it's so sad when the child's dream is actually the parents'.
ReplyDeleteYou won't have That Kid because you won't be That Parent. There! All better!
ReplyDeleteAs a parent, you never want to hurt your child's feelings. I think it's worse though when someone else does. There is a way to let your child down while still being supportive. Clearly these parents lack that skill, but I really don't think it's anything you have to worry about.
ReplyDeleteTHAT kid has awful parents. I have a friend who works in admissions at an NYC private school and she says that interview with the parents is always 10x more important than the one with the kid. Kids are usually pretty great mirrors, good and bad. You're not going to be that terrible parent because you're not the type to do a disservice to your kid. Even if you are supportive, self awareness steps in after awhile, at least with the good ones.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe parents would do that to their kid, i can understand parents thinking their kid is the best, the cutest, etc (my mom still claims i was the cutest baby to ever crawl this planet. I don't think she's seen many babies) but there's a line drawn. My mom may think i was the cutest baby ever but she sure as hell doesn't let me try to sing, she thinks i sound awful, which I do.
ReplyDeleteAnd did i miss the post where you share your secret? because i want to know :) :)
It's sure an interesting thing to ponder. At the LG's last appt, the nurse asked me if we praise her when she does things right/well? I replied that yes, we do, but "we don't go crazy with it." I'm all for raising kids with positive and REALISTIC self-esteem, not kids who end up thinking the world revolves around them because "they're special."
ReplyDeleteWell, from what you're saying, a majority of the delusion comes from the parents. You guys seem like well-informed, intelligent, observant people.
ReplyDeleteIf your kid can't sing, please for the love of all things holy, do not make them go on national television and have them do their rendition of Baby Got Back.
I'm sure you guys are going to do great. I mean, for you to already realize this, half of your battle is already won ;)
I feel so bad for half of those contestants. So so bad.
ReplyDeleteI didn't see what you're referring to. But, um, no. You will not have that child because you are far from delusional and it's one thing to encourage a child to do something she or he truly has talent in and another to humiliate them on national television.
ReplyDeleteIn other news, as a curly girl, who does occasionally straighten her own hair, what did you decide? I would (on my own experiences, and having had my own hair relaxed) recommend you not chemically straightening it, but learning how to do it yourself. For myself, I prefer no flat iron, since I've seen the damage it can inflict on others and don't mind a bit of wave. I just take it slowly with a hot blow dryer and a nice big round brush, section by section. (I know, I am late to the conversation)
oh my god, i know..its real sad, we have Indonesian Idol right over here although I watch AI too..these kind of parents are everywhere, they should support their kids but have to keep eyes open for what they're actually good and not so good at,
ReplyDeleteBC and I always joke about all of the bad types of kids I could parent- but for some reason I have faith that no kid of mine could be that obnoxious. That is obviously calling for the universe to curse me, right?
ReplyDeleteFirst: I don't watch AI (that Simon guy makes me grind my teeth) but I think those kinds of parents are LESS deluded and more seeing the potential for $ signs in their child's future, money they can benefit from. Assholes.
ReplyDeleteSecond: You and Torsten will be good parents. Good people = good parents. Simple formula, but very true.
i know, right?!?!? i saw this am-idol and it shocks me everytime the people who come out so deluded. really now. you do realize you'll have to SELL RECORDS, don't you?! it's almost heartbreaking!
ReplyDelete