OK, apparently sometimes complaining works, because I'm not in a holding pattern anymore. Of course, the blog announcement is still, because there are a few things I have to take care of before I can talk about it on such a public forum, but it's happening, and I believe that Tuesday will be the day that I can finally talk about it! And don't worry, now I'm more than a little paranoid that you will all be like, eh, whatever, that news is stupid and trivial and I can't believe you made us wait for two weeks for this.
But I REALLY don't think so, because I am so excited about this and that makes it big news, right? Because it's big to me and this is my blog... right? Well, I guess we'll find out on Tuesday, won't we?
So, let's change the subject! I have a question for you all about your idea of wedding etiquette. Different people seem to have very different opinions on this, so I want to take an informal survey. I have my own thoughts on this, but if you're willing to share, I'd love to hear what you think: How much do you normally spend on a wedding gift? Does it depend on how close the friend is? Do you spend more if you bring a date? If you have to pay travel expenses, do you spend less? Do you send a gift even if you can't attend?
New Recipe: Greek Penne Pasta
-
This recipe sounded delicious to me when I came across it, and it turned
out that it was. Also, I've reached the point with cooking where I can make
a few ...
14 years ago
Hmm, I spend what I can afford. That sounds vague but it's true.
ReplyDeleteI normally spend $200 - $300 for me and my boyfriend - depending on how close a friend. I usually gove cash. If I didn't bring a date I would half that amount. I think travel expenses would factor in to the present, but not in a huge way, unless it was a destination wedding or something. I don't send gifts even if I can't attend - unless it's a very close friend. I read a wedding etiquette q&a that said a present wasn't required if you didn't attend, just a card wishing the couple well.
ReplyDeleteWe usually spend about $50, sometimes more depending on relationship. We live faraway from most friends and family, so I always send a gift, even if we can't go.
ReplyDeleteI think for me, it's kind of a combination of things. Of course I'm going to spend more if I am closer to the person, but I think if there are a lot of travel expenses, you need to take that into consideration.
ReplyDeleteFor example, my best friend was married in Jackson Hole, WY - so a bunch of us went in on a gift together and spent about $40/each.
On the other hand, I had a friend get married and we stayed at a hotel - but we didn't NEED to stay at a hotel (the wedding was in town), we just didn't want to worry about anyone having to DD. Since that was our own decision, I didn't take it into consideration as a travel expense.
At the same time, it's not about the dollar figure necessarily. If you're close, you can always do something sentimental for them. Or, what we actually did for the WY girl - three of us bought all the random crap on their registry (like when they register for one spatula or a potato peeler, etc). I mean, who is going to buy just one spoon? So we bought all the little random stuff - which actually turned out to be quite a bit, but because we split it three ways, it wasn't bad.
I spend more for close friends and close family. I spend less for family that is "just family" and friends that I've lost touch with. I often send a small gift, even if we can't go. With my BIL's wedding last May? It cost us over 2k after all was said and done and we still got them a gift, but it was a smaller one than I would have liked.
ReplyDeleteI would say we (as a couple) spend between $50-$100. There are a lot of factors we take into consideration. If we have travel expenses the gift is usually around $50. If one of us is in the wedding (many expenses) it's also usually around $50. If we're not very close to the couple it's no more than $50. It's usually closer to $100 if it's a local wedding and we're good friends but not in the wedding. To me the type of gift, not the cost, is more important. If it's a close friend getting married then we don't buy off the registry. We want to give a special gift that We've put thought into.
ReplyDeleteI will say that after our wedding I feel cheap because many of our guests were very generous.
I've never been invited to a wedding where I couldn't attend. But when that happens we'll at least send a nice card.
I base the price on how close we are. The better friends we are, the more I'll spend on you. And I'd send a gift if I couldn't attend the wedding.
ReplyDeletehaaa, try to placate us all with wedding talk.
ReplyDeleteIt works.
I'm a miser when it comes to wedding gifts. I generally aim between $80 and $100, unless it's a family member (that I like) at which point I'll probably double that.
For family members (sisters, cousins, etc) I'll spend around $100 or $150. For friends, I try to keep it closer to $50 or $75, and yeah, it does depend on how close we are. I always buy from their registry if they have one.
ReplyDeleteAlso: You're a tease. TEASE!!
This is the time when I can tell I live in a smaller populated midwestern state. We usually spend between $30-50. If we could afford more we would spend more, though. But I have to say that the $30-50 range seems to be very popular, because I think that's what most people spent for our gifts (other than like our parents and such). And that was totally fine with me - we got the stuff we wanted, and I didn't have to feel badly that we are horrible gift givers.
ReplyDeleteI also agree a LOT with the statement that it's more about what you pick out than how much you spend. I like to show that we put some thought into the gift, and try to make it a little personal.
I've never been invited to a wedding as an adult. I kind of figured I would always just give out high fives.
ReplyDeleteUsually 50-100 dollars. Excluding travel expenses. I send gifts if we can't go.
ReplyDeletesince i'm just getting into going to weddings of my friends, i don't really have a set amount that i spend. i went to an old roommate's wedding a month ago and just picked something off the registry that wasn't too expensive, but when my BFF gets married, i'll probably go overboard and spend a lot.
ReplyDeleteWe usually spend $50. If we don't go, we don't usually send a gift, unless it's someone to whom we're really close.
ReplyDeleteI usually spend $50, maybe a little more.
ReplyDeleteI would usually spend $50 - $100 depending on the friendship or relationship. I think that would be the same if we were traveling too.
ReplyDeleteIf I don't go to the wedding I send a gift.
ReplyDeleteIt really depends on how close of a relationship and how much we can afford.
I definitely put more thought into it now that I'm married and have gone through it all.
Wow, reading these comments makes me think we are spending way too much on wedding gifts! We usually spend about $100 to $150 for friends (from us as a couple), then $200 for family, and we spent about $400 when our sisters got married. That's above any travel expenses -- if the travelling is going to be too much, then we don't go, but we still send the gift.
ReplyDeleteAlso let me say that I am strongly in favour of brides and grooms sending thank-you cards for all gifts. I always wonder if they ever actually got it or opened it -- even if we were there to deliver it at the reception -- and it's nice to get some kind of acknowledgment that the gift was received.
I try to give at least $100 as a couple. With the plate cost around here being $50 or more per person I try to at least cover our plates. For family we've given $250 on top of the cost of renting tuxes, buying dresses, attending showers, etc. For our wedding a lot of people were really generous ($150 or more) and that offset the people who couldn't afford to give as much. We ended up breaking even and that was fantastic!
ReplyDeleteAfter reading these comments I see that there is a huge cultural difference between the US and Greece.
ReplyDeleteWhile I was working at the retail store the majority of our sales were for weddings and the most common amount spent was between 100-200 EUR which according to the current exchange rate is between 130-250 USD.
I usually give 100 EUR and I don't take into account any other expenses. For my close circle of girl friends I would probably spend double that.
Gift giving in Greece is so full of pressure. My customers number one concern was always, "I won't look cheap will I?"
I'm of the opinion that as long as its a practical gift, it doesn't really matter how much you spend. But I haven't had a wedding. What do you think?
If I bring a date, $300. Solo, $200. Always cash. If I have to travel I definitely consider giving less. I also consider the circumstances of each wedding.
ReplyDeleteI usually give between $50-100 but I never bring a date (yep, forever Single.) That number usually includes the wrap and card.
ReplyDeleteI also try to base the gift on where the wedding/reception is located/how much the couple is spending to throw the wedding. I try to (but can't always) keep it comperable as I know wedding meals and entertainment can be pricey.
I will always remember my old boss (she died of breast cancer a few years ago at 32; I miss her) when she was in full bridezilla mode right before her wedding talking about the gifts that had already come in. She was b*tching that people had spent so little, though she was spending a fortune on the meal. She said something to the tone of "if you can't give me something atleast worth the cost of the meal, don't get me anything at all!".
She was obviously stressed out, but it made me think about the gifts in a different way. If the bride wants to feed her guests a 60.00 meal, I am not gonna get her a more expensive gift because of it; but on the other hand, if I know I am going to a cool place with awesome food, I might just get something more expensive because I would have paid more for a night out on the town otherwise.
How much do you normally spend on a wedding gift?
ReplyDeleteAround $200-$300
Does it depend on how close the friend is?
Yes, for closer people you tend to spend more.
Do you spend more if you bring a date?
I usually do. Then it's more than the number above.
If you have to pay travel expenses, do you spend less?
Yes, I think travel expenses should be taken to consideration.
Do you send a gift even if you can't attend?
I usually do.
We spend about $50-$75 on a wedding gift usually. I have a policy about not going to weddings I have to fly to unless it is a very very best friend or my sister. We decided that going to one would just open a can of worms to have to go to all of them, and they get expensive very quickly. We did send gifts.
ReplyDeleteI usually spend about $150, but a bit more especially if I can't attend, along with a note saying that we will be thinking of them.
ReplyDeleteWe have to travel for most of the weddings we attend, but they had to travel to our, so the money spent is usually a wash.
Of the last eight or so weddings we've been to, there has only been one that we weren't involved in - either making cake or doing photography. We usually give about $50 cash because a) it's what we can afford and b) except for any reprints they get at their leisure, we do the photography for free, which in itself is worth several hundred dollars.
ReplyDeleteIf we can't attend, we try to at least send a small gift and a card.
As for your big news, I think (if I'm allowed to) I'm going to officially change my guess: I'm going to guess you guys are moving to Germany to live in the mountains and be goat-herders. :)
Normally about $50-100, more for very close friends, esp for weddings I would normally attend in person and have to pay to travel to, but can't actually attend for whatever reason. If I am saving money by not going, I tend to give more.
ReplyDeleteI usually spend around or under $50, because that's what I can afford. Perhaps that's "cheap," but really, I don't think any guest should be expected to go broke over someone's wedding--after all, a wedding is about being there to celebrate the union of two people, not about getting a lot of stuff!
ReplyDeleteI also like to try to give hand-made, personal gifts when possible, for those that I'm particularly close to. If I'm buying from the registry, I try to find the gift that's the most "me"... like the beer mugs, or the double-boiler.
As to sending a gift if I can't attend, I think would depend on how close I am to the person in question--though knowing me and my love of giving presents, I would probably try to send a little something to say "congratulations."
My default gift for those I knew would appreciate it used to be a membership to the art museum where I worked. I think it was between $75 and $100. I buy off the registry for those I don't know well and try to personalize it a bit for those I do (i.e. friends who love wine received the wedding box of three wines - two 'Amore' and one 'Marriage' - from my favorite winery AND the camping wine glasses on their registry). All of my family has received a family gift of cash from my parents and I, usually some multiple of 18 (it's a Jewish thing). I used to spend $50-75 when I was 22-25 and have since bumped up to $75-100 now that I'm making a bit more. I almost always send a gift if I can't attend.
ReplyDeleteI forgot to add that both my mother and I refuse to buy off the registry if we don't like anything on it and/or think the couple has bad taste. Terrible, but completely true.
ReplyDeletei spend what i can afford - usually ~$50-100 depending on who it is. i would send a gift even if i couldn't attend, but that's just me.
ReplyDeleteI spend what I can afford, which currently isn't that much (I'm a college student). But I think I would spend more if I brought a date (never have) as the present would essentially be from both of us.
ReplyDeleteI usually spend about $50 for non-close people, $100 for close people. If travel is a factor, that comes into play but it's on a case-by-case basis. When I got married I didn't expect people who traveled to get me anything because their being there was the gift. It sounds sappy and cheesy but it's true.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was planning my wedding, I was OBSESSED with proper etiquette, so in the process I learned a lot about it! First of all, if you are invited to a a wedding and are not going, YES, you should still send a gift (according to etiquette guidelines).
ReplyDeleteNow, your question about how much to give is a little harder to answer. First off, you should only give as much as you are comfortable and able to give. And yes, it is appropriate to base the amount spent on the closeness of the relationship. One rule that I read recently is that a good way to determine the appropriate amount when you are not basing it on closeness is to look at your annual income. For example, if you make $60,000 a year, a $60 present is appropriate. If you make $100,000 a year, $100 is appropriate.
A tangential comment: One of my best friends got married recently, and being the MOH I had spent hundreds of dollars on the wedding already (dress, accessories, hair, shower). So for her gift, I gave her a gift that was around $200. That seemed appropriate to me, until she started opening all of her wedding cards in front of me, her family, and her husband's family, and announcing how much money was in each card. Word of advice to future brides: DON'T DO THAT!
It depends on the couple. I don't go by pricetag but what would be nice/useful for the two. I go off registry a lot because I want my gift to be thoughtful, useful, genuinely awesome. Sometimes a toaster just doesn't cut it.
ReplyDeleteHow much do you normally spend on a wedding gift? $75-100, a little more for close friends or family, no adjustment for travel. I always send a gift if we can't go, and in those cases I tend to spend on the higher end of that range because I'm not paying any travel expenses.
ReplyDeletefor me it TOTALLY depends on the person.
ReplyDeleteSo far i haven't gone to a wedding of someone I'm that close to. I'd say for a close friend i'd spend about 50 bucks...and i'd still send a gift if I didn't go.
If it's just an acquaintance i'll spend 25 (if i'm going solo) and not send a gift if I don't attend.
How much I spend on a gift depends on a few different factors: how close I an with the couple, if I'm only close with one half that for sure factors in as does travel/hotel/dress cost. I do try and send a (smaller) gift if I can't make the actual wedding. I don't think I spend more on a gift now that I'm married than I did when I was single. What are your thoughts?
ReplyDeleteI think the rule of thumb is ~$50. I like to go in with friends on nicer gifts and/or find a way to make it as personal as possible while not looking like I'm too cheap to do the normal thing. I try to balance, too, if I have to travel, get gifts for showers, etc. Sometimes all that adds up. So I add or deduct from the rule of thumb as seems appropriate. And it depends on what I find for what price, obviously, since Macy's doesn't give a shit about my budget.
ReplyDelete$50-$100, depends on who they are and if I had to travel. I don't send gifts if I don't attend. But I usually don't attend if it's just too far, I'm too broke or just am not that close to them.
ReplyDeleteI was worried I'd look cheap but no! I'm also a $50-$100 person, usually closer to $50. If and when my siblings get married I will spend a lot more (and put in more effort!) For a couple summers I was going to 5-6 weddings and that's a fast way to go broke, esp when you have to travel. But yeah, lots of factors involved. And am I the only one who hates to buy off a registry? Because I am That Friend. Sorry!
ReplyDeleteIt all depends on how much is invested in the wedding. If I've already given a shower gift, or traveled a long distance, I will keep it to $50. For closer friends, I spend closer to $100. And you ALWAYS send a gift even if you cannot attend.
ReplyDeletei generally spend $100-$200 depending on how close i am to to the couple. if i can't attend a wedding, i usually still send a gift, since that is the proper thing to do, but i don't always, especially if it is someone i am not that close to.
ReplyDeleteIf I cannot attend, I do send a gift. I generally spend around $50, more for very close family members.
ReplyDeleteI spend $50 - $70 on the shower gift and my husband and I give about $300 - $500 at the wedding. I guess it depends on where you live. A $50 wedding gift would not be acceptable here.
ReplyDeleteHaven't had a wedding of my own, and my friends and I are just at the "getting engaged whenever... maybe soon?? please?" stage of our lives... but this is what I've experienced from some weddings I have attended in the past and from my parents.
ReplyDeleteNo gift if not attending the wedding. Wedding guest = wedding gift. Unless it was family, of course.
My mom gets really angry when people have mutliple wedding showers and expect gifts at all the showers and then a wedding gift too. She thinks one engagement/shower gift or card+money, plus the wedding gift is ENOUGH. lol
My parents typically spend $100, and usually with my parents it's $100 cash with a card.
I have been mia for so long I hardly feel qualified to answer but....
ReplyDeleteIt's your blog so ... any news you feel is big. IS.
AND....
We give what we can afford to at the time. Sometimes it's more than others and that's just the way it is. I have to admit to stretching a bit harder if it's close friends AND I have sent a gift but usually I don't. I almost always send baby gifts though...love shopping for baby clothes!
Can't wait to hear the big news.....it depends on my relationship to the individual when it comes to the amount I'll spend on a wedding gift, although, I generally will not go under $50...
ReplyDeleteDepends on who it is. Most of our acquaintances have gotten gifts anywhere from $25-50, depending on how close we were to them. We most always send gifts if we can't attend. However, for closer friends, we spend as much as we can afford, which is about $50-100. Though, sometimes, you feel bad, because one of our friends bought us an Xbox 360, which is a little more than we spent on their gift.
ReplyDeleteMostly, if they're your friends and you get them something they won't hate (aka: rooster themed kitchen ware, inspirational quote pictures and/or their billionth crock pot -- all things we got), they're usually pleased. I know we were.
Can't wait to hear the news!
ReplyDeleteI spend depending on how close the friend is. I have one friend that figures out how much the person spent per plate and gives that amount. That doesn't make any sense to me as you could not be close to the person at all, but yet give them an expensive gift just because you knew the wedding would be black tie.
I definitely spend more if I bring a date.
I don't spend less if I have to travel.
I definitely send a gift even if I can't go to the wedding.
It's totally case by case. I spend more if:
ReplyDelete1. It's family.
2. It's people I like.
3. I attend the wedding.
4. They're just starting out (as opposed to combining two fully-established households or continuing on in a fully-established household).
5. We're better off financially then they are.
6. We're comfortable or more-than-comfortable financially at the time we buy the gift.
7. We're a "we"---that is, if the gift is from two of us or seven of us, it's a bigger gift than if I'm the only one who knows the couple (and so the only one who attends).
And I spend less in all the opposites of those.
I don't factor in my expenses (travel, clothing, etc.) at all; I think of those as a separate issue (the "Do I want to attend the wedding?" issue, not the "What should I buy as a gift?" issue).
I usually send a gift even if I don't attend, but that's because I LOVE snooping registries and choosing wedding gifts.
Oh, er. I forgot one somewhat embarrassing consideration: if they sent US a wedding gift, I take the amount THEY spent into account when deciding what to buy them. This sounds bad, but the larger piece of my motivation is friendly: I think it can make people feel bad if they get you, say, a $20 item, and then you buy them a $100 item. AWK. So I try to keep it at the level they were comfortable with.
ReplyDeleteBut not, of course, if situations have changed since then or if our relationship isn't balanced to begin with. Like, if the person getting married was a college student when I got married, or if they were a CHILD when I got married, or if they're my niece whereas I'm their aunt, obviously I'm not going to "match" anything.